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Signs of Fall September 2, 2022

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, Life Balance, Word Play.
29 comments

We have a white board outside the clubhouse for announcements of interest (or words of encouragement) to the human residents of PBC.

If the birds, the coyotes, the otters, the occasional gator, the raccoons, and the squirrels ever stop to admire Frank’s handiwork, their admiration has taken place without notice by me.

Of course, that’s understandable since there is much I miss these days.

 

Anyway, getting back to the Signs of Fall . . .

On August 31st, we went for our evening bike ride immediately after answering ALL of the questions on Jeopardy.  (And we even got a few answers correct!)

When we reached the clubhouse, the board was blank.  WHAT?  OMG!

We were astonished because the board is never blank.  It may be out-dated, stale, redundant, repetitive, or irrelevant, but it is NEVER blank.

Hmmm . . .

This is one for the record books . . . Frank must have drawn a Blank!

Perhaps he fell down on the job . . .

And came up with nothing!

Perhaps he has a bad case of the grumps . . .

Or he’s lost in a perpetual swirling fog . . .

Or worse.

What if he’s got a bad case of dreaded writer’s block!

Relax.  Breathe.  Free Write.  Repeat.

The next morning, which happened to be September 1st, I biked up to the clubhouse for water aerobics.

As I swung into the parking lot, I saw that the board had been dressed at some point during the last twelve hours.

I breathed a sign of relief.

No longer naked, the board intoned:

MAKE IT A SEPTEMBER TO REMEMBER

How’s that for a Sign of Fall?

How will YOU make it a September to remember?

Do tell . . . I want to steal some of your ideas!

In the meantime . . .

Aah . . . that’s better!

Lawyer Jokes Never Get Old August 13, 2022

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, People, Word Play.
31 comments

Lawyer jokes have been around for eons ~ some date way way back to the works of Shakespeare.

The reason lawyer jokes have staying power is because they are FUNNY.

Forsooth, it’s fun to make fun of attorneys.

Especially the staid and stuffy ones.  And the paunchy pompous ones.  And the . . .

In truth, even attorneys enjoy poking fun at attorneys.

And that’s why lawyer jokes never get old.

First off, despite what “they” say, some questions ARE stupid:

Attorney: “How was your first marriage terminated?”
Witness: “By death.”
Attorney: “And by whose death was it terminated?”
Witness: “Guess.”

* * *

Attorney: “Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?”
Witness: “All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.”

* * *

Judge (to young witness): Do you know what would happen to you if you told a lie?
Witness: Yes. I would go to hell.
Judge: Is that all?
Witness: Isn’t that enough?

Sometimes questions require a bit of clarification . . . in order to avoid speculation:

Q: Have you ever heard about taking the Fifth?
A: A fifth of wine?
Q: No, the Fifth Amendment.

* * *

Q: What did your sister die of?
A: You would have to ask her. I would be speculating if I told you.

But let us not forget that attorneys are not the only vehicle for levity in the legal arena.

Some defendants aren’t too bright either:

Q: Isn’t it a fact that you have been running around with another woman?
A: Yes, it is, but you can’t prove it!

* * *

I was in juvenile court, prosecuting a teen suspected of burglary, when the judge asked everyone to stand and state his or her name and role for the court reporter.
“Leah Rauch, deputy prosecutor,” I said.
“Linda Jones, probation officer.”
“Sam Clark, public defender.”
“John,” said the teen who was on trial. “I’m the one who stole the truck.”

* * *

Arrested on a robbery charge, our law firm’s client denied the allegations. So when the victim pointed him out in a lineup as one of four men who had attacked him, our client reacted vociferously.

“He’s lying!” he yelled. “There were only three of us.”

As every litigator knows, you win some, you lose some:

An investment banker decides she needs in-house counsel, so she interviews a young lawyer. “Mr. Peterson,” she says. “Would you say you’re honest?”

“Honest?” replies Peterson. “Let me tell you something about honesty. My father lent me $85,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my first case.”

“Impressive. And what sort of case was that?”

“Dad sued me for the money.”

