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A Healthy Level Of Insanity January 7, 2017

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
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Donald-Duck-Diving

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on, point a hair dryer at passing cars and watch them slow down!

2. On all your check stubs, write, “For Sexual Favors.”

3. Skip down the street rather than walk, and see how many looks you get.

4. With a serious face, order a Diet Water when you go out to eat.

5. Pick up a box of condoms at the pharmacy, go to the counter and ask where the fitting room is.

Happy-Tiger6. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream ‘I Won! I Won!’

7. Go into a large department store’s fitting room, drop your drawers to your ankles, and yell out, “There’s no paper in here!”

8. Sing along at The Opera.

The-Pink-Panther9. Tell your children over dinner, “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go . . ..”

10. When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the car park, yelling, “Run For Your Lives! They’re Loose!”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source: Β E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

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Comments»

1. Tippy Gnu - January 7, 2017

All great suggestions for a healthy way to spend the weekend. I think I will for sure try the “diet water” trick.

nrhatch - January 7, 2017

Yay! Have fun . . .

2. derrycats - January 7, 2017

Thanks for the laugh! Good way to start the morning.

nrhatch - January 7, 2017

Hope your day overflows with mirth!

3. Jill Weatherholt - January 7, 2017

I seem to recall my father using number nine when my sister and I acted up at the dinner table. Happy Saturday, Nancy!

nrhatch - January 7, 2017

My parents threatened to send the boys to military school and the girls to a convent.

“Right . . . like anyone else would take us!” πŸ˜‰

4. Ruth - January 7, 2017

You always bring a smile! Thanks. Happy New Year to you. If we can remain sane in 2017 it will be nothing short of a miracle.

nrhatch - January 7, 2017

Thanks, Ruth! Here’s hoping that we remain on “an even keel” even if the world is tilting precariously around us.

5. Ally Bean - January 7, 2017

I like #6. Any time I get to shout “I won” is a win for me. πŸ˜‰

nrhatch - January 7, 2017

I can see myself doing that . . . it’s fun to take people by surprise and watch their reaction

6. William D'Andrea - January 7, 2017

I think you should rethink #1. Some people might think it’s a weapon; and you might have some explaining to do to the police.
I also think you should rethink #10. With all these mass shootings going on in public places, you might start a mass panic, which might also lead you to having to explain things, not only to the police; maybe even to a judge.
I wonder what you, as a former lawyer, think about these concerns?

nrhatch - January 7, 2017

Don’t worry . . .it’s only a joke. πŸ˜€

William D'Andrea - January 8, 2017

I often have the same problem when I’m writing humor, instead of speaking it. The reader doesn’t hear the vocal tones, and it doesn’t come with a laugh trac; so he or she thinks I’m being serious.

7. Under the Oaks - January 7, 2017

Funny! Waiters always look at me like “what the” when I ask for water with no ice or say no thank you to water. I can only imagine the reaction to diet water. I will have to give it a try!

nrhatch - January 7, 2017

You could pull it off, Pix! Have fun . . .

It’s a wet day outside. Maybe I’ll get something done for a change.

Under the Oaks - January 7, 2017

13F here, up from 2F earlier this morning… CH cleaned all the windows inside yesterday and I cleaned the hardwoods. Who knows what will get done today… fan dusting I think. We lead an exciting life… πŸ™‚

nrhatch - January 7, 2017

Ooh . . . fan dusting! You are living large!

8. Don - January 7, 2017

Good stuff, Nancy, especially the one on the ATM.

nrhatch - January 7, 2017

Here’s to tickling our funny bone chakras!

9. Kate Crimmins - January 7, 2017

I have ordered diet beer instead of light beer. Always gets a look.

nrhatch - January 7, 2017

Some people believe in a balanced diet ~> a beer in each hand!

10. no face woman - January 7, 2017

Sing along at the Opera – brilliant!

nrhatch - January 7, 2017

That’ll wake up the audience for sure!

no face woman - January 7, 2017

I would love to see someone do this!

nrhatch - January 7, 2017

Hopefully it won’t be someone who sounds like Florence Foster Jenkins!

