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Don’t Go Commando! July 18, 2020

Posted by nrhatch in Home & Garden, Humor, Joke.
46 comments

Hope you all had a week overflowing with laughter, good food, and amusing pastimes.

I spent the week dealing with ID Theft issues (still in progress) and a Fridge on the Fritz (now FIXED ~ yay BFF!).

AND I celebrated my birthday COVID style . . . by staying home and maintaining social distance from everyone but BFF (to be known henceforth as “the Maytag/Whirlpool Repairman”).

Despite the ID Theft issues (which caused me to be “on hold” at CHASE bank for, no joke, more than 4 hours), I found lots to laugh about this week . . . including the fact that I am NOT (normally) a CHASE customer.

In case you need to up your smile quotient for the week . . .

Aah . . . that’s better!

A Bit Of Covid Humor July 5, 2020

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, Poetry.
29 comments

COVID IS RAGING . . . MY LIFE IS A MESS
I LIVE IN PAJAMAS AND DON’T HAVE TO DRESS

I’M IN ISOLATION, JUST STAYING AT HOME
AND WOULD GIVE MY LAST DOLLAR TO BE FREE TO ROAM

I’M SERIOUSLY AT RISK (OR THAT’S WHAT THEY SAY)
TELLING ME TO STAY IN AND NOT GO OUT EACH DAY

IN MY HEAD I’M SO YOUNG THOUGH MY LICENSE REVEALS
I’M A 70-PLUS SENIOR (BUT THAT’S NOT HOW IT FEELS!)

WHEN I RUN OUT OF FOOD AND DELIVERIES ARE LATE
I HAVE TO BUY GROCERIES BETWEEN 7 AND 8

SO EARLY MORNING I HEAD OUT TO RESTOCK
AND DISCOVER A LINE WINDING ‘ROUND THE BLOCK

SOCIAL DISTANCING SENIORS ALL 6 FEET APART
MAKE ME WONDER WHEN I BECAME AN OLD FART

MY LATEST NEW OUTFIT IS GLOVES AND A MASK
AND I’M STARTING TO WONDER IF I’M UP TO THIS TASK

I WASH ALL MY GROCERIES ALL FRUIT, MEAT AND VEG
WILL THIS ADDITIONAL PRECAUTION TIP ME OVER THE EDGE?

MY BEAUTIFUL BROWN HAIR HAS WIDE ROOTS OF GREY
NO HAIRDRESSERS AROUND TO HELP WASH THEM AWAY

I’VE BEEN TALKING TO MYSELF & ANSWERING BACK
IS IT MONDAY OR FRIDAY? I’VE REALLY LOST TRACK

I’VE STOPPED KEEPING HOUSE
IT’S WEEKS SINCE I’VE DUSTED
AND I KNOW WITHOUT VISITORS
I’LL NEVER GET BUSTED

I FACETIME FRIENDS OR GROUP CHAT ON ZOOM
AND TRY TO PRETEND WE’RE ALL IN THE SAME ROOM

THANK GOD LIQUOR STORES ARE CONSIDERED ‘ESSENTIAL’
WITHOUT DAILY DRINKS THIS WOULD DRIVE US ALL MENTAL

EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE IT IS GOOD TO REFLECT
ON WHAT THIS ALL MEANS AND WHAT WE CAN EXPECT

IT’S A TIME TO BE GRATEFUL FOR ALL THAT WE’VE GOT
LIKE A WARM HOUSE AND FOOD THAT OTHERS HAVE NOT

THE BOTTOM LINE HERE
BY THE TIME THIS ALL ENDS
IS THAT WE’LL GET THROUGH IT
WITH OUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joan M.)

Put A Lid On It! May 9, 2020

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, Life Balance.
30 comments

Friday’s Super Short Stories over at Nuggets of Gold got me thinking:

Why don’t apes and chimpanzees and monkeys (our closest relatives) need periodic trims?

What did people do before hairdressers and hair salons?

Home styling?

What did people do before the invention of scissors and razors?

Did they use their teeth?
Did they sharpen shells?

Maybe it didn’t matter in the days before cameras.

And selfies.

On a related note:

I think I’d like hair like a cat ~ always neat and tidy.

No fuss. No muss.

In the meantime, I’ll be like the Cat in that Hat . . .

And put a lid on it!

 

 

 

Aah . . . that’s better!

A Spot of Humor April 21, 2020

Posted by nrhatch in Health & Wellness, Humor, Joke.
22 comments

Late-night comedy:

After protesters called for the end of stay-at-home orders, Jimmy Kimmel said, “It’s like if the Titanic was headed towards the iceberg, and half of the passengers were like, ‘Can you please speed this thing up?’”

