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Restrain Your Self! September 10, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, People.

Wikipedia ~ Handcuffs (in Public Domain)

After a short but heated criminal  trial, the judge asked the defendant if he would like to say anything before the court passed sentence.

Nodding, the defendant jumped to his feet.

His attorney reached out to restrain him . . . to no avail.

Staring defiantly at the judge, the defendant grinned, “Yeah, I got somethin’ to say.”

As defense counsel cradled his head in his hands and prepared for the worst, the defendant smirked and said,  “Your honor, you’re a fat, four-eyed son-of-a-bitch!”

With that, the defendant sat down, a smug look of satisfaction on his face.

His attorney looked toward the judge, hoping the judge would have a sense of humor about the comment.

With a small smile tugging the corners of his mouth, the judge peered over his glasses at the defendant and drawled, “Well, I daresay you may be right about your first two observations . . .”

After pausing to remove and clean his glasses, the judge dropped the other shoe, “but that last comment is going to cost you an extra 90 days.”

“Defendant is hereby remanded to custody . . . ”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Self Restraint . . . you never know when it might save you some time.

Inspiration:  a joke I heard many moons ago



1. Tippy Gnu - September 10, 2016

Looks like that last comment was a self-fulfilling prophecy.

nrhatch - September 10, 2016

Some people are their own worst enemies.

2. Jill Weatherholt - September 10, 2016

After working 30 years in the legal field, I’ve found most court rooms are void of a sense of humor. : ) Happy Saturday, Nancy!

nrhatch - September 10, 2016

I’ve read a few humor in the courtroom books that had me in stitches ~ trials can be a veritable gold mine of humor nuggets.

3. Kate Crimmins - September 10, 2016

Hope he felt a lot better after that rant! Sometimes you want to do something but you know you’ll pay for it afterwards.

nrhatch - September 10, 2016

Sometimes it’s better to think “it” without giving “it” voice.

4. Under the Oaks - September 10, 2016

I am always worrying about saying the wrong thing! I would have never went that far!!!!!

nrhatch - September 10, 2016

Of course not. You’re in a different class, Pix. Some criminal defendants don’t have a problem breaking the law . . . they’re just pissed that they got caught.

Under the Oaks - September 10, 2016

I would have never been in that situation in the first place… 😀 I should wait to comment until I am fully awake!!!!

nrhatch - September 10, 2016

Haha! I wondered if you had a secret past I hadn’t heard about!

5. Bun Karyudo - September 10, 2016

He should have chosen his words more carefully (e.g. beloved offspring of an attractive and intelligent border collie).

anotherday2paradise - September 10, 2016

Haha 😆

nrhatch - September 10, 2016

Perfect! A veiled insult disguised as a compliment.

6. anotherday2paradise - September 10, 2016

A judge with such sense of humour. I guess he wasn’t joking around when he handed down the sentence. 😀

nrhatch - September 10, 2016

I can’t imagine being cooped up in my house for 90 days . . . and home is my favorite place to be!

Being slammed into the slammer = NOT FUN!

7. colonialist - September 10, 2016

It is always a bad mistake to include relations of the insultee!

nrhatch - September 10, 2016

Exactly! The best way to avoid being held in contempt of court is by refusing to engage in ad hominem attacks in the courtroom.

Especially those directed at the judge before sentencing.

colonialist - September 10, 2016

Whether the satisfaction would outweigh the penalty is the question if one should remark, ‘No finding of contempt of court can go a fraction towards expressing the contempt this court deserves to be held in.’

nrhatch - September 10, 2016

I can see some defendants willing to toss the dice . . . Hey, what’s another 90 days when you’re facing a life sentence?

Of course, I doubt they would be as eloquent as you in displaying their contempt.

8. Joanne Sisco - September 10, 2016

It reminds me of something I was told long ago – never burn a bridge, no matter how much satisfaction you think you might get from it. It’s a small world and you might need that bridge again someday.

nrhatch - September 10, 2016

I have said a few “choice words” in anger a time or two . . . but never by insulting a judge just before sentencing.

You reminded me of a Fogelberg song:

Lessons learned are like bridges burned
You only need to cross them but once
Is the knowledge gained worth the price of the pain
Were the spoils worth the cost of the hunt

Joanne Sisco - September 12, 2016

Some lessons are certainly harsher than others!

nrhatch - September 12, 2016

Yes. Actions have consequences . . . and they’re not always pleasant.

9. Val Boyko - September 10, 2016

Lessons learned .. Love ur Nancy 🙂

nrhatch - September 11, 2016

The more mindful we are, the fewer our missteps.

10. diannegray - September 11, 2016

This is a valuable lesson, Nancy. Never burn any bridge, no matter how bad things seem to be at the time 😉

nrhatch - September 11, 2016

Yes. Momentary satisfaction rarely outweighs 90 extra days in the slammer.

11. L. Marie - September 12, 2016

Wow. Open mouth. Insert foot. 🙂

nrhatch - September 12, 2016

He’s the poster child for that concept! 😀

12. Barb - September 13, 2016

I love that saying. “The more mindful we are, the fewer the missteps.”

nrhatch - September 13, 2016

Thanks, Barb . . . when we are awake and aware, the way teaches us the way. We know what to do and how to be.

13. Debra - September 15, 2016

If I ever need to think about using restraint, a little or a lot, I hope this story will resound in my ear! 🙂

nrhatch - September 15, 2016

Ha! If you decide to “let ’em have it!” . . . may you gain from the process.

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