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Hello L. Marie! December 15, 2018

Posted by nrhatch in Animals, Blogging, Humor, Joke.
5 comments

Just a quick shout out to L. Marie . . .

I’ve made it!  I’ve made it!  It’s all about ME!

Aah . . . that’s better!

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Don’t Drink and Drone! December 1, 2018

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
10 comments

Don’t drink and drone . . .

Or you might think you’re hallucinating!

Each year in June, Superman fans gather in Metropolis for the annual Superman Celebration which features . . . a costume contest.

Aah . . . that’s better!

My Christmas Wish List November 29, 2018

Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Humor, Joke, Magick & Mystery.
43 comments

Dear Santa:

I haven’t written to you in a number of years, but I think of you often and fondly.

I hope that you and Mrs. Claus are doing well and staying warm.  If you want a warm weather Winter Break after the 25th of December, let me know.  We have a spare bedroom and the red tide should be gone by then.

Anyway, I know you’re busy so let me get to the point of this missive.  When you make out your list (and check it twice) to find out who’s been naughty or nice, I’d be ever so appreciative if you would include the following gifts for me:

1. A bottle of magic pills that will let me sleep for 8 straight hours . . . every night . . . with no side effects (other than a perpetually cheery disposition).

2. A personal chef who has mastered the art of Gluten Free Vegetarian cuisine (including delicious GF bagels, pizza, and bread) and who eschews cooking with fungi.

3. A magical scale that will let me weigh whatever I want to weigh . . . every day.

That’s not too much to ask, is it? 😀

Ho ~ Ho ~ Ho!

Merry Christmas!

nancy

P.S. I know you can’t give me a personal chef.  But a few gift certificates to same would make great stocking stuffers!

Aah . . . that’s the ticket!

Related post: Sunday’s Question! (Nuggets of Gold)

Peacocks November 24, 2018

Posted by nrhatch in Animals, Humor, Joke.
26 comments

Why did the peacocks cross the road?

I don’t know.  You tell me!

Aah . . . that’s better!

Selective Thoughts & Hearing November 17, 2018

Posted by nrhatch in Animals, Humor, Joke.
24 comments

Regaining control of the remote is a powerful habit which requires practice to master:

In contrast, getting the cat to “COME!” is a practice seldom mastered:


Aah . . . that’s better!

Gator Crossing November 10, 2018

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
28 comments

A sign in time . . .

Saves nine . . . or ten toes!

Aah . . . that’s better!

“Don’t Smell Like Walter” September 22, 2018

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Humor, Joke, People.
19 comments

Other than a few select shows, BFF and I tend to stick with commercial free public TV.  And not just because we get to avoid commercial commentary and odious and incessant political propaganda (i.e., campaign ads).

We enjoy watching PBS because it offers up interesting fare which is less brain-numbing than prime time TV.

By way of example, we recently caught a 3-part series on the human body ~ How We Grow, How We Protect Ourselves, and How We Think.  In short, we are amazing!  Our ability to preserve homeostasis in the face of temperature changes and microscopic invaders is nothing short of miraculous.

But what about How We Smell?

Receptacles in our nasal passageways capture on-going clues about odors and aromas.  These scents and smells, once captured, signal whether it’s OK to “breathe deep” or scream out “HOLD YOUR NOSE!” (when warranted by disgusting overtones, unpleasant undercurrents, and big stinks).

If something smells really bad, we wave our hands in front of our face to chase the overtones and undercurrents away.

So . . . what does that have to do with Walter?

Well, every once in a while, TV ads add to my day, rather than detracting from it, by making me laugh out loud at the amusing wit and entertaining wisdom of the right writers.

Case in point:  Two women in the produce department at the supermarket.  One young.  One less so.  The younger one reaches for peaches as the older woman sneaks up behind her, breathes deep, and (with a nostalgic sniff) says, “Oh, you smell just like my Walter.”

The younger woman’s smile turns upside down as the voice over says, “Don’t Smell Like Walter.”

Good advice, eh?

Aah . . . that’s better!

 

 

Great-Grandma’s Dirty Jokes September 17, 2018

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
6 comments

Since I didn’t get around to sharing a Silly Saturday joke post this week, I’m going to share three fabulous dirty jokes from TG’s Great Grandma today.

Have a Marvelous Monday!

Chasing Unicorns

My Great-Grandma Florence Jackson. “Flojack.”

I was fortunate and cursed enough to be around several of my great-grandparents while I was growing up. That’s because my family is blessed and cursed with longevity in our genes. We tend to live a long time, but when we finally expire we die of long, lingering chronic illnesses.

My great-grandma was born in 1889. She drove a crankstart Model T when she was young. It gave her a great scare when it chased her around the yard one day, after she crank-started it while it was in gear.

She made it through two great world wars, struggled through the Great Depression, and survived the Great San Francisco earthquake of 1906. So by the time I met her, she had quite a few great tales to tell.

She’d come visit us about once a year, when I was a kid, and stay several weeks…

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But I Don’t Wanna Be Homemade! August 25, 2018

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
29 comments

Six year old Annie returns home from school and says she had her first family planning lesson at school.

Her mother, very interested, asks: “Oh… How did it go?”

“I nearly died of shame!” she answers. “Sam from down the street says the stork brings babies. Sally next door said you get babies at the orphanage. Pete says you can buy babies at the hospital.”

Her mother smiles, “But that’s no reason to be ashamed.”

“Yes it is!  How can I tell them that we were so poor that you and daddy had to make me yourselves!”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

Government Contacts & Contracts August 18, 2018

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
14 comments

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House.

One is from Chicago, another is from Kentucky, and the third is from New Orleans. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The New Orleans contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.  “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $9,000. That’s $4,000 for materials, $4,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me.”

The Kentucky contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $7,000. That’s $3,000 for materials, $3,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me.”

The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$27,000.”

The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure! How did you come up with such a high figure?”

“The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$10,000 for me, $10,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Kentucky to fix the fence.”

“Done!” replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the Government operates.

It ain’t just fences that are broken in D.C.!

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)