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Possessions Can Possess Us October 28, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Home & Garden, Humor, Life Balance, People.
31 comments

Possessions can possess us.

The more we have, the less freedom and mobility we have.  And the more time and energy we need to spend taking care of our . . . “stuff.”

It’s hard to journey through life if we are overloaded with baggage.  We travel best when we travel light.

How refreshing the whinny of a pack horse fully unloaded! ~ Classic Haiku

Aah . . . that’s better!

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#SpamRight October 25, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Blogging, Humor, Joke.
23 comments

Hey Spammers!

You’ve been clogging up my Spam filter again.

Akismet is smart . . . you will not get past Akismet’s Spam filters without putting a bit more effort into your Spam messages.

Instead of spreading the word, you’ll just end up trapped in the can, man.

Here are a few tips on what to do if you want to #SpamRight:

#1 Choose an on-line name that looks like a name . . . not a hashtag on crack.

#2 Choose a photo for your avatar.  It doesn’t have to be of a person, but using a shadowy silhouette is shady and attracts suspicion.

#3 Speak English if you are attempting to comment on a blog written in English.

#4 Ditto for other languages.

And if you really want to #SpamRight . . .

#5 Do NOT include 47 links to the same suspect site in your comments.

Aah . . . that’s better!

 

“Wanna Hang Out?” October 23, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Less IS More, People, Travel & Leisure.
23 comments

As teens, we knew how to “hang out” ~ something to eat, something to drink (iced tea or something stronger), and something to focus on while yakking.

We played pool, ping-pong, and Pong.

We played Boggle, Scrabble, Thistle, Cribbage, Yahtzee, Master Mind, Battleship, Backgammon, Bridge.

When the weather was pleasant, we played volleyball, badminton, Frisbee, croquet.

We shot hoops ~ Around the World or H~O~R~S~E.

(Left to our own devices, we did NOT play dodge ball or crab soccer ~ we left those tortures to the school gym teachers.)

We worked on Crossword Puzzles and Jigsaw Puzzles ~ including a 12-foot-long scrolling crossword I received for Christmas one year.

We took turns playing the guitar and choosing the next album to listen to ~ Frampton, Aerosmith, Boston, Bad Co., Bowie, The Eagles, ELO, Bob Seger, Dave Mason, Bread, Eric Clapton, George Harrison, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Springstein, Skynyrd, Little Feat, Pure Prairie League . . .

So many great tunes in the 70’s!

On Thursday nights, we hosted impromptu “Hatch Basement Parties” for anyone available.  Easy preparation:

✔Beer
✔Pizza
✔Chips
✔Dip

Done!

Aah . . . that’s better!

 

Old Menus October 21, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Humor, Less IS More, Travel & Leisure.
17 comments

I get a kick out of old menus . . . both the description of the food AND the historic prices.

In 1970, we toured Washington DC and Williamsburg as a family, spending two days in DC (the Smithsonian, the Supreme Court, the White House, the Treasury, the Mall), two days in Colonial Williamsburg, and a day at Thomas Jefferson’s home, Monticello.

While in Williamsburg, my parents took us to lunch at the King’s Arms Tavern, considered at the time an expensive place to dine.

Check out these prices from the menu I saved:

Peanut Soup . . . $0.45 a cup or $0.65 a bowl

Virginia Ham Sandwich . . . $1.35

Pecan Pie . . . $0.55

Aah . . . soup to nuts for just peanuts!

 

Practice Makes Perfect October 19, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Exercise & Fitness, Gratitude, Happiness, Humor.
28 comments

It’s amazing the impact that some people have on our lives.

In the fifth grade, in the winter when it was too cold to go outside during gym, we did tumbling and rope climbing.

Lacking proficiency in both, I often “forgot” my gym clothes so I would not have to participate.

When I got my report card, with an “Unsatisfactory” in gym, my teacher, Mr. Miller, encouraged me to try harder.  Since I had a crush on him (until he broke my heart by moving to some far off island in the American Samoas), I decided to try harder.

I began practicing at home in the basement using cushions off the love seats as tumbling mats.

After mastering the forward roll, I progressed to forward diving somersaults over 4-5 people lying side by side on the tumbling mats!

Talk about a sense of accomplishment.

Aah . . . that’s better!

In a few minutes, we can turn someone’s life around.

We can be a positive or negative influence on those around us.

We can help or hinder.

Thanks, Mr. Miller!

The Facts of Life October 17, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Less IS More, People.
30 comments

In the fourth grade, I switched from Atlantic Elementary (K through 3rd grade) to Cedar Drive School (4th – 8th grade).  I soon noticed a number of intriguing differences between the two schools.  Most notably, the presence of a small stainless steel “dispensary” on the wall of each of the girls’ bathrooms and locker rooms.

Curious about the contents of the steel box, I slid a dime into the slot, turned the crank, and waited to see what the dispensary would dispense.

Out popped a lightweight cylindrical object, about the size of a cigar, encased in a sanitary wrapper labeled either Kotex or Tampax ~ I cannot recall which.

Not that it matters since I’d never heard of a Kotex or a Tampax before.

Hmm?