Opening up too soon = surrendering to the virus.

Stay well by staying well apart from others.

Aah . . . that’s better!

19 COVID-19 Fluffernothings April 20, 2020

Posted by nrhatch in Exercise & Fitness, Food & Drink, Humor, Mindfulness.
23 comments

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been busy doing nothing.

What kind of nothing?

Fluffernothing ~> stuff that’s pleasant, amusing, entertaining, time-consuming without changing the trajectory of life in any significant respect.

Here’s a few (okay, 19) examples of what I mean:

1. Ken Burns documentary on Genes: An Intimate History.  Fascinating to learn that viruses (like COVID-19, but much better behaved) are useful for something, like fixing gene mutations and curing illnesses.

2. Watching Trump trumpet his displeasure at Dr. Fauci (and reporters) when they venture too close to “the truth” (while Dr. Deborah Birx rocks her scarf-of-the-day) during press briefings.

3. Jigsaw Puzzles.  We’ve done 3 (so far) ~ 24 vintage VW buses (including a Westfalia); an attic stuffed with stuff (including a vintage wedding dress); an undersea landscape featuring tropical fish and sea turtles.

4. Walking.  About an hour or so each morning.  Mostly in the hood.  Twice at the beach.  Our beaches are “closed” but walking is allowed.

5. Reading the NY Times Daily COVID-19 Briefing . . . then rewarding myself by doing the Puzzles.  My faves:  Sudoku (Easy, Medium, Hard).   Spelling Bee (like Boggle, sort of).  Set (a series of logic puzzles).

6. Blood Sugar Rising ~ a documentary on the increasing prevalence of diabetes.  Fascinating stuff.  And scary enough that I popped into my “office” to check the results of my last fasting glucose reading, breathing a sigh of relief when I saw that it was 77 (nowhere near the danger zone for diabetes).

7. ZOOM!  Two Zoom “meetings” with my siblings, siblings-in-law, nieces & nephews.  When we are all on there together, we total . . . 19!  (I seem to be seeing that number a lot.)

8. Island Papers.  We pick up 4 (or more) local papers each week to see all the things we can no longer do due to COVID-19.  Bars that are closed.  Shows that are cancelled.  Restaurants that are boarded up, subsisting (if they are lucky) on take-out and delivery.

9. Cooking and eating.  We’ve enjoyed some delicious dishes while hunkered down  at home ~ Curried Colcannon Soup, Beer Bread, Lentil Rice casserole, Banana Bread, Pesto Pasta, Roasted Veggies, Spanakopita Lasagna, Cornbread, Scalloped Potatoes, Curry with homemade Pineapple Chutney, Sweet Potato Fries, Chocolate Chip Cookies, and . . . CHOCOLATE!

10. Netflix movies.  In the last 6 weeks, we’ve seen:  The Good Liar, Dark Waters, A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, The Art of Racing in the Rain, Red Joan, The Farewell, Breakthrough, Short Circuit (from 1986), What They Had, The White Crow, The Addams Family, Ad Astra, The Breadwinner.  We are waiting for Knives Out.  It’s been at the top of my queue for weeks.

11. Following my favorite blogs and chatting in the comments.  And writing the occasional blog post.  I see that my last post was 2 weeks ago today.  Time flies when you’re “safer at home.”

12. Reading about the differences between the Spanish flu (which killed 675,000 Americans and 50 million worldwide in 1918) and the COVID-19 coronavirus. “According to National Geographic, Spanish flu killed with deadly speed, with many reports of people who woke up sick, then died on their way to work.”  At least with COVID-19, we stand a fighting chance.

13. Biking around the hood in the afternoon to clear my head of all things COVID.

14. Grocery runs when our produce stores are depleted.  Last trip, BFF brought home Asparagus, Broccoli, Carrots, Celery, Green Beans, Potatoes, Romaine, Apples, Grapes, Strawberries, Bananas.  Seeing all that glorious color on the counter made me overlook the fact that the packages might be “contaminated with COVID.”

15. Swimming in the pool.  Most of the pools in the neighborhood closed, but our association of 100 homes kept ours open for “essential” exercise and therapy, NOT for sunbathing.  Only 3 in the pool area at a time so keeping an adequate distance from others is easy.

And refreshing!

16. Following the local headlines to find out how the “Safer At Home” landscape has changed from the previous week.  Are the boat ramps open or closed?  Are the parks and dog parks open or closed?  Is the curfew (11 pm to 5 am) still in effect?  Are the schools still closed?

