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Virtual Reality: Battle of the Sexes February 28, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, Life Balance, People.
Tags: , , , ,
28 comments

Betty-Boop

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife. – Prince Philip

The only reason they say ‘Women and children first’ is to test the strength of the lifeboats. – Jean Kerr

I’ve been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage. – Zsa Zsa Gabor

Home cooking ~> Where many a man thinks his wife is. – Jimmy Durante

3D-Cow

Men are like linoleum floors. Lay ‘em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years. – Betsy Salkind

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. – Irina Dunn

Q. “Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?”
A. “Why buy the pig if all you want is a little sausage?”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  e-mail from unknown author (sent by Granny1947)

Monday, I’ll be guest posting on L. Marie’s blog as part of her series ~ The Stanton Effect: Inspiration From A TED Talk.

And The Oscar Goes To . . . Coral Reef! February 23, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Happiness, Humor, Joke.
Tags: , , ,
36 comments

This video landed in my mailbox last week and made me laugh out loud.

If we are to believe Jackie Jordan . . . Coral Reef is a true Renaissance Color!

It’s vibrant, uplifting, buoyant, spirited, and joyful . . . with botanical notes . . . and a vintage spirit . . . “something we are truly craving today.”

I don’t know about you, but I don’t need someone else telling me what color to paint my living room.

Aah . . . that’s better!

The Worst First Date February 21, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, Nature, People.
Tags: , , ,
50 comments

Brian-Oh-NoWhen Jay Leno asked audience members to share embarrassing first dates, this story took the prize:

I had the worst first date ever.  My date took me skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah.  The outing was fun, until we started for home.

Driving down the mountain, an hour away from the nearest rest room, in the middle of nowhere, nature called.

I realized I should NOT have had that extra latte.

After holding it as long as I could, I asked him to stop the car so I could go beside the road.  As soon as the car stopped, I jumped out, ran behind the car, yanked my pants down, rested my butt against the rear fender, and let go.

My date stood at the side of the car watching for traffic.

TimonDespite the embarrassing nature of the situation, all I could think about was the relief I felt.  Finished, I bent to pull up my pants and discovered my cheeks were glued to the car’s fender.  Thoughts of tongues frozen to metal flagpoles came to mind as I attempted to disengage my exposed flesh from the icy perch.

When I told my date I needed assistance, he came around the car and burst out laughing at the sight of me freezing my butt off!

After we stopped laughing, we figured out the best way to free me . . . I looked the other way while he unzipped his pants and peed my butt off the fender.

As the audience screamed with laughter, Leno said, “This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.”

Mickey-and-Minnie-kissHow did the date end?

Her date became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.

Aah . . . that’s better!

E-mail from an unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

Has a first date ever pissed you off?  :mrgreen:

Related articles:  Frozen Assets (Snopes) * Rumors (TruthorFiction.com)

Something’s Screwy With This Key February 14, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
Tags: , ,
59 comments

SnoopyA woman in her early forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift. The surgeon told her about a new procedure called “The Key,” where a small key placed on the back of a woman’s head can be turned to tighten her skin to create the effect of a brand new face lift.

Of course, the woman wanted “The Key.”

Over the years, the woman tightened the key with wonderful results – the woman remained young and vibrant looking.

Woodstock-&-Snoopy3After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems.

“For 15 years, everything has worked fine. I’d turn the key and love the result. But now I’ve developed two annoying problems.  First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the key won’t get rid of them.”

The doctor looked at her closely and said, “Those aren’t bags, those are your breasts.”

She nodded. “No point asking about the beard then . . .”

Aah . . . that’s better!

E-mail from unknown author (sent by Granny1947)

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Virtual Reality: Fame & Fortune February 7, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Humor, Joke, People.
Tags: , , , ,
44 comments

I’m not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. I’m a billionaire. – Howard Hughes

Having more money doesn’t make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I’m just as happy as when I had 48 million. – Arnold Schwarzenegger

Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself. – Harrison Ford

Donald-DirectorHollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap. – Steve Martin

I don’t believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we’re very skeptical. – Arthur C Clarke

If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead. – Johnny Carson

No man is a failure who is enjoying life. ~ William Feather

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  e-mail from unknown author (sent by Granny1947)

The Cat February 3, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Amazing Animals, Animal Welfare, Humor, Poetry.
Tags: , , , , ,
38 comments

2014-03-21 07-42-58_0033Cat preened and pranced
and purred and pleaded
As each new desire arose

It deigned to flatter
“Dear owners . . .
What have you done for me lately?”

Itch scratched
Self-content evident
Cat padded away on soft paws

To preen itself
and do its own thing
Heeding no one

Appetite satiated
Cat admired its elegant image
with narcissistic intensity

And plotted its next plea

IMGP1782a

Aah . . . that’s better!

“Get The Quarterback!” January 31, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Humor, Joke.
Tags: , , ,
51 comments

Betty-BoopA guy took his girlfriend to the Super Bowl in Arizona.  They had great seats right behind the Seahawk’s bench.

After the game, he asked her how she liked it.

“Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially all the big muscles, but I don’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and for the rest of the game they kept screaming, Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!  Helloooooo? It’s only 25 cents!”

Aah . . . that’s better!

E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

7 Pearls of Dubious Pedigree January 27, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Mindfulness, People, Word Play.
Tags: , , , ,
48 comments

Every so often, I toss flotsam, jetsam, and/or detritus overboard in order to keep synapses firing at optimal efficiency.

