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Hey! Get Off Of My Dock! April 30, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Animals, Humor, Nature.
28 comments

On a gorgeous “winter” day, we headed next door to Neal Preserve.

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As we walked down the dock, two Ibis gave us a watchful eye.

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And then the more vocal of the two bellowed “Get Off My Dock.”

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As soon as we stopped our approach, he stopped his squawking.

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Aah . . . that’s better!

Green Is The New Black April 27, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Art & Photography, Humor, Sustainable Living.
34 comments

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Decor Direct (in Sarasota) jumped on the eco-friendly repurposing bandwagon long before it was cool!

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As a result, it acquired lots and lots of wagon wheels . . . which it transformed into terrific table tops.

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Don’t need a table?  How ’bout a wagon wheel bench?

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Not a fan of wagon wheels?  No problem . . . use shutters.

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No room for a double-wide bench?  Consider a throne.

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Sunburn woes?  No worries, mon . . . dis Tiki Hut’s got ya covered!

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Aah . . . that’s Green!

OUCH!!! April 23, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, Less IS More.
35 comments

Woodstock-&-Snoopy3A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.  The doctor comes in and says, “Ah, I see you’ve regained consciousness. Now you probably won’t remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You’re going to be OK, you’ll walk again and everything, but your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn’t find it.”

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, “You have $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don’t come cheap. It’s roughly $1000 an inch.”

IMGP1786b“So,” the doctor says, “You must decide how many inches you want.”

The man perks up as he begins to imagine the possibilities.

The doctor continues, “Since you’ve been married for over 40 years, this is something you should discuss with your wife.  If you had a five-incher before and get a nine-incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine-incher before and you decide to only invest in a five-incher now, she might be disappointed. It’s important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision.”

The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.

Mickey-and-Minnie-kissThe doctor comes back the next day, “So, have you spoken with your wife?”

“Yes I have,” says the man.

“And has she helped you make a decision?”

“Yes she has,” says the man.

“What is your decision?” asks the doctor.

“We’re getting granite counter tops.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

Don’t Be Loopy! April 21, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, People.
46 comments

Donald-DuckaWhen people expect me to listen, I want them to have a point . . . and reach it.

I’ve been in conversations with folks who set out in one direction, veer off into another, take a detour, drop into a digression . . .

All without EVER circling back to the initial point.

Donald-Duck-BaseballEven when I remind them of their starting point (because I was paying attention to what they were saying even if they weren’t), they still can’t complete the loop.

They’re just LOOPY!!!!

The worst off-topic rambler I know calls on the phone and chats non-stop for an hour or so.

She meanders this way and that without ever culminating a thread.Donald-Duck-Lazy

She’s definitely more focused on the “journey” than the destination.

I used to try and steer her back to topics of interest, but that just prolonged the call without unearthing any morals to her stories.

Now I just let her go (like the Energizer Bunny) while I recline on the bed, close my eyes, and R~E~L~A~X.

Donald-DirectorSince there is NO PRESSURE to respond or come up with interesting tidbits for discussion, it’s almost like meditating and watching the “clouds” float by.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Related:  The Art of Timely Communication (Coffee Kat)

The Power of Virtual Reality April 19, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Health & Wellness, Humor, Mindfulness.
50 comments

Happiness can be boosted merely by the thoughts we think.

Especially if we imagine riding around town with a smiling monkey in a naval uniform on the back of our bright red motorcycle!

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Or visualize playing catch with a friendly frog!

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Or . . . insert your favorite daydream here.

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Research in the field of neuroscience demonstrates that we can expand our happiness through visualization, virtual reality, and daydreams:

Research in the field of neuroscience has shown that the part of the brain responsible for feeling pleasure – the mesolimbic dopamine system – can be activated when merely thinking about something pleasurable, such as drinking a favorite brand of beer or driving a favorite type of sports car. In fact, this research shows that people sometimes enjoy anticipating an activity more than actually doing it.

For example, reading guidebooks in advance of a big vacation and anticipating the food you’ll eat and the activities you’ll do while there could actually give you more pleasure than the vacation itself. In short, research suggests that we can be just as well – if not sometimes better – off if we imagine experiences without having them.  

So to increase happiness, spend plenty of time happily daydreaming.

If Money Doesn’t Make You Happy, Consider Time (Stanford Business)

You read that right.

Research suggests that enjoying a virtual vacation can make us happier than going on an actual vacation (with all the attendant hassles).

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Great news for armchair travelers with limited budgets!

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Aah . . . that’s better!

Related:  Neural Pathways & Success (Find Your Middle Ground)

No Fooling Home Schooling April 16, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, People.
43 comments

Huey,-Dewey-And-LouieMany of us were HOME SCHOOLED . . .

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

4. My father taught me LOGIC.

“Because I said so, that’s why.”

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .

“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”

Donald-Duck-Driving6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

7. My father taught me IRONY.

“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

“Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

Little-Miss-Scatterbrain12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times, don’t exaggerate!”

13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out…”

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .

“Stop acting like your father!”

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

“Just wait until we get home.”

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

“You are going to get it from your father when you get home!”

Donald-Ducka18 . My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”

19. My mother taught me ESP .

“Put your sweater on.  I know you are cold.”

20. My father taught me HUMOR.

“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

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22. My mother taught me GENETICS.

“You’re just like your father.”

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.

25. My father taught me about KARMA .

“One day you’ll get yours . . . and have kids who act just like you!”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

A Walk In The Woods April 13, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Life Balance, Mindfulness, Nature.
41 comments

Florida is NOT all Sun, Sand, and Surf . . . it’s also the silence we sense between each echoing splash.

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It’s water and rocks and islands of pine shading soil from sun.

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Florida’s ancient roots trace back to Africa before continents shifted from where they were to where they wanted to be.

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If continents and trees are open to change . . . who are we disagree.

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Just be . . . and let the future unfold.

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Aah . . . that’s better!

“Hunger Never Saw Bad Bread.” April 11, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Humor, Vegetarian Recipes.
28 comments

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“Hunger never saw bad bread.” ~ Benjamin Franklin.

Ben was so right!  Man cannot live by bread alone . . . but it’s a start!  Here’s two quick breads ~> Ben Franklin’s Beer Bread and Irish Soda Bread.

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Eat all you want . . . then make more!

Aah . . . that’s better!

A Message From Queen Elizabeth II April 9, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, People.
44 comments

220px-Shackleton's_Ship_Quest_1921To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:

In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for the Presidency of the USA, and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence.

Effective immediately . . .

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour,’ ‘favour,’ ‘labour’ and ‘neighbour.’ Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix ‘-ize’ will be replaced by the suffix ‘-ise.’ Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.

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2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ”like’ and ‘you know’ is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter ‘u” and the elimination of ‘-ize.’

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

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4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not quite ready to be independent.

Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can’t sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you’re not ready to shoot grouse.

5. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

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9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth – see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

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10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one’s ears removed with a cheese grater.

11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

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12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

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Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

It’s Not Delivery! April 7, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Happiness, Health & Wellness, Humor.
48 comments

2015-03-21 13-06-16_0002The Pizza Project is still going strong.

So are we.

That got me thinking . . .

Would it even be possible to O.D. on pizza?

I doubt it, but let’s ask Luigi!

“Hey, Luigi!”

“Hey, my little pizza paisano . . . que pasa?”

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“Luigi, have you ever met anyone who ate too much pizza?”

“No.  Datsa, how you say . . .  an oxymoron.”

“Thanks, Luigi!”

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So, there you go . . . there’s no such thing as too much pizza.  Mangia!

Aah . . . that’s better!

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