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“I Got Your Dollar Right Here!” August 23, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Humor, Joke.
24 comments

Donald-Duck-DrivingThere’s an auto insurance commercial that cracks us up ~ a woman receives a good driver rebate and uses it to buy an expensive handbag.

When a friend shopping with her calls out to ask her auto insurer for a rebate, Jerry Van Dyke (or a reasonable facsimile thereof) pops into the scene dressed in hip waders and a fishing vest.

He’s holding a fishing pole with a dollar on the line as “bait” as he calls out . . . “I got your dollar right here!”

When she tries to grab the dollar, he yanks it out of reach.

A few weeks ago, BFF recreated the commercial for my amusement using props from around the house.

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When I walked into the kitchen and saw his “Just For Fun” vignette, I cracked up.

Then I pocketed the dollar.

2016-07-16 10-10-18_0015

Aah . . . that’s better!

A Killer E-Mail August 20, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
44 comments

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.

Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. The husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday.  His wife planned to fly down the next day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he left out one letter in her email address and, without realizing his error, sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral.

The widow, expecting messages from relatives and friends, decided to check her e-mail.  After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.

The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I’ve Arrived
Date: March 21, 2015

I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I’ve just arrived and have been checked in.

I’ve seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P. S. Sure is freaking hot down here!

Aah . . . that’s better! 

Advice From A Polar Bear August 17, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Animals, Humor, Less IS More, Sustainable Living.
28 comments

One of our nieces is leaving for college next week.  She celebrated her 18th birthday this week.

I sent her a combined Birthday/ Bon Voyage card because (a) I am frugal and thrifty and Scottish, and (b) I am a friend to trees and hate wasting paper ~> i.e., blogging is better than logging.

Anyway, here’s Advice from a Polar Bear from the card I sent:

Live Large
Be thick-skinned
Sniff out opportunities
Learn some good icebreakers
Be fearless
Keep it cool!

Aah . . . that’s better!

To order sustainable greeting cards & products, visit:  Your True Nature

Attack Of The Killer Garage Door August 15, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Health & Wellness, Home & Garden, Humor, Life Balance.
49 comments

Goofy-Under-An-UmbrellaLast week, just before I needed to head to the dentist to get two front composite restorations and a crown, the skies opened up.

Torrential rain beat down at the brisk rate of 2.5 inches an hour.

A real gully-washer!

When the rain let up for a minute, I made a beeline for the garage.

I pressed the garage door opener on the wall.  The garage door swung up on command.

Open Sesame.

Donald-Duck-DrivingWhen I shifted the car into reverse to back out, I noticed the garage seemed rather dark.

That’s odd.

The door, exhibiting a streak of independence, had decided that it had waited in the up position more than long enough for me to exit the garage.

With silent stealth, it had come down while I was busy fastening my seatbelt and adjusting the radio and A/C.  In its defense, maybe it was trying to keep the pouring rain, still coming down at record speed, out of the garage.

Determined not to give up, I pressed the garage door remote over the visor and watched the door’s ascent.

Going up.

Excellent.  Great.  Good.  All clear.

Eeyore-under-a-raincloudI put the car in reverse, began backing out of the garage, and heard a strange sound ~ that of the garage door coming down on the roof of my Honda and holding it fast.

Crunch!

I was stuck half in and half out of the garage.

Not good.

I pushed the remote, hoping to convince the door to ascend for the third time in as many minutes.

Go up!

It ignored my request and continued its downward descent.

Not good.  

Feeling like a sardine in a tin can, I tried again.

This time, the garage door ascended long enough for me to zip out of the garage and make my escape.  (If you can call going to the dentist an “escape.”)

As rain continued to pour down, I called BFF to catch him up on the garage door’s escapade.

Tiara-CatFour hours later, I returned home with a new crown and a significantly lighter wallet.

In my absence, BFF had checked out the garage door and concluded the door, not his wife, was at fault for the mix up.  It had messed up.

Apparently the springs are lacking in tension.  We’ll need to get someone out here to tighten them up.

In the meantime, when we want the door to stay up . . . we need to apply heavy-duty industrial clamps to keep it from coming down!

Mickey-OKNow for the upside of that up and down day ~> my new crown is permanent!

Our dentist fixed me up in a single visit instead of installing a temporary crown and having me return down the road for a permanent install.

Aah . . . that’s better!

So, what’s up with you?

What A Witch! August 13, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
26 comments

Two old guys are close to their last days.  They decide they want to enjoy one last night on the town.

After a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel.

The madam takes one look at them and whispers to her manager, “Go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. I’m not wasting two of my girls on them. These two old geezers are so wasted, they’ll never know the difference.”

The manager does as he’s told and the two men go upstairs and transact their business.

As they are walking home, the first man says, “You know, I think my girl was dead.”

“Dead?  Why do you say that?”

“She didn’t move a muscle or make a sound the whole time I was with her.”

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His friend nods, “It could’ve been worse.  I think mine was a witch.”

