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Call The Paramedics! August 29, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Humor, Joke.
Tags: ,
26 comments

Brian-Oh-NoVinny and Sal are out in the woods hunting when suddenly Sal grabs his chest and falls to the ground.

He doesn’t seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head.

Vinny whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He tells the operator, “I think Sal is dead! What should I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, “Just take it easy and follow my instructions. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

Brian-with-coffee-and-newspaperThere is a silence.
And then a gunshot is heard.

Vinny’s voice comes back on the line.
“Okay… Now what?”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

Odd & Even Parking August 22, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Humor, Joke.
Tags: , ,
43 comments

220px--Lena_Horne_conserves_fuel_(gas).-,_ca._1941_-_ca._1945_-_NARA_-_535820On a bitterly cold morning a husband and wife were listening to the radio during breakfast.

The announcer said, “We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. Park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so snowplows can get through.”

The husband went out and moved his car.

A week later, the announcer said, “We’re expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today.  Park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street so snowplows can get through.”

The husband went out and moved his car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast when the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today.  Park your car . . . ”

Then the electric power went out.

Donald-Duck-DrivingWith a frown, the husband said, “I don’t know what to do.  Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?”

With the love, understanding, and patience that many married women possess, the wife replied,  “Why don’t you just leave the car in the garage this time?”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Inspiration:  e-mail from unknown author (sent by Granny1947)

“Men marry women with the hope that they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably, they are both disappointed.”    ~ Albert Einstein

Florida Scenes August 19, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Art & Photography, Fun & Games, Humor.
Tags: , , , , ,
32 comments

A crowded Palma Sola Causeway serves as control central for the annual Bottle Boat Regatta.

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Boats float using recycled 2-liter plastic soda bottles as flotation devices.  Unless they don’t, float.

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Cows seldom enter.  They’re not interested in rowing boats or “bragging rights.”

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Downing grass and chewing cud from first light to last light consumes them.  Makes sense . . .

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Even if stomach #1 is stuffed to overflowing, they’ve got other tummies on “stand-by.”

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Florida’s fields of green and grain alternate with miles and miles of shoreline.

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Gator sightings are common along the banks.  In fact, you can almost bank on it.  (Less common are Crocs wearing Crocs.)

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Hear rustling in the reeds?  Get ready to *snap* that shot.

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Idle Gators love to smile and say, “Let Go My Leg-o!”

Everglades 1_1

Aah . . . that’s better!

Make Mine Kool-Aid August 17, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Bulletin Board, Health & Wellness, Humor.
Tags: , , , ,
45 comments

Woodstock-&-Snoopy3After a partial hysterectomy, my doctors recommended a colonoscopy.

I agreed and did all the nasty messy prep work.

YUCK!

Drinking the Drano (a/k/a Colon-Aid) made me throw up.  Several times.  It got me coming . . . and going.

In the morning, they put me under.  Part way.  Despite the anesthesia, I moaned and writhed in pain.

OUCH!

All for naught!

They couldn’t finish because their periscope wouldn’t go past the sigmoid.

Sad-TigerWhen the anesthesia wore off, I had a headache the size of Montana. I could barely breathe.

But they weren’t done with me.

They sent me for a barium enema (which stopped up everything I had just cleaned out).

ACK!

It wasn’t fun. I will NEVER do it again.

And . . . I’m not alone:

Only one in six Americans over age 50 get the American Cancer Society’s recommended screening for colon cancer: a colonoscopy every 10 years, or a flexible sigmoidoscopy, virtual colonoscopy, or barium enema imaging every five years.

Surveys suggest that patients find the preparation – required for both colonoscopy and traditional virtual colonoscopy – to be the worst part of screening.

“A number of folks, who currently aren’t being screened because they fear the prep or aren’t willing to go through it again, may be willing to have screening if they’re told they don’t need to take laxatives and can still get a potent test,’’ said Dr. Durado Brooks, director of prostate and colon cancer for the American Cancer Society.

Good news!

There’s a new technique on the medical horizon which does not involve the dreaded laxative preparation to clear the colon:

The new technique works by using a contrast agent – a tiny amount of dye is ingested two days before the test – to highlight fecal matter in the colon, which can then be digitally erased from the scan using a software program, making it easier to see polyps.

In the study of 605 patients, published Monday in the Annals of Internal Medicine, the virtual colonoscopy was able to identify more than 90 percent of suspicious polyps that were 10 millimeters or larger, compared with 95 percent identified when the same patients later had a standard colonoscopy.

To read more:  New Kind of Virtual Colonoscopy (Boston Globe)

Tigger-BouncingIf larger studies confirm the findings, the technique could serve as a first-line screening tool for colon cancer for people who avoid screening.

Like me!

And now for a laugh out loud moment . . .

Aah . . . that’s better!

Salads, Spoonbills, & Sunset Scenes August 11, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Humor, Special Events.
Tags: , , ,
33 comments

For our 31st Anniversary, we went to Village Idiot Pizzeria.  A sign on the door said, “Closed.  On vacation for the month of June.”

They are NO idiots!

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We came up with Plan B . . . dinner at the Bridge Tender Inn on Bridge Street.

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Only the salads (and our waitress) turned out to be vegetarian friendly.

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While waiting for our salads to arrive, we watched the locals.

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As they spooned up muddy waters.

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For a soothing sushi dinner.

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While watching out for ankle biters!

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After dinner, we walked down the beach to check out the groin project.

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Looking it over . . . up and down . . . top to bottom.

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We walked back to Bridge Street and watched the sun set.

