jump to navigation

SILENCE! May 23, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Home & Garden, Humor, Life Balance, Mindfulness.
Tags: , , ,
18 comments

I enjoy silence.

2014-09-10 16-09-33_0003

During the day, we don’t have the TV on or music playing.

IMGP4182

Instead, we listen to the whir of the ceiling fan, the ticking of the clock, the rustle of palm fronds, the quack of the duck, and . . .

2014-03-21 07-42-58_0033

. . . the loud insistence of The Cat.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Mr. Turner Is A Real Oinker! May 16, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Books & Movies, Humor.
Tags: , ,
34 comments

Although Mr. Turner got stellar reviews from film critics, BFF and I had to rely on subtitles to clarify the garbled, mumbled, marbles-in-the-mouth, muddy dialogue.

Not that all the utterances required translation.

Far from it.

We heard the many, many, many, many, many, many, many pig-like grunts and groans from the lead actor loud and clear.

Leaving us to conclude that Mr. Turner is a real oinker!

zebras

Aah . . . that’s better!

Mother’s Day Madness May 9, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, People, Special Events.
Tags: , , , ,
49 comments

The-Pink-PantherFirst came March Madness.  Now it’s time for Mother’s Day Madness.

Every time I turn around some entity is telling me what to give mom for Mother’s Day ~ flowers, chocolates, wine, diamonds, candy, precious gems, silver, gold, etc..

And it’s not just for-profit businesses that want my mad money for Mother’s Day.  Non-profits want in on the action too.

And institutes of higher learning.

Pluto-RollerskatingThe Sierra Club suggested that mom might like a stuffed animal for Mother’s Day.

No, no, not a real animal stuffed by a taxidermist, a soft cuddly plush toy suitable for ages 1 – 100.

USC suggested that I get mom something in team colors so she can support the team every time she doesn’t watch a game.

Um . . . no.

But my favorite suggestion thus far.

170px-alice_par_john_tenniel_30

Hands down.

Tears rolling down my face as I laughed out loud at the audacity, the inanity, the sheer insanity of the suggestion.

Hotdog-On-A-Stick.

Yup.  That’s right.

If you don’t know what to get mom for Mother’s Day, consider getting her a Hotdog-On-A-Stick.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Talk About The Midnight Rambler May 7, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Home & Garden, Humor, Mindfulness.
Tags: , , , ,
46 comments

StreetlightWhen mom moved in with my younger brother and his family, my techie sibling set up motion detectors, infared lights, and alarms to monitor mom’s nocturnal wanderings and midnight rambles.

If she walks from bedroom to bathroom and back, it doesn’t break the beam and no alarm sounds.

If she walks outside the expected trajectory, an alarm goes off and my brother heads down to investigate.

One week, the alarm went off in my brother’s bedroom at 1 am, 3 am, and midnight on two different nights:

* The first time she said she was going marketing with my brother’s wife.
* The second time she said she was heading out for a walk.
* The last time she said she got up to make coffee for my other brother (who was sound asleep . . . 2000 miles away).

Scruffy-CatEach time, my brother managed to direct mom back to bed . . . with only minimal disruption to the household’s beauty sleep.

Aah . . . that’s better!

TIP: Parents of teens (prone to wandering in the wee hours) might also find this type of technology useful.

3 Pelicans & A Spoonbill May 5, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Amazing Animals, Humor, Nature.
Tags: , , , ,
40 comments

A wonderful bird is the Pelican.
His beak can hold more than his belly can.
He can hold in his beak
Enough food for a week!
But I’ll be darned if I know how the hellican?

~ Dixon Lanier Merritt

2015-01-20 16-32-04_0020b

Like other snowbirds, pelicans flock to the region during season to commune on our lagoon.

2015-01-20 16-30-21_0012

The resident snappy dressers, Roseate Spoonbills, happily share space with their snack happy northern cousins.

