jump to navigation

Replacing Obamacare March 25, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Health & Wellness, Humor, Joke.
20 comments

The American Medical Association has weighed in on Trump’s proposed health care package to replace Obamacare:

The allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, and the neurologists thought the administration has a lot of nerve.

Meanwhile, obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while the ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

Pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body!” while the pediatricians said, “Oh, grow up!”

The psychiatrists thought the idea was madness, while the radiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing, and the internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.

The plastic surgeons opined that Trump’s proposal would “put a whole new face on the matter.”

The podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.

Anesthesiologists thought a new plan would be a gas, and those lofty cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.

In the end, the proctologists pointed out that, for now, the entire decision is in the hands of those assholes in Washington.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

5 Easy Ways To Make Yourself Miserable March 18, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Humor, Joke, People.
49 comments

Don’t worry . . . even for novices, misery can be attained with these 5 easy tips and techniques!

1.  Cling to Entitlement.  Life owes YOU.

2.  It’s ALL personal.  Ignore nothing and always assume malicious intent.

3.  Focus on problems.  Keep track of all your problems and constantly review them.

4.  Magnify.  Don’t cheat yourself out of misery by maintaining perspective.  All that negativity will eventually become your reality.

5.   Just say “No Thanks” to Gratitude.  Focus on all the ways life disappoints you and keep them in the forefront of your mind.  Discount anything that is going well in your life.

And remember . . . Misery LOVES company.

The more you share yours with others . . . the more you’ll wind up having!

Aah . . . that’s better!

Some Alarming News! March 15, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, Life Balance, Mindfulness.
26 comments

We saw the most bizarre segment on the news the other night.

The reporter, standing in the middle of the beach, surrounding by turquoise waters, blue skies, and swaying palms, was SCREAMING into her microphone:

AUTHORITIES IN THE AREA ARE ON HIGH ALERT.

SPRING BREAK FOR COLLEGES STARTS THIS WEEK.

In a futile effort to prove her point that disaster was afoot, she proceeded to interview a few folks relaxing on the beach who seemed NOT to be on high alert.

They was just chilling!

Next, she interviewed a spokeswoman for Visit Sarasota who also seemed Far Too Calm for the impending disaster looming on the horizon as she explained that rooms at the inn are far and few between from mid-February to mid-March . . . and also for Easter week.

The reporter got a bit more fodder from a police officer who explained that some spring breakers consume too much alcohol and do things they oughtn’t.

At which point, the segment swung back to the reporter SCREAMING into her microphone:

AUTHORITIES IN THE AREA ARE ON HIGH ALERT.

SPRING BREAK FOR COLLEGES STARTS THIS WEEK.

She reminded me of Chicken Little!

But as we looked around, we saw no evidence that the sky was falling.

Aah . . . that’s better!

 

 

That’s No Lurker . . . That’s BFF! March 4, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, People.
20 comments

Goofy-Riding-A-BikeOne morning, as I chatted with a neighbor in the parking lot after water aerobics, BFF pedaled slowly around the lot waiting for me to stop talking and hop on my bike to head home.

After his 3rd or 4th circuit, I waved him over, “Donna, have you met my husband, BFF, before?”

She hadn’t.

But, instead of greeting him, Donna laughed out loud. “OMG!  He’s your husband.  I thought he was a lurker!”

Amid a chorus of giggles, I started singing ~> “Lurk.  Lurk.  Lurk.  They call him a lurker.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

A $50 Lesson February 18, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
27 comments

Sally-BrownRecently, while I was working in the flower beds in the front yard, my neighbors stopped to chat as they returned home from walking their dog. During our friendly conversation, I asked their little girl what she wanted to be when she grew up.

She said she wanted to be President someday.

“If you were President, what would be the first thing you would do?”

She replied, “I’d give food and houses to all the homeless people.”

Her parents, staunch Democrats, beamed with pride!

Donald-Duck-Baseball“Wow . . . what a worthy goal!” I said.  “But you don’t have to wait until you’re President to do that!”

“What do you mean?” she replied.

“If you come here and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and trim my hedge, I’ll pay you $50. Then you can go to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out and give him the $50 to use to buy food.”

250px-New_Orleans_City_of_Old_Romance_and_New_Opportunity_Crop_p_23_MoneybagsShe thought that over for a few seconds, then looked me straight in the eye and said, “Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over here and do the work, and you can pay him the $50?”

I nodded.  “Welcome to the Republican Party.”

Her parents aren’t speaking to me anymore.

Aah . . . that’s better!

         Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

Four Husbands February 4, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
41 comments

Groom-&-Bride-catsThe local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation.

“He’s a funeral director,” she answered.

“What did your first three husbands do for a living?”

A smile came to her face and she said, “I married a banker in my 20’s, a circus ringmaster in my 40’s, a preacher in my 60’s, and now – in my 80’s – a funeral director!”

Mickey-and-Minnie-kiss“Wow . . . four men with such diverse careers.  How interesting.”

She nodded and grinned, “I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

Larissa . . . Stop Following Me! February 2, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Blogging, Humor, Joke, People.
37 comments

Tree-Frog-PerchedaA “blogger” keeps following me.

She never comments.

She just follows, unfollows, follows, unfollows, follows, unfollows . . . like a strobe light silently screaming for attention.

How do I know?

Almost every morning, I get an e-mail in my in-box that says:

Larissa . . .  just started following you on SLTW. They will receive an email every time you publish a post. Congratulations.

You might want to go see what they’re up to! Perhaps you will like their blog as much as they liked yours!

I doubt that she has actually read anything on my blog . . . she’s too busy following it!

Aah . . . that’s better! 

 

How Patriotic! January 28, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, Less IS More, Life Balance.
26 comments

Little-Miss-ScatterbrainIn the USA, shopping, spending, and buying STUFF, especially on credit, is considered patriotic.

That’s why some of the biggest sales fall on Presidents’ Day, Memorial Day, Veterans’ Day, and Labor Day.

OMG . . . Presidents’ Day is right around the corner!

Get ready . . .

Get set . . .

C~H~A~R~G~E!!!

Aah . . . that’s better!

Related post:  Financial Advice for Today’s 20-Somethings (Charles Schwab)

Plot Twist January 25, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Humor, Joke, Life Balance.
34 comments

Tigger-PogoA wise man at a lecture cracked a joke.  Everyone laughed.

He told the joke again and fewer people laughed.

He told it a third time and no one laughed.

When there was no laughter left, he smiled and said:

“We can’t laugh at the same joke again and again and again . . . so why do we insist on crying about the same thing again and again and again?”

When something bad happens, just yell “Plot Twist” and move on.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  Funny Quotes About Life (Google)

 

When Nothing Goes Right . . . Go Left January 21, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, Life Balance, Word Play.
40 comments

Food

“I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.”

“Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions.  Chocolate understands.”

“I think my soul mate might be carbs.”

“I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food!”

IMGP0971

 

Relationships

“Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.”  ~ Lily Tomlin

“Please cancel my subscription to your issues.”

“If I was meant to be controlled, I would have come with a remote.”

“Don’t like me?  That’s cool.  I don’t wake up every day to impress you.”

catlady

 

Death

“When I’m bored, I send a text to a random number saying, “I hid the body . . . now what?” ”

“Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.”

“When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.” ~ Will Rogers

“Do not take life too seriously.  You will never get out of it alive.” ~ Elbert Hubbard

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  Funny Quotes About Life (Google)