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Enjoying coastal colors and cheerful company.

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Before retrieving the car, we turned around for a final peek.

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Aah . . . that’s better!

Butch The Rooster August 8, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Humor, Joke.
Tags: , , ,
43 comments

IMGP0864Sarah was in the fertilized egg business. She had several hundred young pullets’ and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

She kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so she could tell from a distance which rooster was performing.

Now, she could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

Sarah’s favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen but, this morning she noticed old Butch’s bell hadn’t rung at all!

2014-05-05 11-54-38_0042When she went to investigate, she saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

To Sarah’s amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn’t ring. He’d sneak up on a pullet, do his job, and walk on to the next one.

Sarah entered Butch in the Dowerin Show and he became an overnight sensation.

The judges not only awarded Butch the “No Bell Peace Prize,” they awarded him the “Pulletsurprise” as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making.

Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren’t paying attention?

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

 

Skeptics, Sinners, and Cynics August 3, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Humor, People.
Tags: , , , ,
59 comments

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My siblings and I are close together in age.  At one point, my parents had four kids under the age of five to supervise.

Which made for challenging mealtimes.

Last week, I listened to a tape of us eating dinner in the early 60’s.  Dad recorded it to send to his parents in Vermont.

Chicken-Little-Poster

What a hoot!

My sister’s chicken . . . “It’s too Hot!”
Her asparagus . . . “It’s too Big!”

I ate everything on my plate . . . except for the meat.
Jim ate all his meat . . . but left his veggies.

Snoopy5Doug got up without permission to watch TV.

Someone gave Muffin a chicken bone.

Oops . . . my bad!

I don’t know how mom and dad put up with us night after night.

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The funniest thing was when dad asked 5-year-old Doug to describe how he got in trouble on the first 2 days of kindergarten.

Woodstock-&-SnoopyDoug replies with suspicion:  “Well, who are you recording this tape to?”

He didn’t want his confession to end up in the wrong hands.

:-X

Aah . . . that’s better!

Golf Balls August 1, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Exercise & Fitness, Fun & Games, Humor, Joke.
Tags: , ,
36 comments

Golf-BallA man got on the bus with both front trouser pockets full of golf balls.

He sat down next to a beautiful blond who kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

After several puzzled glances from her, he said, “It’s golf balls.”

GolferThe blond nodded, thinking about what he had said.

A few minutes later, unable to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, “Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

More Than A Numbers Game July 29, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Humor, Gratitude, Blogs & Blogging.
Tags: , , , , ,
62 comments

Donald-Ducka

Blogging is more than a numbers game for me. I am interested in quality interactions, not sheer quantity of visitors.

1. I have more followers than visitors and more visitors than comments. That’s OK.  People who comment tend to be people who enjoy expressing themselves via the written word.  Others don’t possess that gene.

2. Writing is great when we have something to say.  It’s a burden, a bore, and a chore when we write just to say something . . . for that, there’s Facebook.

3. We don’t know the impact our words have on others ~ perhaps what I write will entertain, amuse, educate, or resonate with someone “later” (at the exact moment s/he needs to hear them).

Or perhaps not . . .

The-Pink-Panther

4. One night, someone who hadn’t visited for a while commented on 20+ posts in no time at all ~ as if engaged in a race to some imaginary Finish Line.

I wondered about the point of her blitzkrieg.
Did she think I would find it flattering?

5. When I started blogging there was no LIKE button on WordPress. When it first appeared, I LIKED that visitors could LIKE a post without adding to the discussion thread if they had nothing to say.

But then I saw how “Waldo Was Here” visitors overused the LIKE button, perhaps as a fishing lure to get me to visit their blogs?

Haha!  Joke’s on them . . .

6. Tired of receiving notifications of LIKES (which require no response), I disabled the “E-mail me whenever someone . . . LIKES one of my posts” button.

Mickey-OK7. My goal for SLTW is simple ~> enjoy the journey as the path unfolds.

If I’m enjoying the journey, I win.  No matter what.

After all, if it’s not fun, why blog?

Aah . . . that’s better!

“If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.” ― Dorothy Parker

Related posts:  Does Passion Always Lead To Success? (L. Marie’s Blog) * Two Years On (Lively Twist) * Want to Succeed? Let Go. (Think Simple Now) * Inspiration ~ Let It Go (Find Your Middle Ground) * The Path of Least Resistance (SLTW) * WordPress 108: Liking, Following, or Not (Lively Twist)

Danger! Danger! July 27, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Exercise & Fitness, Happiness, Health & Wellness, Humor.
Tags: , ,
49 comments

Mountain-BikingA few months ago, the Sierra Club sent me a link to 6 of America’s Most Dangerous Hiking Trails.

Reading the list did NOT make me want to strap on my hiking boots.  Heat, cold, thin air, ice, bears, and snakes knocked all 6 hikes out of contention for a coveted spot on my Bucket List.

At least until I’m ready to kick the bucket.

I prefer to avoid falling rocks, unexpected blizzards, and encounters with wild and savage beasts while hiking.

At the Arch

Despite my survival instincts, I enjoy hiking to waterfalls and mountain tops.

As the path unfolds before me, I embrace movement, air, light, sound, and glorious vistas.

These days, most of our “hiking” (if you’re being charitable) takes place on the beach.  Air, sunlight, splashing waves, turquoise seas ~> BLISS!

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And nary a snake in sight!

Aah . . . that’s better!

Related posts:  When Is A Step Not A Step (My Year of Sweat) * Rock Climbing in YosemiteAn Appalachian Adventure * Would You Answer This Ad?

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