2015-01-20 16-30-30_0013

As they glide across the mirrored surface of lakes, ponds, and lagoons, well-pouched pelicans scan for fish, dipping nets at the ready.

2015-01-20 16-30-35_0014a

Snatching fish in shallow stocked ponds is a *SNAP* for these sushi loving birds.

2015-01-20 16-30-54_0015a

As each fish gets scooped up and swallowed down, a resounding *SNAP* from the pelican’s pouch echoes across and around the pond.

2015-01-20 16-31-05_0016a_1

With every snatched snack, these voracious visitors smack their lips, keeping count in song:

100 tasty fish in the lake
100 tasty fish
I grab one out
And “SNAP* it about
99 tasty fish in the lake

2015-01-20 16-31-12_0017a

Spoonbills, in contrast, are less obvious in appetite as they silently sweep, swirl, and sift through silt at water’s edge:

The roseate spoonbill spends a lot of its time in shallow water feeding. It sweeps its open bill from side to side in the water to sift up food like small fish, shrimp, mollusks, snails and insects. It has touch receptors in its bill that help it feel its prey. Like the flamingo, the roseate spoonbill’s pink color comes from the food it eats. Some of the crustaceans it eats feed on algae that give the spoonbill’s feathers their rosy pink color. 

2015-01-20 16-31-21_0018a

Spoonbills don’t sing silly fish songs . . . but they do practice Tai Chi and Yoga.

IMGP1731

A good after-meal S~T~R~E~T~C~H aids digestion.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Be Afraid . . . Be Very Very Afraid May 2, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Home & Garden, Humor, Joke.
Tags: , ,
36 comments

Donald-DuckA police officer called the station on his radio.

*Officer* : “I have a case of domestic violence here. A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.”

*Dispatch* : “Have you arrested the woman?”

*Officer* : “Not yet. The floor’s still wet.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Moon Under Water April 27, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Humor, People, Travel & Leisure.
Tags: , , , ,
51 comments

In March, we drove to St. Pete for lunch at Moon Under Water, a quaint British Pub with sidewalk service.

To learn the intriguing story behind the name, click HERE.

I ordered the Feta Taboule Salad with black olives and red peppers, served in a tortilla shell with Hummus and Pita.

A bit too much green and not enough grain for my tastes.

2015-03-04 12-56-27_0013

BFF opted for Fish & Chips with a side of Tikha Masala Curry which tickled our “Tikha” . . . and our tastebuds.

2015-03-04 12-56-32_0014

After lunch, we went in search of a Small Craft Taps and Casks House ~ The Ale and The Witch.

2015-03-04 14-18-48_0021

We chuckled at a posted proverb but didn’t have a chance to sample the Witch’s Brew ~> the taps aren’t tapped at quarter past two.

2015-03-04 14-18-26_0019

Next time we won’t arrive before the Witching Hour.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Irish Brothel April 25, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Humor, Joke, People.
Tags: , , ,
41 comments

150px-Carlo_Crivelli_052Three Irishmen are sitting in the pub window seat, watching the front door of the brothel across the road.

The local Methodist pastor appears, looks up and down the street, and goes inside.

“Would you look at that!” says the first Irishman. “Didn’t I always say what a bunch of hypocrites they are?”

No sooner are the words out of his mouth than a Rabbi appears at the door, looks up and down the street, knocks, and goes inside.

“Another one trying to fool everyone with pious preaching!” says the second Irishman.

After roundly condemning the vicar and Rabbi, they see their own parish priest knock on the door.

“Ah, now dat’s sad,” says the third Irishman. “One of the girls must have died.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Reclining Happily-Ever-After April 23, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Home & Garden, Humor, Simplify Your Life.
Tags: , , ,
49 comments

Last July, we gave the sofa we inherited with our villa to a niece setting up her first apartment ~ pick up, not delivery.

At Thanksgiving, we delivered the matching loveseat to her as a hostess gift.

That left us with a sizable gap in the middle of our living room.

