Thanks, But We’re Good . . . December 6, 2010
Posted by nrhatch in Humor.trackback
Some time ago, I wrote a post, Would You Like To Know The Truth?
The post addressed the Herculean efforts of the Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society of Pennsylvania to spread “the truth” to every household . . . in the World!
One morning, two or three weeks after the Watch Tower evangelist appeared at our door, my sister called to talk about Holiday plans.
A few minutes into the conversation, I saw two strangers walk across the front deck and approach the front door.
Odd. Drawbridge must be down again.
As they walked by the front window, I laughed. They reminded me of Mutt and Jeff.
One T-A-L-L and B-R-O-A-D, and the other short and diminutive in stature ~ a little bird of a woman.
I heard a confident and assertive knock on the door, and called out, “BFF, can you get the door?”
No response.
“Hang on, sis, someone’s at the door.”
“Really? That’s odd. Did BFF leave the drawbridge down again?”
“Apparently. I’ll be right back.”
I get to the door, flash an insincere smile, and say, “Hi, I’m on the phone. Can I help you?”
The tall man deferred to his shorter sidekick who quickly chimed in with, “Hi, I left a pamphlet for you a few weeks ago, and wanted to follow up by sharing two journals with you about . . . the Truth.”
The Watch Tower lady was back . . . this time with reinforcements.
The T-A-L-L dude looked exactly like a bad-assed bouncer, prepared to kick the door down, if necessary, in order to spread the Good News.
Holding up my hand, like a traffic cop flashing a “STOP” sign, I rapidly shook my head from side to side, and said with confidence, “No, thanks. We’re good.”
As I started to close the door, she flashed a Grinchy smile, and started to argue with me, “Well, actually, you’re sinners . . . ”
Bolstered by the responses I received after writing about the bird lady’s first visit, I calmly and assertively repeated, “No, really. We’re good. Thanks for stopping by.”
Pete
Without waiting for a further response from Mutt or Jeff, I quickly closed and double locked the front door, then picked up the phone, “Jehovah’s Witnesses.”
“How’d you get rid of them so fast?”
“I gave them Pete’s address . . . and told them, if they hurried, he’d serve them pancakes and coffee since it was Saturday morning and all.”
Related posts: Jehova, Jehovah * A Gentleman Caller Got Bitten On His Bum
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Spirit Lights The Way 
good for you. I just love that when that happens. Sometimes they just can’t take a hint!
Pete loves having Jehovah’s Witnesses for breakfast . . . he “eats them alive.” 🙂
And they are delicious with a maple syrup chaser!
And a stiff drink . . . it’s 5 o’clock somewhere. 😉
LOL!
Our drive is a long panhandle and we have electric gates with an intercom system that talks to the main house. I have lost my rag with these people on many occasions, I think it is a very presumptuous invasion of privacy. I simply don’t let them in.
And, if they do get past the gates, Lulubelle comes to the rescue, right? 😉
My husband has a wonderful way of dealing with these people, and I have learned to emulate him. He evangelizes them – unremittingly, never letting them get a word in edgewise. They eventually stand up, their eyes glazed over, and make their own hasty exit with no prompting from us! We have a few retort phrases kept at the ready for any such visits, and we have learned that the quickest way to “disarm” them of their ammo is to never even let them “load up!” This technique works very well with the “Moonies,” too! Since many of our visitors know Hubs is a pastor, they try to bring out all sorts of WMD’s (Weapons of Mass Delusions), and used to leave us (back in the olden days) with STACKS of prerecorded propaganda video tapes. We were thrilled! We didn’t have to buy any blanks for ages – just taped right over them. They were high-quality tapes too, and worked beautifully for pulling some of our favorite movies off the tube! We still have some of those tapes (25 or more years later!). I need to take a photo of some of those for you. Wonder what S.M.Moon would think of the title of one of his lectures on a tape of “The Money Pit?” 😀
Ha ha! That’s great, Paula!
The best defense is a good offense . . .
Splendid response, Nancy. They don’t call around here anymore; not since I told that my God doesn’t do door-to-door.
Good for you.
When I want a sermon, I’ll go to church.
Good post.
On my front door I have a ‘no solicitors’sign.
Yes, I still get ‘sales people’ of all sorts.:)
The posted comment I chuckled at: “My God does not go door to door.’ Well done!
Hey thanks for the add to your Blogroll!!
And oh yes recycling cassette tapes. 🙂
Be well.
Thanks, Debra. Happy to have you on the blogroll.
Glad you got a chuckle out of the comments.
What’s odd about Jehovah’s Witnesses is that they keep on coming to our house, even when we repeatedly tell them that we’re Catholic and don’t plan on converting. I mean, you’ve got to admire their persistence, but I think that once a household tells them that they don’t want free magazines or to be preached at, that they’d listen and go somewhere else. All they’re doing is pushing people away.
Any church that has to solicit door to door is doing something wrong. 😉