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King Arthur & The Ugly Old Woman August 27, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, People.
30 comments

RWS_Tarot_01_MagicianKing Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom.

The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur’s youth and ideals.

The monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question.

Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question . . . What do women really want?

Such a question would perplex even the wisest man.  To young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch’s proposition to have an answer by year’s end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old ugly woman.  She would have the answer, but the price would be high.  The woman was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged for her wise counsel.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the old woman. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.

The old ugly woman wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur’s closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur’s life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the woman answered Arthur’s question thus:

What a woman really wants . . . is to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone in the kingdom knew that the woman had uttered a great truth and that Arthur’s life would be spared.

And so it was.

The neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the ugly woman had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.

The young beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared ugly, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and a beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day . . . or at night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament.

During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old ugly woman?  Or, would he prefer having a hideous woman during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

What would YOU do?  Make YOUR choice before you scroll down.

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Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

Mickey-and-Minnie-kissUpon hearing this, she announced she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

The moral to this story:

If you don’t let a woman have her own way . . . things are going to get ugly!

Aah . . . that’s better!

Patience Pays Off August 3, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Mindfulness, People, Travel & Leisure.
40 comments

TucanNormally I write more during the summer months.

Because I can write inside.

In air-conditioned comfort.

Avoiding the blazing hot tropical sun during scorching H~O~T mid-day hours.

But not this summer.

This summer I’ve spent hours inside getting back into Bridge.

It’s a great game.

My favorite.

But learning all the ins and outs of counting cards, bidding, communicating with partners, and playing finesses with finesse is time-consuming.

That’s OK.

Being impatient with the here and now adds to our suffering.

Mickey-LoungingLearning to go with the flow and allow life to unfold without futile attempts to push the stream pays big dividends.

Patience pays off as we pursue our pursuits.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Related post:  How To Be Patient (Raptitude)

 

An Amazing Super Power June 18, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Mindfulness, People.
40 comments

Donald-Duck-MadOnce, when trapped on an elevator in the courthouse with a VERY ANGRY person who was spewing venom at a judge who had just ruled against him (as his “sister” nodded along and kept the vituperative juices flowing) . . . I decided to use my most amazing super power in a death-defying feat.

First, I stated the obvious:  “You said the F-word.”

Then I flashed a B~I~G grin.

Donald-Duck-LaughingInterrupted mid-tirade, he swiveled in my direction, glared at me, opened his mouth to tell me to mind my own fucking business . . . and then the grin on my face registered and he burst out laughing!

Humor may not be able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, but it can diffuse the ticking time bomb of ANGER with a single grin.

Aah . . . that’s better!

The Tip of the Iceberg June 15, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Mindfulness, People.
35 comments

220px-PinocchioIt’s hard enough to know people we spend time with on a daily basis since we see only the tip of the iceberg.

Much of who they are is hidden below the water line.

It is next to impossible to know people we’ve never met . . .

Setting aside speculation based on fertile imagination.

Once we stop analyzing others to find their “fault lines,” we often realize that who they are is not an issue we need to tackle.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Related posts:  In Which A “Doofus” Makes Himself Known In The Colonoscopy Waiting Area (Ally Bean); Taming the Mammoth: Why You Should Stop Caring About What Other People Think (Wait But Why)

 

 

A Cyber Elf On The Shelf June 9, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Less IS More, People.
47 comments

Ringling Museum 006bI don’t do much shopping on-line (or at brick and mortar stores).

When I do, I’ve noticed products stalking me in sidebars.  It’s like having a Cyber Elf on the Shelf peering over my shoulder monitoring my every move.

I don’t appreciate it.

That type of constant intrusion is one reason I closed my FB account.

And why I won’t buy a smart phone.

And why I don’t shop at grocery stores that require shoppers to use a Savings Card to take advantage of Weekly Specials.

IMGP1786bI don’t want grocery stores, Cyber Elves, Ma Bell, or Big Brother tracking my purchases.

I don’t need creepy cyber clowns or Homeland Security agents to keep tabs on my whereabouts.

As long as I know where I am and what I’m doing, that’s enough!

And, now, while Big Brother is watching you, I’m going to make a run for it!

Aah . . . that’s better!

Related post:  Stalked By Facial Recognition Doohickeys (Coffee Kat)

 

We Had a Field Day on Field Day! May 25, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Exercise & Fitness, Happiness, People.
47 comments

105px-Hopscotch1900F294.svgJill’s post about school recess periods, We’re Free, brought back happy memories of playing on the playground in grade school:

Kick Ball.  Dodge Ball.  Tether Ball.  Hop Scotch.  Jump Rope.

