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The Golf Genie March 10, 2018

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, Magick & Mystery.
27 comments

When Steve took his wife Betty to play her first game of golf, she whacked her first shot through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

Betty gasped.  “Oh, Steve!  What do we do?”

Steve cringed.  “We’ve got to go up there, find the owner, apologize, and see how much that drive is going to cost us.”

They walked up to the house and knocked on the patio door.  A warm voice said, “Come on in.”

When Steve opened the door, they saw broken glass all over the place and a broken antique bottle lying on its side near the broken window.

A man reclining on the couch asked, “Are you the people that broke the window?”

Betty said, “Uh, yes, sir.  I’m really sorry about that.  It was my first time out and . . . ”

“No apology necessary.  I’ve been trapped in that bottle for over a thousand years.  Now that you’ve released me, I’m allowed to grant three wishes.  I’ll give you each one wish if you let me keep the last one for myself.  Deal?”

Steve grinned, “Wow!  I’d like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.”

“You’ve got it.  And I’ll also guarantee you a long, healthy life!  And now you, young lady, what do you want?”

“I’d like to own a gorgeous home with servants . . . in every country in the world.”

“Consider it done.  And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary, and natural disasters!”

“Thanks!  By the way, I’m Betty.  And now, what’s your wish, genie?”

“Well, since I’ve been trapped in that bottle and haven’t been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with you.”

Betty gasped, “What if I say no?”

The genie shrugged and said, “Well, I guess your wishes won’t come true either.”

Betty mulled it over for a few moments and said, “You know, considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn’t mind having sex with a thousand-year-old genie.  What do you think, Steve?”

“OK by me, sweetheart.  If the roles were reversed, I’d do the same for you!”

So the genie and Betty went upstairs and spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other’s company.

After three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into Betty’s eyes and asked, “How old are you and your husband?”

“We’re both 35.”

“Wow!  Thirty-five and you still believe in genies?”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

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Hollywood Studios December 19, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Magick & Mystery, Travel & Leisure.
14 comments

Hoping to enjoy a bit of Mickey Magic before the holidays, we headed to Hollywood Studios.

We ran into Woody outside Toy Story Mania . . .

We enjoyed the holiday greenery . . .

And the holiday tree . . .

We checked out an active construction zone . . .

Saw 3-foot-tall dominoes standing at attention . . .

And watched the natives having more fun than a barrel of monkeys . . .

As the sun started to set, we enjoyed more holly daze decor . . .

And ended the evening with a Jingle Bell, Jingle BAM!

Aah . . . that’s better!

 

Soup Is Magic! October 3, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Magick & Mystery, Vegetarian Recipes.
35 comments

Last night I walked into the kitchen at 6 pm hoping to find something suitable for dinner and found nothing.  Nada.  Zilch.

So I got out the soup pot and started chopping and dropping. I heated the olive oil and added a chopped onion. I got out the salad fixings and chopped up some carrots and celery to toss into the pot. I grabbed a head of cabbage from the crisper and some sliced red & yellow peppers from the freezer.

While they sautéed, I gathered the remaining ingredients ~ 4 cups of water, 1/2 a jar of spaghetti sauce (rinsed clean with the water), a tablespoon of “better than bouillon,” some leftover rice and pasta.

After tasting the mélange, I decided to kick it up a notch with some curry powder.  Voilà!

“Soup’s on!”

Aah . . . that’s yummy!

 

Kingston Sun January 17, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Magick & Mystery, Poetry, Word Play.
14 comments

_0001cI woke up
The tendrils of a dream followed me
With a sound resounding in memory

I listened to the night
All quiet . . . all calm
Save the clock’s constant tick tock

Nothing to disturb my slumber

I turned over
Plumped my pillow
And began my return to Nod

Endeavor interrupted, I surfaced again
To the sound heard first in a dream
My phone’s ring tone – Kingston Sun

This time
The sound resounded
In real time

I got up and fished for my phone in the dark
One “Missed Call” . . .

Just one.

Remaning Awake & Aware November 9, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Magick & Mystery, Mindfulness, Spirit & Ego.
12 comments

Val’s recent post Shifting Allegiances caused me to re-visit the events described in Fire & Rain.  Doing so, helped me see why what we did . . . and did not do . . . made so much sense to me at the time and hence:

Donald-Duck-BaseballBeing curious instead of fearful had something to do with why we didn’t run out of the building into the pouring rain when the fire alarm sounded . . .

