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Dr. Geezer February 6, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Health & Wellness, Humor, Joke.
39 comments

Woodstock-&-Snoopy3An old geezer became bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign outside that said:

Dr. Geezer’s Clinic
All treatments:  $500
No cure:  I’ll give you $1,000!

Doctor Young, who was positive that the old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000.

Dr. Young: “Dr.Geezer I have lost all taste in my mouth.  Can you please help me?”

Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.”

Dr. Young:  “Aaagh !! That’s Gasoline!”

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”

Annoyed, Dr. Young leaves, but returns in a couple of days to recover his money.

Dr. Young: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”

Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

Dr. Young: “Oh, no you don’t . . . that’s Gasoline!”

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”

Dr. Young, determined to get his $1000 back, returns a few days later with a new ailment.

250px-New_Orleans_City_of_Old_Romance_and_New_Opportunity_Crop_p_23_MoneybagsDr. Young: “My eyesight has become weak ~ I can hardly see anything!”

Dr. Geezer: “Hmm . . . I don’t have any medicine for that.  Here’s $1000.”

With that, Dr. Geezer hands Dr. Young a $10 bill.

Dr. Young: “Hey!  This is only $10!”

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back.  That will be $500.”

Moral:  Being Young doesn’t mean you can outsmart an Old Geezer.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Bonus Tip: Don’t make old people mad. We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to tick us off.

Enjoy your day!!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

V is for Visualize January 25, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Health & Wellness, Magick & Mystery.
39 comments

Close your eyes.
Visualize.

Mickey-SurferVisualize the life you want to live AS IF you’re already living it.

* See yourself hitting a hole-in-one.

* Feel yourself balancing on a paddleboard, wind in your ears.

* Picture yourself at your healthiest & happiest.

Creating new synapses helps prune away the “dead wood” that weighs us down.

No longer choked by weeds, our lives burst into bloom.

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Aah . . . that’s better!

On a related note:  How to Become a Luckier Person Overnight (Raptitude)

Natural Resolutions & Remedies December 29, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Gratitude, Health & Wellness, Humor.
30 comments

If your New Year’s Resolutions focus on Health and Wellness, here are a few natural remedies to consider:

catlady

Turmeric has been touted as a “brain health miracle.”

I’m not surprised.

I’ve eaten turmeric and curry for most of my 121 years.

And my memory is still as sharp as a pillow.

* * *

237px-Kustodiev_Merchants_Wife

I’ve heard that 2 Tbsp. of lemon juice or apple cider vinegar may aid digestion.

That makes sense to me given the enzymes and the acid which help to break down ingested matter.

But life is uncertain . . .

So eat dessert first!

OPA!

* * *

Mickey-OKAnd last, but not least . . .

Switching the broadcast from “gripes” to “gratitude” ALWAYS pays B~I~G dividends.

Gratitude magnifies happiness.

And it’s HEART healthy.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Related posts:  Calcium in Plant-Based Diets (PCRM); Honey & Cinnamon (Snopes)(great for everything from colds to cancer); Space for Gratitude (Find Your Middle Ground)

 

A Coming Out Party December 5, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Health & Wellness, Humor, Joke.
47 comments

Woodstock-&-Snoopy3The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex.  Worried the girl might become pregnant, she consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion.

He told her to convince her daughter to go on birth control and, until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother told her about her concerns and handed her a box of condoms.

The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying, “Oh Mom! You don’t have to worry about that! I’m dating Susan!”

375px-CardThisIsTheLife

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  e-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

More Joy, Less Stuff October 21, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Health & Wellness, Humor, Less IS More, Mindfulness.
54 comments

Clutter often stems from fear.  We keep things “just in case,” but at a cost.

When our homes are uncluttered, we feel calm, relaxed, and centered.

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Instead of feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, frazzled, and on edge.

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We save time and money when we shop less and enjoy what we already have.

Eliminating the extraneous makes room for the essential.

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Getting rid of what we don’t need, use, or want gives us more space to be who we want to be and do what we want to do.

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Aah . . . that’s better!

Quote to Ponder:  Until you are happy with who you are . . . you will never be happy with what you have.

Related:  Life is Easier When You Take the Stairs (Raptitude)

Yoga October 13, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Exercise & Fitness, Health & Wellness, Life Balance.
44 comments

Yoga increases flexibility, decreases pain, improves circulation and balance, elevates mood, stretches and strengthens muscles, boosts energy, and improves our over-all health and well-being.

If you’re interested in incorporating Yoga into your life, aim to learn at least ONE new pose a week.

To increase your motivation, start with something really relaxing.

Like Tree Pose.

Or Mountain Pose.

Or, better still, Dead Man’s Pose.

So simple . . . even a starfish can do it!

Starfish-in-the-water

Aah . . . that’s better!

Watch What You Eat! October 10, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Health & Wellness, Humor, Joke.
51 comments

snow_white_appleA Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa.

“The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.”

“Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.  Chinese food is loaded with MSG.”

