To Thine Own Self Be True

We are often asked for our opinion on what someone is wearing,  who they are dating,  how they should handle a situation, or even on the quality of their work product.

How often do you give a slightly dishonest answer (in order to be nice), instead of giving a truly honest answer?

C’mon . . . be honest!

“A lawyer’s time and advice are his stock in trade.”

If you find yourself being “nice” by engaging in subtle deception, why are you choosing to be nice, rather than fully honest?

The answer in most cases is simple:  our Ego wants others to like us.

We choose dishonesty to protect our reputation because we want approval.   It is often easier to be nice (and say what someone wants to hear), rather than being kind (by telling them something they may need to hear).

One night, an attorney came into my office to ask my opinion about a fax he had received that had been intended for his opponent’s eyes only.  He wanted to know what he should do.

The answer seemed obvious, “Don’t read it.  Just fax it to your opponent, and shred the fax you received in error.”

He blinked and stammered, “Well, I’ve asked ten other attorneys, and they all said that I could read it.”

“Then why are you in here asking for my opinion?”

He was in my office to get permission to act unethically, “permission” that he had already received from ten other attorneys ~ not because they all would have read the fax, but because they knew that the attorney asking wanted permission to read the fax.

They told him what he wanted to hear (in order to be nice), rather than risking his anger by reminding him of the ethical obligation he had as an officer of the court.

As expected, he was annoyed that I told him what he needed to hear, instead of telling him what he wanted to hear.  As a parting shot, he announced on his way out of my office, “Well, you are in the minority.  Most of the other attorneys would have done exactly what I did ~ they would have read the fax.”

Since I am often in the minority, his parting shot glanced off its intended target.

From Ego’s perspective, there is safety in numbers.  If enough people are willing to be dishonest and unethical, then we are free to follow their lead  without risking loss of approval from our peers.  As a result, we may act in ways we know to be wrong and then attempt to justify our actions by saying, “Well, others would have done the same thing.”

When we choose to engage in subtle dishonesty when asked for our honest opinion, we know we are not alone . . . but are we in good company?

Aah . . . that’s better!

“To thine own self be true.”