I felt a bit like Alice in Wonderland.  Curious and curiouser.

Grasping the tube in my hand, I returned to the classroom and asked my teacher, Mrs. Hettrick, to identify said object.

With a stern (but understanding) look, she took it from me, slid it into the top drawer of her desk, and said, “Remind me as you’re leaving today and I’ll  return it so you can ask your mother about it.”

Huh?

What type of conspiracy of silence was this?

At the end of the school day, I dutifully reclaimed it from Mrs. Hettrick and rode home on the school bus full of perplexing questions.  At my stop, I hopped off the bus, raced down the street, and flew into the kitchen, waving the UPO (Unidentified Purchased Object) in front of me.

“Mom, what’s this?”

With a quick glance at my brothers and younger sister, mom ushered me upstairs where we had “The Talk.”

I can describe “The Talk” for you in a single word ~> ~> ~> A~W~K~W~A~R~D.

Gagging on the “spilled beans” (and beginning to see just how “Curiosity Killed The Cat”), I escaped from mom and ran next door to Mrs. Nast’s house.

Finding her in the kitchen, I announced:

“Now I know why you adopted David and Karen!”

Mrs. Nast glanced up from her dinner preparations, mild surprise written all over her face, and said, “You do?”

“Yes!  Mom just told me how babies are made.  EWW!  That’s so disgusting!  When I get married, I’m adopting like you did.”

With an amused (but understanding) look, Mrs. Nast began to explain the Ins and Outs and Hows and Whys of adoption.

I ignored her as I revealed the source of my greatest anguish:  “I don’t understand how anyone could do that . . . FOUR times!”

Aah . . . that’s better!

On a related “facts of life” note:  In the 7th grade, I brought in an anatomically correct doll (borrowed from . . . Mrs. Nast) to use as “Baby Jesus” in the Nativity Scene.  My friends were amazed to see a doll with a penis!

Roxanne Scott, in particular, was fascinated with it.

The teacher made me take it home because of the commotion it caused.

Have You Ever Wondered Why . . . October 14, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, Word Play.
27 comments

Have you ever wondered why:

We never see the headline “Psychic Wins  Lottery.”

We leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our  useless junk in the garage.

“Abbreviated” is such a long word.

A house burns up as it burns down.

We fill in a form by filling it out.

Doctors and lawyers charge so much when they’re just “practicing.”

We call our investment advisor a “broker.”

The sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin.

We make bottled lemon juice with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid with real lemons.

We have noses that run and feet that smell.

We drive on a parkway and park on a driveway.

We called it Con-gress, and not Pro-gress.

Banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the  counters.

People recite at a play and play at a recital.

We ship by truck and send cargo by ship.

People order a Double Whopper, Biggie Fries, and . . . a Diet Coke.

Quicksand works so slowly.

Boxing rings are square.

We call the time of day with the slowest traffic “rush  hour.”

A slim chance and a fat chance are the same thing, but a wise man and a wise guy are opposites.

They sterilize the needle for lethal injections.

Drugstores make the sick walk to the back of the store to  get prescriptions filled while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Apartments are all stuck together.

Noah didn’t swat those two mosquitoes.

Sheep don’t shrink when it rains.

We don’t make planes out of the stuff they use to make the indestructible black box.

An alarm goes off by going on.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Inspiration: two e-mails from unknown authors.

This Just In . . . October 11, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Less IS More, Life Balance.
10 comments

Aah . . . Wordless Wednesday!

Less Stress . . . More Joy October 9, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Health & Wellness, Life Balance.
24 comments

Want to have a more positive outlook and get your life back into balance?

✔Do more of what really matters to you
✔Get essential things done
✔Eat when hungry, sleep when tired
✔Find time to exercise daily
✔Practice mindfulness to stay in the moment

✔Let go of excess baggage
✔Use relaxation strategies to de-stress
✔Live, love, laugh, learn

Be Here Now

Aah . . . that’s better!

Only Your Tailor Knows For Sure . . . October 7, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
18 comments

Joe had been having horrible headaches, so he went to see his doctor.

The doctor said, “Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine; the pressure causes one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is castration.”

Shocked and horrified, Joe left the doctor’s office agreeing to think it over.  In the end, he decided to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.

As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men’s clothing store and thought, “That’s what I need. A new suit.”

He entered the shop and told the proprietor, “I’d like a new suit.”

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, “Let’s see, size 44 long.”

Joe grinned, “That’s right, how did you know?”

“Been in the business 60 years!”

Joe tried on the suit, and it fit perfectly.

As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the tailor asked, “How about a
new shirt?”

Joe nodded. “Sure.”

The tailor eyed Joe and said, “Let’s see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.”

“Right again! How did you know?”

“Been in the business 60 years.”

Joe tried on the shirt ~> another perfect fit!   The tailor then asked, “How about some new underwear?”

Joe said, “Sure.  Let’s do the whole thing . . . from soup to nuts!”

The tailor eyed him up and down and said, “OK ~> size 36.”

Joe laughed, “Ah ha! I got you! I’ve worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.”

The tailor immediately shook his head, “Nope.  You can’t wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.”

Aah . . . only your tailor knows for sure!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)