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Quick Quiz: Retirement July 25, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Humor, Joke, Travel & Leisure.
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58 comments

grumpy_thinkingHere’s a Quick Quiz about Retirement.  See how many you get right:

1. When is a retiree’s bedtime?
A. Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

2. How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Only one, but it might take all day.

3. Why does a retiree often say he doesn’t miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
A. He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

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4. What do retirees call a long lunch?
A. Normal.

5. Why don’t retirees clean out the basement, attic or garage?
A. If they do, their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

6. What do retirees call someone who refuses to retire?
A. NUTS!

7. What do retirees consider formal attire?
A. Tied shoes.

8. What do retirees do all week?
A. Monday to Friday, nothing. Saturday & Sunday, they rest.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

Rising Tides July 18, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, Nature, Spirituality & Faith.
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46 comments

170px-Creation_of_the_Sun_and_Moon_face_detailA minister got caught in a flood. When the water was up to the porch of his church, a canoe came by and offered help.

“No, God will provide.”

The flood waters rose still higher until he found himself on the porch roof.  Again a canoe came by offering help.

“No, thanks.  God will save me.”

Soon the minister was clinging to the church steeple. A helicopter lowered a line and told him to grab on so they could pull him to safety.

“Thanks.  But God will save me.”

The waters continued to rise and he drowned in the raging flood waters. When he stood before God, he asked why he was allowed to drown. “Why didn’t you save me?”

“I sent you two canoes and a helicopter. What more did you want?”

Aah . . . that’s better!

“People always call it luck when you’ve acted more sensibly than they have.” ~ Anne Tyler

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

A Priest & A Pilot @ The Pearly Gates July 11, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Humor, Joke.
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30 comments

300px-Paradiso_Canto_31A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.

Ahead of him is a guy in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this cool dude, “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?”

“I’m Bruce, retired airline pilot from Toronto.”

Saint Peter consults his list and says, “Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.”

The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.

Next, it’s the priest’s turn.  He stands erect and booms out, “I am Father John, pastor of Saint Mary’s for the last 43 years.”

Saint Peter consults his list and says, ‘Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom.”

“Just a minute,” says the good father. “That pilot gets a silken robe and golden staff and I get only cotton and wood. How can this be?”

“Up here – we go by results,” says Saint Peter. “When you preached – people slept. When he flew, people prayed.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source: e-mail from an unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

Illustration:  Wikipedia ~ Heaven (in Public Domain)

What Do THEY Know? July 4, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Humor, Life Balance, Mindfulness.
Tags: , , , ,
38 comments

7dwarfsOnce we see that our thoughts and opinions are not “the truth” . . . we see that the thoughts and opinions of others are also not “the truth.”

To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing. ~ Elbert Hubbard

That realization allows us to let go of the constant craving for external applause, approval, accolades, and acknowledgment.

I much prefer the sharpest criticism of a single intelligent man to the thoughtless approval of the masses. ~ Johannes Kepler

The-Pink-PantherAfter all . . . what do THEY know?

Some people like you, some people don’t. In the end you just have to be yourself. ~ Andres Iniesta

Happy Independence Day!

Aah . . . that’s better!

7 Random Thoughts & Links June 27, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Life Lessons, People.
Tags: , , ,
41 comments

Hand-rolling-dice1.  Life is a crap shoot . . . and sometimes we get the Royal Flush!

Related: Caca Happens.  Wipe It Off (Brickhouse Chick)

2.  It’s a comedy of errors when we have to modify our normal ADL’s by switching to our non-dominant hand.

Related: R5 for March 8 (Views & Mews by Coffee Kat)

Huey,-Dewey-And-Louie3.  Often, when there is a tug-of-war between HIM and HER, a female confident is no more than the monkey in the middle, dismissed with a wave once peace is restored . . . because HER doesn’t want to be reminded of passing clouds.

Related: The One-Night Stand Conversation (Lively Twist)

4.  Many of us set out to change the world . . . only to find (decades later) that the world changed us.

Related: A Memory (Candid Impressions)

5.  Although a book with an attractive cover may catch our attention . . . it won’t hold it for long without a compelling story between the covers.

Related: Beauty, A First-Class Ticket (Lively Twist)

Butterfly6.  People love to label us so they know which pigeon-hole or box to shove us in . . . as if we were a butterfly to pin to a specimen board.

But we are far more than that.

No single question, occupation, or experience can encapsulate the totality of who we are.

Related:  Scaredy L. Marie (El Space)

7.  A cake (like life) always seems a bit more than the mere sum of its parts!

Related: Life Is Like . . . Cake (Find Your Middle Ground)

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Aah . . . that’s better!

Rabbit Holes & Reunions June 20, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, People, Special Events.
Tags: , , , ,
38 comments

220px-Alice_par_John_Tenniel_27I’ve never attended a high school reunion ~ not when we lived 12 hours away and not when we lived an hour away.  Other than friends I’ve stayed in touch with, I’m not that curious about which rabbit holes fellow classmates fell down.

* “High school isn’t a very important place. When you’re going you think it’s a big deal, but when it’s over nobody really thinks it was great unless they’re beered up.” ~ Stephen King, Carrie

Last year, a classmate sent me a link to a youtube video of a multi-class high school reunion. I watched without pangs of regret for not having attended.

* “The hope was, people like me got to finally find our place in college or in the actual world. People who understood this told you that high school wasn’t the actual world, that it was more like a temporary alternate reality you were forced to believe in for four years. A video game you played, where you could never get to the next level no matter how hard you tried.” ~ Deb Caletti, The Six Rules of Maybe

In contrast, BFF and I have attended Homecoming Reunions at W&M because (1) we love Wmsburg and (2) fall is the best time to visit.  Sometimes we even pop into reunion activities to catch up with old school chums.