* * *

Sidewalks were treacherous after a heavy snowstorm blanketed the University of Idaho campus. Watching people slip and slide, I gingerly made my way to class.

Suddenly I found myself on a clean, snow-free section of walkway. This is weird, I thought—until I noticed that it was directly in front of the College of Law building.

* * *

As a judge, I was sentencing criminal defendants when I saw a vaguely familiar face. I reviewed his record and found that the man was a career criminal, except for a five-year period in which there were no convictions.

“Milton,” I asked, puzzled, “how is it you were able to stay out of trouble for those five years?”

“I was in prison,” he answered. “You should know that—you were the one who sent me there.”

“That’s not possible,” I said. “I wasn’t even a judge then.”

“No, you weren’t the judge,” the defendant countered, smiling mischievously. “You were my lawyer.”

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Even Voir Dire (the jury selection process) can offer up moments of levity:

As a potential juror in an assault-and-battery case, I was sitting in a courtroom, answering questions from both sides. The assistant district attorney asked such questions as: Had I ever been mugged? Did I know the victim or the defendant?

The defence attorney took a different approach, however. “I see you are a teacher,” he said. “What do you teach?”

“English and theatre,” I responded.

“Then I guess I better watch my grammar,” the defence attorney quipped.

“No,” I shot back. “You better watch your acting.”

When the laughter in the courtroom died down, I was excused from the case.

Aah . . . that’s better!

A WORDLE In ONE! March 6, 2022

Posted by nrhatch in Magick & Mystery, Mindfulness, Word Play.
20 comments

Since I started playing WORDLE two months ago, I’ve chosen a different starting word every morning with good results.

But yesterday’s starting word was one for the record books!

While still in bed and half asleep, the word BRINE drifted into my semi-consciousness . . .

Before drifting through the briny deep on my way back to sleep, I thought, OK, I’ll start WORDLE  today with the word BRINE.

An hour later when I got up, I fished around for a moment until the word returned ~ BRINE.

OK.  Sure.  Why not?

But once fully conscious, I considered switching to another word since “B” is not as likely a consonant candidate as “T” or “S.”

Hmm.  Oh, give it a go.

I typed BRINE and pressed “enter,” hoping to see at least few green letters.

Better than that, I saw:

Green . . . Green . . . Green . . . Green . . . Green! 

I grinned from ear to ear as BRINE appeared dressed first to last in GREEN:

Woo Hoo!

A WORDLE in ONE!

Intuition . . . sometimes you just KNOW.

Accept that as the gift that it is.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Do you WORDLE?  Do you start with the same word each morning or let your intuition guide you in the right direction? Any weirdly wonderful WORDLE tales to share?

Like A Box of Chocolates January 21, 2022

Posted by nrhatch in Blogging, Mindfulness, Word Play, Writing & Writers.
18 comments

IMGP1105bThe titles of magazine articles and blog posts can be misleading.

Titillating titles and teasers may grab our attention without holding it.

Great curb appeal may mask an empty shell:

Inside the vestibule, we encounter a veritable dumping ground of mish mash and pish posh with little rhyme or reason, almost as if the author tossed a bunch of unrelated thoughts into the air and allowed the hodge podge and hoi polloi to descend and settle willy nilly into disordered and discordant chaos and disarray.

Like so much falderal and fiddle dee dee.

If a post leaves me befuddled (because “the point” of the post is M.I.A.), I leave the pointless post, post haste.

Of course, the opposite also occurs.

On occasion, we stumble across a blog title so dumpy or frumpy that we lower our expectations before stepping across the threshold.

Why step inside at all?

Curiosity, perhaps.  Or maybe the slim reed of hope that the dowdy exterior, like an oyster shell, houses a pearl of wisdom.

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Sometimes, despite the gloomy interior heralded on the marquee, intrepid visitors are rewarded.

Instead of finding a warren of empty rooms, we encounter a brilliant flash of light as a veritable palace of jewels and gems opens before us.

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What a delight when valuable insight awaits those who venture past a dingy signpost outside.

For a post with valuable time-saving advice, may I recommend:

Everything Must Be Paid For Twice, by David at Raptitude

Aah . . . that’s better!

“Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.” ~ Forest Gump

Welcome The Unexpected January 23, 2021

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Life Balance, Mindfulness, Word Play.
15 comments

Be daring.  Be different.

Trust your crazy ideas ~> crazy just might work.

Welcome the unexpected.

Aah . . . that’s better!

 

A Few Quick Quips December 3, 2020

Posted by nrhatch in Art & Photography, Humor, Joke, Word Play.
14 comments

While “window shopping” from home (i.e., leafing through catalogs), I came across some fun t-shirts, emblazoned with quick quips.

Here’s a few:

1.  “Tomorrow.  A mythical land where everything I need to do is done.”

2.  “EARTH without ART is just EH.”

Yup.  Sometimes a picture is worth a boatload of words!

3. “If the Earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.”

4. “My kid reminds me of myself at that age.  Well played, Karma.  Well played.”

Karma = the reason I did not dare to have kids.

5. “Self-Employed.  I’m not talking to myself . . . I’m in a staff meeting.”

6. The One-Star Review 2020 Shirt . . .

7. “People who wonder if the glass if half empty or half full miss the point . . .


“The glass is refillable.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

To purchase these and other delights: Visit ShopPBS.org

You heard me.  Visit ShopPBS.org

 

So Says The Duke . . . Or Not November 15, 2019

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Nature, People, Word Play.
20 comments

At the Farmer’s Market at Phillippi Estates, we parked next to a car that made us laugh out loud.

Well, not the car exactly, but a quote appliquéd to the window.

Now, I’ll be honest, it didn’t sound like something the Duke would have said, so I checked it out on Snopes.com . . . because Snopes knows!

And, nope, not the Duke:

Well, whoever said it first, it’s got a ring of truth to it.

Aah . . . that’s more like it!

The Triumph of Stupidity September 30, 2019

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, People, Word Play, Writing & Writers.
27 comments

“The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves and wise people so full of doubts.”
~ Bertrand Russell

Hmm . . . he sounds certain of himself, but did he really say that?

I wasn’t sure so I did a bit of cyber digging to alleviate my doubts.

I found a nugget that suggests that Russell may have said something similar, but different:

“The fundamental cause of the trouble is that in the modern world the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt.”
The Triumph of Stupidity, Mortals and Others: Bertrand Russell’s American Essays, 1931-1935.

Hmm . . . he sounds cocksure about The Triumph of Stupidity, but did he really say that?

And does “the modern world” encompass the years 1931 – 1935?

Who was this guy anyway?  A fool?  A fanatic?  Stupid or Wise?  Cocksure or Uncertain?

To doubt, or not to doubt, that is the question.

Aah . . . that’s better!

That’s Funny! September 7, 2019

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, Word Play.
45 comments
A 100 watt ultraviolet light bulb.

Wikipedia ~ Black Light (in Public Domain)

Knock Knock jokes . . .

Light bulbs jokes . . .

Whether they seem funny often depends upon whether your sense of humor is screwed in tight or missing a screw.

Q. How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Laughing at silly jokes requires that you allow your funny bone to be tickled.

When you have a choice between laughing and taking offense . . . which do you choose?

I choose laughter.

Every time.

* * * * *

Q. How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one, but the bulb has to really WANT to change.

Aah . . . that’s better!

 

An Offer To Good To Refuse July 18, 2019

Posted by nrhatch in Books & Movies, Humor, Word Play, Writing & Writers.
17 comments

Tippy Gnu has fallen off his rocker.  Not a big surprise, I know.  We knew it was going to happen.  I mean, c’mon, he doesn’t even drink coffee.  What kind of red-blooded American writer doesn’t drink coffee?

Except, you know, when they are drinking alcohol.

But Tippy is not a tippler either.

No coffee.  No alcohol.  Nothing to blur the edges of reality.  So we knew it was just a matter of time before he toppled.

Now that he has, his topple is your Piglipple:

That’s right!  He’s giving away his Pumping up Piglipple book for FREE.

Go grab yours:  FREE BOOKS

Just remember to hold it by the edges and wash your hands thoroughly after you’re done.

Aah . . . that’s one Unique Unicorn!