Instead of trying to control the situation, we trusted that our collective intuition would encourage us to move in plenty of time if we were really in harm’s way . . .

Instead of being attached to the stories swirling in our head about what the alarm “might” mean, we let go of our prejudgments and stayed in the present moment . . .

Mickey-OKAnd when it proved to be a false alarm, we were grateful that we were warm and safe and dry . . .

Aah . . . That’s Better!

”What are you ~ a god, an angel, a saint?”

“No,” replied The Buddha, “I am A-W-A-K-E.”

Trump That! October 1, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Humor, Life Balance, Magick & Mystery.
41 comments

Mickey-SurferI woke in the middle of the night, the tendrils of a dream still vivid.

My father had been mediating a dispute between mom and me regarding a matter of the utmost importance . . .

Whether I should stop wearing the shoes I had on.

When it was time for him to render his verdict and declare which of us had “logic” on our side ~ me, based on the direct personal experience of actually wearing the shoes, or mom, based on her second-hand observations about my footwear ~ he side-stepped the issue by standing up, walking a few steps away, and announcing with sage purpose:

“Trump will be out in November . . . and I’m out of here now.”

Mickey-OKAs dad drifted away, I woke up in bed, hugging his words in his stead.

Dad’s words of wise counsel allowed me to drift back to deep and peaceful slumber for the rest of the night, knowing that:

“All will be well in the end.  If all is not well, it is not yet the end.” ~ The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

Aah . . . that’s better!

The Finger Is Not The Moon July 21, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Magick & Mystery, Meditation, Mindfulness.
34 comments

Chinaman-fishingTruth has nothing to do with words.
Truth can be likened to the bright moon in the sky.
Words, in this case, can be likened to a finger.

The finger can point to the moon’s location.
However, the finger is not the moon.

To look at the moon, it is necessary to gaze beyond the finger, right?

The Laughing Hotei

snoopy-&-linus-pumpkin-path“I am a finger pointing at the moon.  Don’t look at me; look at the moon.” ~ The Buddha

“Barn’s burnt down.  Now I can see the moon.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

A Wake Up Call July 19, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Magick & Mystery, Mindfulness.
39 comments

Tigger-Looking-At-His-TailOur fundamental unchanging nature is happiness.

Not happiness for a reason.
Happiness for no reason.

Happiness for “a reason” is conditional on the external.

Eeyore-SittingEgo believes it will be happy when it achieves X, Y, or Z.

But as soon as Ego attains the object of its desire, Ego wants more.

Ego always wants more.

Moreover, even if Ego gets what it wants (money, power, fame), Ego isn’t happy because it’s afraid that it will lose it.

  • A chef with two Michelin stars wants three.
  • A chef with three Michelin stars is fearful of losing a star.

Instead of enjoying the journey of cooking, both chefs are focused on the destination of external (and arbitrary) applause, accolades, and acknowledgment.

Donald-DuckaIt is impossible to be happy NOW if we are caught up in the notion that we need something more than we have before we can be happy.

But we can be happy.
Right here.  Right now.

Nothing is standing in our way.

All we have to do is wake up to the truth of our fundamental unchanging nature.

Donald-Duck-BaseballWe are Spirit.  Spirit is happiness.  We are happiness.

Pure, unconditional happiness.
Happiness for no reason.
Happiness that no one can take away.

Happiness which arises of its own accord whenever we shift our perspective from the Ego’s point of view to the more expansive point of view of Spirit.

When we identify with Spirit, rather than Ego, “it’s all good.”  Our innate nature exudes happiness no matter what.

Mickey-OKThe what is, is . . . and it’s OK.

We realize we don’t need anything to be other than it is for us to be happy.

Here, Now.

All we have to do is wake up.

IMGP0971

”What are you ~ a god, an angel, a saint?”
“No,” replied The Buddha, “I am A-W-A-K-E.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Picture-In-Picture Dreaming June 23, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Home & Garden, Humor, Life Balance, Magick & Mystery.
44 comments

IMGP3885While dreaming, I “woke up” in our home on the banks of the Chesapeake Bay and heard BFF say, “You might not have water aerobics today.”

Through the blinds, I saw nothing but blue sky and sunshine.  “Why not?”

“There’s an odd cloud formation tap dancing over the water and it’s headed this way.”

I opened the blinds more fully.  My brain went to Full Alert when it saw a tornado the size of Kansas waltzing toward us.

