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27 Catchy Catalog Catchphrases September 22, 2010

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Word Play.
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I’m not much of a shopper ~ on line or in stores.  Except groceries.  (And liquor.)  Other than that, I already have enough stuff.

When catalogs start rolling in, I ignore their persistent message of “buy better, buy bigger, buy more.”   I rip off the address labels, shred them, and toss the catalogs unread into the recycling bin.

Except . . . catalogs filled with catchy catchphrases which I peruse quickly and then recycle:

1.   Accept your irrelevance

2.  Let me drop everything and work on your problem.

3.  Some people think I have a bad attitude.  Screw them!

4.  Whatever!

5.  I used to care, but I take a pill for that now.

6.  I live at the corner of Kiss My Ass Avenue and No Friggin’ Way.

7.  Be Careful!  Or you will end up in my novel.

8.  Ah, I see the screw-up fairy was here again.

9.  It is what it is.

10. Life without Chocolate?  I don’t think so!

11.  I don’t do mornings.

12.  DILLIGARA (doilooklikeigivearatsass)

13.  Do NOT Disturb!

14.  Don’t make me call the flying monkeys.

15.  This IS my sexy nightgown.

16.  I’ll have a Cafe~Mocha~Vodka~Valium~Latte to go, please.

17.  My Indian name is:  Drinks Fine Wine.

18.  Margaritas = proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

19.  I’m destined for greatness.  Just pacing myself.

20.  American Idle

21.  I started out with nothing and have most of it left.

22.  Wine Glass:  Mommy’s Sippy Cup

23.  So this Irishman walks out of a bar . . . no, really.  It can happen. 

24.  Doormat:  Hi.  I’m Mat.

25.  For Musicians:  I’m A Treble Maker

26.  I‘m Retired, You’re Not.  Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah 

27.  Inside every Old Person is a Young Person wondering what the hell happened.

Comments»

1. cindy - September 22, 2010

7, 17 and 19 are my best!

nrhatch - September 22, 2010

#7 is hands down my favorite! 8)

When people are nasty, difficult, unpleasant, etc., I observe and “record” their behavior for future character reference.

2. Julie - September 22, 2010

#6 and #15 – priceless!

nrhatch - September 22, 2010

I had fun putting this list together.

#15 is perfect for me since I always sleep in comfy t-shirts.

3. Paula - September 22, 2010

These are priceless!! Thank you so much! To these I will add another of my all-time favorite tee shirt captions (I always wanted to give one to my Dad, but he went and died on me before we could have this one more laugh together!). Here goes:

“Does Anal-Retentive Have a Hyphen?”

Cheers!

nrhatch - September 22, 2010

Well . . . {{taps foot}} . . . does it? 8)

Good one.

Paula - September 22, 2010

When I first saw Phil Hartman as “The Anal-Retentive Carpenter, I almost died, because the character was so VERY MUCH like my Dad! (He was a woodworker.) That’s when I saw the tee shirt (and failed to get it, dang it!). I can’t find a video of that particular sketch, but I did come across this great one starring the carpenter’s alter-ego, the Anal-Retentive Chef. Enjoy! You can then decide if you feel the hyphen is necessary. Me, personally, after exhaustive research have found that the use of the hyphen is appropriate, however, you might feel otherwise. Should you, however, feel inclined to leave it out, I will most definitely be sending back your copy in the corrected form.. . . .

http://widget.nbc.com/videos/nbcshort_at.swf?CXNID=1000004.10045NXC&widID=4727a250e66f9723&clipID=2867&showID=61

nrhatch - September 22, 2010

That’s hysterical! I am so NOT the anal retentive (no hyphen) chef!

I use recipes as general guidelines to consider, rather than blueprints to follow.

4. bandsmoke - September 22, 2010

Number 6 is the best ever – rotflmao 🙂

nrhatch - September 22, 2010

There are days when that would be my t-shirt of choice, for sure.

5. halfp1nt - September 22, 2010

Lmao, these are brilliant!

nrhatch - September 22, 2010

Wouldn’t that be a great job?

Sitting around thinking up slogans for t-shirts?

6. Paula - September 22, 2010

I tend to be a “go with the flow” sort myself, but I will catch myself, occasionally, behaving rather “anally” and before thinking of my Dad, I will ponder. . .hmmm – where on earth did THAT come from? Wish I could find the A-R Carpenter clip. . . Forget the tape dispenser cozy – when he pulls out his dust-buster cozy, I fall on the floor every time!

nrhatch - September 22, 2010

SNL has done some amazing comedy over the years. What a wondeful collection of skits.

Thanks, Paula


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