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“Hunger Never Saw Bad Bread.” April 11, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Humor, Vegetarian Recipes.
28 comments

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“Hunger never saw bad bread.” ~ Benjamin Franklin.

Ben was so right!  Man cannot live by bread alone . . . but it’s a start!  Here’s two quick breads ~> Ben Franklin’s Beer Bread and Irish Soda Bread.

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Eat all you want . . . then make more!

Aah . . . that’s better!

A Message From Queen Elizabeth II April 9, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, People.
44 comments

220px-Shackleton's_Ship_Quest_1921To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:

In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for the Presidency of the USA, and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence.

Effective immediately . . .

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour,’ ‘favour,’ ‘labour’ and ‘neighbour.’ Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix ‘-ize’ will be replaced by the suffix ‘-ise.’ Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.

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2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ”like’ and ‘you know’ is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter ‘u” and the elimination of ‘-ize.’

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

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4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not quite ready to be independent.

Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can’t sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you’re not ready to shoot grouse.

5. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

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9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth – see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

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10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one’s ears removed with a cheese grater.

11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

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12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

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Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

It’s Not Delivery! April 7, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Happiness, Health & Wellness, Humor.
48 comments

2015-03-21 13-06-16_0002The Pizza Project is still going strong.

So are we.

That got me thinking . . .

Would it even be possible to O.D. on pizza?

I doubt it, but let’s ask Luigi!

“Hey, Luigi!”

“Hey, my little pizza paisano . . . que pasa?”

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“Luigi, have you ever met anyone who ate too much pizza?”

“No.  Datsa, how you say . . .  an oxymoron.”

“Thanks, Luigi!”

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So, there you go . . . there’s no such thing as too much pizza.  Mangia!

Aah . . . that’s better!

Cryonics April 5, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Magick & Mystery, Mindfulness, Nature, Spirit & Ego.
36 comments

300px-MortTim Urban (Wait But Why) wrote a terrific post about Cryonics ~ Why Cryonics Makes Sense.

After explaining what Cryonics is (and isn’t), Tim counters many of the moral, religious, and scientific objections people have raised to the experimental practice.

If you’re even remotely interested in the topic, his well-researched post is worth reading.

If you want to read it right now, go ahead.  Death waits for no man!

OK . . . let’s continue.

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By the end of the article, it’s clear that Tim sees no downside to pressing the “pause” button on death . . .

His conclusion doesn’t seem “silly, gullible, or selfish” to me . . . given his current beliefs about life and death.

But I don’t share his beliefs.

And I do see two downsides to Cryonics that he didn’t explore:

(1) Tim starts the post with an Either/Or scenario ~ Either stay on the plane and go down in flames OR grab the experimental parachute and cross your fingers that you land in a better place.

If those are only two options, grabbing the parachute might seem like a no brainer.

And, for an atheist, like Tim, those may be the only two options to consider.

250px-Astronaut-EVATim sees death as The End.

As a result, he’s satisfied that “being alive is a lot more interesting than being dead.”

But what if he’s wrong?
What if death is not The End?

What if being dead is a lot more interesting than being alive?

What if Cryonics means you’re pressing the pause button on what might be an amazing “after life” experience?

Cryonics means hanging around in suspended animation in a tub of liquid nitrogen for “eons” waiting for technology to advance far enough so that science can un-pause you so you can rejoin the living.

As amazing as that experience might be (assuming all goes as planned), maybe we don’t have to wait.

Maybe death is an immediate transition to something better.

Do you still want to grab that parachute?

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(2) Cryonics is about preserving and resurrecting the brain ~ based on the assumption that “who we are” is encapsulated there.

But what if that’s not where “we” are?

What if the preservation and resurrection of the brain is not synonymous with the continuation of “me”?

I’m convinced that we are not the thoughts that we think, the emotions that we feel, or the memories that we cherish.

I’m satisfied that there is more to “me” than that.

What if that “something more” (spirit) doesn’t cooperate when we press pause? What if our inner essence flies the coop before we land in the Cryonics tank?

What if “me” is M.I.A. once my brain is “brought back to life”?

What if I grab the experimental parachute, jump into the tank, hang around in suspended animation (with Tim) for eons waiting for the future to arrive, only to find that I’ve landed in a strange landscape with no friends, no money, no home, no job, no bank account, and no . . . “me”?

Donald-Duck-DivingEven though I don’t view Tim as being “silly, gullible, or selfish” in his decision to jump into the Cryonics pool, joining him in the vat just doesn’t appeal to “me.”

Then again, if “me” flees and flies off into the light to enjoy an amazing life after life experience . . . what do “I” have to lose?

Aah . . . that’s better!

7 Reasons Retirement Rocks! April 2, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Gratitude, Happiness, Humor, Joke.
39 comments

Mickey-LoungingRetirement rocks!

At last, I have everything I wanted as a teenager . . .

#1 ~ I don’t have to go to school or work.