17. Listening to Classic Rock.  Spectrum Cable offers up 40 or 50 music stations.  Classic Rock is our favorite for Happy Hour (any hour of the day).

18. Watching the yo-yo effect of the stock market.  Up!  Down!  Up!  Down!  (I filed our 2019 taxes ~ NOT fluffernothing, but similar).

19. Accepting the “what is.”  Being adaptable to the changing landscape.  Remaining curious.

20. Staying in the moment.  Not driving past my headlights.  Maintaining optimism.

21. Meditating.  Breathing in calm.  Breathing out anxiety.  Accessing my inner peace.

Aah . . . that’s better!

So . . . how are you being?

Time To Go Grocery Shopping . . . April 6, 2020

Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Humor, Joke, Less IS More.
32 comments

I’m making a list
I’m checking it twice
I’m heading for food
I’m throwing the dice

The CDC would be so proud of me

I’m wiping the cart
I’m wearing a mask
I’m all geared up
To succeed at this task

The CDC would be so proud of me

It sees me when I’m talking
It knows when I’m awake
It knows if I have washed my hands
Before picking up that cake

So you better watch out
You better not cry
You better not skimp
I’m telling you why

The CDC is looking out for you!

Aah . . . that’s better!

Avoiding A Case Of “My Corona” March 5, 2020

Posted by nrhatch in Health & Wellness, Humor, Less IS More, People.
24 comments

New Scientist suggests that people can minimize the risk of infection from coronavirus (or the flu) by practicing “social distancing” and good hygiene:

1. Move at least a meter (or more!) away from anyone who appears ill if you can.

2. Don’t shake hands, hug or kiss people as a greeting.* (See Op-Ed Below).

3. Wash your hands often with soap and water, or use an alcohol hand rub, especially after touching surfaces that might be contaminated.

The World Health Organization (WHO) says there is no need for healthy people to wear face masks.

It also says there is no evidence that pets can get and spread covid-19, or that the virus can be passed on via letters, packages or food.

To read more:  Coronavirus: What You Need To Know (New Scientist)

* * *

* Op-Ed: Tip #2 is good advice

In my opinion, WAY TOO MANY people expect a hug, a kiss, or a hand shake when greeting others . . . even when said people are virtual strangers.

You know the type. Anytime an introduction is made, muscle memory causes them to mindlessly shove their hand forward in a gesture designed to signify, “damn glad to meetcha!”

Before you mindlessly reciprocate, think about this ~> you don’t know where that hand has been OR when said hand was last washed, if ever.  For all you know, it spent the last hour scratching/grooming/cleaning up after a troop of monkeys.

Or, you know, just one filthy monkey.

Since I’ve never been a fan of the hand shake (or of forced hugs and kisses), I’m going to use “Coronavirus Concerns” as a convenient excuse to “bow out” of hellos and good-byes involving any form of physical contact.

Henceforth and herewith, instead of shaking hands, or sharing a perfunctory hug or kiss, I’ll keep a SAFE distance, place MY scrupulously clean palms together, and give a brief nod in greeting:

IMGP3904

Namaste.

It’ll be interesting to see peoples’ reactions, especially those who (on auto pilot) shove their germ-laden mitts forward without first considering whether physical connection/ contact is (a) necessary or (b) desired.

Aah . . . that’s better!

 

Giving Starbucks A Run For The Money March 3, 2020

Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Humor.
39 comments

Panera Bread has announced a new program in its Bakery Cafes . . . unlimited coffee for $8.99 a MONTH!

MyPanera+Coffee: Unlimited Coffee Subscription for $8.99 per month.

 

There is a bit of “fine print” involved, but not too much. ~> you must join “My Panera” . . . you can only get a fresh cup of coffee every 2 hours . . . etc.

Bottom line:  If you’re a coffee drinker who lives near a Panera, you might want to stop in and check out this bottom-less cup deal.

Especially if you look like this in the morning:

Or like this:

When you would rather look like this:

Or like this:

Aah . . . that’s better!

Garbanzo Bean Dip February 9, 2020

Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Humor, Vegetarian Recipes.
22 comments

Garbanzo Bean Dip

1 (or 2) 14 oz. cans of garbanzo beans, drained & rinsed
4 oz. can Hatch green chiles, drained (Hot or Mild)
2-4 Tbsp. vegan mayo
2-3 oz. parmesan or romano, grated
1/4 c. chopped parsley (dried is OK)
2-3 cloves crushed garlic

Smash the beans in a food processor.  Dump into a bowl and stir in the other ingredients.  Adjust as needed ~ e.g., start with less and add more if needed. Sometimes less is more.