“High fat diets can be disastrous, and most of us don’t realize the long-term harm caused by pollutants in our drinking water.  However, there is one thing we all have eaten or will eat that is the most dangerous of all. Can anyone here tell me what food causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”

Groom-&-Bride-catsAfter several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand and softly said, “Wedding Cake.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

Sustainable Eating September 21, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Health & Wellness, Sustainable Living.
39 comments

3D-CowThe best and fastest way to break out of a rut is to try something new.

Sometimes the something new we choose moo-ves us to greater simplicity and sustainability, saving us time and money.

With a few easy tweaks we can benefit ourselves AND the planet by changing our diet, our buying habits, and even how we vacation.

By way of example:

Donald-Duck-DrivingEating vegetarian meals is better for the planet.

In fact, what we eat has more impact on the environment than what we drive.

PLUS going “meatless” is better for our health, our wallets, and for the animals we would otherwise be consuming.

It’s a WIN-WIN-WIN!

When we moved from “meat” to “meatless” (circa 1997), we started small by swapping out the meat in our favorite recipes.

  • Instead of chicken curry, we made broccoli curry.
  • Instead of beef tacos, we made veggie tacos.
  • Instead of lasagna with meat sauce, we made veggie lasagna with broccoli, spinach, and grated carrot.

We found that the food tasted better and we felt better.

AND we saved money by shopping for fresh produce instead of meat.
AND cooking was less messy (without worry about cross contamination).
AND less time consuming ~ I’ve cooked Thanksgiving Dinner in an hour.

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“Every time we sit down to eat, each of us can make the world a better place simply by leaving animals off our plates.” ~TryVeg.com

To request a FREE Vegetarian Starter Guide, visit  TryVeg.com

Aah . . . that’s better!

For more menu ideas:  A Month of Meatless Meals

Make Mine Kool-Aid August 17, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Health & Wellness, Humor.
45 comments

Woodstock-&-Snoopy3After a partial hysterectomy, my doctors recommended a colonoscopy.

I agreed and did all the nasty messy prep work.

YUCK!

Drinking the Drano (a/k/a Colon-Aid) made me throw up.  Several times.  It got me coming . . . and going.

In the morning, they put me under.  Part way.  Despite the anesthesia, I moaned and writhed in pain.

OUCH!

All for naught!

They couldn’t finish because their periscope wouldn’t go past the sigmoid.

Sad-TigerWhen the anesthesia wore off, I had a headache the size of Montana. I could barely breathe.

But they weren’t done with me.

They sent me for a barium enema (which stopped up everything I had just cleaned out).

ACK!

It wasn’t fun. I will NEVER do it again.

And . . . I’m not alone:

Only one in six Americans over age 50 get the American Cancer Society’s recommended screening for colon cancer: a colonoscopy every 10 years, or a flexible sigmoidoscopy, virtual colonoscopy, or barium enema imaging every five years.

Surveys suggest that patients find the preparation – required for both colonoscopy and traditional virtual colonoscopy – to be the worst part of screening.

“A number of folks, who currently aren’t being screened because they fear the prep or aren’t willing to go through it again, may be willing to have screening if they’re told they don’t need to take laxatives and can still get a potent test,’’ said Dr. Durado Brooks, director of prostate and colon cancer for the American Cancer Society.

Good news!

There’s a new technique on the medical horizon which does not involve the dreaded laxative preparation to clear the colon:

The new technique works by using a contrast agent – a tiny amount of dye is ingested two days before the test – to highlight fecal matter in the colon, which can then be digitally erased from the scan using a software program, making it easier to see polyps.

In the study of 605 patients, published Monday in the Annals of Internal Medicine, the virtual colonoscopy was able to identify more than 90 percent of suspicious polyps that were 10 millimeters or larger, compared with 95 percent identified when the same patients later had a standard colonoscopy.

To read more:  New Kind of Virtual Colonoscopy (Boston Globe)

Tigger-BouncingIf larger studies confirm the findings, the technique could serve as a first-line screening tool for colon cancer for people who avoid screening.

Like me!

And now for a laugh out loud moment . . .

Aah . . . that’s better!

Related: Cologuard ~ At Home Non-Invasive Screening

Danger! Danger! July 27, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Exercise & Fitness, Happiness, Health & Wellness, Humor.
51 comments

Mountain-BikingA few months ago, the Sierra Club sent me a link to 6 of America’s Most Dangerous Hiking Trails.

Reading the list did NOT make me want to strap on my hiking boots.  Heat, cold, thin air, ice, bears, and snakes knocked all 6 hikes out of contention for a coveted spot on my Bucket List.

At least until I’m ready to kick the bucket.

I prefer to avoid falling rocks, unexpected blizzards, and encounters with wild and savage beasts while hiking.

At the Arch

Despite my survival instincts, I enjoy hiking to waterfalls and mountain tops.

As the path unfolds before me, I embrace movement, air, light, sound, and glorious vistas.

These days, most of our “hiking” (if you’re being charitable) takes place on the beach.  Air, sunlight, splashing waves, turquoise seas ~> BLISS!

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And nary a snake in sight!

Aah . . . that’s better!

Related posts:  When Is A Step Not A Step (My Year of Sweat) * Rock Climbing in YosemiteAn Appalachian Adventure * Would You Answer This Ad?

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