11. Debra - January 7, 2017

This is one of the funniest lists I’ve ever read, and that’s not an exaggeration. #2 made me laugh out loud!

nrhatch - January 7, 2017

Yay! I’m glad you got a kick out of this list. Spreading laughter is what my Silly Saturday posts are all about.

12. Flying to Adventure--with Detours - January 8, 2017

I wish I has the nerve to do #4. Hilarious!

nrhatch - January 8, 2017

Give it a go! Your waiter might appreciate your sense of humor.

13. L. Marie - January 8, 2017

I would love to do #10!

nrhatch - January 9, 2017

We were at the Salisbury Zoo once when the Bison got out ~ they herded the humans into the education center while the zookeepers rounded up the AWOL animals.

Pretty funny since no one got hurt by the herd.

14. Tiny - January 9, 2017

Thanks for a good laugh to close off the weekend πŸ˜‚! Diet water it is.

nrhatch - January 9, 2017

Have fun this week, Tiny!

15. pagesbymaki - January 9, 2017

This is soooo me lol. Thank you thank you thank you.

nrhatch - January 9, 2017

Enjoy!

16. ThinkingChamber - January 9, 2017

laughter does a heart good. πŸ™‚

nrhatch - January 9, 2017

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

17. pix & kardz - January 9, 2017

this reminds me of a friend who can be full of beans – and actually asked a server in the restaurant if they had any kosher bacon. the server didn’t know and had to check in the kitchen, but neither the chef nor the manager was able to verify if their bacon was kosher or not… πŸ˜€

pix & kardz - January 9, 2017

believe it or not, unless it is a joke, there apparently is such a thing now… who knew!

nrhatch - January 9, 2017
18. Bun Karyudo - January 10, 2017

These are great! Number seven in particular made me laugh a lot. πŸ™‚

nrhatch - January 11, 2017

Glad you enjoyed, Bun. To great guffaws and laughter!

19. livelytwist - January 14, 2017

No. 10, Oh dear πŸ™‚

nrhatch - January 14, 2017

That really happened once . . . we were at the Salisbury Zoo in Maryland when the Bison got out of their enclosure ~ the zookeepers herded the humans into the education center and then rounded up the AWOL animals.

No one got hurt by the herding or the herd.

20. Joanne Sisco - January 16, 2017

I love your sense of humour.

I actually sat beside someone doing #8. He woke me up.

nrhatch - January 16, 2017

Haha! We used to have Season Tickets for the Symphony Orchestra for Sunday matinees . . . we kept falling asleep during performances, so we didn’t bother to renew our subscription!

Joanne Sisco - January 17, 2017

It falls under the category of I-won’t-know-until-I-try-it.

I actually don’t mind the symphony, but I’ve usually had enough by the first intermission.

nrhatch - January 17, 2017

We loved the music . . . but it always turned into a lullaby for us and off we went to the land of Nod.

On future Sundays, instead of going to the symphony, we would put on a nice classical CD and nap at home. πŸ˜€

21. Anne Lene @ MinimalistSometimes - February 6, 2017

Oh my, I’m having a fun morning catching up on your blog, love this list, lol

nrhatch - February 6, 2017

Yay! Glad you’re finding some amusing tidbits to get your day off to a good start. And it’s great to see you “out and about.”

Hope that means that you kicked the flu to the curb!

Anne Lene @ MinimalistSometimes - February 8, 2017

The flu is being a stubborn git, and is still holding on for dear life… but slowly and surely I’m kicking it to the curb πŸ˜‰ hopefully I’ll be all mended by next week πŸ˜‰

nrhatch - February 8, 2017

Fingers crossed for you, Anne. It’s been a tough road for you lately . . . with more than your fair share of potholes.

22. Lacey L. Bakker - May 13, 2017

I absolutely love your post! Thanks for sharing:)

nrhatch - May 13, 2017

Glad you enjoyed!


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