Here for your consideration are 7 Pearls of Dubious Pedigree:

Ringling Museum 018c1.  Judgment is discernment.

Judgment gives us the ability to weigh options and choose between competing priorities.  We would be lost without it.

Fundraisers unite
with one common goal ~ to take
your money and run

Even if you give ALL opposing ideas, thoughts, and opinions the benefit of the doubt, that doesn’t mean they possess any inherent validity.

Some ideas are ignorant, idiotic, and/or just plain evil.

Not convinced?  Keep reading . . .

2. Rejecting Social Acceptability.

Next time you’re in a restaurant (or, better still, the bowling alley!), reach over and grab a handful of French fries or a slice of pizza from your neighbors.

See what happens.

Snoopy-and-Schroeder

3.  The Zeitgeist Movement and the Venus Project.

If parents can’t make equitable distributions between 2-3 offspring, how would society do so for everyone?

“How come Mozart got a GRAND PIANO and I just got a stupid harmonica?”

“Be glad it’s not a rock, Charlie Brown.”

3D-Cow4.  Why are carnivores averse to cannibalism?

Why are cows, pigs, chickens, and turkeys gobbled up while horses, dogs, cats, and rodents are shunned by everyone but Andrew Zimmern?

Why are we willing to donate our organs to science . . . but not to someone’s breakfast table?

5.  A “Pay It Forward” Pyramid Scheme.

There’s a Pay It Forward chain letter circulating through cyber space.

When I saw it for the first time, I refrained from leaving a comment on the post because I did NOT want to be selected to win an “unspecified surprise” . . . not if it meant agreeing to add five more people to the chain by offering to send them an unspecified surprise if they would each agree to add five more people to the chain.

Snoopy2

Etc.  Etc.  Etc.  Ad Nauseum.  The whole thing is just too forced and phony.  A pyramid scheme gone awry.

I’m happy to perform “good deeds” and “random acts of kindness” on an ad hoc basis, but I don’t like gifts with strings attached.

And, even if I enjoyed being manipulated via cyber strings, I’m not going to agree to send out 5 surprises in exchange for one surprise I might not even like.

“Be glad it’s not a rock, Charlie Brown.”

When we are mindful, ample opportunities to be kind appear in our In Box every day . . . without the necessity of entering into contrived cyber contracts.

IMGP1368a6. Happiness is ‘eeling.

Laughter each day keeps the doctor away.

He who laughs, lasts. ~ Mary Pettibone Poole

And even if you don’t get better, you’ll feel better.  It’s a win-win for everyone.

Except the doctor.  But ‘eel get over it!

Eek . . . an eel!
Grasping on to my heel!
Whilst wrapped in chain

Oh what a sight
I shudder with fright
But ‘eel steal my pain

All’s well that ends well

The Eel that Time Remembered (Kate Shrewsday)

448px-Alice_05a-1116x14927.  No Fungus, Please.

When I was a kid, I ate a poisonous mushroom in the backyard and had to have my stomach pumped.

It left a bad taste in my mouth.

That’s why I refuse to eat fungus.

If ever I get around to writing a Vegetarian Cookbook, it will NOT include any recipes featuring mushrooms, toadstools, or truffles.

I’ll call it, No Fungus, Please!

Aah . . . that’s better!

Related Posts:  13 Pieces of Potpourri * 13 Unpolished Gems . . . One Stone7 More Unpolished Stones

Virtual Reality: Travel January 24, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Humor, Joke, Travel & Leisure.
Tags: , , ,
46 comments

Earth_Eastern_HemisphereAs I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind – every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder. – John Glenn

America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked. – David Letterman

If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport – Jonathan Winters

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. – Spike Milligan

Donald-Duck-DrivingYou know you’re a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn’t. – Jeff Foxworthy

In hotel rooms I worry. I can’t be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked. – Jonathan Katz

The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone. – George Roberts

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  e-mail from unknown author (sent by Granny1947)

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder January 13, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Blogs & Blogging, Humor, Writing & Writers.
Tags: , , , ,
82 comments

Tigger-BouncingAs some of you noticed and noted – thank you! – I have not been posting every day.

That trend may continue:

1.  I started SLTW, in part, to create a searchable database for notes and quotes gathering dust in files, notebooks, and journals.

After five years (and more than 2,500 posts), much of that backlog is now up and running.  Yay!

Tigger-Looking-At-His-Tail2.  Last year, I culled my draft folder from 80+ unfinished posts to a more manageable 17!  Yay!  I’m satisfied with that level of behind-the-scenes ballast.

3.  My mantra this year is “acceptance” and “let it be.”  I don’t feel like pushing myself to crank out “one a day” posts.

If it happens, it happens.  If it don’t, it don’t.

4.  For now, sharing my view of the world seems less compelling than using that time to play the guitar, stretch, exercise, meditate, create, cook, listen to music, eat chocolate, etc.

Tigger-Pogo5.  Posts on SLTW often flow from using thought-provoking and compelling posts on other blogs as springboards.

*BOING* . . . *BOING* . . . *BOING*

At the moment, the community offered by reading and commenting on other blogs seems sufficient.

6.  Instead of staying on the Post-A-Day treadmill, I’m (a) being lax, (b) cutting myself some slack, and (c) going with the flow.

7.  I want to post when I have something to say . . . not just because I want to say something.

Tiggers-R-UsAs I relax and let life unfold, I anticipate posting often enough that it won’t be a case of “out of sight, out of mind.”

I much prefer the adage, “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

Aah . . . that’s better!   

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