Snakes, Sharks, and Lawyers

Wikipedia ~ Lawyer

And now a few good lawyer jokes.

Wait!  Not “good lawyer” jokes ~> good jokes about lawyers:

1.  A man asked a lawyer what his fee was.
“It’s $100 for three questions,” he replied.

“Outrageous!  Isn’t that awfully high?”
“Yes.  Now, what’s your third question?”

2.  Why does New Jersey have the most toxic waste dumps and California have the most lawyers?

New Jersey had first choice.

3.  How can you tell the difference between a dead snake and a dead lawyer lying in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the snake.

4.  How many lawyers would it take to fill up the Grand Canyon?

Not enough, but it’d be a start.

5.  How can you tell when lawyers are lying.

Their lips are moving.

6.  How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Three.  One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.

7.  Why are lawyers’ graves dug to twenty feet rather than the traditional six feet?

Because deep down, lawyers are really good.

8.  How did a lawyer swim unmolested through shark-infested waters to safety while all the other passengers from the sinking ship were eaten?

Professional courtesy.

9.  A lawyer woke up from an operation to have his left leg amputated only to find a mistake had been made.  His right leg was missing.

“Hey, Doc!” he screamed.  “What happened?”

“Sorry, I screwed up, but we’re going back in right now and take the other leg off.”

“I’ll sue you for everything you have!”

“Forget it,” the doctor said.  “When I get through with you , you won’t have a leg to stand on.”

10.  Knock Knock.
Who’s there?

Boo.
Boo who?

Don’t cry . . . it’s only a joke!

Aah . . . that’s better!  

Related posts:  My Favorite Lawyer Joke (circa 1770) * Killing Time ~ Building Tunnels to Nowhere * A Talking Frog & Other Engineering Jokes