“A witch??? Why do you say that?”

“Well, I started kissing her on the neck, but when I gave her a little bite, she farted to beat the band and flew out the window . . .”

“Really?”

“Yup.  And darn if she didn’t take my teeth with her!”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

A Swede, A Norwegian, and A Dane August 6, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
34 comments

A Swede and a Norwegian go into a Dane’s pastry shop.

The Norwegian guy whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn’t notice.

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The Norwegian says to the Swede, “Ya see how clever ve are? You Svenskas can never beat dat!”

The Swede says to the Norwegian guy, “Vatch this, ANY Svede is smarter dan a Norske, and I’ll prove it to ya.”

RWS_Tarot_01_MagicianHe says to the baker, “Give me a cookie and I’ll show you a vunderful magic trick!”

The baker gives him the cookie, which the Swede promptly eats.

Then he says to the baker: “Give me anudder cookie for my magic trick.”

The poor Dane is getting suspicious, but he gives him a second cookie.  The Swede eats this one too.

Then he says again: “Give me one more cookie . . .”

The baker is getting angry now, but hands him a third cookie.  And, yes, the Swede eats this one too.

Now the baker is really mad, and he yells: “OK . . . And now where is your famous magic trick?”

“Look in da Norvegian’s pocket vere you’ll find all three cookies, uneaten und good as new!”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

Peter Piper Packed A Picnic August 1, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Humor, Travel & Leisure.
33 comments

It’s August!  Time to plan a picnic before Labor Day comes and goes, heralding winter woes.

Picnics aren’t just for grilling and chilling in the backyard.

Pack a picnic to eat at the beach, in a park, by a waterfall, or in a glade.

Picnics aren’t only for lunch.

Consider a breakfast picnic (muffins, croissants, fresh fruit, granola, yogurt parfaits, juice and a thermos of coffee).

Don’t forget the Bloody Mary’s.

What about packing a cocktail party picnic with finger foods (chilled shrimp, lobster rolls, pinwheel wraps, cheese and crackers, crudités with dip, hummus and pita, fruit or veggie kabobs).

Or plan a desserts only picnic.  Perfect for the cookie monsters in your life.

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To keep things cold:  freeze bottles of water or fruit juice to pack around the food.  Once the food is gone . . . bottoms up.

To assist with clean up:  bring wet wash cloths in snap-top containers or zip-top baggies to wash off sticky fingers and faces.  Keep them cool in the cooler to enjoy chilled cloths for heat relief!

While you’re at it, stash sunscreen in the cooler ~ it will feel cool going on and its active ingredients won’t break down in the heat.

If you’re toting food in a backpack, use a straw to inflate bags holding chips and other crumb-prone items to keep them from being smashed to smithereens.

Don’t forget to bring bags for garbage and recycling.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Sunnyside Up July 30, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
30 comments

Grumpy gusThe residents of Sunnyside assisted living center live in small apartments, but eat in the central cafeteria.

One morning, Joe didn’t show up for breakfast so I went upstairs and knocked on his door to see if  everything was OK.

I could hear him through the door and he said he was running late and would be down shortly.

An hour later Joe still hadn’t arrived in the dining room so I went to check on him again.  I met him halfway down the stairs, with a death grip on the handrail; he was having a hell of time getting his legs to work right.

“Joe, I’m going to call an ambulance.”

“No, no, don’t do that.  I’m not in any pain.  I’m hungry and just want to have some breakfast.”

So I helped him the rest of the way down the stairs and into the dining room.

After he finished eating, he tried to return to his room but was unable to get up even the first step.  At that point, he agreed to let us call an ambulance.

Mickey-OKAn hour later, we called the hospital to see how Joe was doing.

The receptionist said, “Oh, he’s fine.  Nothing serious.  He just had both of his legs in one leg of his boxer shorts.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

10 Weird & Wonderful Museums July 27, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Art & Photography, Humor, Travel & Leisure.
40 comments

If you’re taking a road trip this summer and need to get out and stretch your legs or rid yourself of pesky “numb butt” . . . here’s a list of wild and wacky sites to see:

10 Weird Museums Worth Stopping For (Allstate)

So, what’s on the list?

Everything from Bad Art (Boston) to Bananas (Mecca, CA)

From Dummies (Kentucky) to Einstein’s Brain (Philadelphia)

From Superman capes (Illinois) to Toy & Action Figures (Oklahoma)

From Funeral History (Houston) to Matchstick Marvels (Iowa)

From Aprons (Mississippi) to Potatoes (Idaho)

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Aah . . . that’s better!

Do you enjoy the weird and the wonderful?  The wild and the wacky?  Are any of these ten sites calling YOUR name?

Carpe Diem July 25, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Humor, Joke.
31 comments

Some days I sport a hair do . . .

Seize-the-day_

And other days a hair don’t . . .

Scruffy-Cat

Wait!  I’ve got an idea . . .

Christmas in July!

Xmas-Cat

Ho~Ho~Ho!

Aah . . . that’s better!

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