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Newspapers: Who Reads ‘Em? May 6, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
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Experts have found the following analysis to be nearly 100% accurate:

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country AND who are very good at crossword puzzles.

4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don’t really understand The New York Times.

5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn’t mind running the country, if they could find the time and if they didn’t have to leave Southern California to do it.

6. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren’t too sure who’s running the country and don’t really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.

7. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country.

8. The New York Post is read by people who don’t care who is running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

9. The Chicago Tribune is read by people in prison who used to run the state and would like to do so again, as would their constituents who are currently free on bail.

10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but like to review the baseball scores.

11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.

12. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren’t sure if there is a country or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are gay, handicapped, minority, feminist, atheists, and those who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy, provided of course, that they are not Republicans.

13. The Seattle Times is read by people who have recently caught a fish and need something to wrap it in.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

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Comments»

1. Jill Weatherholt - May 6, 2017

This sounds fairly accurate, Nancy. The comics are the best part!

nrhatch - May 6, 2017

When I get a “real” newspaper . . . I enjoy the comics, the puzzle page, and the lifestyles sections. I “endure” the rest. 😀

2. Rainee - May 6, 2017

That is very clever Nancy! I am sure there are some local nuances that went over my head but I enjoyed it anyway 🙂

nrhatch - May 6, 2017

Thanks, Rainee. Good point. Although oriented to newspapers in the US, some of the “personalities” involved cross international boundaries. 😀

3. Piglet in Portugal - May 6, 2017

Our grandkids don’t even know what a paper newspaper is! Apparently they’ve never seen one. So my joke: what is black and white and read all over fell flat

Excellent post, Nancy…

nrhatch - May 6, 2017

I used to LOVE that joke!

I miss the days of a morning newspaper and the 6 o’clock news on TV at night. Now, we are bombarded 24/7 with the antics in DC and elsewhere and never get away from the news (most of which isn’t very newsworthy).

crosscountrylifeblog - June 24, 2017

I completely agree with that “box of puppies found by side of building” “dog chases child for grahmcrackers” and all sorts of useless crap like that that nobody really needs or cares about.

nrhatch - June 24, 2017

Distractions are endless. It’s up to us to steer clear of them.

4. Kate Crimmins - May 6, 2017

Sounds about right! I still read a paper newspaper!

nrhatch - May 6, 2017

We pick up the island newspapers most weeks, but no longer subscribe to a daily newspaper. But I still like the puzzle pages!

5. Val Boyko - May 6, 2017

Brilliant! Thanks for the chuckle Nancy!

nrhatch - May 6, 2017

Glad you enjoyed . . . I got a real kick out of a few of these.

6. diannegray - May 6, 2017

I’m a crossword and cartoon kind of gal, Nancy. But you can really tell what kind of person you’re looking at in a cafe or on a bus by which newspaper they’re reading 😀

nrhatch - May 6, 2017

Me too! Puzzle page + Comics are the first thing (and sometimes the only thing) I turn to.

Sounds like the papers in Australia also have their own personalities.

7. Tippy Gnu - May 6, 2017

I’d say the Wall Street Journal is read by people who’d like to own the country, but can’t afford to. Why? First the subscription is very costly. And second, the stock tips contained within often lead readers to financial ruin.

nrhatch - May 6, 2017

I take it you’re not a fan. 😀

8. L. Marie - May 6, 2017

The Chicago Tribune analysis made me giggle. Sad but true.

nrhatch - May 6, 2017

Chicago + Gangstas = Perfect Together!

9. audriannajoy - May 8, 2017

Pretty funny….

10. Debra - May 9, 2017

Very clever and not too far from the truth! I read a few of these different papers and so I guess that makes me confused! 🙂

nrhatch - May 9, 2017

Not confused . . . diverse! 😀

11. Tiny - May 9, 2017

Ha! I think I’m running the country? I still read WP… a habit formed soon after entering the country at Dulles Airport all those years ago. This was a fun post, Nancy!

nrhatch - May 9, 2017

That’s OK . . . I wish someone with your perspective on nature were running the country.

12. Tammy - May 10, 2017

And now, how many of us really still get a paper?

nrhatch - May 10, 2017

Far fewer for sure.

13. livelytwist - May 14, 2017

Laughing out loud. I’m not familiar with all the papers, but I read the first three (online), when I have a moment. 🙂

nrhatch - May 14, 2017

My parents got the NY Times delivered when I was in my teens ~ the crossword puzzle early in the week was doable but it got progressively harder each day.

On Friday & Saturday, it was mostly beyond my ken.

14. crosscountrylifeblog - June 24, 2017

Wow, too funny! All I read the newspapers for is the co I s every now and then (don’t judge me I’m only 12)

nrhatch - June 24, 2017

Enjoy your cross country trip!

crosscountrylifeblog - June 24, 2017

Thank you so much! We’re already on it, started the day before yesterday 😁👍🏻


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