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But not always.  Sometimes we’re “otherwise engaged” (i.e., busy drinking Mint Juleps at the King’s Arms Tavern).

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Aah . . . that’s better!

And now one last quote for the Three Quote Challenge (thanks, Sylvia!):

* “Problem is, the bathroom pass can’t help you escape life. It’s still there when you come out. Problems and crap don’t go away hiding in the can.” ~ Simone Elkeles, Perfect Chemistry

If you want to play along, consider yourself nominated.  Then swing by Another Day in Paradise to see how many rules I failed to follow.

Building To The Punchline June 13, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, Word Play, Writing & Writers.
Tags: , , , , ,
28 comments

Andrew Stanton begins his TED talk with a joke about three men in a bar in the Scottish Highlands ~ a backpacking tourist, a bartender, and an old man.

He uses the joke as a tool to convey compelling storytelling:

* The old man engages the audience, drawing us into his world and revealing his character as he shares his tale with a strong Scottish brogue.

* He makes us care as he explains how he built the bar, constructed the stone wall out front, and installed planks on the pier . . . “with me bare hands.”

* The old man claims center stage with the sole speaking role, yet all three characters are necessary.  None is extraneous.  The tourist provides the reason for the telling of the tale.  The bartender’s presence establishes that the old man is not exaggerating.

* In the same way he crafted the bar, the stone wall, and the pier, the old man builds his story on a firm foundation, one piece at a time.  He keeps the finish line in mind.  He never veers off course.  He steers the story to its predetermined end.

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* He creates drama (“anticipation mingled with uncertainty”) as he decries the fact that he’s not called “MacGregor the Bar Builder” or”MacGregor the Stone Wall Builder” or “MacGregor the Pier Builder.”

Now he’s got us!

We’re curious.  We want to hear the end of the story.  We want to know what he IS called.  We are ready for the reveal . . .

* When he delivers the punch line, he doesn’t complete the sentence. He allows the thought to hang mid-air.  He doesn’t spell it out.  He doesn’t beat us over the head.  He doesn’t insult our intelligence.  He doesn’t reveal his actual nickname.

He allows us to follow the breadcrumbs and connect the dots.

He’s given us 2 + 2 and leaves it to the born problem solver in each of us to fill in the blanks and come up with the solution.

And we do.

Mickey-OKSince he constructed his tale with the same precision he used when building the bar, the stone wall, and the pier, we lay the last piece with confidence.

There’s no wiggle room.  We cannot misplace his meaning.

“Och, mon . . . ye must be MacGregor the Story Teller!”

Aah . . . that’s better!

First published: L. Marie’s Blog ~ The Stanton Effect: Building To The Punchline

‘Til Death Do Us Part June 6, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Humor, Joke.
Tags: ,
47 comments

Groom-&-Bride-catsJacob, age 90, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Miami, are excited about their decision to get married.  They go for a stroll around town to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore.

Inside, Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner?”
The pharmacist answers, “Yes.”

“We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?”
“Of course, we do.”

“How about medicine for circulation?”
“All kinds.”

“Medicine for rheumatism?”
“Definitely.”

“How about suppositories?”
“You bet!”

“Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer’s?”
“Yes, a large variety. The works.”

“Over-the-counter remedies for heartburn and indigestion?”
“We sure do.”

“You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?”
“All speeds and sizes.”

“Adult diapers?”
“Sure.”

“Reading glasses, tweezers, band-aids?”
“Yes, sir.”

“Great! We’d like to use this store as our Bridal Registry!”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

How Not To Get Sick In Church May 30, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Happiness, Humor, Spirituality & Faith.
Tags: , , , ,
36 comments

IMGP3928Q.  What’s the best way to avoid getting sick in church, especially during cold and flu season?

A.  Stop going to church.

That’s my solution anyway.

And, no, I’m not worried that some personified deity will smite me down for not attending church services.

After all . . .

What artist would paint a Daisy then punish it for not being a Rose?

Aah . . . that’s better!

Why It’s Important NOT To Give A Shit! May 25, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Humor, Life Balance, Life Lessons, People.
Tags: , , , , ,
31 comments

In the following clip, Carlin discusses the dissonance between who he thought he was and who he really was and how he shifted mid-career from someone who was on stage to entertain by pleasing people to someone who was on stage to share his honest thoughts with the world.

One reason people claim that there are “no mistakes in life, only lessons” is because (if we pay attention), everything teaches us something.  We are always evolving, shaped by our experiences with people, places, and things:

* We try X, it doesn’t resonate, so we cross X off the list b/c X is not what we are here for.

* We try Y, it fits likes a glove, so we keep doing Y, until we are prompted to move past Y and onto Z.

I suspect Carlin didn’t feel as much dissonance at the outset of his career.  But once he saw his peers (Lenny Bruce, Bob Dylan, Buffalo Springfield, Grace Slick) shrugging off the status quo, he knew he needed to head in the same direction.

Aah . . . that’s better!

The-Pink-Panther* He who trims himself to suit everyone else will soon whittle himself away. ~ Raymond Hull

* Trust yourself and you will know how to live. ~ Goethe

* You don’t need a permission slip to live your life.

* Be who you are and say what you mean, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. ~ Dr. Seuss

Related posts: Speak Your Truth Quietly & Clearly * Letting Ourselves Be Seen * Pretence Is It Needed? (Candid Impressions)

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