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Talking Dog For Sale July 23, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Animals, Humor, Joke.
27 comments

A guy is driving around the back woods and he sees a sign in front of a broken down, shanty-style house: “Talking Dog For Sale.”

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

Pluto-HappyThe guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking dog sitting there.

“You talk?” he asks.

“Sure do.” the dog replies.

“So, what’s your story?”

The dog looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.”

Pluto-Rollerskating“I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.

“I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m retired.”

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

The owner says, “Ten dollars.”

Pluto-SnoozingThe guy says, “This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?”

“Cause he’s a liar.  He ain’t never done any of that shit.  Ain’t never even been outside this yard.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source: E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

The Finger Is Not The Moon July 21, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Magick & Mystery, Meditation, Mindfulness.
30 comments

Chinaman-fishingTruth has nothing to do with words.
Truth can be likened to the bright moon in the sky.
Words, in this case, can be likened to a finger.

The finger can point to the moon’s location.
However, the finger is not the moon.

To look at the moon, it is necessary to gaze beyond the finger, right?

The Laughing Hotei

snoopy-&-linus-pumpkin-path“I am a finger pointing at the moon.  Don’t look at me; look at the moon.” ~ The Buddha

“Barn’s burnt down.  Now I can see the moon.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

A Wake Up Call July 19, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Magick & Mystery, Mindfulness.
36 comments

Tigger-Looking-At-His-TailOur fundamental unchanging nature is happiness.

Not happiness for a reason.
Happiness for no reason.

Happiness for “a reason” is conditional on the external.

Eeyore-SittingEgo believes it will be happy when it achieves X, Y, or Z.

But as soon as Ego attains the object of its desire, Ego wants more.

Ego always wants more.

Moreover, even if Ego gets what it wants (money, power, fame), Ego isn’t happy because it’s afraid that it will lose it.

  • A chef with two Michelin stars wants three.
  • A chef with three Michelin stars is fearful of losing a star.

Instead of enjoying the journey of cooking, both chefs are focused on the destination of external (and arbitrary) applause, accolades, and acknowledgment.

Donald-DuckaIt is impossible to be happy NOW if we are caught up in the notion that we need something more than we have before we can be happy.

But we can be happy.
Right here.  Right now.

Nothing is standing in our way.

All we have to do is wake up to the truth of our fundamental unchanging nature.

Donald-Duck-BaseballWe are Spirit.  Spirit is happiness.  We are happiness.

Pure, unconditional happiness.
Happiness for no reason.
Happiness that no one can take away.

Happiness which arises of its own accord whenever we shift our perspective from the Ego’s point of view to the more expansive point of view of Spirit.

When we identify with Spirit, rather than Ego, “it’s all good.”  Our innate nature exudes happiness no matter what.

Mickey-OKThe what is, is . . . and it’s OK.

We realize we don’t need anything to be other than it is for us to be happy.

Here, Now.

All we have to do is wake up.

IMGP0971

”What are you ~ a god, an angel, a saint?”
“No,” replied The Buddha, “I am A-W-A-K-E.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Outwitting Insomnia July 16, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Health & Wellness, Humor, Joke.
32 comments

Donald-Duck-LazyI developed a trick to outwit my erstwhile bedtime companion, Insomnia:

Me:  “C’mon . . . just try.”
Insomnia:  “No.”

“C’mon.  Just close your eyes and go to sleep.”
“No.”

“It will feel good.  I promise.”
“No.”

Huey,-Dewey-And-Louie

“C’mon.  Just do it for me.”
“No.”

“Please?”
“No.  I’m not tired.”

“Please. Just. Close. Your. Eyes.”
“No.”

“Yes!  I’m tired!  I want to go to sleep.”
“No.  I’m busy.”

“Hmm . . . okay, Insomnia.  I’ve got an idea.”

Donald-Duck-BaseballDubious, skeptical, yet intrigued, Insomnia raises an eyebrow in my direction.

“What do you have in mind?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

Donald-Director“That’s right.  Since you don’t want to go to sleep, let’s meditate instead.  Let’s let go of thought and focus on the magic power of Ohm . . . . . .”

“ZZZZZZZZZ”

Works like a charm!

Aah . . . that’s better!

How To Get A Good Night’s Sleep July 13, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Health & Wellness, Humor, Life Balance.
44 comments

Grumpy gusDuring the day . . .

* Rise and shine at the same time.

* Get some exercise.

* Cut out afternoon caffeine.

* Limit alcohol.

* Don’t go to bed hungry.  Don’t go to bed stuffed.

220px-Pig_roastbeef

Go to bed at the same time each night . . .

Having a schedule (e.g., 11 – 7) helps your body transition from wake time to sleep time.

As does following a certain routine.

An hour before bedtime . . .

Snoopy5* Turn off the computer, TV, and other tech devices.  No blue lights before light’s out.

