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Caller ID September 2, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, Less IS More, Life Balance.

Is this where we are headed?  

Is this our future?

“Hello! Is this Gordon’s Pizza?”

“No sir – it’s Google Pizza.”

“I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.”

“No sir – Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.”

“OK. I would like to order a pizza.”

“Do you want your usual, sir?”

“My usual?  Do you know me?”

“According to our Caller ID Data Sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses – sausage – pepperoni – mushrooms and meat balls on a thick crust.

“Yeah, sure, that’s what I want.”

“May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta – arugula – sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat, gluten free, thin crust?”

“What? I detest vegetables.  Just give me my usual.”

“Your cholesterol is not good, sir.”

“How the hell do you know that?”

“Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.”

“I don’t care. I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.”

“Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drugsale Network, 4 months ago.”

“I bought more from another drugstore.”

“That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.”

“I paid in cash.”

“But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.”

“I have other sources of cash.”

“That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.”

“WHAT THE HELL? ! ! ! !”

“I’m sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.”

“Enough already! I’m sick to death of Google – Facebook – Twitter – WhatsApp and all the others!! I’m going to an island without internet – cable TV – where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me!!”

“I understand sir – but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago.”

Aah . . . that’s better?

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)


1. Jill Weatherholt - September 2, 2017

Sad, but so true. I’m ready to head to that island too, Nancy! Happy Saturday!

nrhatch - September 2, 2017

Smart technology does get to be a bit much at times. I found this joke to be rather sobering.

2. theonewaiting - September 2, 2017

Hahaha! Awesome! Exactly how I feel, too 😃

nrhatch - September 2, 2017

We’ll all head to a special cyber-free island!

theonewaiting - September 2, 2017

Sounds perfect! Although the irony of this interaction being online isn’t lost on me 😉

nrhatch - September 2, 2017

Ha! I will NOT sell your e-mail address to the highest bidder! 😀

3. Tippy Gnu - September 2, 2017

Yikes! It may be time to start buying those throwaway cell phones whenever you order a pizza.

nrhatch - September 2, 2017

Yes. Being cross-examined every time I want to order a pizza would get old fast.

4. Val Boyko - September 2, 2017

It does make you pause doesn’t it Nancy. Not in a calm centering way though 😉

nrhatch - September 2, 2017

My thought exactly, Val. I’m glad I lived “half” my life before cyber intrusion butted in.

5. Maggie Wilson - September 2, 2017

This is entirely possible. Which terrifies me.

nrhatch - September 2, 2017

It’s a pretty horrifying conversation thread. More so because it seems vaguely plausible.

6. Rainee - September 2, 2017

Wow! That says it all. Google knows me better than I know myself. Good one for Facebook I believe!

nrhatch - September 2, 2017

Feel free to share on FB . . . I’m sure the unknown author of the e-mail understands that’s how social media works! 😀

7. L. Marie - September 2, 2017

That’s hilarious and horrifying. And yes, we seem to be heading in that direction. Just ask Alexa, the device you can get from Amazon. Or ask Siri.

nrhatch - September 2, 2017

Yes! I hear it now:

“Siri, what did I have for breakfast today?”

“Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. You skipped breakfast. Your mother wonders where she went wrong.”

L. Marie - September 3, 2017

Ha ha!
Sadly, a friend who has Alexa mentioned that Alexa ordered stuff from Amazon that he hadn’t told it to order. Yikes.

nrhatch - September 3, 2017

I can see stores pre-programming Alexa, Siri, etc., to do on-line shopping for us . . . using our credit cards . . . without our permission!

8. joyroses13 - September 2, 2017

Oh great post… scary at how true it could actually become! Make room on the island for me!

nrhatch - September 2, 2017

Will do! And we can pack light ~ no cell phones, no tablets, no laptops, no passwords, no charging cords, etc.

Aah . . . bliss!

joyroses13 - September 2, 2017

🙂 🙂 🙂

nrhatch - September 2, 2017

Don’t forget your swimsuit!