2014-11-24 17-58-41_0014

Consistent with my guiding philosophy (“do what you can, with what you have, where you are”), we filled the gap with deck chairs as a temporary fix . . . until we got ready to shop.

2014-11-26 15-43-40_0016

Have I ever told you how much I hate shopping?

I decided we would go shopping AFTER Christmas . . . just in case Santa dropped the sofa of my dreams down the chimney we don’t have.

He didn’t.

I then decided we would go shopping AFTER the Christmas decorations had been put away so as not to confuse the issue with seasonal clutter.

IMGP2758b

And we did just that.  We went shopping . . .

AFTER January morphed into February.
AFTER Valentine’s Day came and went.
AFTER President’s Day sales flyers began to yellow with age.
AFTER Shrove Tuesday.
AFTER Ash Wednesday.
AFTER the Chinese New Year.
AFTER the dawn of Daylight Savings Time.

With the Ides of March and St. Paddy’s Day on the horizon, my sister asked whether I regretted consigning our previous sofa and loveseat to her daughter.

Nope.  Giving them away created just the space and motivation I needed to muster up the enthusiasm for canvassing the shops.

As soon as I got good and ready.

On Friday the 13th, we launched ourselves into the market place of furniture showrooms ~ Highland Park, Hudsons, the Pink Pineapple.

No luck.  We continued shopping ~ Badcock, La-Z-Boy.

We found a super comfy power recliner at La-Z-Boy but didn’t like its bulging bulky pillowy approach to living room decor.

We continued shopping ~ Rooms 2 Go, Casual Interiors.

At the latter, we experienced sticker shock from price tags that exceeded the cost of my first car by a significant margin.  The only saving grace?  Fuel economy would not be an issue.

We continued shopping ~ American Freight, Furniture Warehouse.

We test-drove sofas that looked great but felt like rocks.  Who wants to watch TV perched atop a rock-hard rock?  Not me.

We continued shopping . . . feeling more and more like Goldilocks in search of an elusive plate of perfect porridge.

I consulted our list.  We still had piles of pillows to peruse ~ Pamaro Shops, American Signature Furniture, Baer’s, Kanes, etc..

Have I ever told you how much I hate shopping?

At last, on March 20th, after 14 showroom visits and 137 test drives, we found what we wanted at Manatee Furniture.  Huzzah!

2015-03-20 17-38-15_0010

The salesman sealed the deal when he offered to deliver them that afternoon! Yes, please!

2015-03-20 17-44-01_0012

We raced home, dodging Friday afternoon beach traffic, to return the deck chairs to the deck and ready the space for our new “just right” sofa and loveseat . . . where we now recline happily-ever-after.

2015-03-20 17-44-11_0013

Aah . . . that’s better!

For Retirees April 18, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Humor, Joke.
Tags: , ,
50 comments

IMGP3282bFour retirees are walking down a street in Yuma, Arizona. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, “Old Timers Bar – ALL drinks 10 cents.”

They look at each other, thinking this is too good to be true.

Seeing them at the door, the bartender calls out, “C’mon in. What’ll it be, gentlemen?”

Each of the four men orders a martini.

The bartender serves up four iced martinis shaken, not stirred and says, “That’s 10 cents each, please.”

The four guys can’t believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced as the bartender says, “That’s 40 cents, please.”

They pay the 40 cents wondering how the bar stays in business. They’ve each had two martinis and haven’t even spent a dollar yet.

Finally one of them says, “How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?”

The bartender nods.  “I’m a retired tailor from Phoenix and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime. Wine, liquor, beer it’s all the same.”

“Wow! That’s some story!”

250px-New_Orleans_City_of_Old_Romance_and_New_Opportunity_Crop_p_23_MoneybagsAs the four of them sip their martinis, they notice seven people at the end of the bar who don’t have any drinks in front of them.

Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the Bartender, “What’s with them?”

The bartender says, “They’re retirees from Florida. They’re waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price.”

Aah . . . that’s better! 

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 2,367 other followers