jump to navigation

Sex For Old Time’s Sake May 7, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
35 comments

Mickey-and-Minnie-kissThe husband leans over and asks his wife, “Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.”

“Yes, I remember it well.”

“How about taking a stroll back there?  We can do it again for old time’s sake!”

“Oh Jim, you old devil, that’s a crazy idea!”  Then she grins, “OK!  Let’s Do It!”

The couple walks along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks.  They get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.

As the wife leans against the fence, the old man moves in.

A police officer, overhearing them, rounds the corner to investigate just as the couple erupt into the most furious sex he’s ever seen.

For ten minutes, they are moaning and screaming.  Then they both collapse, panting, on the ground.

After recovering, the old couple struggles to their feet and straightens their clothes.

The amazed officer decides not to arrest them for the P.D.A. (Public Display of Affection).

Donald-DuckInstead, as the couple approaches, he says, “Excuse me, but that was something else! What’s your secret to having such fantastic sex well into your 80’s?”

Still shaking, the old man is barely able to reply.

Finally he whispers, “Fifty years ago that wasn’t an electric fence . . .”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

¿Cómo se dice? . . .  May 5, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Humor, Travel & Leisure.
38 comments

fotostockchameleonAt the library book sale, I picked up some colorful books on Mexico.

As I flipped through the warm and vibrant photos, I wondered what life might be like in Mexico.

Here, it is easy to fill my days.  I have more than enough to do without juggling languages.

I enjoy being near a supermarket that speaks English (even if I can’t always pronounce all the ingredients).  Shopping for groceries that are yakking at me in French, Spanish, Chinese, or Russian would be a challenge, to say the least.

Food is far too important to our health and well-being to take any chances on mixing up essential ingredients.  Imagine requesting a bar of chocolate and getting stuck with a head of cauliflower.

Quelle Horreur!

IMGP3612b

Just in case I get caught on the other side of the looking glass . . .

¿Cómo se dice? . . . chocolate cake?

IMGP1851b

¿Cómo se dice? . . . bagels?

2014-09-03 16-03-59_0015

¿Cómo se dice? . . . quesadilla con salsa?

IMGP3672

Oh, right.  Quesadilla con salsa.

Well . . . one out of three ain’t bad.  Good to know I won’t starve, but what about intellectual stimulation?

I enjoy lectures at the library, but if speakers spoke any language other than English, their thoughts would fly right over my head.  I would miss all the lovely nuances.

And, speaking of talking, I enjoy chatting with people I meet on the street, in stores, and around town without peppering every other sentence with ¿Cómo se dice? . . .

IMGP3167bI expect I would feel cut off and disconnected from reality if every conversation around me took place in a language foreign to my ears.

¿Cómo se dice? . . . mad as a hatter?

Even flipping through channels to find something to watch on TV would be far different.

Of course, watching TV is one way to learn a foreign language.

A contestant on Jeopardy this season moved to the U.S. from Russia as a child.  He learned impeccable English watching MacGyver.

He also learned how to make a bomb out of vinegar, baking soda, and duct tape.

Aah . . . that’s better!

 

A Love Like That May 3, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Gratitude, Happiness, Nature, Poetry.
29 comments

love“And still, after all this time,
The sun never says to the earth,
“You owe Me.”

Look what happens with
A love like that,
It lights the Whole Sky.”

― Hāfez

Aah . . . that’s brilliant!

Hey! Get Off Of My Dock! April 30, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Animals, Humor, Nature.
28 comments

On a gorgeous “winter” day, we headed next door to Neal Preserve.

2016-02-03 12-30-16_0010

As we walked down the dock, two Ibis gave us a watchful eye.

2016-02-03 12-30-26_0011

And then the more vocal of the two bellowed “Get Off My Dock.”

2016-02-03 12-30-33_0012

As soon as we stopped our approach, he stopped his squawking.

2016-02-03 12-30-45_0013

Aah . . . that’s better!

Green Is The New Black April 27, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Art & Photography, Humor, Sustainable Living.
34 comments

2015-10-23 13-09-10_0024

Decor Direct (in Sarasota) jumped on the eco-friendly repurposing bandwagon long before it was cool!

2015-10-23 13-09-55_0025

As a result, it acquired lots and lots of wagon wheels . . . which it transformed into terrific table tops.

2015-10-23 13-13-09_0027

Don’t need a table?  How ’bout a wagon wheel bench?

2015-10-23 13-05-00_0023

Not a fan of wagon wheels?  No problem . . . use shutters.

2015-10-23 13-13-36_0028

No room for a double-wide bench?  Consider a throne.

2015-10-23 13-13-56_0029

Sunburn woes?  No worries, mon . . . dis Tiki Hut’s got ya covered!

2015-10-23 13-16-41_0030

Aah . . . that’s Green!

Spanakopita Redux April 25, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Less IS More, Vegetarian Recipes.
26 comments

We recently revisited and revised a classic ~ Spanakopita.

To make the classic Greek dish, layer tedious layer upon tedious layer of phyllo dough to make the crust . . . AFTER slathering each tissue-paper-thin-sheet with a gallon of butter.

To save time and calories, make Spanakopita Quesadillas using fat-free tortillas in place of the phyllo/butter crust.

2016-02-07 20-06-33_0015

On Superbowl Sunday, we served Spanakopita Quesadillas with Hummus, Tabbouli, Kalamata Olives, Peppers, and Black Bean Salsa.

Here’s an EASY recipe for Black Bean Salsa:

Combine 2-3 diced tomatoes with a 15 oz. can of black beans, drained and rinsed.  Add a few dashes of dried onion, dried garlic, cumin, salt, pepper, and crushed red pepper.  Stir and chill.  Serve with tortilla chips.

