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Fun With Numbers: Odds & Ends September 13, 2010

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Word Play.
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Wikipedia ~ Moose (in Public Domain)

In Foxes With Sockses, we addressed a few plurals:

One goose, two geese.
One moose, two meese?

One mouse, two mice.
One house, two hice?

One tooth, two teeth.
One booth, two beeth?

Now let’s a dig a bit deeper, and cast a wider net

Or the idiosyncracies of English will trip us up yet.

200px-First_crosswordOne fish, two fish (red fish, blue fish).
One dish, two dish?

Or would it be dishes?

One index, two indices.
One hex, two hexices?

Or would it be hexes?

We make amends 
As compensation for injury or loss.

We never make an amend as compensations.

If we have a bunch of odds and ends, and get rid of all but one of them . . . what do we call IT?

Certainly not an odd or an end.

But if we have a bunch of knick knacks, and get rid of all but one, we’ve transformed IT into a knick knack.

English reflects the creativity of the human race (which is nothing like the rat race), rather than the logic of computers.

That’s why stars are out when they’re visible, and lights are out when invisible.

And also why Buick doesn’t rhyme with Quick.

Inspiration:  e-mail from unknown author

My BFF: Best Friend Forever September 13, 2010

Posted by nrhatch in Gratitude, Humor, Life Balance, Mindfulness, People.
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In Virtual Friendships, we explored the watered down concept of friendship that’s been spawned in Social Networking Sites such as Facebook.

Now, let’s look at what we can expect from our BFFs . . . Best Friends Forever. 

I’ve been friends with my BFF for more than thirty years ~ throughout that time, we’ve strengthened our friendship in a myriad of ways:      

(1) We treat each other with mutual respect and admiration, which allows us to express  our true feelings and honest opinions, knowing they won’t get trampled (or tossed about at the water cooler for a laugh at our expense).

(2) We accept that we will not always see eye to eye, especially in the political arena.  Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something  different based on their differing experiences in life.

(3) When we have differing perspectives on politics or philosophy (or crown molding!), we are able to exchange viewpoints without getting into a shouting match.   Being loud rarely makes someone “more right.”

(4) We listen to each other, confide in one another,  trust one another,  and do our best to understand  and accept one another.  Why make the effort?  Because we like each other!  

(5) We realize we are responsible for what we do and say, no matter how we feel.  We know that  being angry doesn’t give us the right to be cruel.

(6) When necessary, we are quick to apologize.  We forgive and forget.  We don’t keep scoreOnce an argument is tabled, we don’t use it to fuel the flames at a later date on an unrelated matter. 

(7) We ask for what we need (and want), and play to each other’s strengthsLucky for me, his strengths include dusting, vacuuming, and doing laundry. 

(8) We set our own priorities, even if it means saying, “no thanks.”  He knows he does NOT need to go bar hopping with me.  I know I do not need to attend car shows with him.       

(9) We encourage each other to change, grow, and evolve into exactly who we want to be.  Even if constancy would be convenient, we don’t expect the other to stagnate on our account.  We understand that things  change, even best friends.

(10) When one of us makes a mistake, the other helps  mop up the mess and provides support (without rubbing our noses in it first).  They’ll be plenty of time to share a laugh about the faux pas or blunder later! 

(11) We do our best to get along.  When the going gets rocky, we try to make it right before we turn out the light & say “Good Night.”

(12) We share a sense of humor about life, tend to laugh at the same jokes, and genuinely enjoy each other’s company, no matter what we’re doing.  We can do anything, or nothing, and have a great time because we love hanging out together.

(13) We have similar tastes in food, wine, and song which makes meal planning a breeze.  We’d rather split a pizza and beer, than drop $100 at a  posh restaurant where you have to deconstruct a tower of food before you can eat it.

How about you and your BFF . . . how do the two of you define friendship?

Fun with Words: Mis-Interpretations September 13, 2010

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, People, Word Play.
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For Fun with Words today, let’s look at how disagreements can start over differing mis-interpretations of words:

1) My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping through channels and asked, “What’s on TV?”


And then the fight started . . .

2) My wife began hinting about what she wanted for her birthday, “How about something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds.”

I bought her a scale.

3) I took my wife to a restaurant, and the waiter asked for my order first.

“I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.”

He raised his eyebrows, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”

“Nah, she can order for herself.”

4) My wife was staring at herself in the bedroom mirror, “I feel horrible.  I look old, fat and ugly.  I need you to pay me a compliment.”

“Well, your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”

5) My wife asked me to pick her up some cold cream.  Instead, I came home with a case of Miller Light.  

“Where’s the cold cream?  I need it to stay young and vibrant looking.” 

“Nah.  The more beer I drink, the better you look.”

6) I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?” 

She smiled in anticipation, “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” 

“How about the kitchen?”

7) My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, and I asked,  “Do you want to have sex?”


“Final answer?”


“Then I’d like to phone a friend.”

* * * * *

Inspiration: e-mail from unknown author