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The Irish Priest December 24, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
19 comments

Donald-Duck-DrivingAn Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut.

The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says “Sir, have you been drinking?”

“Just water” says the priest.

The trooper says “Then why do I smell wine?”

The priest looks at the bottle and says “Good Lord! He’s done it again!”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

Tigger Is Gone December 21, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Animals, Gratitude, Life Balance.
75 comments

Tigger took a turn for the worse this week and we had to say good-bye to the little guy yesterday.

RIP little buddy!  (July 2004 – 12/20/2016)

We are sad, but coping . . . and hoping he is in a better place.

IMGP3904b

Sorrow is the price we pay for joy. ~ Joan Bel Geddes

What Cats Do For Us

Warm our laps * Remind us to “paws” and relax * Foster connection with other cat lovers * Turn common household objects (tissue boxes, bottle rings, and paper towel tubes) into toys * Make us more aware of squirrels, raccoons, birds, and lizards * Provide morning wake up calls * Entertain us with daring acrobatic feats and comical gestures * Make window sills and cat perches more beautiful * Keep mice and rats at bay * Make us smile and laugh * Give us cool cartoon characters * Inspire poets and playwrights (think CATS!) * Teach us how to land on our feet * Make our homes warmer and happier * Remind us that life is mysterious * Share the all-is-well experience of purring with us * Show us how to lick our wounds and bounce back * Remind us to S~T~R~E~T~C~H ourselves * Open our hearts

Aah . . . that’s purr-fect!

 

 

 

Frightful Weather ~> Movie Night! December 19, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Books & Movies, Travel & Leisure.
21 comments

Interested in Historic Preservation?

The National Trust for Historic Preservation has compiled a list of 15 movies with preservation of historic places as a central theme.

Some of the movies that made the cut will surprise you.

2016-04-06 12-05-51_0003

To check out the list: 15 Awesome Preservation-Themed Movies

Aah . . . that’s better!

On Patrol December 17, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Health & Wellness, Humor.
26 comments

The Longboat Key News shares actual police reports in its weekly paper.  One that caught my attention:

October 29

Illegal Donut Dumping

Officer Cooper made contact with the complainant in the 7100 block of Gulf of Mexico Drive who stated sometime during the night unknown persons dumped several boxes of donuts in the parking lot.  Nothing further to report.

My guess?

220px--Lena_Horne_conserves_fuel_(gas).-,_ca._1941_-_ca._1945_-_NARA_-_535820Someone’s wife found and trashed Someone’s secret stash of donuts which Someone had vowed to give up in order to comply with his wife’s edict that he:

(1) lose weight;
(2) lower his blood sugar;
(3) lower his cholesterol; or
(4) honor his wheat free resolution.

I also expect that Officer Cooper took the evidence into “custody” for safe-keeping.

Aah . . . that’s better!

The Cons of ProFlowers December 15, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Less IS More, Mindfulness, Word Play.
44 comments

I started to order a table top Christmas tree (live) from ProFlowers . . . but they wanted credit card info to pay for the order BEFORE they would reveal the shipping and handling charges.

That bothered me.

I opened a new page to see what I could find out about shipping and handling and the info was very vague . . . between $8 and $25 per shipping address.

Plus a $2.99 handling fee.

Plus a possible shipping and handling surcharge.

I expect many people feel “invested” in the purchase at that point and agree to pay whatever shipping charge appears.

Not me.

I wanted to see the total before I plunked down my credit card info . . . especially since the site was so vague about what the charge might be.

So I backed out of the site without buying anything.

A few days later, I decided to check whether my caution had been warranted.

Donald-DuckaWOW!

I am glad I didn’t complete the purchase at ProFlowers ~ as I read through the reviews I ConCluded that a ProFusion of customers were ConCerned with the ProHibitive add-on charges revealed only after they had ProVided ProFlowers with a ConVenient credit card number.

In some cases, the ConCealed charges, once revealed, DOUBLED the cost of the order!  Other customers complained about the shoddy ConDition of delivered items, mentioning missing vases, bent stems, etc..

I’m ConVinced I’ve never seen so many negative 1* reviews ConGregating together in cyberspace before.

Perhaps ProFlowers has more Cons than Pros.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Seriously, Smiles? December 13, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Art & Photography, Happiness, Humor, People.
32 comments

grumpy_thinkingIn old photos, dating back to the 1820’s, few subjects smiled.

Some have conjectured that the lack of smiles correlated with the lack of dental care . . . or the long exposure times.

A recent article in TIME magazine suggests that it had more to do with the mores of the day:

Experts say that the deeper reason for the lack of smiles early on is that photography took guidance from pre-existing customs in painting—an art form in which many found grins uncouth and inappropriate for portraiture. Though saints might be depicted with faint smiles, wider smiles were “associated with madness, lewdness, loudness, drunkenness, all sorts of states of being that were not particularly decorous,” says Trumble.

And since most photographs had professional photographers behind the lens, they called the shots:

. . . high-end studio photographers would create an elegant setting and direct the subject how to behave, producing the staid expressions which are so familiar in 19th century photographs. The images they created were formal and befitted the expense of paying to have a portrait made, especially when that portrait might be the only image of someone.