IMGP0848bmetallica

Oddly enough, I wasn’t scared.

Just determined.

I wanted to grab the camera and snap the juxtaposition of black storm funnel against the bluest sky I’d ever seen.

220px-1719_Tales_60Halfway across the room, the wind caught up with me.

The air grew dense.  I felt as if I were wading through water . . .

Making no headway.

I kept at it

trying

to get

to the other

side of

the room.

A task fraught with the same degree of difficulty as trying to reach the top of the staircase in one of M.C. Escher’s creations.

300px-Escher's_Relativity

Relativity is relative, eh?

As the wind shook the foundation, my perspective shifted.

I let go of the desire to capture the events on my camera, but I did want to see what was happening.

Confined inside the house looking out caused frustration to mount.  I felt constrained by my limited vantage point.

Where is Escher when you need him?

With that thought, a “picture-in-picture” screen appeared in the upper left corner of my dream . . . expanding my perspective to encompass the action unfolding outside the walls.

Awesome!

Settling back to watch Movies on Demand, I saw the house lift off its foundation and begin its ascent into the cosmos, no doubt inspired by Dorothy and Toto’s wild ride to Oz.

IMGP2751b

We twirled and whirled in the vortex until . . .

the house

tired of sailing

through the stratosphere

sans mast

settled back

down

on

terra firma

with a slight bump.

As we rejoined the land down under, the picture-in-picture screen provided expanded perspective . . . a balloon’s eye view.

Hot-air-balloonLike a stray leaf tired of waltzing in the autumn breeze, our house drifted back to earth and settled itself in the middle of a basketball court.

Great.  BFF’s been wanting to play some hoops!

Aah . . . that’s better!

No witches were harmed in the shooting of this dream.

Over And Out June 21, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Health & Wellness, Humor, Magick & Mystery, Spirit & Ego.
43 comments

Note to self:  Do NOT get in cars with old people.

Donald-Duck-DrivingI dreamt an elderly neighbor was driving me to the store.  Instead of stopping and parking, her foot stayed on the gas as the car crawled to the far edge of the parking lot.

Moving at slightly less than a snail’s pace.

Marilyn bumped into the bumper at a sensible 1-2 mph.  So slow that instead of bouncing back, the tires rose to the challenge and started climbing up and over the bumper.

Dreams being what they are, the scene transformed from a flat as a pancake parking lot in Florida to a parking lot abutting the top of a steep ravine.

Mountain-BikingAs the car kept climbing, I gauged that the gaping gorge was at least as deep as the Grand Canyon.

“STOP!  Marilyn, STOP.”

Too late.

The car went up and over the tire guard and landed on the other side.

Only one problem:  There wasn’t any land there to land on.

The car slipped toward the precipice.

Climbing out was no longer an option since the car was suspended in air, teetering on the abyss with nothing to climb out on to.

vanarsdel8I turned to get Marilyn’s reaction to our precarious situation and noticed she was already gone . . . with the dead weight of her right foot pressing on the accelerator instead of the brake.

The car continued to move forward and I felt the back tires begin their ascent over the bumper guard.

Realizing we were toast, I grabbed my cell phone and dialed.

“911 Operator.  What’s your emergency?”

“Our car is careening off the cliff behind the CVS.”

I heard her parroting into the radio:  “Dispatch ~ rescue vehicles needed at the top of the cliff behind the CVS.  Over.”

In real life, there is no cliff behind the CVS.  Just beach.  But reality never deters our dreams, does it?

She returned to the line with me: “Ma’am. Rescue vehicles are on the way. Hang on.”

“I would if I could.  But there’s nothing to hang on to.  Nothing to do at this point but relax and enjoy the ride down.  By the time help arrives, we’ll be at the bottom of the cliff, not the top.  Tell my husband . . .”

Tree-Frog-PerchedaAs soon as I realized I could do nothing to change the “what is,” calm acceptance flooded  my being.

Instead of being scared, I was curious.

Watching to see what would happen to “me” once my body ceased to be.

* * *

Of course, I didn’t even get a glimpse of what waits for us beyond the veil since I woke up mid-flight.

Scruffy-CatAs the car raced head over heels to the bottom of the ravine, I surfaced from sleep and found myself safe and sound in bed.

Instead of being happy to be alive, I felt cheated.

I wanted a sneak peek!

Aah . . . that’s better!