9. Kate Crimmins - September 2, 2017

That’s not all that far from the truth. I get suggestions of things I would like….and I like them! How do they know?

nrhatch - September 2, 2017

I haven’t been impressed with the cyber suggestions I’ve received for movies to watch, books to buy, vacations to take, or places to dine. But that’s probably because I’m a “contrarian.” 😀

Kate Crimmins - September 2, 2017

It’s just a small selection that I like. There are also tons of stuff I can’t figure out why they are targeting me.

nrhatch - September 2, 2017

Some of the suggestions are “suspect” at best. 😀

10. Gail Kaufman - September 2, 2017

Reblogged this on Gail's Blog and commented:
Yes, this is where we are headed. Privacy is so last century. But that’s what society has craved; smarter machines so we don’t have to think for ourselves. Intuitive technology is one reason for Amazon’s success. Of course, the downside is that sometimes we get what we ask for.

nrhatch - September 2, 2017

I appreciate aspects of technology, but would happily trade off some of the “convenience” for more cyber security and privacy.

Gail Kaufman - September 2, 2017

Yes, but does the next generation feel this way not having known anything different?

nrhatch - September 2, 2017

I don’t know.

I tried to ask my nieces how they felt about the trade-off but I couldn’t pry them away from their smart phones long enough to get a straight answer.

11. mybeautfulthings - September 2, 2017

Oh yes, that feels all too possible – scary isn’t it? And funny! 🙂

nrhatch - September 2, 2017

I found this conversation thread very clever. But it is scary how much privacy we’ve lost due to technology. And I do NOT want the pizza guy cross-examining me on my dietary choices . . .

12. mybeautfulthings - September 2, 2017

I hope this gets through. I thought of you when I read it.


nrhatch - September 2, 2017

It’s not a live link so I can’t access it.

mybeautfulthings - September 2, 2017

Shame. I’ll see what I can do in the morning.

nrhatch - September 2, 2017

I’ll be on the lookout for it.

13. Joanne Sisco - September 2, 2017

I’d laugh if a version of this didn’t already happen to me this week.
I got a robot call informing me that a product I had bought back in the spring was under an unspecified recall.
1) ok, I guess I knew that stores tracked what we buy, but … creepy.

2) thanks, but no thanks. I purchased and ate the product the same day. This is now completely useless information to me.

3) WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET MY PHONE NUMBER?!! I don’t give out my real phone number. That would be stupid. Businesses get a fake number from me.
Sooooo??? What the hell …???

nrhatch - September 2, 2017

It’s amazing the info that’s circulating around about us . . . that we didn’t choose to put into circulation.

I’ll look up your # and give you a call this afternoon to discuss! 😀

Joanne Sisco - September 2, 2017

bwhahaha!! …. and what a nice chat we will have 🙂

nrhatch - September 2, 2017

Instead of having a convivial conversation with you, I spent the afternoon elbow-deep in old tax files. Fun Stuff!

14. wayfinder - September 2, 2017

Funny. Scary, but funny!

nrhatch - September 2, 2017

That sums it up perfectly.

15. Debra - September 2, 2017

Oh my, my my! I think this is probably all too close to reality, Nancy. Sometimes I wonder at how much I’ve already accepted it, and perhaps there will come a time when I’m really sorry. Do you think we can ever roll this trend back? My grandmother used to warn of this day. I think of her often and how she was ahead of her time. She passed long before social media and many of the data collecting methods of today, and my thought is always that she’d be appalled. She’d probably be equally appalled that I’ve contributed so much to it! LOL!

nrhatch - September 2, 2017

Your grandmother really was ahead of her time!

My grandmother in Vermont had a party line in her home . . . she could be on the phone when another party would pick up, and vice versa. I wonder if she ever checked it like people check their smart phones today? 😀

16. MSW - September 4, 2017

Scary but funny 🙂 You and your readers may enjoy this post Helping Hand or Cyber Stalker ?

nrhatch - September 4, 2017

I’m glad I don’t have a micro-manager watching my every move . . . although it might have a positive impact on my productivity! 😀

17. Anne Lene @ MinimalistSometimes - September 10, 2017

Oh gosh, this is funny in a kinda sad way.. since this could be soooo true in a not so distant future…

nrhatch - September 10, 2017

Let’s hope it never approaches this extreme. I don’t want to get into extended debates with the pizza guy.

Anne Lene @ MinimalistSometimes - September 10, 2017

Too true, me neither 😉

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