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Playing Tug-Of-War with Elephants January 19, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Humor, Life Balance, Mindfulness.
35 comments

2015-03-04 14-23-45_0027Having had more than a few “dark days” when my sense of humor was MIA, I’ve learned to stop wrestling with thoughts that threaten to drown me in the abyss.

Instead of playing a losing game of tug-of-war with elephants, I “let go” of my end of the rope and walk away.

Trusting the Universe to unfold as it should until I am once again ready to steer into the wind.

Aah . . . that’s better!

“A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It’s jolted by every pebble on the road.”  ~ Henry Ward Beecher

Hot To Trot January 16, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Animals, Humor, Joke.
39 comments

200px-CucciolobluA dog lover, whose female dog was in heat, agreed to look after her neighbor’s male dog while the neighbors were on vacation.  She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.

On the first night, as she was drifting off to sleep, she heard howling and moaning downstairs.

She found the dogs locked together and unable to disengage, as often happens when dogs mate.

Unable to separate them, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.

grumpy_thinkingAfter hearing the problem, the vet said, “Hang up the phone and place it alongside the dogs. I will call you back. The phone’s ringing will cause the male to lose his erection and he’ll be able to withdraw.”

“Really?  You think that will work?”

“It worked when you called me!”

Aah . . . that’s better! 

Source:  e-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.) 

Our Lady of Perpetual Displeasure January 13, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Life Balance, Mindfulness, People.
46 comments

IMGP3881On a walk, uplifting thoughts fell on stone deaf ears.

Happiness comes first to those who are already smiling.

Blind to the good, Our Lady of Perpetual Displeasure mined a ponderous pile of grievances and gripes to regale with stale tales.

How refreshing the whinny of a pack horse fully unloaded! ~ Classic Haiku

Sometimes the teacher appears before the student is ready.

Aah . . . that’s better!

As shown by the parable of the Chinese Farmer, it pays to develop a “Maybe Mind”

 

 

Expectations Are Not Obligations January 11, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Mindfulness, People.
45 comments

220px-TaleofPeterRabbit8Some people get annoyed when their expectations aren’t met.

As if their expectations gave rise to a corresponding obligation on the recipient’s part.

Silly rabbits!

Life doesn’t work that way.

Expectations are nothing but fluff and stuff, based on mere opinions about how the world “should” be.

And, for the more grandiose among us, how it would be . . .
3D-Ape

“If only people would consult with us before acting like poorly educated baboons, dearth of common sense.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

I am patient with stupidity, but not with those who are proud of it. ~ Edith Sitwell

I’m Dying Here . . . January 9, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, People.
30 comments

250px-New_Orleans_City_of_Old_Romance_and_New_Opportunity_Crop_p_23_MoneybagsA lady died in January.  Her credit card company billed her for the annual service fee in February.

In March and April, the bank added late fees and interest to the charge.  The balance, which had been $0.00 when she died, now approached $60.00.

A family member placed a call to the bank.  “Hi.  I’m calling to let you know my aunt died in January.”

After some back and forth, the bank’s representative said, “I’m sorry, but the account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.”

The nephew chuckled,”Maybe you should turn it over to collections.”

Missing the humor, the bank rep said, “Since it is two months past due, it already has been.”

170px-Suushi_Yurei“So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?”

“Either report her account to the fraud division or report her to the credit bureau.  Maybe both!”

“Do you think God will be mad at her?”

“Excuse me?

“Did you get what I was telling you – the part about her being dead?”

“Sir, you’ll have to speak to my supervisor.”

Supervisor gets on the phone.

The nephew says, “I’m calling to tell you, the account holder died back in January with a $0 balance.”

“The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.”

170px-PuckCover“You mean you want to collect from her estate?”

“(Stammer) Are you her lawyer?”

“No, I’m her nephew.”

“Could you fax us a certificate of death?”

“Sure.  What’s your fax #?”

After the bank gets the fax:  “Our system just isn’t setup for death. I don’t know what more I can do to help.”

“Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won’t care.”

“Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.”

“No doubt.  Would you like her new billing address?”

“Sure. That might help.”

Hobbes“Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69GR.”

“Sir, that’s a cemetery!”

“Yup.  What do you do with dead people on your planet??”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  e-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.) 

The Ephemeral Grin of the Cheshire Cat January 7, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Humor, Life Balance, People.
40 comments

220px-AdvertYoungsTheHatterVictorianEraBridgeportCTI enjoy being around people who are vibrant, upbeat, and happy.

Who look at the positives at least as long as the negatives.

Who can engage in intelligent conversation.

And silly banter.

In the same laugh-riddled breath.

Without getting tangled up in pointless linguistic briars.

Who don’t stress and obsess about this, that, and the other thing.

Or even nothing at all.

* Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused. ~  Unknown

Cheshire_Cat_TennielI tend to avoid those who choose to play the part of “perpetual victim.”

Without ever attempting to stand on their own four feet.

Or who try to manipulate me with strategic weapons (e.g., guilt, fear, carrots, or compliments).

While wearing insincere grins.

As ephemeral as that worn by the Cheshire Cat.

Before it vanished into thin air.

* Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed. ~ Alexander Pope

Aah . . . that’s better!

The Unblocked Mind January 5, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Life Balance, Meditation, Mindfulness.
40 comments

Donald-DuckaWhen we are imprisoned by stale thoughts and emotions, we are not free.

When we are blocked by fear, guilt, anger, resentment, etc., we are not free.

But we are both jailer and jailed.

We hold the keys.

Mainspring_wind-up_keys

We can choose to “let go” of anything that no longer serves us whenever it suits us.

We carry around so many memories, intentions, and concepts in the pockets of the mind. Keep emptying your pockets. ~ Writing on Water, Mooji

The unblocked mind is free to flow like a river, the wind, a breath, or a cloud with no hesitation.

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. ~ Lao Tzu

The unblocked mind hears the heart when it whispers . . . Just Flow.

IMGP3885

Aah . . . that’s better!

Puddle Fishing January 2, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
32 comments

220px-OldBeggar1It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of the little Irish pub.  An old man sat beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water.

A curious gentleman asked what he was doing.

“Puddle fishing,” replied the old man.

“Poor old fool,” thought the gentleman, so he invited the old man to have a drink in the pub.

Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their pints, the gentleman asked :

“And how many have you caught today?”

IMGP3282b

“You’re the seventh.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  e-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

A Few For “The Bucket” December 31, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Humor, Magick & Mystery.
46 comments

I crossed a few items off my Bucket List in 2015.  And not just mundane stuff, like traipsing through IKEA for the first (and last) time . . . real stuff which gave us a chance to explore new-to-us vistas, venues, and adventures.

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At the Florida Railroad Museum, we went on a train ride . . . to nowhere.  In a vintage rail car.

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We chose to sit in the AIR-CONDITIONED lounge car for the hour long trip from Here to There and back again.

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As the journey unfolded, we noticed an “elephant graveyard” filled with side cars that had been side-lined.

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We toured the Henry B. Plant Museum in Tampa where Teddy Roosevelt stayed with some of his rough riders at the turn of the last century.

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We wandered around Boca Grande on Gasparilla Island the day before the Gasparilla Inn and Golf Course opened for seasonal snowbirds.

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The greens (and blues) invited us to linger longer.

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This mission’s shady courtyard invited us in.

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On our way home, we stumbled across the Hatch Gallery in Placida.

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And another charming cottage gallery in Placida . . . which gave me an idea for Halloween (see below).

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But before we get there . . .

Did you hear the one about the pirate, the cat, and the vulture?

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Me neither!  I always thought pirates preferred parrots the way gentlemen prefer blondes!

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Well, if pirates can reject standard stereotypes, so can I!  So I dyed my hair purple for Halloween.

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So what if it looked more mauve than purple . . . I didn’t want to stop traffic!

Let’s see . . . what else?  Oh, yeah . . . I won a Hula Hoop Contest.

My secret weapon?  No other contestants!

And I went snow tubing.  In flip flops!  At a Taste of Chanukah.

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After sliding down the slippery slope of snow and landing in a slush pit at the bottom, I refueled by noshing on potato knish and latkes.

Woot!  Woot!

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We joined a Full Moon Meditation on the beach to create positive intentions and to release bad habits . . . by setting fire to them!

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It’s working!  Now I always know what to do . . . except when I don’t.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Natural Resolutions & Remedies December 29, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Gratitude, Health & Wellness, Humor.
30 comments

If your New Year’s Resolutions focus on Health and Wellness, here are a few natural remedies to consider:

catlady

Turmeric has been touted as a “brain health miracle.”

I’m not surprised.

I’ve eaten turmeric and curry for most of my 121 years.

And my memory is still as sharp as a pillow.

* * *

237px-Kustodiev_Merchants_Wife

I’ve heard that 2 Tbsp. of lemon juice or apple cider vinegar may aid digestion.

That makes sense to me given the enzymes and the acid which help to break down ingested matter.

But life is uncertain . . .

So eat dessert first!

OPA!

* * *

Mickey-OKAnd last, but not least . . .

Switching the broadcast from “gripes” to “gratitude” ALWAYS pays B~I~G dividends.

Gratitude magnifies happiness.

And it’s HEART healthy.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Related posts:  Calcium in Plant-Based Diets (PCRM); Honey & Cinnamon (Snopes)(great for everything from colds to cancer); Space for Gratitude (Find Your Middle Ground)

 

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