Elementary, My Dear Watson! October 15, 2016
Posted by nrhatch in Books & Movies, Humor, People.comments closed
Who’s the first literary character that springs to mind when you think Aquatics Safety?
Dr. Jekyll / Mr. Hyde?
The Green Hornet?
Homer Simpson?
Tarzan?
Robinson Crusoe?
Hold that thought.
The other day we arrived at the beach for our walk and noticed a red and white striped pavilion-style tent on the beach, with a film crew bustling about.
We walked over to find out what they were filming and to ascertain whether they had all the necessary permits to film on the beach.
Not that I know which permits are necessary, but it never hurts to expand one’s base of knowledge.
The director yelled, “CUT!”
Time for action.
I wandered over to ask what he was filming.
“Hi. What are you filming?”
“A training video.”
My litigation background kicked in and stood me in good stead as I countered his rather terse response with a question designed to elicit additional scintillating details.
“What kind of training video?”
“Aquatics Safety.”
Deciding to expand my base of knowledge elsewhere, I scanned past the hustle and bustle of the film crew and noticed two actors sitting on the sidelines studying their lines.
Of course, at that distance, I couldn’t be certain they were looking over the script. It could have been a Take Out Menu for lunch, but I suspected script.
Their distinctive dress was a dead giveaway. In less time than it takes to flip off my flip flops, I deduced they’d been cast as the first literary duo that springs to mind whenever one considers the topic of Aquatics Safety . . .
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson!
What’s that? You don’t see the glaringly obvious tie-in between Holmes, Watson, and Aquatics Safety?
Too bad. I had hoped you could clue me in.
Anyway, BFF and I watched a take or two and then I got a chance to talk to Sherlock during a break in filming.
“Sherlock, you lucky dog!”
“Pardon?”
“I see you are garbed in a wool cloak, a woolen vest, wool trousers, and a deerstalker cap.”
“Quite right.”
“You will, of course, agree that that gabardine garb would be quite unbearable and, indeed, vastly uncomfortable, if the temperature here on the beach hovered in the mid- to upper-90’s . . . as it has for at least 98 of the past 100 days.”
“Agreed.”
“And I suspect you will also concur that, given the sudden recent shift in weather from the standard seasonal summer setting of “BLAZING HOT” to autumn’s vastly more reasonable”FUN IN THE SUN,” your gabardine get-up will NOT cause your get up and go to get up and go before the director’s done filming.”
“Quite so.”
“If you will permit me, I will go so far as to venture one further observation. And that is this: In light of the gorgeous cooling breeze blowing inland from the Gulf, you, despite your attire, will NOT perspire or expire from extreme heat exhaustion, no matter how many takes the director takes.”
“Indeed.”
“Ergo. Ipso. Facto. E Pluribus Unum. Quid Pro Quo. Res Ipsa Loquitar.”
“Yes! Yes! Exactly right. I see the reasoning of your logic and the logic of your reasoning.”
“I thought you might.”
“I am, indeed, one lucky dog.”
“Now, tell me old chap. Just what do you and Watson have to do with Aquatics Safety?”
“Haven’t the foggiest.”
Aah . . . that’s better!
Spirit Lights The Way 