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Attack Of The Killer Garage Door August 15, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Health & Wellness, Home & Garden, Humor, Life Balance.
49 comments

Goofy-Under-An-UmbrellaLast week, just before I needed to head to the dentist to get two front composite restorations and a crown, the skies opened up.

Torrential rain beat down at the brisk rate of 2.5 inches an hour.

A real gully-washer!

When the rain let up for a minute, I made a beeline for the garage.

I pressed the garage door opener on the wall.  The garage door swung up on command.

Open Sesame.

Donald-Duck-DrivingWhen I shifted the car into reverse to back out, I noticed the garage seemed rather dark.

That’s odd.

The door, exhibiting a streak of independence, had decided that it had waited in the up position more than long enough for me to exit the garage.

With silent stealth, it had come down while I was busy fastening my seatbelt and adjusting the radio and A/C.  In its defense, maybe it was trying to keep the pouring rain, still coming down at record speed, out of the garage.

Determined not to give up, I pressed the garage door remote over the visor and watched the door’s ascent.

Going up.

Excellent.  Great.  Good.  All clear.

Eeyore-under-a-raincloudI put the car in reverse, began backing out of the garage, and heard a strange sound ~ that of the garage door coming down on the roof of my Honda and holding it fast.

Crunch!

I was stuck half in and half out of the garage.

Not good.

I pushed the remote, hoping to convince the door to ascend for the third time in as many minutes.

Go up!

It ignored my request and continued its downward descent.

Not good.  

Feeling like a sardine in a tin can, I tried again.

This time, the garage door ascended long enough for me to zip out of the garage and make my escape.  (If you can call going to the dentist an “escape.”)

As rain continued to pour down, I called BFF to catch him up on the garage door’s escapade.

Tiara-CatFour hours later, I returned home with a new crown and a significantly lighter wallet.

In my absence, BFF had checked out the garage door and concluded the door, not his wife, was at fault for the mix up.  It had messed up.

Apparently the springs are lacking in tension.  We’ll need to get someone out here to tighten them up.

In the meantime, when we want the door to stay up . . . we need to apply heavy-duty industrial clamps to keep it from coming down!

Mickey-OKNow for the upside of that up and down day ~> my new crown is permanent!

Our dentist fixed me up in a single visit instead of installing a temporary crown and having me return down the road for a permanent install.

Aah . . . that’s better!

So, what’s up with you?

Outwitting Insomnia July 16, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Health & Wellness, Humor, Joke.
32 comments

Donald-Duck-LazyI developed a trick to outwit my erstwhile bedtime companion, Insomnia:

Me:  “C’mon . . . just try.”
Insomnia:  “No.”

“C’mon.  Just close your eyes and go to sleep.”
“No.”

“It will feel good.  I promise.”
“No.”

Huey,-Dewey-And-Louie

“C’mon.  Just do it for me.”
“No.”

“Please?”
“No.  I’m not tired.”

“Please. Just. Close. Your. Eyes.”
“No.”

“Yes!  I’m tired!  I want to go to sleep.”
“No.  I’m busy.”

“Hmm . . . okay, Insomnia.  I’ve got an idea.”

Donald-Duck-BaseballDubious, skeptical, yet intrigued, Insomnia raises an eyebrow in my direction.

“What do you have in mind?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

Donald-Director“That’s right.  Since you don’t want to go to sleep, let’s meditate instead.  Let’s let go of thought and focus on the magic power of Ohm . . . . . .”

“ZZZZZZZZZ”

Works like a charm!

Aah . . . that’s better!

How To Get A Good Night’s Sleep July 13, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Health & Wellness, Humor, Life Balance.
44 comments

Grumpy gusDuring the day . . .

* Rise and shine at the same time.

* Get some exercise.

* Cut out afternoon caffeine.

* Limit alcohol.

* Don’t go to bed hungry.  Don’t go to bed stuffed.

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Go to bed at the same time each night . . .

Having a schedule (e.g., 11 – 7) helps your body transition from wake time to sleep time.

As does following a certain routine.

An hour before bedtime . . .

Snoopy5* Turn off the computer, TV, and other tech devices.  No blue lights before light’s out.

* Get things set for the morning ~ put out clothes, plan or pack lunches, set up coffee, etc.