Here’s an even EASIER recipe for Black Bean Salsa:

Combine a can of Ro*Tel Tomatoes and Chile Peppers (drained) with a 15 oz. can of black beans (drained and rinsed).

2016-02-07 20-06-42_0016

Spanakopita Filling for Quesadillas

Saute an onion in 2 tsp. olive oil.  Add a bag of chopped spinach or kale.  Once the onions and greens are wilted, add 2 oz. feta cheese, 2 Tbsp. grated parmeson, 1 1/2 tsp oregano (or dill), 1 Tbsp. fresh lemon juice, 1/4 tsp. lemon pepper, and 1/4 tsp. black pepper.

Spanakopita filling is also delicious mixed with rice or pasta or used as a topping for a Spinach Pizza or in Spinach Crescent Rolls (spread 2 tsp. of filling on crescent rolls before rolling and baking).

Aah . . . that’s YUMMY!

OUCH!!! April 23, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, Less IS More.
35 comments

Woodstock-&-Snoopy3A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.  The doctor comes in and says, “Ah, I see you’ve regained consciousness. Now you probably won’t remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You’re going to be OK, you’ll walk again and everything, but your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn’t find it.”

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, “You have $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don’t come cheap. It’s roughly $1000 an inch.”

IMGP1786b“So,” the doctor says, “You must decide how many inches you want.”

The man perks up as he begins to imagine the possibilities.

The doctor continues, “Since you’ve been married for over 40 years, this is something you should discuss with your wife.  If you had a five-incher before and get a nine-incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine-incher before and you decide to only invest in a five-incher now, she might be disappointed. It’s important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision.”

The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.

Mickey-and-Minnie-kissThe doctor comes back the next day, “So, have you spoken with your wife?”

“Yes I have,” says the man.

“And has she helped you make a decision?”

“Yes she has,” says the man.

“What is your decision?” asks the doctor.

“We’re getting granite counter tops.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

Don’t Be Loopy! April 21, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, People.
46 comments

Donald-DuckaWhen people expect me to listen, I want them to have a point . . . and reach it.

I’ve been in conversations with folks who set out in one direction, veer off into another, take a detour, drop into a digression . . .

All without EVER circling back to the initial point.

Donald-Duck-BaseballEven when I remind them of their starting point (because I was paying attention to what they were saying even if they weren’t), they still can’t complete the loop.

They’re just LOOPY!!!!

The worst off-topic rambler I know calls on the phone and chats non-stop for an hour or so.

She meanders this way and that without ever culminating a thread.Donald-Duck-Lazy

She’s definitely more focused on the “journey” than the destination.

I used to try and steer her back to topics of interest, but that just prolonged the call without unearthing any morals to her stories.

Now I just let her go (like the Energizer Bunny) while I recline on the bed, close my eyes, and R~E~L~A~X.

Donald-DirectorSince there is NO PRESSURE to respond or come up with interesting tidbits for discussion, it’s almost like meditating and watching the “clouds” float by.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Related:  The Art of Timely Communication (Coffee Kat)

The Power of Virtual Reality April 19, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Health & Wellness, Humor, Mindfulness.
50 comments

Happiness can be boosted merely by the thoughts we think.

Especially if we imagine riding around town with a smiling monkey in a naval uniform on the back of our bright red motorcycle!

IMGP3625

Or visualize playing catch with a friendly frog!

IMGP2751b

Or . . . insert your favorite daydream here.

250px-Astronaut-EVA

Research in the field of neuroscience demonstrates that we can expand our happiness through visualization, virtual reality, and daydreams:

Research in the field of neuroscience has shown that the part of the brain responsible for feeling pleasure – the mesolimbic dopamine system – can be activated when merely thinking about something pleasurable, such as drinking a favorite brand of beer or driving a favorite type of sports car. In fact, this research shows that people sometimes enjoy anticipating an activity more than actually doing it.

For example, reading guidebooks in advance of a big vacation and anticipating the food you’ll eat and the activities you’ll do while there could actually give you more pleasure than the vacation itself. In short, research suggests that we can be just as well – if not sometimes better – off if we imagine experiences without having them.  

So to increase happiness, spend plenty of time happily daydreaming.

If Money Doesn’t Make You Happy, Consider Time (Stanford Business)

You read that right.

Research suggests that enjoying a virtual vacation can make us happier than going on an actual vacation (with all the attendant hassles).

Donald-Director

Great news for armchair travelers with limited budgets!

2015-05-02 14-16-54_0117

Aah . . . that’s better!

Related:  Neural Pathways & Success (Find Your Middle Ground)

No Fooling Home Schooling April 16, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, People.
43 comments

Huey,-Dewey-And-LouieMany of us were HOME SCHOOLED . . .

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

4. My father taught me LOGIC.

“Because I said so, that’s why.”

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .

“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”

Donald-Duck-Driving6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

7. My father taught me IRONY.

“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

“Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

Little-Miss-Scatterbrain12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times, don’t exaggerate!”

13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out…”

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .

“Stop acting like your father!”

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

“Just wait until we get home.”

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

“You are going to get it from your father when you get home!”

Donald-Ducka18 . My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”

19. My mother taught me ESP .

“Put your sweater on.  I know you are cold.”

20. My father taught me HUMOR.

“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

IMGP3746

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.

“You’re just like your father.”

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.

25. My father taught me about KARMA .

“One day you’ll get yours . . . and have kids who act just like you!”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 2,559 other followers