“I’m Not Shittin’ You!” February 7, 2014
Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, Nature, People, Travel & Leisure.trackback
We attended a Travel Lecture at the library yesterday about “going” on a 103-mile Rafting Trip down the Middle Fork of the Salmon River in Idaho.
For six days and five nights, 24 participants and 6 guides brave white water by day and tent camping by night.
The scenery is spectacular and the quiet is deafening.
The guides do all the cooking and the heavy lifting, including setting up a portable toilet in a tent at a discrete distance from the campfire each night.
During the day?
The river is the toilet.
If you have to do your business, you wade into the not-so-balmy 50 degree water until you are waist high . . . then go with the flow.
You might want to position yourself upriver from fellow adventurers who “waddle into the wiver for a wee widdle.”
If you can’t avoid an upriver piddler, a friendly wave and inquiry (“are you shitting me?”) will have to suffice.
Problems arise when the river becomes a “low flow” toilet.
If the river is running low, the water is only 2 feet deep in places. Squatting becomes the name of the game and strong thigh muscles are an asset.
If you’re weak in the knees at the thought, a spotter can hold you up while you bear down.
One year, a business man decided he needed to leave mid-trip to “attend to business.” He didn’t say what kind of business was so pressing.
As we left the presentation, BFF turned to me and said, “Kind of makes you rethink the whole buying Idaho Potatoes thing, doesn’t it?”
Aah . . . that’s better!
Related posts: Wild Weekend (Colonialist) * I Lost My Snarky (Coffee Kat)
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Spirit Lights The Way 
BFF’s comment is priceless!
He also came up with the spotter idea. He cracks me up. 😀
Somehow the thought of squatting in your toilet bowl water while you perform lacks a certain appeal.
The rafting down white water bits sound good, though!…
The discussion reminded me of a post you did about animals drinking from water holes which contained waste “waist water.” 😀
I’ve done some white water rafting and loved it . . . but only day trips without dips in the frigid water.
That water hole was a rather large lake!
Found it:
Yep, that’s the one!
I added a link to it . . . and to Kate’s Snarky Post (“fish pee in there”). 😀
Just read this to CH, he is cracking up over BFF’s Idaho tater comment.. 😀
Hope you enjoyed your evening last night. It’s cold this morning! I might wear my jeans.. 🙂 No boots! Where did you get your flip flops?
Glad it tickled CH’s funny bone chakra. It did mine. BFF can be quite an amusing muse.
We swung by the Reception for Clyde Butcher but it was too crowded. We came home and watched Bill Cosby ~ Far from Finished. He’s still a funny guy.
I bought 6 prs. of flip flops in all colors at Old Navy a few years ago. Don’t know if they carry that style any more or not. But here’s a link:
http://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/search.do?searchText=flip+flops#department=136
You’ve just ruined river water for me. It’s bad enough the fish pee in there, now people are doing their business without the aid of a sewage processing plant. So, are you gonna go?
Not a chance! The woman giving the talk has gone 5x. She gushed about how it was a “not to be missed” experience. But BFF and I would prefer whitewater rafting by day and sleeping in a cushy cabin at night.
The trip reminded me of the Windjammer Cruise we went on in Maine in 2004 . . . only we didn’t have to widdle in the water.
I’m with you. I like my creature comforts!
Bouncing around for 6 days on a raft seems about 5 days too many. One night in a tent is too many. 😉
Can’t we set up a whitewater course that circles the hotel?
That sounds like a plan! We went whitewater rafting on the Poudre River in Colorado. It was FANTASTIC.
We got on the raft at 1 . . . floated down the river until 5 . . . and got off the river in time for Happy Hour. Four hours was enough time to enjoy the scenery and the splashing and jostling about. And we didn’t have to worry about taking potty breaks!
I had my fill of tent camping in my youth. Bring on the room service!
😉
Tent camping is GREAT . . . as long as someone else pitches it, knocks it down, and sleeps in it . . . while I’m off in the land of nod in a queen size bed. 😀
If that’s what “roughing it” means, I’d prefer to stay in local motels, while sight seeing in a civilized way.
I had a friend that did a 1-2 week rafting trip through the Grand Canyon. She LOVED it . . . but the more she described the trip to me, the less interested I became.
I love to do day hikes, day sails, or day trips “running the rapids” but I’d rather have a cozy cabin to sleep in at night.
This is exactly why I avoid swimming pools, lakes and basically any body of water… because I know someone, at some time had done their business there. The thought of swimming in it makes my stomach turn!
In Arizona, tubing down the Salt River is a big thing. I’ve never, ever been there. Crowds of people go there to spend all day lounging in tubes and drinking way too much alcohol. Several people die each year in the river. Sounds way too gross to even try once 🙂
And even if people haven’t done their business there . . . animals and fish have. Bears don’t ALWAYS shit in the woods.
I’ll laugh all day over BFF’s comment – what a classic 😉
He’s a fun and funny guy! 😀
Well, another thing I am not going to do. I like things like indoor plumbing and comfy beds. Potatoes are one of my favorite foods…I will edit from my mind BFF’s comment…if I can.
When my dad was stationed in South Korea at the end of WWII, rice paddies were fertilized with, you guessed it, human waste. The GI’s were not supposed to eat Korean food for that reason.
I had a friend who went trekking in Nepal several years ago. When she returned, she gave the trip a thumbs up with one caveat: the toilet problem. She was the only woman on the trek, and there were no trees to go behind.
No trees to shield a bare behind behind would make me feel a bit exposed. 😳
When I go on vacation, I want good food on the intake AND decent facilities for elimination. And a good bed.
There is absolutely no way this would be an adventure I’d undertake. I can’t even imagine, quite frankly. In fact, I’m not sure I could have sat through the travel lecture. LOL! On the whole; however, this is rather fascinating yet uncomfortable consideration! 🙂
The 2 funniest moments in the lecture for me:
* In the midst of slides of stunning scenery and breathtaking beauty, a simple luncheon of cold cuts, rolls, and condiments flashed up on screen . . . to collective gasps of appreciation.
* No one reacted much to the news of the river being the loo until I asked about the water temperature. When they heard 50 degrees, I heard a collective shiver. 😯
Never eat yellow snow, and don’t drink lake or river water.
It’s all natural. And where do you think the fish, turtles, frogs, alligators and crocodiles do their business? I’m with you, however, on the cushy cabin idea.
Yup. Bears don’t always shit in the woods. If they’re in the middle of catching salmon, they don’t bother to lumber off to find some lumber to hide their behind behind.
That said, the thought of standing in 50-degree-water sends cold shivers up my spine. Brrrr . . . .
Ha! I’m sure, like any routine, one would get used to this one, Nancy. Beats some of the French toilets hands down.
Mais oui! 😉
My dad said that “way back” when they were in France as GI’s they weren’t supposed to eat the food for that reason also. Oh gross. Since I can’t swim I guess there is no worry for me. No boat trips, no rafting. I will be glad to take in the view from my comfy hotel window all day and maybe sit on the shore for awhile but I am not going in! My husband refuses to go in public pools. Since we don’t have a private one either that takes care of that!
Everyone wears a life preserver so non-swimmers are welcome. They said they’ve taken participants in wheelchairs, on oxygen, and even on portable dialysis! Those folks are Hard Core! 😀
Oh no – why wouldn’t they encourage you to do the bush bucket and spade thing? Why trash the river? 😦
I expect people use the tented commode (set up from 4 pm until 10 am) most days. The guide said that everything but “liquid waste” is carried out of the Wilderness area.
Maybe the river is just for pee breaks?