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“Don’t Smell Like Walter” September 22, 2018

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Humor, Joke, People.
19 comments

Other than a few select shows, BFF and I tend to stick with commercial free public TV.  And not just because we get to avoid commercial commentary and odious and incessant political propaganda (i.e., campaign ads).

We enjoy watching PBS because it offers up interesting fare which is less brain-numbing than prime time TV.

By way of example, we recently caught a 3-part series on the human body ~ How We Grow, How We Protect Ourselves, and How We Think.  In short, we are amazing!  Our ability to preserve homeostasis in the face of temperature changes and microscopic invaders is nothing short of miraculous.

But what about How We Smell?

Receptacles in our nasal passageways capture on-going clues about odors and aromas.  These scents and smells, once captured, signal whether it’s OK to “breathe deep” or scream out “HOLD YOUR NOSE!” (when warranted by disgusting overtones, unpleasant undercurrents, and big stinks).

If something smells really bad, we wave our hands in front of our face to chase the overtones and undercurrents away.

So . . . what does that have to do with Walter?

Well, every once in a while, TV ads add to my day, rather than detracting from it, by making me laugh out loud at the amusing wit and entertaining wisdom of the right writers.

Case in point:  Two women in the produce department at the supermarket.  One young.  One less so.  The younger one reaches for peaches as the older woman sneaks up behind her, breathes deep, and (with a nostalgic sniff) says, “Oh, you smell just like my Walter.”

The younger woman’s smile turns upside down as the voice over says, “Don’t Smell Like Walter.”

Good advice, eh?

Aah . . . that’s better!

 

 

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Great-Grandma’s Dirty Jokes September 17, 2018

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
6 comments

Since I didn’t get around to sharing a Silly Saturday joke post this week, I’m going to share three fabulous dirty jokes from TG’s Great Grandma today.

Have a Marvelous Monday!

Chasing Unicorns

My Great-Grandma Florence Jackson. “Flojack.”

I was fortunate and cursed enough to be around several of my great-grandparents while I was growing up. That’s because my family is blessed and cursed with longevity in our genes. We tend to live a long time, but when we finally expire we die of long, lingering chronic illnesses.

My great-grandma was born in 1889. She drove a crankstart Model T when she was young. It gave her a great scare when it chased her around the yard one day, after she crank-started it while it was in gear.

She made it through two great world wars, struggled through the Great Depression, and survived the Great San Francisco earthquake of 1906. So by the time I met her, she had quite a few great tales to tell.

She’d come visit us about once a year, when I was a kid, and stay several weeks…

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But I Don’t Wanna Be Homemade! August 25, 2018

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
29 comments

Six year old Annie returns home from school and says she had her first family planning lesson at school.

Her mother, very interested, asks: “Oh… How did it go?”

“I nearly died of shame!” she answers. “Sam from down the street says the stork brings babies. Sally next door said you get babies at the orphanage. Pete says you can buy babies at the hospital.”

Her mother smiles, “But that’s no reason to be ashamed.”

“Yes it is!  How can I tell them that we were so poor that you and daddy had to make me yourselves!”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

Government Contacts & Contracts August 18, 2018

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
14 comments

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House.

One is from Chicago, another is from Kentucky, and the third is from New Orleans. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The New Orleans contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.  “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $9,000. That’s $4,000 for materials, $4,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me.”

The Kentucky contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $7,000. That’s $3,000 for materials, $3,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me.”

The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$27,000.”

The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure! How did you come up with such a high figure?”

“The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$10,000 for me, $10,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Kentucky to fix the fence.”

“Done!” replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the Government operates.

It ain’t just fences that are broken in D.C.!

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

Health Alert from Fox News August 11, 2018

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
33 comments


Health Alert for Men

If you are taking Viagra, make sure the label says “Made in USA”.

We do not want the Russians meddling in our erections.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

For a related read:  Why Amerika is Great Again (Chasing Unicorns)

 

The Funeral July 28, 2018

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
26 comments

Joe passed away. His Will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral.

As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Betty, turned to her oldest friend.

“Well, I’m sure Joe would be pleased,” she said.

“I’m sure you’re right,” replied Jody, who then lowered her voice and leaned in close to whisper.  “How much did this really cost?”

“All of it,” said Betty. “Thirty thousand.”

“No!” Jody exclaimed. “I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?”

“The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church. The wake, food, and drinks were another $500. And the rest went for the memorial stone.”

Jody computed quickly.

“$22,500 for a memorial stone? My God, how big is it?!”

‘”Two and a half carats.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

Birthdays Are Good For You! July 14, 2018

Posted by nrhatch in Gratitude, Happiness, Humor, Joke.
21 comments

* About the only thing that comes to us without effort is old age.

* Looking fifty is great . . . if you’re sixty. ~ Joan Rivers

* Despite medical advances, there is still no cure for the common birthday.

* Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened. ~ Cora Harvey Armstrong

Tigger-Pogo

* Birthdays are good for you ~ the more you have, the longer you live.

* A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday, but never her age. ~ Robert Frost

* Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative. ~ Maurice Chevalier

* If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself. ~ Ubie Blake

Tigger-Bouncing

* Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.

* A man who views the world at fifty the same as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life. ~ Muhammad Ali

* No wise man ever wished to be younger. ~ Jonathan Swift

Aah . . . that’s better!

Aging With Grace! July 13, 2018

Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Happiness, Humor, Joke.
10 comments

Happy Friday the 13th to you all!

And Happy Birthday to a Special Someone:

Aah . . . that’s better!

Turbo Encabulator June 16, 2018

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
17 comments

Here’s a tongue-twister for you:

To learn more:  TurboEncabulator

Aah . . . that’s better!

3 Italian Nuns June 2, 2018

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
18 comments

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.

At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, “Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be.

The first nun says, “I want to be Sophia Loren.”

*Poof* . . . she’s gone.

The second says, “I want to be Madonna.”

*Poof* . . . she’s gone.

The third says, “I want to be Alberta Pipalini.”

St. Peter looks perplexed. “Who ?”

“Alberta Pipalini,” replies the nun.

St. Peter shakes his head, “I’m sorry, but that name just doesn’t ring a bell.”

The nun takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.  St. Peter reads the paper and hands it back to her with a grin, “Sorry, sister, you’ll have to choose someone else.  It was the ‘Alberta Pipeline’ that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months, not Alberta Pipalini.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

What?  None of them wanted to come back as Ruth Bader Ginsburg?