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Drinking And Golf November 21, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.

The-Pink-PantherA man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy beer with it instead of dinner?”

“No, I had to stop drinking years ago,” the homeless man replied.

Golf-Ball“Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?” the man asked.

“Are you NUTS!” replied the homeless man. “I haven’t played golf in 20 years!”

“Well,” said the man, “I’m not going to give you money. Instead, I’m going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife.”

The homeless man was astounded. “Won’t your wife be furious with you for doing that?

Mickey-OK“That’s okay. It’s important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking and golf.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

Need Help? November 14, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, Mindfulness.

TimonAs Sam was driving home this week, he started worrying about all the stuff going on in his life, and the lives of family and friends.

Then he began worrying about what’s happening in Washington, Moscow, Ukraine, Paris, and the Middle East.

Then he started thinking about Hillary, Jeb, Trump, Fox News, and how America is so troubled.

As he turned the corner, he saw a yard sign that said:

NEED HELP? CALL JESUS: 1-800-555-3787

Out of curiosity and desperation, he called . . .

2015-08-11 13-19-55_0008aJesus showed up an hour later.

With his lawn mower.

Aah . . . that’s better!

E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

Worry is a habit . . . an exhausting, energy draining habit.

Like a rocking chair, it gets you nowhere.

The sun will set without thy assistance. ~ The Talmud

We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same. ~ Carlos Castaneda

A Royal Pain In The Ass November 7, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Humor, Joke.

Once upon a time a king wanted to go fishing.  He called the royal weather forecaster and asked for the weather forecast covering the next few hours. The weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain in the coming days.

So the king went fishing.


On the way, he met a farmer on his donkey.

Upon seeing the king the farmer said, “Your Majesty, you should return to the palace at once because in just a short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall in this area.”

The king’s response was polite but firm.

“I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated and experienced professional. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him and I will continue on my way.”

Eeyore-under-a-raincloudA short time later torrential rain fell from the sky.

The King got soaked!

So did the farmer and his donkey.

Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the weatherman at once!

Then he summoned the farmer and offered him the prestigious and high-paying role of royal forecaster.

The farmer said, “Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my donkey’s ears drooping, I know it will rain.”

So the king hired the donkey.

And so began the practice of hiring asses to work in government and
occupy its highest and most influential positions.


Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

Writing Without Distracting November 5, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Books & Movies, Humor, Word Play, Writing & Writers.

220px-Arthur-Pyle_The_Enchanter_MerlinDiversity of vocabulary and a playful turn of phrase add depth and flavor when they complement the prose without distracting from the missive.

That said, writers who douse paragraph after paragraph with lexicon that is not a natural part of their vocabulary remind me of cooks who over-season food rather than letting it speak for itself.

When a writer writes with thesaurus in hand to impress readers with a depth of vocabulary not possessed in common measure, I lose interest and turn my attention elsewhere.

Not that I’m missed.

Aah . . . that’s better!

But what does our distinguished panel of experts have to say?

Woodstock-&-SnoopyJohn D. MacDonald: My purpose is to entertain myself first and other people secondly.

Blaise Pascal: Anything that is written to please the author is worthless.

Marianne Moore: Any writer overwhelmingly honest about pleasing himself is almost sure to please others.

Samuel Johnson:  Read over your compositions and, when you meet a passage which you think is particularly fine, strike it out.

SnoopyAlfred North Whitehead: A man really writes for an audience of about ten persons. Of course, if others like it, that is clear gain.  But if those ten are satisfied, he is content.

Mickey Spillane:  Those big shot writers . . . could never dig the fact that there are more salted peanuts consumed than caviar.


Grace Metalious: I’m a lousy writer; a helluva lot of people have got lousy taste.

Snoopy2John Hall Wheelock:  Most writers are in a state of gloom a good deal of the time; they need perpetual reassurance.

Georges Simenon:  Writing is not a profession but a vocation of unhappiness.

Peter De Vries:  I love being a writer.  What I can’t stand is the paperwork.

Related post:  Defending the Chamois (Silver in the Barn)

A Test of the Emergency Humor Network November 3, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Humor, Life Balance, People.

Test.  This is a test of the Emergency Humor Network.

 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


Say something funny. 


My sense of humor is MIA.

 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


This was only a test of the Emergency Humor Network.

If this had been an actual Emergency, you would have heard me howling and yowling through cyber space.

Again.  This was only a test.  

We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

Grumpy gus

Aah . . . that’s better!

Related:  5 Reasons to Stop Ignoring Negative Emotions (Think Simple Now)

It’s Halloween! October 31, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Humor.


