A Talking Frog & Other Engineering Jokes

My dad, brothers, and sister all have engineering degrees.  I’m the only lawyer in the bunch.  I’m also the only blonde. 

Over the years, I’ve heard my share of lawyer jokes.  And dumb blonde jokes.   Engineering jokes are harder to come by.  

A few weeks ago, Granny sent me an e-mail filled with engineering jokes.  Thanks,  Granny! 

Here are my 7 favorites:

(1) Two engineering students are walking across a university campus when one says, “Where did you get such a great bike?”

 The second replies, “I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”

The first nods, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you, anyway.”

(2) To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
 To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

(3) What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons. 
Civil engineers build targets. 

(4) A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.  The engineer fumed, “What’s with those guys?  We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!”

The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such inept golf!”

The priest said, “Here comes the groundskeeper.  Let’s have a word with him . . . George, what’s wrong with that group ahead of us?  They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”

“Oh, yes.  That’s a group of blind firemen.  They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we let them play for free anytime.”

The group fell silent for a moment.

The priest said, “That’s sad.  I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”

The doctor said, “Good idea.  I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything he can do for them.”

The engineer said, “Why can’t they play at night?” 

(5) Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.

“It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.”

“No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has thousands of electrical connections.” 

“No, it had to have been a civil engineer.  Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?” 

(6) Normal people believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.  Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet. 
 
(7) As an engineer crossed the road, a frog called out and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.”  The engineer picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me into a princess, I’ll stay with you for a week and do ANYTHING you want.”

The engineer took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.

Puzzled, the frog asked, “What is the matter?  I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess and that I’ll stay with you for one week and do anything you want.  Why won’t you kiss me?”

The engineer said, “I’m an engineer.  I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that’s cool.”

Aah . . . that’s better!