When Nothing Goes Right . . . Go Left January 21, 2017Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, Life Balance, Word Play.
“I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.”
“Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions. Chocolate understands.”
“I think my soul mate might be carbs.”
“I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food!”
“Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.” ~ Lily Tomlin
“Please cancel my subscription to your issues.”
“If I was meant to be controlled, I would have come with a remote.”
“Don’t like me? That’s cool. I don’t wake up every day to impress you.”
“When I’m bored, I send a text to a random number saying, “I hid the body . . . now what?” ”
“Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.”
“When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.” ~ Will Rogers
“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” ~ Elbert Hubbard
Aah . . . that’s better!
Source: Funny Quotes About Life (Google)