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A Swede, A Norwegian, and A Dane August 6, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
34 comments

A Swede and a Norwegian go into a Dane’s pastry shop.

The Norwegian guy whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn’t notice.

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The Norwegian says to the Swede, “Ya see how clever ve are? You Svenskas can never beat dat!”

The Swede says to the Norwegian guy, “Vatch this, ANY Svede is smarter dan a Norske, and I’ll prove it to ya.”

RWS_Tarot_01_MagicianHe says to the baker, “Give me a cookie and I’ll show you a vunderful magic trick!”

The baker gives him the cookie, which the Swede promptly eats.

Then he says to the baker: “Give me anudder cookie for my magic trick.”

The poor Dane is getting suspicious, but he gives him a second cookie.  The Swede eats this one too.

Then he says again: “Give me one more cookie . . .”

The baker is getting angry now, but hands him a third cookie.  And, yes, the Swede eats this one too.

Now the baker is really mad, and he yells: “OK . . . And now where is your famous magic trick?”

“Look in da Norvegian’s pocket vere you’ll find all three cookies, uneaten und good as new!”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

Patience Pays Off August 3, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Mindfulness, People, Travel & Leisure.
40 comments

TucanNormally I write more during the summer months.

Because I can write inside.

In air-conditioned comfort.

Avoiding the blazing hot tropical sun during scorching H~O~T mid-day hours.

But not this summer.

This summer I’ve spent hours inside getting back into Bridge.

It’s a great game.

My favorite.

But learning all the ins and outs of counting cards, bidding, communicating with partners, and playing finesses with finesse is time-consuming.

That’s OK.

Being impatient with the here and now adds to our suffering.

Mickey-LoungingLearning to go with the flow and allow life to unfold without futile attempts to push the stream pays big dividends.

Patience pays off as we pursue our pursuits.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Related post:  How To Be Patient (Raptitude)

 

Peter Piper Packed A Picnic August 1, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Humor, Travel & Leisure.
33 comments

It’s August!  Time to plan a picnic before Labor Day comes and goes, heralding winter woes.

Picnics aren’t just for grilling and chilling in the backyard.

Pack a picnic to eat at the beach, in a park, by a waterfall, or in a glade.

Picnics aren’t only for lunch.

Consider a breakfast picnic (muffins, croissants, fresh fruit, granola, yogurt parfaits, juice and a thermos of coffee).

Don’t forget the Bloody Mary’s.

What about packing a cocktail party picnic with finger foods (chilled shrimp, lobster rolls, pinwheel wraps, cheese and crackers, crudités with dip, hummus and pita, fruit or veggie kabobs).

Or plan a desserts only picnic.  Perfect for the cookie monsters in your life.

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To keep things cold:  freeze bottles of water or fruit juice to pack around the food.  Once the food is gone . . . bottoms up.

To assist with clean up:  bring wet wash cloths in snap-top containers or zip-top baggies to wash off sticky fingers and faces.  Keep them cool in the cooler to enjoy chilled cloths for heat relief!

While you’re at it, stash sunscreen in the cooler ~ it will feel cool going on and its active ingredients won’t break down in the heat.

If you’re toting food in a backpack, use a straw to inflate bags holding chips and other crumb-prone items to keep them from being smashed to smithereens.

Don’t forget to bring bags for garbage and recycling.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Sunnyside Up July 30, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
30 comments

Grumpy gusThe residents of Sunnyside assisted living center live in small apartments, but eat in the central cafeteria.

One morning, Joe didn’t show up for breakfast so I went upstairs and knocked on his door to see if  everything was OK.

I could hear him through the door and he said he was running late and would be down shortly.

An hour later Joe still hadn’t arrived in the dining room so I went to check on him again.  I met him halfway down the stairs, with a death grip on the handrail; he was having a hell of time getting his legs to work right.

“Joe, I’m going to call an ambulance.”

“No, no, don’t do that.  I’m not in any pain.  I’m hungry and just want to have some breakfast.”

So I helped him the rest of the way down the stairs and into the dining room.

After he finished eating, he tried to return to his room but was unable to get up even the first step.  At that point, he agreed to let us call an ambulance.

Mickey-OKAn hour later, we called the hospital to see how Joe was doing.

The receptionist said, “Oh, he’s fine.  Nothing serious.  He just had both of his legs in one leg of his boxer shorts.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

10 Weird & Wonderful Museums July 27, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Art & Photography, Humor, Travel & Leisure.
40 comments

If you’re taking a road trip this summer and need to get out and stretch your legs or rid yourself of pesky “numb butt” . . . here’s a list of wild and wacky sites to see:

10 Weird Museums Worth Stopping For (Allstate)

So, what’s on the list?