* Get things set for the morning ~ put out clothes, plan or pack lunches, set up coffee, etc.

* Let it go.  Put anything circulating or percolating through your mind on your To Do List for tomorrow.

Keep a notepad by your bed for Late Breaking News and Worries.

Follow a bedtime ritual . . .

* Put on your PJ’s.  Dim the lights.  Plump the pillow.

* Turn down the thermostat.

* Do some light stretches, yoga, meditation, visualization.  Write in your journal.

At the Arch

Once in bed . . .

* Don’t read anything too “compelling.”

* Allow your thoughts to settle down.

* Let go of the day’s cares and worries.

Still awake?  

Mickey-In-HammockPractice self-hypnosis ~> Imagine walking down the stairs one step at a time . . . 10 steps . . . counting backwards . . . 9 steps . . . from ten . . .  8 steps . . . to one . . . 7 steps . . . getting . . . 6 steps . . . sleepier . . . 5 steps . . . and sleeper . . . 4 steps . . . with . . . 3 steps . . . each . . . 2 steps . . . one . . .

Aah . . . that’s better!

Do you nod off as soon as your head hits the pillow?  Or does it take time for you to settle down before you head off to the Land of Nod?

Eating & Sleeping July 11, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Health & Wellness, Humor, Life Balance.
23 comments

Eating . . .

237px-Kustodiev_Merchants_Wife

And sleeping . . .

Two great ways to punctuate
And recharge our days!

Aah . . . that’s better!

A Homespun “Knock Knock” Joke July 9, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
35 comments

Knock Knock

Ringling Museum 008b

Who’s there?

Iguana

Iguana who?

Iguana tell you what I want what I really really want

. . . really really wanna zigazig ha

zebras

Aah . . . that’s better!

Related Posts:  Iggy Looks Hopeful * The Big Reveal (Another Day In Paradise)

Keep On Rolling! July 7, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Health & Wellness, Humor, Life Balance, Mindfulness.
36 comments

170px-Maes_Old_Woman_DozingWe walk

on shaky ground

 

Life as we know it

can change

in an instant

 

But we can’t let

an uncertain future

stop us in our tracks

 

Like the Mighty Mississippi . . .

we’ve got to Keep on Rolling!

image001

Aah . . . that’s better!

A Summer Bucket List July 5, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Humor, Life Balance, Travel & Leisure.
48 comments

Watch Fireworks * Stay up late * Look up at the Stars * Ride a roller coaster * Hike Mt. Everest * Visit the Farmer’s Market * Picnic on the Beach * Buy a Watermelon * Host a Seed Spitting Contest * Cannonball into the pool *

2015-05-02 14-16-54_0117

Bake Bread * Swap Books * Dance under the stars * Plan a Date Night * Make Friendship Bracelets * Whip up a big batch of Margaritas * Do Tequila Shots * Grill Pizza * Camp out in the backyard * Toast marshmallows * Make S’mores *

Sail paper boats * Fly a Kite * Go to the Drive In * Eat corn on the cob * Go hiking or biking * Write love letters to your favorite Pen Pals * Play miniature golf * Clear clutter * Visit a museum . . . and let it all hang out *

Go on a nature walk * Plan a scavenger hunt * Play hopscotch * Eat breakfast for dinner * Run a marathon * Make popsicles or ice cream sandwiches * Plan a sleep-over and movie marathon * Paint a picture *

Aah . . . that’s better!

What’s on YOUR summer bucket list?

No Speak English July 2, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
32 comments

Little-Miss-ScatterbrainA Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily-ever-after in Toronto.

The woman was not very proficient in English.

She managed to communicate with her husband, but problems arose when she shopped for groceries.

Before going to the store, she would ask her husband the correct words to use, but she often grew flustered when ordering and forgot them.   Or maybe they just flew the coop.

Anyway, one day she wanted chicken legs from the butcher. Since the words “chicken legs” had vanished into thin air, she clucked like a chicken and lifted her skirt to show her legs.

Her butcher got the message and gave her chicken legs.

Chicken-Little-PosterA few days later, she needed to buy chicken thighs.

As usual, she couldn’t recall the right words so she clucked like a chicken and lifted her skirt to point to her thighs.

The butcher understood again and gave her chicken thighs.

Over time, she acted out similar pant-oh-mines for “chicken breast” and “butt steak.”  The butcher always enjoyed their exchanges.

After several weeks of playing charades with the butcher, the woman wanted to buy pork sausages.

Sure she would be unable to figure out how to communicate this to the butcher on her own, she brought her husband to the store with her.

get-attachmentThe butcher leaned over the counter, “Good morning, Mrs. Trebek.  What can I get for you today?”

In reply, she pointed to her husband who took the cue.

He stepped up to the counter and smiled.

“My wife would like a pound of hot sausage links, please.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

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