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Not Sure Where To Retire? September 15, 2022

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Humor, Joke, Life Balance.
13 comments

Not sure where to retire?

Let the stars be your guide:

The City You Should Retire in Based on your Zodiac Sign

Well, I’ll be jiggered . . .

Who knew that retirement planning should include consultation with an astrologer as well as a financial planner?

Not me.

While I often find horoscopes amusing and entertaining, I have never made a major change in the trajectory of my life based upon a daily, weekly, or monthly horoscope.

But there is a first time for everything, right?

If not now, then when?

Caveat:  I have no idea whether your astrology sign will align with the stars’ prediction of a perfect retirement spot for your given predilections, but this article suggests that my decision to retire to the Gulf Coast of Florida was the right move for me.

More specifically, the article encourages those of us born under the sign of Cancer to consider Boca Raton, Florida:

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iStock / 6381380

Forget what everyone says about you being too emotional or dramatic, Cancer. You’re actually one of the more laid-back signs of the zodiac and have a natural ability to adapt to every phase of life. When it comes to choosing the perfect retirement spot, all you need is a view of the ocean, some nice weather, and delicious food. If spending your golden years reading romance novels on the beach sounds like a dream come true, Boca Raton is the place for you. The laidback Florida city has a go-with-the-flow social scene that’s sure to hit just the right note.

Even though I don’t live in Boca Raton, Sarasota and the surrounding area offers many of the same amenities ~ ocean views, lovely weather, delicious food, and excellent libraries for Beach Reads!

So that’s the good news ~ I located to the best retirement destination for me.

Huzzah!

Now for the bad news:

BFF is a Scorpio and the Stars are sending him to South America.

I hope our long distance romance survives the separation.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Goats Have The Right Idea September 11, 2022

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, Life Balance, Mindfulness.
24 comments

I choked on a carrot this afternoon and as my life flashed before my eyes, I thought, “I bet a donut wouldn’t have done this to me.”

***

I don’t want to adult anymore.  I don’t even want to human.  I want to goat.

No, not gloat . . . goat.

I want to eat all day and head butt anyone who annoys me.

***

Brain:  I can see you’re trying to sleep.

Can I offer you a selection of your worst memories from the last 20 years?

***

If you wait long enough to cook dinner, everyone will just eat cereal.

That’s the first thing we learned in Home Economics.

***

People will stop asking you stupid questions if you answer back in interpretive dance.

You can thank me later.

***

A giraffe’s coffee would be cold by the time it reached the bottom of its throat.  Every think about that?

***

My son asked if a punch bowl is where you keep the names of people you want to punch.

I told him, “I usually keep them in my head, but storing them in a decorative bowl seems really classy.”

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***

My kids laugh because they think I’m crazy.  I laugh because it’s apt to be hereditary.

catlady

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joan M.)

Keeping Up With Technology September 9, 2022

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, Life Balance, Mindfulness.
15 comments

Remember the Good Old Days, when you would take a photo of your dinner, mail the film in for processing (after you finished the whole roll), wait for the photos to be developed, and then run around to all your friends’ homes to show them photos of what you had for dinner?

No.

Me neither.

***

Have you ever been in parking lot watching someone haplessly look for their car because they didn’t pay attention to where they parked it? Want to have a little fun with them?

Every time you see them hoist the key fob into the air, honk your horn and flash your lights.

***

Aren’t you glad you were young and stupid BEFORE there were camera phones?

***

I like to make lists.  On paper.  I also like to leave them on my desk so that I can guess what’s on the list when I get to the store.

Fun game.

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***

I don’t know how to use TikTok . . . but I do know how to write in cursive, do long division, and tell time on clocks with hands.

So I’ve got that going for me.

Image result for we're all here because we're not all there

***

You think you know stress.  When I was a kid, if you missed your favorite TV program, you just missed it.

Forever.

***

These days, we have SMART phones, SMART TVs, SMART refrigerators, SMART thermostats, but our smoke detectors are still dumb.

We need a smoke detector that shuts off when you yell:

I’m Just Cooking!

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joan M.)

Food Justice Film Festival 2022 September 7, 2022

Posted by nrhatch in Books & Movies, Food & Drink, Sustainable Living.
10 comments

This free online film festival presented by the Center for Biological Diversity showcases six films addressing food justice.

Films are scheduled daily during September 15-18.

Featured Films:

Poisoning Paradise (Sept. 15)

Fruits of Labor (Sept. 16)

RETURN (Sept. 17)

From Gangs to Gardens (Sept. 17)

The Seed Saver (Sept. 17)

I’m Just A Layman in Pursuit of Justice:  Black Farmers Fight Against the USDA (Sept. 18)

Register by clicking “Sign up for FJFF 2022”, then go to Passes+ to get your free film festival pass!

Aah . . . that’s the ticket!

The Power for Good September 5, 2022

Posted by nrhatch in Animals, Health & Wellness, Humor, Nature.
23 comments

Our electric company, Florida Power & Light, is a force for good.

