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How To Have A Good Conversation February 15, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Mindfulness, People.

Listen to others and let them know they have been heard . . .

Taking the best within us and sharing it with others benefits everyone. Nothing is too frivolous if it stems from loving kindness and compassion.

Making others feel good is NEVER a waste of time.

The first duty of love is to listen. ~ Paul Tillich

Aah . . . that’s better!



1. Val Boyko - February 15, 2017

Love it! Thinking of conversations in terms of interviewing and having something to learn, creates the shift πŸ’›
What did you take away from this video Nancy? πŸ˜‰

nrhatch - February 15, 2017

She made lots of great points but I’d sum up my take-away with: Be there. Be in the moment and go with the flow. Don’t drive past your headlights. Pay attention. Stay awake and aware. Don’t judge. Accept. LISTEN.

Val Boyko - February 15, 2017

I πŸ’› what you are saying Nancy .

nrhatch - February 16, 2017

I hear ya! πŸ˜€

2. Ally Bean - February 15, 2017

“Be prepared to be amazed.” She’s got that right! Oddly enough this talk is my master’s degree distilled to its essence. Fascinating.

nrhatch - February 15, 2017

What is your master’s in? Communication?

I bet you and I could have a good conversation . . . especially if we let Zen-Den and BFF toss a few zingers into the ring!

Ally Bean - February 15, 2017

Yes, it’s in Communication. I talk good & write pretty. 😎

nrhatch - February 15, 2017

You do!

3. Jill Weatherholt - February 15, 2017

After listening, I appreciate my flip phone even more. πŸ™‚ Good stuff!

nrhatch - February 15, 2017

We went to Disney (Epcot) yesterday ~> the number of faces buried in smart phones amazed me.

Some only stopped swiping pages long enough to take selfies. πŸ˜€

Jill Weatherholt - February 15, 2017

Shaking my head…

nrhatch - February 15, 2017

The Art of Conversation is becoming a lost art.

4. L. Marie - February 15, 2017

That was great, Nancy! Thanks for sharing that talk. I loved what she said, especially, “Assume you have something to learn” in a conversation. So wise.

I always feel a little sad when I see people engaged with their phones, instead of with those present in the room. She mentioned teens, but adults do this too.

nrhatch - February 15, 2017

Even sadder . . . toddlers do it!

We were at a neighbor’s house for happy hour a few weeks ago. While the adults chatted, a two-year-old sat on his butt and played with a smart phone. When anyone tried to catch his attention & interact with him, he became visibly “annoyed” at the interruption and immediately returned his full attention to the screen.

L. Marie - February 15, 2017

Wow. That is horrifying. 😦

nrhatch - February 16, 2017

It really is . . . and they wonder why his speech seems delayed.

5. Kate Crimmins - February 15, 2017

Simulating listening while crafting your response! So true. I only have a few friends that I really converse with. It’s always intense and exhausting because there is so much learning going on.

nrhatch - February 15, 2017

Excellent! It’s wonderful when we converse in ways that foster connection . . .

6. colonialist - February 15, 2017

That is a particularly good point about casting one’s own point of view in concrete before listening to the other person’s argument against it. Often one is so busy composing what you want to tell the other person that you don’t hear a word they say, but just wait impatiently for them to stop gabbing so you can get your bit in.

nrhatch - February 15, 2017

Yes. And vice versa. I quickly tire of “conversations” where it’s obvious that other person is inclined to TALK but not LISTEN.

7. Don - February 15, 2017

Thoroughly enjoyed it Nancy.

nrhatch - February 15, 2017

She’s a good speaker . . . and I bet she’d be a good listener too!

8. Tiny - February 16, 2017

Very good, enjoyed it! I tried to practice this while up in D.C. for the past couple of days. I saw your comment on the toddler…I hope I’ll never see such thing with my two grandies.

nrhatch - February 16, 2017

Glad you had a chance to practice the art of conversation . . . good conversations make us feel good.

Re the toddler: I wonder if the rise in Autism and Asperger’s is connected to our techno advances?

Tiny - February 16, 2017

I think you might be on the right track there, Nancy.

nrhatch - February 16, 2017

Here’s to finding the right balance!

9. Joanne Sisco - February 16, 2017

This was a great TED talk. I agree that we’ve become a society that no longer knows how to have a good conversation … the worst offenders (in my opinion) are the pontificators, those who make everything about them, and those who bury a story under a mountain of minutiae. The common thread is that they are the talkers.

It’s interesting that in her list, only 4 points were actually about listening. The other 6 points were about the talking part of the equation.

Personally, I think the issue is that we’ve become bad listeners because of all the bad talkers who are seeking attention/validation/admiration/appreciation/however. They make us zone out.

nrhatch - February 16, 2017

I think you are RIGHT!

I enjoy conversations more when people don’t use the “spotlight” to complain about remodeling woes or people who stepped on their toes or to share tedious minutiae regarding how their day goes!

10. roughwighting - February 16, 2017

Paul Tillach with such wise words makes this a post to press in my heart.

nrhatch - February 16, 2017

It’s a terrific quote!

11. Debra - February 22, 2017

Listening to others is important to me. I try not to spend time with friends if I’m at all concerned that my attention span is going to be limited. I really believe that active listening is a gift we can offer others and we all know the people in our lives who listen well and those who don’t. I try to pick and choose the frequency of my more intense social interactions. πŸ™‚

nrhatch - February 23, 2017

Good practice, Debra. But I have a confession to make:

I listen better when speakers have something to say. I lose interest when they just want to say something . . . droning on and on and on and on about renovations gone wrong, stale hurts and grievances, minor frustrations, shopping trips, and all other manner of minutiae. Much of what people talk about seems like such a waste of time.

As Joanne noted above, it’s hard to be a GOOD listener when faced with a BAD speaker.

When I attend the lecture series at the library, I can listen easily for an hour because there is a topic and the speakers stick to it. They aren’t just careening about, making noise like a pinball. πŸ˜€

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