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Snakes, Sharks, and Lawyers January 25, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
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Wikipedia ~ Lawyer

And now a few good lawyer jokes.

Wait!  Not “good lawyer” jokes ~> good jokes about lawyers:

1.  A man asked a lawyer what his fee was.
“It’s $100 for three questions,” he replied.

“Outrageous!  Isn’t that awfully high?”
“Yes.  Now, what’s your third question?”

2.  Why does New Jersey have the most toxic waste dumps and California have the most lawyers?

New Jersey had first choice.

3.  How can you tell the difference between a dead snake and a dead lawyer lying in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the snake.

4.  How many lawyers would it take to fill up the Grand Canyon?

Not enough, but it’d be a start.

5.  How can you tell when lawyers are lying.

Their lips are moving.

6.  How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Three.  One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.

7.  Why are lawyers’ graves dug to twenty feet rather than the traditional six feet?

Because deep down, lawyers are really good.

Mickey-Surfer8.  How did a lawyer swim unmolested through shark-infested waters to safety while all the other passengers from the sinking ship were eaten?

Professional courtesy.

9.  A lawyer woke up from an operation to have his left leg amputated only to find a mistake had been made.  His right leg was missing.

“Hey, Doc!” he screamed.  “What happened?”

“Sorry, I screwed up, but we’re going back in right now and take the other leg off.”

“I’ll sue you for everything you have!”

“Forget it,” the doctor said.  “When I get through with you , you won’t have a leg to stand on.”

Mickey-OK10.  Knock Knock.
Who’s there?

Boo.
Boo who?

Don’t cry . . . it’s only a joke!

Aah . . . that’s better!  

Related posts:  My Favorite Lawyer Joke (circa 1770) * Killing Time ~ Building Tunnels to Nowhere * A Talking Frog & Other Engineering Jokes

Comments»

1. janeybgood - January 25, 2014

Brilliant. I am so sending these to my brother…who, coincidentally, is a lawyer 🙂

nrhatch - January 25, 2014

I came across these beauties yesterday while sorting through old correspondence and knew I had to share! Hope your brother gets a kick out of them.

2. Sandra Bell Kirchman - January 25, 2014

Hilarious! I see you don’t take yourself too seriously. 🙂

nrhatch - January 25, 2014

Not too. Lawyer jokes, dumb blonde jokes . . . it’s all good! 😛

3. Crowing Crone Joss - January 25, 2014

poor lawyers. no one loves them till they need one!

nrhatch - January 25, 2014

I had the good fortune to practice law in 3 firms filled with FINE lawyers . . . but I met a few shysters in the courthouse corridors. I don’t miss hanging around with them on a regular basis. :mrgreen:

4. kateshrewsday - January 25, 2014

Thanks for the chuckles, Nancy 😀

nrhatch - January 25, 2014

You’re welcome. All these lawyers need is a good defense. 😉

5. diannegray - January 25, 2014

Fantastic, Nancy. Gave me a good chuckle this afternoon! 😀

nrhatch - January 25, 2014

I just finished watching CHICAGO with Richard Gere playing an attorney that suits these jokes to a T.

6. Three Well Beings - January 26, 2014

My son is a lawyer. I wonder if he’d like a fresh list of jokes. These are pretty good! 🙂 I love the photo. Wherever did you find that one! LOL!

nrhatch - January 26, 2014

I enjoyed lawyer jokes even when practicing law. But I expect some attorneys do not appreciate being the butt of jokes. That’s a bad sign ~> sometimes we need a sense of humor a flotation device. :mrgreen:

The photos are from Wikipedia ~ Lawyer.

7. Pix Under the Oaks - January 26, 2014

I have to say, we haven’t had a bad experience with a lawyer yet.. 🙂 Not that we have needed a lawyer that often. Knock on wood!

nrhatch - January 26, 2014

Most attorneys serve a useful purpose. (A few do not). 😉

8. jannatwrites - January 27, 2014

Haha! Great jokes! Right now, I’m thinking politicians are lower than lawyers. I guess I’m feeling cynical tonight 🙂

nrhatch - January 27, 2014

Politicians are often “lawyers gone wrong” -> lawyers who’ve slipped one run further down the evolutionary pole into the abyss.

9. librarylady - January 30, 2014

Loved your jokes! Love my lawyer friend – one of the finest, no joke, people I know.

nrhatch - January 30, 2014

Glad you enjoyed! I know some fine lawyers too . . . and they have a good sense of humor about lawyer jokes. 😉


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