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It’s National Margarita Day! February 22, 2019

Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Humor.
20 comments

I have it on good authority that February 22nd is National Margarita Day.

Today is February 22nd.

Hence, ergo, ipso facto, today is National Margarita Day.

Now, the announcement I saw didn’t specify the nation . . . so I say “go for it!”

Aah . . . that’s better!

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Three Zebras and an Ass February 21, 2019

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Humor, Mindfulness, Word Play.
26 comments

IMGP2754bThree zebras wandered a dirt road enjoying the day, convivial conversation alternating with companionable silence.

An enormous ass ambled over to them and began to bray.  Loudly.

The ass, delighted to have an audience for his grievances, complained about the weather, the surface of the road, the cost of carrots, his mother-in-law’s tongue, the state of the barn . . .

As the ass dumped his ponderous pile of dung at the zebras’ hooves, the zebras did their best to cheer him up.

To no avail.

No matter what the zebras said, the ass insisted that HIS view of the world was the right view of the world.

Zion smiled, “At times, we must choose between being right and being happy.”

“Poppycock!  I’m happy BECAUSE I’m right!  It just annoys me when people are rude and don’t apologize for being boorish.  Why just the other day . . .  ”

With that, the ass launched another stale tale.

Ziggy grinned, “We see the world behind our eyes.”

The ass snorted, “What utter nonsense!  I see things exactly as they are.”

Zodiac pricked up his ears, “I expect you’re right . . . most asses do see things exactly as they are.”

Satisfied, the ass ambled off in search of another audience.  As soon as he was out of sight, the zebras burst into fits of convulsive laughter.

“What an ass!”

zebras

Aah . . . that’s better!

Stick With Chocolate! February 14, 2019

Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Happiness, Humor.
34 comments

Certain foods, like chocolate, may enhance your mood and relieve anxiety.

Other foods, like candy and carbohydrates, provide temporary feelings of euphoria, but may ultimately increase feelings of anxiety and depression.

My RX for this Valentine’s Day:  stick with chocolate!

With a side of flowers!

But don’t take my word for it.  To read more: 8 Scientifically-Backed Ways to Beat the Winter Blues

I’ll add a 9th Scientifically Backed Way to Beat the Winter Blues ~> LAUGH!

To get you started . . .

A guy wandering the beach found a bottle washed up on the sand.  A genie popped out and gave him three wishes:

“I want a  million dollars.”

Poof!  A million dollars.

“And a Jaguar convertible.”

Poof!  A Jaguar convertible.

“Last wish.  Hmm . . . I know!  Make me irresistible to women.”

Poof!  The genie turned him into a box of chocolates.  

Aah . . . that’s better!

Time Flies! February 9, 2019

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Life Balance, Mindfulness.
24 comments

Times Flies!

Lucky for you . . . you’re the pilot!

Aah . . . that’s better!

“I’m Bored!” February 5, 2019

Posted by nrhatch in Home & Garden, Humor.
36 comments

I learned early on that complaining to mom about being bored would back-fire.

Big Time.

Mom did not feel that it was her job to entertain us.

Her job was to feed us, clothe us, chauffeur us to doctor’s appointments, and admonish us if our moral compass fell short of the mark.

It was our job to entertain ourselves.

That’s why she had four kids.  So we could amuse each other.

Want to know what happened if we vocalized “I’m Bored!” around mom?

She would give us a chore to do.  Options on her hit list included: scrubbing toilets, weeding the garden, ironing handkerchiefs, cleaning up dog poop, etc.

Aah . . . that’s entertainment! 

The Loneliest Number February 2, 2019

Posted by nrhatch in Home & Garden, Humor, Less IS More, Life Balance.
34 comments

The other day, the rains reminded me of heading to the bus stop in the pouring rain during elementary and high school. Armed with nothing more than school books to cover our heads, we would stand stoically in the downpour until the bus came to pick us up.

Why didn’t we take umbrellas?

Umbrellas were few and far between in our house.

Six people.  One umbrella.  You do the math.

A few parents took pity on their progeny by driving them to the bus stop and allowing them to dwell within the confines of the car and avoid the relentless condensation just outside the window.

Winning a seat in one of those waiting vehicles was a big win!  So it paid to be friendly with ALL the kids that shared the bus stop so they would be inclined to roll down the window and invite you to join them.

Yes!  SCORE!

Umbrellas were not the only staple in our household that remained in perpetually short supply.  We also had ONE stapler for 6 of us.  And ONE tape dispenser.  And ONE pair of scissors . . . too blunt to be of any real use.

When the power went out, as it was wont to do during summer storms, we had ONE flashlight . . . and lots of candles!

My mother also rationed tissues.  Around the house, we had 4 tissue dispensers.  One in the kids bath.  One in the master bath.  One in the powder room.  One in the kitchen.  But only the kitchen dispenser reliably dispensed tissues.  The bathroom dispensers were empty more often than not.

Maybe my mother fixated on the number ONE because she was an only child? That could be it.  Or maybe she just never stopped long enough to do the math?

No matter.  I have just the opposite philosophy when it comes to household staples, even though I am in all other respects a firm advocate for the “less is more” philosophy.

Between us, BFF and I have:  6 flashlights, 5 tissue boxes (all filled), 4 umbrellas, 3 scissors, 2 tape dispensers . . . and ONE stapler!

Because, after all, it’s a rare household that needs more than one stapler at a time.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Foxes With Sockses January 27, 2019

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Word Play, Writing & Writers.
35 comments

Learning the English language is challenging.  It is filled with pitfalls and minefields that constantly keep us on our toes . . . whether or not we are hanging around with a Fox wearing Socks or a Cat in the Hat.

The following poem is not my original work, but it’s too cute not to share . . .

OK, class, let’s Start:

We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.

One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?

If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother, we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.

“No wonder Dr. Seuss always had such FUN!”
Said the Cat in the Hat to Thing 2 and Thing 1.

Aah . . . that’s better!

An extended version: The English Lesson, by Richard Krogh

Florida ~ Home of the Brave January 19, 2019

Posted by nrhatch in Gratitude, Happiness, Humor, Joke.
36 comments

BFF and I attended a jazz concert (guitar, bass, percussion) this week.

In Sarasota.
At mid-day.

As the price was right (FREE!), the auditorium was packed, with no vacant seats.

While welcoming the multitude of guests to the venue, one of the musicians expressed his sincere appreciation that the crowd had “braved the weather” to attend the concert.

The weather we braved?

Why it was absolutely wicked ~> in the mid-50’s and only partly sunny!

Aah . . . that’s Florida Funny!

What’s In Your Skillet? January 15, 2019

Posted by nrhatch in Animals, Humor.
24 comments

Growing up, our Great Danes ate just like Marmaduke . . . chowing down on their food while spitting out the pills.

Other dogs, like Daisy, are opportunistic . . . and prefer people food.  I wonder if she’s ever had a Dagwood?

Pets . . . gotta love ’em!

Aah . . . that’s better!

Hocus Pocus . . . Lost My Focus! January 9, 2019

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, Mindfulness.
21 comments

While wandering around Toon Lagoon, we bumped into Hildegarde who had bumped into a light pole after what must have been a rather bumpy ride.

Hocus Pocus . . . she musta lost her focus!

And so did this pilot!

He going to need a good stiff drink after that landing!

Looks like he’s come to the right place!

Aah . . . that’s better!