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In addition to implementing innovative programs to provide energy to homes using sustainable solar as well as programs which allow consumers to recharge EV’s overnight for a low monthly rate (less than the price of a tank of gas), FPL is helping to protect the American Crocodile:

The American crocodile is primarily a coastal species that ranges from Mexico, Central and South America, the Caribbean and even into South Florida. They are typically a gray/green color and can be found in the fresh/brackish/salt water of river estuaries, coastal lagoons and mangrove swamps where they feed on fish, crustaceans, small mammals, reptiles and birds.

Throughout much of its range, the American crocodile was listed as endangered. FPL partners with federal and state conservation agencies to help with crocodile restoration efforts, resulting in the species being downlisted to threatened status. At [the] Turkey Point Power Plant in southern Miami-Dade County, [FPL has] worked for years to help this species rebound. In fact, the 2021 American crocodile nesting season at the plant resulted in a record-setting 565 hatchlings, establishing a historic success in FPL’s management of the local crocodile population.

This video is a pleasant 7-minute interlude showing stunning scenery and heroic efforts . . . by man AND by mama beast!

Go mom!

To read more:  FPL ~ American Crocodile

On a related note, I read a somewhat bizarre news story this week about someone whose emotional support animal is . . . an alligator!

I kid you not!

No, not a metallic sculpture in the garden.

And not a fluffy gator made of sand, either.

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A real live alligator.

With sharp claws and sharper teeth!

Joseph Henney’s emotional support animal WallyGator goes with him almost everywhere, from the grocery store to walks in the park. They hug each other and sleep in the same bed. WallyGator is an alligator.

“When he turns his nose toward you, that means he expects a kiss,” said Henney, 69, who goes by Joie (pronounced “Joe”) and lives in Jonestown, Pa., about two hours from Philadelphia. “He’s super sweet-natured.”

To read more:  His emotional support animal is an Alligator.

OK, so, I would have to be severely disturbed before I would CHOOSE an alligator, crocodile, or venomous snake as my emotional support animal.

Just saying.

How about you?

If you needed emotional support, could you place your trust in a reptilian crocodilian?

Or would you prefer to cuddle up with a cute kitten?

Do tell.

See you later, Al E Gator.  In a while, Crocodile.

Over The Gorge We Go September 3, 2022

Posted by nrhatch in Life Balance, Mindfulness, Nature, Travel & Leisure.
18 comments

Are you a sleepwalker?

This is NOT the Airbnb for you.

Do you like to cook on vacation . . . bringing bags and bags of groceries with you?

Ditto.

Afraid of heights?

Do NOT, under any circumstance, rent this place for your next weekend get-away.

On the other hand, this place is PERFECT for those who are physically fit, in good health, and light packers.

Light as in backpacks NOT steamer trunks.

Some experience with flying, base jumping, and skydiving would be helpful.

Ready?

Over the Gorge we go . . .

This Kentucky Airbnb, a one-bedroom, one-bath property suspended high above the Red River Gorge, is an acrophobe’s nightmare.

Reaching your rental requires climbing suspended stairs hundreds of steps long, with more climbing to retire for the evening

Personally, I’d love to spend the night . . . as long as I’ve got a sherpa to schlep my gear!

If you click on any of the links, you be able to see more amazing, cringe-worthy photos.

Aah . . . a September to Remember!

Signs of Fall September 2, 2022

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, Life Balance, Word Play.
29 comments

We have a white board outside the clubhouse for announcements of interest (or words of encouragement) to the human residents of PBC.

If the birds, the coyotes, the otters, the occasional gator, the raccoons, and the squirrels ever stop to admire Frank’s handiwork, their admiration has taken place without notice by me.

Of course, that’s understandable since there is much I miss these days.

 

Anyway, getting back to the Signs of Fall . . .

On August 31st, we went for our evening bike ride immediately after answering ALL of the questions on Jeopardy.  (And we even got a few answers correct!)

When we reached the clubhouse, the board was blank.  WHAT?  OMG!

We were astonished because the board is never blank.  It may be out-dated, stale, redundant, repetitive, or irrelevant, but it is NEVER blank.

Hmmm . . .

This is one for the record books . . . Frank must have drawn a Blank!

Perhaps he fell down on the job . . .

And came up with nothing!

Perhaps he has a bad case of the grumps . . .

Or he’s lost in a perpetual swirling fog . . .

Or worse.

What if he’s got a bad case of dreaded writer’s block!

Relax.  Breathe.  Free Write.  Repeat.

The next morning, which happened to be September 1st, I biked up to the clubhouse for water aerobics.

As I swung into the parking lot, I saw that the board had been dressed at some point during the last twelve hours.

I breathed a sign of relief.

No longer naked, the board intoned:

MAKE IT A SEPTEMBER TO REMEMBER

How’s that for a Sign of Fall?

How will YOU make it a September to remember?

Do tell . . . I want to steal some of your ideas!

In the meantime . . .

Aah . . . that’s better!

A Day At The Beach August 15, 2022

Posted by nrhatch in Art & Photography, Nature, People, Travel & Leisure.
23 comments

The beaches of Anna Maria Island have been popular for over a century.

Each weekend, throngs of tourists crowd the beaches looking for sun, fun, sand, surf, seashells . . . and cocktails.