Don’t be S~C~A~R~E~D!

2014-10-25 18-55-52_0018

But beware of things that go *BUMP* in the night!


If you see ghosts, ghouls, or goblins . . .


Or other gruesome sights . . .


Just keep rocking and rolling!


Aah . . . that’s better!

LOLAPIMP October 29, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Humor, Joke.

Donald-Duck-LaughingSometimes I laugh so hard I can’t “contain” myself.

I’m laughing so hard that commencing Kegel maneuvers is beyond my ken.

Between gales of laughter, I just have to “let go” and “go with the flow.”



Let’s hope our Funny Bone Chakras NEVER dry up on us.

Life is better with laughter.

Aah . . . that’s better!

* LOLAPIMP = Laughing Out Loud And Peeing In My Pants

A Baker’s Dozen October 27, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Humor, Life Balance, People.

Grumpy gus1. We each have the same number of choices to make each moment of each waking hour:  What to think about NOW . . . and NOW . . . and NOW . . . and NOW.

2.  If we think grateful, kind, compassionate thoughts, we are happier than when we think about all the reasons why we are disgruntled with the current state of affairs.  Don’t rush to take offense.

3.  There is no Universal Mandate for all.  We each need to be guided from within based on our values, our experiences, and our truths (which may change over time).

4. Embrace the present moment.  Release your grip on the past.  Keep moving forward. No thing’s meant to last.


5.  Attempting to satisfy Ego is futile ~ Ego is a mask; it can never be satisfied.  With no Ego, we ride the crest of the now . . . with bliss as our constant companion.  We desire only what we already possess.  Here.  Now.  Just Be.

6.  The BEST thing about not working ~> MORE time to do LESS.

7.  I limit my shopping frustration by limiting my shopping and NEVER going when I’m in a rush. Most weeks we shop only for groceries.  And cat treats.

8.  I’m OK with the idea that I am not going to change the world. Instead I try to make a difference in the lives of people I see every day.

9.  The pope’s decision to label someone a “saint” (or a “sinner”) has no impact on how I view the world ~> his decision is irrelevant since I can’t imagine using the Roman Catholic Church or its edicts as a yardstick for my life.

10.   If IT makes me feel GOOD now, IT is good for me NOW. This yardstick helps me enjoy things in moderation . . . because too much of any IT makes me feel bad NOW.

black-cat11.  Reading a cat’s mind is easy.  All you need is a Magic 8 Ball, Tarot cards, tea leaves, or a pair of dice.

It’s a crap shoot since cats are FICKLE.  And they use the same barometer I do: “If IT makes me feel GOOD now, IT is good for me NOW.”

12.  You can only reason with reason-able people.  Ego is not reason-able.  Neither is your cat.

13.  Quotes are like post-its for the mind ~ they help us remember the lessons we’ve learned.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Compounding & Confounding Interest October 24, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, Less IS More, People.

Groom-&-Bride-catsOn their wedding night, a bride asked her husband for $20 for their first lovemaking encounter.

He agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 40 years ~ he viewed it as a cute way for her to afford new clothes and shoes.

You know, more STUFF!


Arriving home at noon one day, the wife found her husband falling off the couch drunk.

“I’ve been let go. Corporate downsizing. Those bastards! I’m 64. I’ll never find a position that pays anywhere near what I’ve been earning.  We’re ruined!”

His wife smiled and handed him a bank book with forty years of steady deposits and interest.

250px-New_Orleans_City_of_Old_Romance_and_New_Opportunity_Crop_p_23_MoneybagsThe account totaled nearly $1 million.

Shocked, her husband stared at the total and then said:

“If I’d had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you ALL my business!”

That’s when she gave him the business!

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  e-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.) 

You know, some men just don’t know when to keep their mouths shut.

Less IS more.

More Joy, Less Stuff October 21, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Health & Wellness, Humor, Less IS More, Mindfulness.

Clutter often stems from fear.  We keep things “just in case,” but at a cost.

When our homes are uncluttered, we feel calm, relaxed, and centered.


Instead of feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, frazzled, and on edge.

2015-08-11 13-17-38_0002

We save time and money when we shop less and enjoy what we already have.

Eliminating the extraneous makes room for the essential.

2014-09-28 12-27-41_0008

Getting rid of what we don’t need, use, or want gives us more space to be who we want to be and do what we want to do.


Aah . . . that’s better!

Quote to Ponder:  Until you are happy with who you are . . . you will never be happy with what you have.

Related:  Life is Easier When You Take the Stairs (Raptitude)


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