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Great-Grandma’s Dirty Jokes September 17, 2018

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
6 comments

Since I didn’t get around to sharing a Silly Saturday joke post this week, I’m going to share three fabulous dirty jokes from TG’s Great Grandma today.

Have a Marvelous Monday!

Chasing Unicorns

My Great-Grandma Florence Jackson. “Flojack.”

I was fortunate and cursed enough to be around several of my great-grandparents while I was growing up. That’s because my family is blessed and cursed with longevity in our genes. We tend to live a long time, but when we finally expire we die of long, lingering chronic illnesses.

My great-grandma was born in 1889. She drove a crankstart Model T when she was young. It gave her a great scare when it chased her around the yard one day, after she crank-started it while it was in gear.

She made it through two great world wars, struggled through the Great Depression, and survived the Great San Francisco earthquake of 1906. So by the time I met her, she had quite a few great tales to tell.

She’d come visit us about once a year, when I was a kid, and stay several weeks…

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Great Hurdling Hurricanes! September 13, 2018

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Nature, Word Play.
34 comments

Hurricanes are no laughing matter.

Florence is packing a punch as she heads for the mid-Atlantic coast.

North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Maryland, Virginia, and DC are bracing for her arrival.  Each has declared a state of emergency.

Thousands are fleeing the coastline for higher ground.  People are boarding up homes and stocking supplies.

Etc.

Having gone through an evacuation last fall due to Hurricane Irma, I sense the increasing stress and tension as we watch and wait for landfall.

Although hurricanes are no laughing matter, the following image of Florence’s approach amused me, providing me with some much needed stress relief:

As Hurricane Florence hurdled towards the East Coast, its final destination remains uncertain, but North Carolinians who appear to be in the storm’s path were taking few chances.

Hurdle ~ to leap over a barrier or obstacle in a race

Hurtle ~ to move rapidly or forcefully

Since Florence is NOT a track star, I expect the journalist meant to say “As Hurricane Florence hurtles towards the East Coast . . .”

Then, again, maybe she knew we all needed a good laugh.

Aah . . . that’s better! 

Sitting In Meditative Silence September 11, 2018

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Meditation, Mindfulness.
18 comments

When I sit in meditative silence, my mind sometimes views that as an opportunity to race about like a road runner on a super-charged pogo-stick.

Some mornings I encourage it to “settle down.”

Other times I just watch with amused detachment.

Aah . . . that’s better!

10 Unusual Florida Sites September 6, 2018

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Travel & Leisure.
24 comments

We’ve been to a number of these sites, but we’ve got a few more to go . . . once the oppressive summer heat and humidity lessens its hold on the peninsula.

In the meantime, I think I’ll hang out in the shade of swaying palms for a few more weeks!

Aah . . . that’s better!

Unicorn Noodles August 29, 2018

Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Humor, Vegetarian Recipes.
9 comments

Since I’m in hypo-drive for the summer, today’s one and only SLTW post is over at TG’s place, but I’ll warn you . . . TG thinks it looks more like a one-horned goat than a unicorn.

I think he also called me lazy.

Chasing Unicorns

Our unicorn today comes from nrhatch, at https://nrhatch.wordpress.com/. Herblog seems to be about self-help and humor. So if you need help (and don’t we all), or you need a good laugh, click on over and check it out.

I’m not sure if this thing shebeamed me is really a unicorn. It looks suspiciously like a one-horned goat. It consists of a short, explanatory blurb, followed by a link. Boy you talk about lazy. But that’s just it, I’m not one to talk.

So I’ll go ahead and give it a shot. This time. If it works out okay, then fine. Otherwise I’mgonna have to raise my unicorn-identifying standards.

Go ahead and give it a read (won’t take long), and decide for yourself. Is this a unicorn, or have I lost my noodle?


Scientists have discovered why spaghetti noodles don’t break cleanly in two pieces.

And…

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But I Don’t Wanna Be Homemade! August 25, 2018

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
29 comments

Six year old Annie returns home from school and says she had her first family planning lesson at school.

Her mother, very interested, asks: “Oh… How did it go?”

“I nearly died of shame!” she answers. “Sam from down the street says the stork brings babies. Sally next door said you get babies at the orphanage. Pete says you can buy babies at the hospital.”

Her mother smiles, “But that’s no reason to be ashamed.”

“Yes it is!  How can I tell them that we were so poor that you and daddy had to make me yourselves!”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

Government Contacts & Contracts August 18, 2018

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
14 comments

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House.

One is from Chicago, another is from Kentucky, and the third is from New Orleans. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The New Orleans contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.  “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $9,000. That’s $4,000 for materials, $4,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me.”

The Kentucky contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $7,000. That’s $3,000 for materials, $3,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me.”

The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$27,000.”

The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure! How did you come up with such a high figure?”

“The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$10,000 for me, $10,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Kentucky to fix the fence.”

“Done!” replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the Government operates.

It ain’t just fences that are broken in D.C.!

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

What’s Next? August 13, 2018

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Humor, Life Balance, Meditation, Mindfulness.
28 comments

Peace in knowing . . . and in not knowing

Always prepared . . . to be unprepared

Reveling in the mystery
Surrounded by uncertainty
In a vast field of possibility

What’s next?

Who knows?

Aah . . . that’s better!

Health Alert from Fox News August 11, 2018

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
33 comments


Health Alert for Men

If you are taking Viagra, make sure the label says “Made in USA”.

We do not want the Russians meddling in our erections.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

For a related read:  Why Amerika is Great Again (Chasing Unicorns)

 

I’m Not Kidding Around August 4, 2018

Posted by nrhatch in Animals, Home & Garden, Humor.
33 comments

A Boise Idaho neighborhood woke up to an unusual sight this week ~> a herd of 100+ goats providing “free lawn service” (while eating everything in sight).

The herd owned by “We Rent Goats” escaped from their nearby grazing station and decided to give the neighborhood’s nice green lawns a trim.

I’m NOT kidding around.  

A roving band of rent-a-goats did invade a Boise Idaho suburb this week.  

Once they finished breakfast, the lawns probably looked like this . . .  

Shortly after breakfast, “We Rent Goats” came by to reclaim the goats.

BAA-h . . . that’s better!