#2 ~ I get to set my own allowance every month.

#3 ~ I have my own pad.

#4 ~ I don’t have a curfew.

Mickey-Surfer#5 ~ I have a driver’s license and my own car.

#6 ~ I have ID that gets me into bars and liquor stores.

#7 ~ And I don’t have to worry about getting pregnant.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

Bonus Benefit:  No Rushing Around (except to wait on the cats)!  Thanks, Kate.

 

One Thing Leads To Another March 31, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Gratitude, Humor, Magick & Mystery, Music & Dance.
38 comments

Brian-with-coffee-and-newspaperA few weeks ago, after reading ’til the wee hours, I slept late.

Instead of rushing to get ready for water aerobics, I enjoyed a cup of coffee, checked the weather, and settled in to respond to blog comments.

As soon as my butt hit the office chair, my Inner Voice piped up and told me to get off my ass and go swim.

So I did.

During the class, I learned that Nancy Donaruma (a neighbor who played with the NY Philharmonic for over 30 years) planned to give a cello concert that afternoon . . . just down the street.

We jumped at the chance to hear her play and enjoyed every note!

Before leaving the concert, a neighbor invited us to a cello recital by Nancy Donaruma at her house tomorrow, April Fool’s Day.

Mickey-OKWhen we go with the flow, listen to intuition, and allow life to unfold, we often find that we are in the right place at the right time.

No fooling!

Aah . . . that’s better!

Related:  The Paramedic Cellist (Allegro)

Snowbirds! March 29, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Animals, Humor, Nature.
44 comments

Brown Pelicans hang out in the Sunshine State year round.  That’s why they boast a perpetual bronze tan.

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Their cousins, the larger light-colored White Pelicans, visit for only a few months each winter, never staying long enough to develop tan lines.

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Like their human counterparts, White Pelicans (and other Snowbirds) fly south to avoid frigid temps and icy terrain up north.

Smart.

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Aah . . . that’s better!

Communication Is Key March 26, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, People.
37 comments

170px-PuckCoverA judge, interviewing a South Carolina woman regarding her pending divorce, asks, “What are the grounds for your divorce?”

“About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.”

“No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?”

“Concrete, brick, and mortar.”

“I mean,” he continued, “what are your relations like?”

Tiggers-R-Us“I have an aunt and uncle and 12 cousins living here in town, as well as my husband’s parents.  They’re all good folk.”

The judge took a deep breath and asked, “Do you have a real grudge?”

“No, we have a two-car carport and have never really needed one cuz we don’t have a car.”

“Please,” he tried again, “is there any infidelity in your marriage?”

Woodstock-&-Snoopy2“Yes, my son and daughter both have stereo sets. We don’t like the music – all that hip hop and rap tap – but we can’t seem to do anything about it.”

“Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?”

“Yes, every morning.”

“Every morning?”

“Yes, he gets up every morning before I do and makes the coffee.”

The judge asked, “Is your husband a nagger?”

“Oh, hell no, he’s as white as you and me!”

Little-Miss-ScatterbrainFinally, in frustration, the judge asked, “Lady, why in hell do you want a divorce?

“I don’t want a divorce.  I’ve never wanted a divorce, my husband does. The damn fool says he can’t communicate with me.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

 

The “Eh” Team March 23, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Humor, Music & Dance.
41 comments

The Canadian contingency threw a Ceileidh (pronounced Kay-Lee) for our street this month.

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A Ceileidh is a “kitchen party” full of food, fun, frivolity, and music.

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After a slide show of the Maritime Provinces, Dino took the stage for a sing-a-long . . . complete with a fiddler fiddling-a-long.

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Then Harry Chapin and Todd Rundgren took the stage to sing a few bawdy tunes for us.

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The funniest part of the evening came at the end when the Canadian contingency (a/k/a The “EH” Team) gathered for a group shot.

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It took some time to get everyone on board ~> “Let’s see, who’s missing?” . . . “Are my glasses on straight?” . . . “Where’s Louise?”

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“Hey Cam, c’mon . . . the camera’s waiting for you!”

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“So, do we have everyone?”

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“Hey . . . no photo bombing us with a full moon shot!”

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“Seriously?!  Stop talking and start smiling!”

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“OK!  That’s a Ceileidh keeper!”

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Aah . . . that’s better, eh?

Maintaining Balance March 21, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Life Balance, Magick & Mystery, Mindfulness.
37 comments

Sometimes feelings are “off kilter” because the thoughts we’ve attached to the “what is” are not balanced.

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We tell ourselves stories about how others “should” act (or how the world should be) and then get upset when reality doesn’t meet our expectations.

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If we change our thoughts, our emotions and feelings follow suit.

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Our “upset” dissipates into the ether.

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Stepping into the role of detached observer allows us to let things be as they are while maintaining our balance.

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We learn that we are stronger than we “thought.”

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Aah . . . that’s better!

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