If you want a bit more “heat” ~ add crushed red pepper flakes or cayenne. Here, too, sometimes less is more.

Time permitting, refrigerate a few hours or overnight to let the flavors meld.  (But it’s delicious even when scarfed down/ served straight away.)

To serve warm, bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes (or so).

Or microwave for 2-3 minutes.

Or serve it cold.
Or at room temperature.

Your dip/spread.  Your choice.

Serve with crackers or sturdy chips.

Aah . . . that’s yummy!

The Best & The Worst February 7, 2020

Posted by nrhatch in Home & Garden, Humor, Life Balance.
36 comments

Before we enter the “real world,” many of us join the labor force on a part-time basis to earn spending money to supplement the meagre allowances doled out by parents on Saturday mornings . . .

In our family, the four of us each got $1 a week, but only after we’d weeded the gardens, mowed the yard, and slopped the hogs.

Or scooped up dog poop from the dog’s run.  Or washed the cars.  Or emptied the dishwasher.  Or shoveled the driveway.  Or cleaned the bathrooms.  Or completed any other onerous chores dreamed up and assigned to us.

Realizing that I needed more than $1 a week in spending money caused me to look beyond the confines of my parents’ home and garden.

My first part-time gig in high school involved “babysitting” for neighbor kids.  I loved it!

They played or watched TV while I did homework. After finishing my homework, I played or watched TV with them, supervised dinner and bath time, readied them for bed, and then read to them.  Fun and easy.

Plus, I loved being in charge!

Eventually, my desire for cash caused me to look outside the neighborhood for supplemental income.  And boy did I luck out!  My 3 favorite part-time jobs included:

1.  Test Monkey at Bell Laboratories (testing phone reception).  I sat in a booth, listening.  And making notations on a sheet of paper.  No manual labor involved.  Nice!

2.  Beertender at the Hoi Polloi (college bar) ~ listening to local bands (and drinking beer) for free while serving up draft beer (for $0.50) to fellow students, including crushes.  The tips were great AND we got a meal ticket to use at the Wigwam.  Each golden ticket covered ALL the food we could fit on the tray ~ a huge club sandwich, fries, drink, dessert, etc.  Enough for me and a few friends!  The only downside of the job was mopping up the ankle-deep spilled beer at 1 am.  *YAWN*

3.  Working in a snack hut at the Garden State Arts Center ~ listening to rock concerts for free.  After intermission, we inventoried our sales, closed the snack huts, and sat on the lawn to listen to the main acts, which included Stephen Stills, Dave Mason, ELO, Chicago, the Moody Blues, Seals & Croft, Loggins & Messina, the Eagles, Hall & Oates, etc..  If we didn’t get scheduled to work on the night of a good concert, we got into the venue for free by telling the ushers (our friendly co-workers) that we were picking up our checks.  The fact that we had 2-3 friends with us never seemed to faze them.

But life is not always a bowl of cherries, ripe for the picking.  I also got hired for two part-time jobs I hated.  Both involved selling on commission.

1. Distributor of Exam Survival Kits on campus ~ the kit included candy, snacks, and a Crammer Hammer (an inflatable hammer that stressed students could smack against the side of their head to relieve stress and cram knowledge into over-stuffed brains).  My job was to distribute kits around campus during final exams, receiving a solid $0.10 for each!  After receiving $400 for distributing 4,000 kits, I resigned.  In comparison, selling Girl Scout Cookies could be viewed as a get-rich-quick scheme.

“Here! Let me hit you with my Crammer Hammer!”

2.  Still worse was my short stint as a Fire Safety Consultant ~ selling fire safety equipment door-to-door.  I made a total of two presentations.  The first to parents of my best friend who declined to order safety ladders for their bedroom windows for one good reason ~> they lived in a single-story ranch.   My second (and last) presentation, to a neighbor who had been a volunteer firefighter for years, convinced me to quit.  Half-way through my preamble, he asked to see the stats/hype I’d been “sold” by the company.  As we went over them together, he demonstrated to me that I’d been brain-washed by the “party line.”  With that, my consulting days were done.

But all’s well that ends well.

Needing something to do for the rest of the summer, I got a job as a cashier at Becker’s Hardware . . . where I met BFF.

Aah . . . that’s better!

What’s the best part-time gig you ever had?  Or the worst?  Do tell.