While fashions have changed over the years, growing skimpier and skimpier, the scenery remains much the same.

Are you, perchance, in the mood for a bit of time travel?

Want to enjoy a brief blast from the past?

Complete with lots of black and white photos to peruse?

If so, here’s a recent article from the Bradenton Herald with archival photos taken on our beaches  100+ years ago . . . when sleeping and camping on the beach were still allowed, and clothing was NOT optional:

Anna Maria Island in the 1900’s and Roaring Twenties

And now, back to the present . . .


Aah . . . that’s beachy!

Lawyer Jokes Never Get Old August 13, 2022

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, People, Word Play.
31 comments

Lawyer jokes have been around for eons ~ some date way way back to the works of Shakespeare.

The reason lawyer jokes have staying power is because they are FUNNY.

Forsooth, it’s fun to make fun of attorneys.

Especially the staid and stuffy ones.  And the paunchy pompous ones.  And the . . .

In truth, even attorneys enjoy poking fun at attorneys.

And that’s why lawyer jokes never get old.

First off, despite what “they” say, some questions ARE stupid:

Attorney: “How was your first marriage terminated?”
Witness: “By death.”
Attorney: “And by whose death was it terminated?”
Witness: “Guess.”

* * *

Attorney: “Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?”
Witness: “All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.”

* * *

Judge (to young witness): Do you know what would happen to you if you told a lie?
Witness: Yes. I would go to hell.
Judge: Is that all?
Witness: Isn’t that enough?

Sometimes questions require a bit of clarification . . . in order to avoid speculation:

Q: Have you ever heard about taking the Fifth?
A: A fifth of wine?
Q: No, the Fifth Amendment.

* * *

Q: What did your sister die of?
A: You would have to ask her. I would be speculating if I told you.

But let us not forget that attorneys are not the only vehicle for levity in the legal arena.

Some defendants aren’t too bright either:

Q: Isn’t it a fact that you have been running around with another woman?
A: Yes, it is, but you can’t prove it!

* * *

I was in juvenile court, prosecuting a teen suspected of burglary, when the judge asked everyone to stand and state his or her name and role for the court reporter.
“Leah Rauch, deputy prosecutor,” I said.
“Linda Jones, probation officer.”
“Sam Clark, public defender.”
“John,” said the teen who was on trial. “I’m the one who stole the truck.”

* * *

Arrested on a robbery charge, our law firm’s client denied the allegations. So when the victim pointed him out in a lineup as one of four men who had attacked him, our client reacted vociferously.

“He’s lying!” he yelled. “There were only three of us.”

As every litigator knows, you win some, you lose some:

An investment banker decides she needs in-house counsel, so she interviews a young lawyer. “Mr. Peterson,” she says. “Would you say you’re honest?”

“Honest?” replies Peterson. “Let me tell you something about honesty. My father lent me $85,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my first case.”

“Impressive. And what sort of case was that?”

“Dad sued me for the money.”

* * *

Sidewalks were treacherous after a heavy snowstorm blanketed the University of Idaho campus. Watching people slip and slide, I gingerly made my way to class.

Suddenly I found myself on a clean, snow-free section of walkway. This is weird, I thought—until I noticed that it was directly in front of the College of Law building.

* * *

As a judge, I was sentencing criminal defendants when I saw a vaguely familiar face. I reviewed his record and found that the man was a career criminal, except for a five-year period in which there were no convictions.

“Milton,” I asked, puzzled, “how is it you were able to stay out of trouble for those five years?”

“I was in prison,” he answered. “You should know that—you were the one who sent me there.”

“That’s not possible,” I said. “I wasn’t even a judge then.”

“No, you weren’t the judge,” the defendant countered, smiling mischievously. “You were my lawyer.”

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Even Voir Dire (the jury selection process) can offer up moments of levity:

As a potential juror in an assault-and-battery case, I was sitting in a courtroom, answering questions from both sides. The assistant district attorney asked such questions as: Had I ever been mugged? Did I know the victim or the defendant?

The defence attorney took a different approach, however. “I see you are a teacher,” he said. “What do you teach?”

“English and theatre,” I responded.

“Then I guess I better watch my grammar,” the defence attorney quipped.

“No,” I shot back. “You better watch your acting.”

When the laughter in the courtroom died down, I was excused from the case.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Beauty June 23, 2022

Posted by nrhatch in Gratitude, Happiness, Life Balance, Mindfulness.
30 comments

“ At some point in life the world’s beauty becomes enough. You don’t need to photograph, paint, or even remember it. It is enough.”

— Toni Morrison, Pulitzer & Nobel Prize-winning African-American author

Aah . . . so true!

Do you agree with Toni?  Have you reached that point in life yet?  Are you taking fewer photos and smelling more roses?

There is something to be said for just enjoying the moment, without trying to preserve it for posterity . . .

I am grateful for what I am and have.
My thanksgiving is perpetual . . .  
O how I laugh when I think of my vague indefinite riches.
No run on my bank can drain it
for my wealth is not possession but enjoyment. ~ Henry David Thoreau

Here’s to enjoying the moment HERE and NOW without trying to capture or possess it in perpetuity.

Aah . . . that’s better!