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Astral Projection February 9, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Magick & Mystery.
24 comments

Fantasia2Astral Projection sounds like a skill worth having ~ allowing us to be both HERE and THERE.

Per my recent research, there are exercises we can practice to become more adept at sending a drone or watcher out into the world.

However “the ability to make the astral body appear to others as a solid, physical object” (i.e., body-double) “is an advanced technique that takes a great deal of skill and concentration.”

If I make any headway with the practice, I’ll report back.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Related post:  In Both Places At One Time (Kate Shrewsday) * Padre Pio ~ Bilocation

Dr. Geezer February 6, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Health & Wellness, Humor, Joke.
37 comments

Woodstock-&-Snoopy3An old geezer became bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign outside that said:

Dr. Geezer’s Clinic
All treatments:  $500
No cure:  I’ll give you $1,000!

Doctor Young, who was positive that the old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000.

Dr. Young: “Dr.Geezer I have lost all taste in my mouth.  Can you please help me?”

Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.”

Dr. Young:  “Aaagh !! That’s Gasoline!”

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”

Annoyed, Dr. Young leaves, but returns in a couple of days to recover his money.

Dr. Young: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”

Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

Dr. Young: “Oh, no you don’t . . . that’s Gasoline!”

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”

Dr. Young, determined to get his $1000 back, returns a few days later with a new ailment.

250px-New_Orleans_City_of_Old_Romance_and_New_Opportunity_Crop_p_23_MoneybagsDr. Young: “My eyesight has become weak ~ I can hardly see anything!”

Dr. Geezer: “Hmm . . . I don’t have any medicine for that.  Here’s $1000.”

With that, Dr. Geezer hands Dr. Young a $10 bill.

Dr. Young: “Hey!  This is only $10!”

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back.  That will be $500.”

Moral:  Being Young doesn’t mean you can outsmart an Old Geezer.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Bonus Tip: Don’t make old people mad. We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to tick us off.

Enjoy your day!!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

What Would You Do? February 1, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Life Balance, Mindfulness, People.
59 comments

The-Pink-PantherThe Hypothetical:  A neighbor you’ve been friendly with for 6 years has turned decidedly frosty toward you.  You don’t know why.  You’re certain that you did nothing directly to her that should have caused the change of heart.  But whenever you see her and smile or wave, she looks right through you . . . with a frosty glare.

What would you do?

Donald-Duck-MadA.  Angrily confront her and demand an explanation:

“Who the hell do you think you are?  I’ve been nothing but nice to you and you look at me like I’m a “dog deposit” left in the middle of your driveway!”

B. Ignore her back:

“I’ll see your frosty stare.  And raise you a . . . cold shoulder.”

C.  Collapse into a puddle of tears, effectively putting the keys to your happiness in her pocket.

Donald-Duck-BaseballD. Try to open up the channels of communication:

“Hey.  I’ve noticed that you seem a bit frosty towards me in recent interactions.  I can’t think why.  Is it something we should talk about at some point?”

E. Laugh & talk about her behind her back with anyone who will listen:

“OMG!  She is being a total bitch to me.  Every time she gives me her prune face I want to burst out laughing.”

Donald-DirectorF. Nothing.  If she wants to talk about it, let her broach the discussion.

G. Move.

H. Other.  Be as creative as you want here!

So . . . what would you do?

 

Before deciding ~> Breathe * Relax * Feel * Watch * Allow.

Instead of pushing, pulling, or trying to manipulate the actions of others, we can adopt an attitude of “cheerful indifference” as we allow things to be as they are.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Related posts:  Good Enough (Roxi St. Clair) * Self Acceptance (Find Your Middle Ground)

 

 

 

It’s All In The Family January 30, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
31 comments

Homer-MexicanDan was a single guy living at home with his father while working in the family business.

Since he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife to share his good fortune.

One evening at an investment seminar, he spotted a beautiful woman who took his breath away.

During a break, he introduced himself.

“I may look like a regular guy but in a few years when my father dies I will inherit $200 million.”

Betty-BoopImpressed, the woman asked for his business card.

Three days later, she became his step-mother.

Now that’s what you call Financial Planning!

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

How To Tell The Sex of A Fly January 23, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
36 comments

200px-Musca_illustrationA woman walked into the kitchen and found her husband standing around with a fly swatter.

“Hey, Rick.  What are you doing?”

“Hunting flies.”

