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Call The Paramedics! August 29, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Humor, Joke.
Tags: ,
26 comments

Brian-Oh-NoVinny and Sal are out in the woods hunting when suddenly Sal grabs his chest and falls to the ground.

He doesn’t seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head.

Vinny whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He tells the operator, “I think Sal is dead! What should I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, “Just take it easy and follow my instructions. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

Brian-with-coffee-and-newspaperThere is a silence.
And then a gunshot is heard.

Vinny’s voice comes back on the line.
“Okay… Now what?”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

Spares & Splits @ Splitsville August 25, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Fun & Games.
Tags: , , , ,
38 comments

In June, we met BFF’s sister and her family at Splitsville in Downtown Disney.

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We worked up an appetite throwing Strikes, Spares, and Splits (not necessarily in that order).

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Famished, we refueled with pizza, salads, and fries in the adjoining dining room.

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After lunch, we wandered in and out of shops searching for Mr. Potato Head accessories and LEGO kits . . . stopping by to see NESSIE!

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The Loch Ness LEGO monster!

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I have it on good authority that Nessie is a *SNAP* to make.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Odd & Even Parking August 22, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Humor, Joke.
Tags: , ,
43 comments

220px--Lena_Horne_conserves_fuel_(gas).-,_ca._1941_-_ca._1945_-_NARA_-_535820On a bitterly cold morning a husband and wife were listening to the radio during breakfast.

The announcer said, “We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. Park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so snowplows can get through.”

The husband went out and moved his car.

A week later, the announcer said, “We’re expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today.  Park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street so snowplows can get through.”

The husband went out and moved his car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast when the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today.  Park your car . . . ”

Then the electric power went out.

Donald-Duck-DrivingWith a frown, the husband said, “I don’t know what to do.  Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?”

With the love, understanding, and patience that many married women possess, the wife replied,  “Why don’t you just leave the car in the garage this time?”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Inspiration:  e-mail from unknown author (sent by Granny1947)

“Men marry women with the hope that they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably, they are both disappointed.”    ~ Albert Einstein

Florida Scenes August 19, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Art & Photography, Fun & Games, Humor.
Tags: , , , , ,
32 comments

A crowded Palma Sola Causeway serves as control central for the annual Bottle Boat Regatta.

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Boats float using recycled 2-liter plastic soda bottles as flotation devices.  Unless they don’t, float.

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Cows seldom enter.  They’re not interested in rowing boats or “bragging rights.”

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Downing grass and chewing cud from first light to last light consumes them.  Makes sense . . .

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Even if stomach #1 is stuffed to overflowing, they’ve got other tummies on “stand-by.”

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Florida’s fields of green and grain alternate with miles and miles of shoreline.

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Gator sightings are common along the banks.  In fact, you can almost bank on it.  (Less common are Crocs wearing Crocs.)

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Hear rustling in the reeds?  Get ready to *snap* that shot.

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Idle Gators love to smile and say, “Let Go My Leg-o!”

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Aah . . . that’s better!

Butch The Rooster August 8, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Humor, Joke.
Tags: , , ,
43 comments

IMGP0864Sarah was in the fertilized egg business. She had several hundred young pullets’ and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

She kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so she could tell from a distance which rooster was performing.

Now, she could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

Sarah’s favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen but, this morning she noticed old Butch’s bell hadn’t rung at all!

2014-05-05 11-54-38_0042When she went to investigate, she saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

To Sarah’s amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn’t ring. He’d sneak up on a pullet, do his job, and walk on to the next one.

Sarah entered Butch in the Dowerin Show and he became an overnight sensation.

The judges not only awarded Butch the “No Bell Peace Prize,” they awarded him the “Pulletsurprise” as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making.

Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren’t paying attention?

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

 

Skeptics, Sinners, and Cynics August 3, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Humor, People.
Tags: , , , ,
59 comments

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My siblings and I are close together in age.  At one point, my parents had four kids under the age of five to supervise.

Which made for challenging mealtimes.

Last week, I listened to a tape of us eating dinner in the early 60’s.  Dad recorded it to send to his parents in Vermont.

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What a hoot!

My sister’s chicken . . . “It’s too Hot!”
Her asparagus . . . “It’s too Big!”

I ate everything on my plate . . . except for the meat.
Jim ate all his meat . . . but left his veggies.

Snoopy5Doug got up without permission to watch TV.

Someone gave Muffin a chicken bone.

Oops . . . my bad!

I don’t know how mom and dad put up with us night after night.

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The funniest thing was when dad asked 5-year-old Doug to describe how he got in trouble on the first 2 days of kindergarten.

Woodstock-&-SnoopyDoug replies with suspicion:  “Well, who are you recording this tape to?”

He didn’t want his confession to end up in the wrong hands.

:-X

Aah . . . that’s better!

Golf Balls August 1, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Exercise & Fitness, Fun & Games, Humor, Joke.
Tags: , ,
36 comments

Golf-BallA man got on the bus with both front trouser pockets full of golf balls.

He sat down next to a beautiful blond who kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

After several puzzled glances from her, he said, “It’s golf balls.”

GolferThe blond nodded, thinking about what he had said.

A few minutes later, unable to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, “Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

Quick Quiz: Retirement July 25, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Humor, Joke, Travel & Leisure.
Tags: , , ,
58 comments

grumpy_thinkingHere’s a Quick Quiz about Retirement.  See how many you get right:

1. When is a retiree’s bedtime?
A. Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

2. How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Only one, but it might take all day.

3. Why does a retiree often say he doesn’t miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
A. He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

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4. What do retirees call a long lunch?
A. Normal.

5. Why don’t retirees clean out the basement, attic or garage?
A. If they do, their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

6. What do retirees call someone who refuses to retire?
A. NUTS!

7. What do retirees consider formal attire?
A. Tied shoes.

8. What do retirees do all week?
A. Monday to Friday, nothing. Saturday & Sunday, they rest.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

A Priest & A Pilot @ The Pearly Gates July 11, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Fun & Games, Humor, Joke.
Tags: , , , ,
30 comments

300px-Paradiso_Canto_31A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.

Ahead of him is a guy in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this cool dude, “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?”

“I’m Bruce, retired airline pilot from Toronto.”

Saint Peter consults his list and says, “Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.”

The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.

Next, it’s the priest’s turn.  He stands erect and booms out, “I am Father John, pastor of Saint Mary’s for the last 43 years.”

Saint Peter consults his list and says, ‘Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom.”

“Just a minute,” says the good father. “That pilot gets a silken robe and golden staff and I get only cotton and wood. How can this be?”

“Up here – we go by results,” says Saint Peter. “When you preached – people slept. When he flew, people prayed.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source: e-mail from an unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

Illustration:  Wikipedia ~ Heaven (in Public Domain)

Kona Grill & Motorworks Brewery June 15, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Exercise & Fitness, Food & Drink, Fun & Games, Humor.
Tags: , , , , ,
42 comments

A few weeks back, we went out for Happy Hour, starting with rum tasting at the Drum Circle Distillery.

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A few happy hours later, we ended the outing at Kona Grill where we shared an appetizer portion of smoked gouda fondue with pretzel bites and apple slices for dipping.

One appetizer and neither of us needed dinner that night.

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To make sure I got my full intake of salt, I ordered a margarita.

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Two days later, we went to Motorworks Brewery ~ the largest beer garden in Florida.

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There, we enjoyed great music, gorgeous weather, good beer.

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We used the putting green, tossed bean bags at Corn Holes, and rolled Bocce Balls around.

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We were about to leave and a couple from Tampa offered to buy me another flight of beer.  How could I refuse?

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Aah . . . that’s better!

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