So when did we start smiling in photos?

With the rise of snapshot photography!

“Take the camera out of the professional and put it into the hands of the snapshot photographer and then they can do whatever they want” says Gustavson.

Aah . . . that’s better!

To read more:  Now You Know:  Why Do People Always Look So Serious in Old Photos?

Gesundheit! December 10, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
41 comments

BoobsA man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table.  He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back.

“Oh my, I am so sorry,” the woman said as she popped her eye back in place. “Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.”

They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together.  Afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks.  They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his.  She listened with interest.  After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.

They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!

“You know,” he said,”you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?”

“No,” she replied.  “You just happened to catch my eye.'”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

Seriously, Spam? December 7, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Blogging, Humor, People.
34 comments

While taking out the Cyber Trash this week, I stumbled upon this gem in my Spam Folder:

448px-Alice_05a-1116x1492Did you just create your new Facebook page? Do you want your page to look a little more “established”? I found a service that can help you with that.

They can send organic and 100% real likes and followers to your social pages and you can try before you buy with their free trial. Their service is completely safe and they send all likes to your page naturally and over time so nobody will suspect that you bought them.

The comment ended with a link to who-knows-where.

Unlike Alice, I didn’t wish to explore that particular rabbit hole.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Seriously, Siri? December 5, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Word Play.
27 comments

Mickey-LoungingA few days before Thanksgiving, when the temps in Florida had dipped below 60 degrees, I decided to check the weather in the islands of the Caribbean.

Since one of my nieces is temporarily stationed in St. Maarten, I started there:

“Siri, what’s the weather in St. Maarten today?

“The weather in St. Maarten is 57 degrees.”

Glancing at the thermometer on my wall, I saw that the outside temperature was 56 degrees.  Odd.

Certain that Siri was wrong, but giving her the benefit of the doubt, I asked:

Mickey-Surfer“Where is St. Maarten?”

Siri pulled up a Google map showing the island of St. Maarten, with the capital city of Philipsburg.  Great!

“Siri, what’s the weather in Philipsburg, St. Maarten.”

I watched Siri transcribe what she heard me say ~> an exact match for what I had said.

Satisfied that the failure in communication didn’t stem from my failure to enunciate, I waited for her response.

“OK.  Here’s the weather for Philipsburg, Pennsylvania for today ~ 44 degrees.”

Exercising a woman’s prerogative to change her mind, Siri had changed my request from the island of St. Maarten to the State of Pennsylvania.

I decided to switch tactics.

Mickey-In-Hammock“Siri, where is St. Maarten?”

Once again, Siri pulled up the Google map of the island of St. Maarten.   But when I asked about the weather, Siri continued to insist that the weather in St. Maarten matched the weather outside my door.

I remained unconvinced.

“Siri, is there another St. Maarten?”

“OK, here’s what I found . . .”

With that, Siri pulled up a Google map of Saint Maarten Condominium.

I clicked the map.  The map expanded to reveal that Saint Maarten Condominium is located just south of us in Naples, Florida.  No wonder the temps there were just a few degrees off from the temps right outside my door.

I decided to confirm that Siri’s weather report for St. Maarten coincided with the weather in Naples, Florida.

mr-rossi“Siri, what’s the weather in Naples?”

“OK.  The weather in Naples, Italy is 44 degrees.”

“What’s the weather in Naples, Florida.”

“The weather in Naples, Florida is 57 degrees.”

Mystery solved.

But I didn’t want a weather report for Saint Maarten Condominium in Naples, Florida . . . I still wanted the weather for the island of St. Maarten.

Mickey-OKInstead of continuing the somewhat exhausting exchange with Siri, I went to weather.com and typed in “Philipsburg, St. Maarten.”

As expected, the temps there looked awesome!

Aah . . . that’s better!

Hillary & Donald Fishing December 3, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
30 comments

Chinaman-fishingHow do you settle a presidential election when the vote is too close to call?  With a fishing contest in northern Wisconsin in January, of course!

After the final votes were counted, Hillary and Donald were deadlocked.  Instead of going through a recount, they agreed to a week-long ice fishing contest to settle the election. Whoever caught the most fish at the end of the week would be the President.

They decided that a remote frozen lake in northern Wisconsin would be the ideal place.  No observers on the fishing grounds, but both would need to have their catches verified and counted each night at 5 pm.

After Day 1, Trump returned with a total of 10 fish, Hillary came back with nothing.  Day 2 finished, and Trump caught another 20 fish, but Hillary once again came back with nothing.

That night, Hillary accused Trump of being a “low-life, cheating son-of-a-gun.” Instead of fishing on Day 3, she decided to follow him to see where he was getting the fish.

Day 3 finished up and Trump added an incredible 50 fish to his total!

The-Pink-PantherWhen Hilary said she wanted to protest his catch, the officials responsible for verifying the count said, “On what grounds?”

“He’s cheating!  He’s been cutting holes in the ice!”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)