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A $50 Lesson February 18, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
18 comments

Sally-BrownRecently, while I was working in the flower beds in the front yard, my neighbors stopped to chat as they returned home from walking their dog. During our friendly conversation, I asked their little girl what she wanted to be when she grew up.

She said she wanted to be President someday.

“If you were President, what would be the first thing you would do?”

She replied, “I’d give food and houses to all the homeless people.”

Her parents, staunch Democrats, beamed with pride!

Donald-Duck-Baseball“Wow . . . what a worthy goal!” I said.  “But you don’t have to wait until you’re President to do that!”

“What do you mean?” she replied.

“If you come here and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and trim my hedge, I’ll pay you $50. Then you can go to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out and give him the $50 to use to buy food.”

250px-New_Orleans_City_of_Old_Romance_and_New_Opportunity_Crop_p_23_MoneybagsShe thought that over for a few seconds, then looked me straight in the eye and said, “Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over here and do the work, and you can pay him the $50?”

I nodded.  “Welcome to the Republican Party.”

Her parents aren’t speaking to me anymore.

Aah . . . that’s better!

         Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

How To Have A Good Conversation February 15, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Mindfulness, People.
30 comments

Listen to others and let them know they have been heard . . .

Taking the best within us and sharing it with others benefits everyone. Nothing is too frivolous if it stems from loving kindness and compassion.

Making others feel good is NEVER a waste of time.

The first duty of love is to listen. ~ Paul Tillich

Aah . . . that’s better!

She Might Just Be . . . February 13, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, People.
34 comments

At Couples Bridge the other night, my partner and I (who just started playing together) asked our various opponents how long they had played together.

The answers varied, of course, but my favorite by far is this gem:

“Bob & I have been playing bridge together for 50 years.”

“Really?”

“Yes, we started playing together in college . . . on our second date.  Our first date was a blind date.  Neither of us wanted to go.  We would rather have hung around the dorm or frat playing bridge . . . but off we went.”

At that point, her long-standing partner finished the story:

“When I returned to the frat after our blind date, one of my frat brothers asked, ‘Well, is she the one?’  I thought for a moment and said, “She might just be . . . she drinks Scotch, plays Bridge, and doesn’t fast dance.”

Aah . . . that’s perfect!

Happy Valentine’s Day to YOU!

The Antidote To Fear February 11, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Life Balance, Mindfulness, People.
29 comments

“The whole aim of practical politics,” H.L. Mencken wrote almost a century ago,” is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.”

Never has that adage been truer than now.

No President Has Spread Fear Like Donald Trump

* In politics, absurdity is not a handicap. ~ Napoleon Bonaparte

* It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office. ~ H.L. Mencken

There are three kinds of lies:  lies, damn lies, and statistics. ~ Benjamin Disraeli

* Everything you read in the paper is absolutely true . . . except for the rare story of which you happen to have first-hand knowledge. ~ Erwin Knoll

Donald-Duck-LazyWhat happens when we get caught up in F.E.A.R.?

F.E.A.R. (“False Evidence Appearing Real”) can be a real downer when our mood is precarious.  We don’t always have the necessary strength of will to shout out loud, “THAT’S NOT TRUE!”

Want to drown out F.E.A.R.?

Donald-Duck-DivingClick your heels together and repeat after Mencken:   Hogwash & Hobgoblins!

Better yet, wave your Potter-riffic wand at Trump’s Twitter Feed while incanting:  Expel-liar-mus!

Aah . . . that’s better!

Related: Mantra for Today ~ Trust

Little Pitchers Have Big Ears February 10, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Fiction, Humor, Writing & Writers.
48 comments

Donald-Duck-BaseballMy feet dragged down the hall.

I found my older brother Wally sprawled on his bed doing homework.

He glanced up, saw my glum face, and said, “Hey, Teddy.  What’s wrong?”

“Mom and dad are getting divorced.”

Wally shook his head.  “No way, you doofus . . . they’re BFFs.”

“I heard her say so.”

“To who?”

“Don’t know.  Her bedroom door was closed.”

“What did you hear?”

“Hmm . . . ‘I’m tired of being taken for granted.  I want to be swept off my feet’ . . . whatever that means.”

“That doesn’t mean they’re getting divorced.”

“Duh!  I know that!  I’m not stupid.”

“Duly noted.  What else did you hear?”

I better get flowers this Valentine’s Day . . . or I’m getting a divorce.”

Wally frowned.  “I don’t get it.  Mom doesn’t even like flowers.  She has allergies.  They make her sneeze.  I wonder if . . .”