Everything from Bad Art (Boston) to Bananas (Mecca, CA)

From Dummies (Kentucky) to Einstein’s Brain (Philadelphia)

From Superman capes (Illinois) to Toy & Action Figures (Oklahoma)

From Funeral History (Houston) to Matchstick Marvels (Iowa)

From Aprons (Mississippi) to Potatoes (Idaho)

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Aah . . . that’s better!

Do you enjoy the weird and the wonderful?  The wild and the wacky?  Are any of these ten sites calling YOUR name?

Carpe Diem July 25, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Humor, Joke.
31 comments

Some days I sport a hair do . . .

Seize-the-day_

And other days a hair don’t . . .

Scruffy-Cat

Wait!  I’ve got an idea . . .

Christmas in July!

Xmas-Cat

Ho~Ho~Ho!

Aah . . . that’s better!

Talking Dog For Sale July 23, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Animals, Humor, Joke.
45 comments

A guy is driving around the back woods and he sees a sign in front of a broken down, shanty-style house: “Talking Dog For Sale.”

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

Pluto-HappyThe guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking dog sitting there.

“You talk?” he asks.

“Sure do.” the dog replies.

“So, what’s your story?”

The dog looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.”

Pluto-Rollerskating“I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.

“I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m retired.”

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

The owner says, “Ten dollars.”

Pluto-SnoozingThe guy says, “This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?”

“Cause he’s a liar.  He ain’t never done any of that shit.  Ain’t never even been outside this yard.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source: E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

The Finger Is Not The Moon July 21, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Magick & Mystery, Meditation, Mindfulness.
34 comments

Chinaman-fishingTruth has nothing to do with words.
Truth can be likened to the bright moon in the sky.
Words, in this case, can be likened to a finger.

The finger can point to the moon’s location.
However, the finger is not the moon.

To look at the moon, it is necessary to gaze beyond the finger, right?

The Laughing Hotei

snoopy-&-linus-pumpkin-path“I am a finger pointing at the moon.  Don’t look at me; look at the moon.” ~ The Buddha

“Barn’s burnt down.  Now I can see the moon.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

A Wake Up Call July 19, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Magick & Mystery, Mindfulness.
39 comments

Tigger-Looking-At-His-TailOur fundamental unchanging nature is happiness.

Not happiness for a reason.
Happiness for no reason.

Happiness for “a reason” is conditional on the external.

Eeyore-SittingEgo believes it will be happy when it achieves X, Y, or Z.

But as soon as Ego attains the object of its desire, Ego wants more.

Ego always wants more.

Moreover, even if Ego gets what it wants (money, power, fame), Ego isn’t happy because it’s afraid that it will lose it.

  • A chef with two Michelin stars wants three.
  • A chef with three Michelin stars is fearful of losing a star.

Instead of enjoying the journey of cooking, both chefs are focused on the destination of external (and arbitrary) applause, accolades, and acknowledgment.

Donald-DuckaIt is impossible to be happy NOW if we are caught up in the notion that we need something more than we have before we can be happy.

But we can be happy.
Right here.  Right now.

Nothing is standing in our way.

All we have to do is wake up to the truth of our fundamental unchanging nature.

Donald-Duck-BaseballWe are Spirit.  Spirit is happiness.  We are happiness.

Pure, unconditional happiness.
Happiness for no reason.
Happiness that no one can take away.

Happiness which arises of its own accord whenever we shift our perspective from the Ego’s point of view to the more expansive point of view of Spirit.

When we identify with Spirit, rather than Ego, “it’s all good.”  Our innate nature exudes happiness no matter what.

Mickey-OKThe what is, is . . . and it’s OK.

We realize we don’t need anything to be other than it is for us to be happy.

Here, Now.

All we have to do is wake up.

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”What are you ~ a god, an angel, a saint?”
“No,” replied The Buddha, “I am A-W-A-K-E.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Outwitting Insomnia July 16, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Health & Wellness, Humor, Joke.
32 comments

Donald-Duck-LazyI developed a trick to outwit my erstwhile bedtime companion, Insomnia:

Me:  “C’mon . . . just try.”
Insomnia:  “No.”

“C’mon.  Just close your eyes and go to sleep.”
“No.”

“It will feel good.  I promise.”
“No.”

Huey,-Dewey-And-Louie

“C’mon.  Just do it for me.”
“No.”

“Please?”
“No.  I’m not tired.”

“Please. Just. Close. Your. Eyes.”
“No.”

“Yes!  I’m tired!  I want to go to sleep.”
“No.  I’m busy.”

“Hmm . . . okay, Insomnia.  I’ve got an idea.”

Donald-Duck-BaseballDubious, skeptical, yet intrigued, Insomnia raises an eyebrow in my direction.

“What do you have in mind?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

Donald-Director“That’s right.  Since you don’t want to go to sleep, let’s meditate instead.  Let’s let go of thought and focus on the magic power of Ohm . . . . . .”

“ZZZZZZZZZ”

Works like a charm!

Aah . . . that’s better!

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