Remembering those good times on the playground reminded me of our annual Field Day event.

We had a Field Day on Field Day!

Instead of sitting in class, classes assembled outside to run fast, jump high, and compete for ribbons in Olympic caliber events on the track and in the field:

We enjoyed egg-spoon races, 3-legged races, wheelbarrow races (steering human wheelbarrows by the ankles), long jump, high jump, tug-of-war (where even the winners walked away with rope burn), and all manner of mad dashes.

As energy levels flagged, teachers lined us up in facing rows for the Egg Toss.

Not to be confused with the Caber Toss or Hammer Throw:

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At first, mere inches separated the two long rows of intent students facing one another.  With each successive toss, successful teams had to take another step back before launching their oval missiles.

Eventually the chasm was too wide to cross with a gentle toss and the eggs got scrambled.

Egg Toss (in Public Domain)

Rather like Humpty Dumpty.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Did you celebrate Field Days in your school?

The More The Merrier, But . . . May 14, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Less IS More, Life Balance, People.
29 comments

The more the merrier, but . . .

The bigger the group, the harder it is to get around and talk to everyone without missing something or someone.

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“Hey, where’s Linda?”

As conversations merge and shift, with incomplete threads whipping about in the wind, edges blur and the end result may be just out of focus.

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That’s why it’s important to take time to recharge your batteries after a gathering of the clan ~ it restores clarity.

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Aah . . . that’s better!

Meeting People For The First Time May 11, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Mindfulness, Nature, People.
32 comments

We went to Heritage Village in Largo on a gorgeous spring day.  Our moods matched the weather ~ sunny and bright.

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We enjoyed our interactions with the docents and other visitors.

With no reason to look through the cloudy lens of past experience, we could just enjoy the NOW as we toured historic buildings.

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We didn’t have any stale baggage (or barrels) to cart around because we shared no history.

Our interactions were new NOW.

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No grievances, resentments, disappointments or expectations marred our view or caused us concern about the future.

We engaged for the first (and last) time without a backwards glance.

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When we bring that same level of alert curiosity to our every day encounters, everything is new NOW.

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No man steps into the same river twice ~ for it is not the same river and he is not the same man. ~ Heraclitus

Aah . . . that’s better!

Snooty Snotty Sneering Snobs! May 9, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, People, Word Play.
34 comments

The-Pink-PantherI don’t care for snooty attitudes.
People like that just seem snotty to me.

“Here! Have a Kleenex!”

Most of the time, I find snotty attitudes more amusing than upsetting.

Donald-Duck-LaughingIf a snooty snotty sneering snob “looks down on me,” I happily retaliate . . .

By laughing my ass off at them.

Especially if I know their snottitude cost them a commission!

If someone gives you a “hard time” or a “bad review,” do you consider the source before allowing their opinion to ruffle your feathers?

Mickey-OKWe cannot control others.

We can control how we choose to view them . . . with anger or compassion, with amused detachment or frustration.

We can choose NOT to be offended.

Aah . . . that’s better!

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.  ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Related:  Shopping for Tile: A Tale of Snobbery and Comeuppance (Ally Bean) * How To Thicken Your Skin (RoughWighting)

Don’t Be Loopy! April 21, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, People.
46 comments

Donald-DuckaWhen people expect me to listen, I want them to have a point . . . and reach it.

I’ve been in conversations with folks who set out in one direction, veer off into another, take a detour, drop into a digression . . .

All without EVER circling back to the initial point.

Donald-Duck-BaseballEven when I remind them of their starting point (because I was paying attention to what they were saying even if they weren’t), they still can’t complete the loop.

They’re just LOOPY!!!!

The worst off-topic rambler I know calls on the phone and chats non-stop for an hour or so.

She meanders this way and that without ever culminating a thread.Donald-Duck-Lazy

She’s definitely more focused on the “journey” than the destination.

I used to try and steer her back to topics of interest, but that just prolonged the call without unearthing any morals to her stories.

Now I just let her go (like the Energizer Bunny) while I recline on the bed, close my eyes, and R~E~L~A~X.

Donald-DirectorSince there is NO PRESSURE to respond or come up with interesting tidbits for discussion, it’s almost like meditating and watching the “clouds” float by.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Related:  The Art of Timely Communication (Coffee Kat)

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