“Kill any?”

“Yep, 3 males, 2 females.”

“Really? How can you tell them apart?”

“Easy.  Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

Playing Tug-Of-War with Elephants January 19, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Humor, Life Balance, Mindfulness.
35 comments

2015-03-04 14-23-45_0027Having had more than a few “dark days” when my sense of humor was MIA, I’ve learned to stop wrestling with thoughts that threaten to drown me in the abyss.

Instead of playing a losing game of tug-of-war with elephants, I “let go” of my end of the rope and walk away.

Trusting the Universe to unfold as it should until I am once again ready to steer into the wind.

Aah . . . that’s better!

“A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It’s jolted by every pebble on the road.”  ~ Henry Ward Beecher

Hot To Trot January 16, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Animals, Humor, Joke.
39 comments

200px-CucciolobluA dog lover, whose female dog was in heat, agreed to look after her neighbor’s male dog while the neighbors were on vacation.  She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.

On the first night, as she was drifting off to sleep, she heard howling and moaning downstairs.

She found the dogs locked together and unable to disengage, as often happens when dogs mate.

Unable to separate them, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.

grumpy_thinkingAfter hearing the problem, the vet said, “Hang up the phone and place it alongside the dogs. I will call you back. The phone’s ringing will cause the male to lose his erection and he’ll be able to withdraw.”

“Really?  You think that will work?”

“It worked when you called me!”

Aah . . . that’s better! 

Source:  e-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.) 

Our Lady of Perpetual Displeasure January 13, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Life Balance, Mindfulness, People.
46 comments

IMGP3881On a walk, uplifting thoughts fell on stone deaf ears.

Happiness comes first to those who are already smiling.

Blind to the good, Our Lady of Perpetual Displeasure mined a ponderous pile of grievances and gripes to regale with stale tales.

How refreshing the whinny of a pack horse fully unloaded! ~ Classic Haiku

Sometimes the teacher appears before the student is ready.

Aah . . . that’s better!

As shown by the parable of the Chinese Farmer, it pays to develop a “Maybe Mind”

 

 

Expectations Are Not Obligations January 11, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Mindfulness, People.
45 comments

220px-TaleofPeterRabbit8Some people get annoyed when their expectations aren’t met.

As if their expectations gave rise to a corresponding obligation on the recipient’s part.

Silly rabbits!

Life doesn’t work that way.

Expectations are nothing but fluff and stuff, based on mere opinions about how the world “should” be.

And, for the more grandiose among us, how it would be . . .
3D-Ape

“If only people would consult with us before acting like poorly educated baboons, dearth of common sense.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

I am patient with stupidity, but not with those who are proud of it. ~ Edith Sitwell

I’m Dying Here . . . January 9, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, People.
30 comments

250px-New_Orleans_City_of_Old_Romance_and_New_Opportunity_Crop_p_23_MoneybagsA lady died in January.  Her credit card company billed her for the annual service fee in February.

In March and April, the bank added late fees and interest to the charge.  The balance, which had been $0.00 when she died, now approached $60.00.

A family member placed a call to the bank.  “Hi.  I’m calling to let you know my aunt died in January.”

After some back and forth, the bank’s representative said, “I’m sorry, but the account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.”

The nephew chuckled,”Maybe you should turn it over to collections.”

Missing the humor, the bank rep said, “Since it is two months past due, it already has been.”

170px-Suushi_Yurei“So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?”

“Either report her account to the fraud division or report her to the credit bureau.  Maybe both!”

“Do you think God will be mad at her?”

“Excuse me?

“Did you get what I was telling you – the part about her being dead?”

“Sir, you’ll have to speak to my supervisor.”

Supervisor gets on the phone.

The nephew says, “I’m calling to tell you, the account holder died back in January with a $0 balance.”

“The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.”

170px-PuckCover“You mean you want to collect from her estate?”

“(Stammer) Are you her lawyer?”

“No, I’m her nephew.”

“Could you fax us a certificate of death?”

“Sure.  What’s your fax #?”

After the bank gets the fax:  “Our system just isn’t setup for death. I don’t know what more I can do to help.”

“Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won’t care.”

“Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.”

“No doubt.  Would you like her new billing address?”

“Sure. That might help.”

Hobbes“Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69GR.”

“Sir, that’s a cemetery!”

“Yup.  What do you do with dead people on your planet??”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  e-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.) 

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