Just then, mom appeared at the door.

“Hey, guys, guess what!  That play I auditioned for . . . I got the part!  Rehearsals start tonight so I’m busy going over my lines.  Pizza OK for dinner?”

Wally nodded.  “Pizza’s great. Hey, mom, do your lines mention flowers, divorce, and Valentine’s Day?”

Now mom looked confused. “Yes. How did you know that?”

“A little pitcher told me.”

I grinned at Wally and hugged mom. “Great news, mom.  Break a leg!”

* * * * * *

Written for Susanna’s 2nd Annual Valentiny Writing Contest.  Entries accepted through 2/14.  Complete rules ~> HERE.

 

 

 

Farm To Table Fables February 9, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Humor, Travel & Leisure.
19 comments

We went to a talk at the local library on Farm to Table Fables ~ about restaurants owners who claim to serve locally sourced food when they are really selling stuff from Sisco.

According to Laura Reiley, food critic and undercover investigator from the Tampa Bay Times, more than a few upscale restaurants claim to be serving food from their own farms . . . when, on investigation, their farms are nothing more than dried up dust bowls.

In like vein, restaurant owners who claim to be serving “Gulf Shrimp” may not mean local shrimp from the Gulf of Mexico.  Instead, the shrimp might be bleached deveined shrimp shipped in from urine-soaked Gulfs in Asia.

Sellers at Farmer’s Markets who claim to have grown the produce they are selling may be lying . . . many are selling produce rejected by grocery stores.

Word to the wise:  Just because it says so doesn’t make it so.

While the blatant misrepresentations and unsupported claims made about our food are disturbing, Laura was a delight.  She’s an engaging speaker, presenting information in an accessible format accompanied by amusing anecdotes and funny little zingers.

For example, when asked about whether to be concerned about GMOs, she said, “I went to visit Monsanto . . . you know, the Death Star!”

She also discussed her “two Chardonnay sweet spot” ~> when things seem sweeter, funnier, and happier than normal.

Winner, Sandbar Monthly Photo Contest ~ Robert, Bradenton

Tip: to maintain the sweet spot, avoid reaching for that third glass, when melancholy sneaks into the mix!

Aah . . . that’s better!

Related:  The Best Farm-To-Table Restaurant in Every State (Food & Wine)

 

Four Husbands February 4, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
41 comments

Groom-&-Bride-catsThe local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation.

“He’s a funeral director,” she answered.

“What did your first three husbands do for a living?”

A smile came to her face and she said, “I married a banker in my 20’s, a circus ringmaster in my 40’s, a preacher in my 60’s, and now – in my 80’s – a funeral director!”

Mickey-and-Minnie-kiss“Wow . . . four men with such diverse careers.  How interesting.”

She nodded and grinned, “I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

Larissa . . . Stop Following Me! February 2, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Blogging, Humor, Joke, People.
37 comments

Tree-Frog-PerchedaA “blogger” keeps following me.

She never comments.

She just follows, unfollows, follows, unfollows, follows, unfollows . . . like a strobe light silently screaming for attention.

How do I know?

Almost every morning, I get an e-mail in my in-box that says:

Larissa . . .  just started following you on SLTW. They will receive an email every time you publish a post. Congratulations.

You might want to go see what they’re up to! Perhaps you will like their blog as much as they liked yours!

I doubt that she has actually read anything on my blog . . . she’s too busy following it!

Aah . . . that’s better! 

 

How Patriotic! January 28, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, Less IS More, Life Balance.
26 comments

Little-Miss-ScatterbrainIn the USA, shopping, spending, and buying STUFF, especially on credit, is considered patriotic.

That’s why some of the biggest sales fall on Presidents’ Day, Memorial Day, Veterans’ Day, and Labor Day.

OMG . . . Presidents’ Day is right around the corner!

Get ready . . .

Get set . . .

C~H~A~R~G~E!!!

Aah . . . that’s better!

Related post:  Financial Advice for Today’s 20-Somethings (Charles Schwab)

Plot Twist January 25, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Humor, Joke, Life Balance.
34 comments

Tigger-PogoA wise man at a lecture cracked a joke.  Everyone laughed.

He told the joke again and fewer people laughed.

He told it a third time and no one laughed.

When there was no laughter left, he smiled and said:

“We can’t laugh at the same joke again and again and again . . . so why do we insist on crying about the same thing again and again and again?”

When something bad happens, just yell “Plot Twist” and move on.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  Funny Quotes About Life (Google)