* Let it go.  Put anything circulating or percolating through your mind on your To Do List for tomorrow.

Keep a notepad by your bed for Late Breaking News and Worries.

Follow a bedtime ritual . . .

* Put on your PJ’s.  Dim the lights.  Plump the pillow.

* Turn down the thermostat.

* Do some light stretches, yoga, meditation, visualization.  Write in your journal.

At the Arch

Once in bed . . .

* Don’t read anything too “compelling.”

* Allow your thoughts to settle down.

* Let go of the day’s cares and worries.

Still awake?  

Mickey-In-HammockPractice self-hypnosis ~> Imagine walking down the stairs one step at a time . . . 10 steps . . . counting backwards . . . 9 steps . . . from ten . . .  8 steps . . . to one . . . 7 steps . . . getting . . . 6 steps . . . sleepier . . . 5 steps . . . and sleeper . . . 4 steps . . . with . . . 3 steps . . . each . . . 2 steps . . . one . . .

Aah . . . that’s better!

Do you nod off as soon as your head hits the pillow?  Or does it take time for you to settle down before you head off to the Land of Nod?

Eating & Sleeping July 11, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Health & Wellness, Humor, Life Balance.
25 comments

Eating . . .

237px-Kustodiev_Merchants_Wife

And sleeping . . .

Two great ways to punctuate
And recharge our days!

Aah . . . that’s better!

Keep On Rolling! July 7, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Health & Wellness, Humor, Life Balance, Mindfulness.
36 comments

170px-Maes_Old_Woman_DozingWe walk

on shaky ground

 

Life as we know it

can change

in an instant

 

But we can’t let

an uncertain future

stop us in our tracks

 

Like the Mighty Mississippi . . .

we’ve got to Keep on Rolling!

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Aah . . . that’s better!

Boost Your Brain Power June 27, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Exercise & Fitness, Health & Wellness, Meditation.
37 comments

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Want to have fun while boosting your smarts?  Here are 5 hobbies that may boost your brain power:

Chess#1 Playing Chess ~ raises IQ, stimulates creativity, improves memory and concentration, and helps grow dendrites.

No, no . . . not dandruff.  Dendrites.

Hurry!  Dust off the chess board.  

NOW!

#2 Reading & Writing ~ benefits cognitive abilities and creativity, relieves stress, stimulates the cerebral cortex, builds new synapses, expands vocabulary and knowledge base, and makes you better, faster, stronger, and more interesting to be around.

It does so!  Stop arguing with me and go read a book!  

220px-Alice_par_John_Tenniel_27#3 Exercising ~ reduces stress, improves blood flow to the brain (and elsewhere), releases feel-good neurotransmitters, and fertilizes the hippocampus causing it to grow bigger, better, stronger, faster.

No . . . not hippopotamus. Hippocampus.

Get out the dictionary.  Then drop and give me 20!

Woodstock-&-Snoopy2#4 Playing a musical instrument ~ listening to music is good for the brain, but playing an instrument is great for the brain since it requires both hemispheres to work together making you better, faster, stronger, and more coordinated.

I got rhythm . . . I got music . . . I got brain power . . . who could ask for anything more?

#5 Meditation ~ great for expanding learning, cognition, memory, empathy, compassion and more.

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Aah . . . that’s better!

Over And Out June 21, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Health & Wellness, Humor, Magick & Mystery, Spirit & Ego.
43 comments

Note to self:  Do NOT get in cars with old people.

Donald-Duck-DrivingI dreamt an elderly neighbor was driving me to the store.  Instead of stopping and parking, her foot stayed on the gas as the car crawled to the far edge of the parking lot.

Moving at slightly less than a snail’s pace.

Marilyn bumped into the bumper at a sensible 1-2 mph.  So slow that instead of bouncing back, the tires rose to the challenge and started climbing up and over the bumper.

Dreams being what they are, the scene transformed from a flat as a pancake parking lot in Florida to a parking lot abutting the top of a steep ravine.

Mountain-BikingAs the car kept climbing, I gauged that the gaping gorge was at least as deep as the Grand Canyon.

“STOP!  Marilyn, STOP.”

Too late.

The car went up and over the tire guard and landed on the other side.

Only one problem:  There wasn’t any land there to land on.

The car slipped toward the precipice.

Climbing out was no longer an option since the car was suspended in air, teetering on the abyss with nothing to climb out on to.

vanarsdel8I turned to get Marilyn’s reaction to our precarious situation and noticed she was already gone . . . with the dead weight of her right foot pressing on the accelerator instead of the brake.

The car continued to move forward and I felt the back tires begin their ascent over the bumper guard.

Realizing we were toast, I grabbed my cell phone and dialed.

“911 Operator.  What’s your emergency?”

“Our car is careening off the cliff behind the CVS.”

I heard her parroting into the radio:  “Dispatch ~ rescue vehicles needed at the top of the cliff behind the CVS.  Over.”

In real life, there is no cliff behind the CVS.  Just beach.  But reality never deters our dreams, does it?

She returned to the line with me: “Ma’am. Rescue vehicles are on the way. Hang on.”

“I would if I could.  But there’s nothing to hang on to.  Nothing to do at this point but relax and enjoy the ride down.  By the time help arrives, we’ll be at the bottom of the cliff, not the top.  Tell my husband . . .”

Tree-Frog-PerchedaAs soon as I realized I could do nothing to change the “what is,” calm acceptance flooded  my being.

Instead of being scared, I was curious.

Watching to see what would happen to “me” once my body ceased to be.

* * *

Of course, I didn’t even get a glimpse of what waits for us beyond the veil since I woke up mid-flight.

Scruffy-CatAs the car raced head over heels to the bottom of the ravine, I surfaced from sleep and found myself safe and sound in bed.

Instead of being happy to be alive, I felt cheated.

I wanted a sneak peek!

Aah . . . that’s better!

 

 

Penny’s Piggy Bank or Piggy’s Penny Bank? May 31, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Animals, Food & Drink, Health & Wellness.
36 comments

Meet Penny the Piggy.  She’s a fundraising mascot for Meals on Wheels.  The pennies collected in her Piggy Bank help to provide food for the elderly and other “shut ins” who can’t get out to shop.

But should we call it Penny’s Piggy Bank or Piggy’s Penny Bank?

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Either way, feeding the bank fills hungry bellies!

Aah . . . that’s better!

The Power of Virtual Reality April 19, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Health & Wellness, Humor, Mindfulness.
50 comments

Happiness can be boosted merely by the thoughts we think.

Especially if we imagine riding around town with a smiling monkey in a naval uniform on the back of our bright red motorcycle!

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Or visualize playing catch with a friendly frog!

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Or . . . insert your favorite daydream here.

250px-Astronaut-EVA

Research in the field of neuroscience demonstrates that we can expand our happiness through visualization, virtual reality, and daydreams:

Research in the field of neuroscience has shown that the part of the brain responsible for feeling pleasure – the mesolimbic dopamine system – can be activated when merely thinking about something pleasurable, such as drinking a favorite brand of beer or driving a favorite type of sports car. In fact, this research shows that people sometimes enjoy anticipating an activity more than actually doing it.

For example, reading guidebooks in advance of a big vacation and anticipating the food you’ll eat and the activities you’ll do while there could actually give you more pleasure than the vacation itself. In short, research suggests that we can be just as well – if not sometimes better – off if we imagine experiences without having them.  

So to increase happiness, spend plenty of time happily daydreaming.

If Money Doesn’t Make You Happy, Consider Time (Stanford Business)

You read that right.

Research suggests that enjoying a virtual vacation can make us happier than going on an actual vacation (with all the attendant hassles).

Donald-Director

Great news for armchair travelers with limited budgets!

2015-05-02 14-16-54_0117

Aah . . . that’s better!

Related:  Neural Pathways & Success (Find Your Middle Ground)

It’s Not Delivery! April 7, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Happiness, Health & Wellness, Humor.
48 comments

2015-03-21 13-06-16_0002The Pizza Project is still going strong.

So are we.

That got me thinking . . .

Would it even be possible to O.D. on pizza?

I doubt it, but let’s ask Luigi!

“Hey, Luigi!”

“Hey, my little pizza paisano . . . que pasa?”

2015-10-23 16-58-44_0032

“Luigi, have you ever met anyone who ate too much pizza?”

“No.  Datsa, how you say . . .  an oxymoron.”

“Thanks, Luigi!”

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So, there you go . . . there’s no such thing as too much pizza.  Mangia!

Aah . . . that’s better!

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