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No Fooling Home Schooling April 16, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, People.

Huey,-Dewey-And-LouieMany of us were HOME SCHOOLED . . .

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

4. My father taught me LOGIC.

“Because I said so, that’s why.”

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .

“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”

Donald-Duck-Driving6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

7. My father taught me IRONY.

“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

“Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

Little-Miss-Scatterbrain12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times, don’t exaggerate!”

13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out…”

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .

“Stop acting like your father!”

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

“Just wait until we get home.”

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

“You are going to get it from your father when you get home!”

Donald-Ducka18 . My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”

19. My mother taught me ESP .

“Put your sweater on.  I know you are cold.”

20. My father taught me HUMOR.

“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”


22. My mother taught me GENETICS.

“You’re just like your father.”

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.

25. My father taught me about KARMA .

“One day you’ll get yours . . . and have kids who act just like you!”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)


1. Jill Weatherholt - April 16, 2016

I think we went to the same school, Nancy. These are great!

nrhatch - April 16, 2016

Yes! Even without a “Rule Book for Parents,” the same sayings echo from house to house and neighborhood to neighborhood.

2. Kate Crimmins - April 16, 2016

These sound very familiar.

nrhatch - April 16, 2016

I heard #4 a lot. With 4 kids, mom didn’t have time to argue about the logic of her edicts.

Kate Crimmins - April 16, 2016

It doesn’t matter how many. Mom only had me (my brothers were already out of the house) and her logic was the same.

nrhatch - April 16, 2016

Hard for kids to counter such a definitive statement.

3. BunKaryudo - April 16, 2016

I guess these must be universal. I’ve heard almost all of them at one time or another. I’m embarrassed to admit I’ve even said some of them too.

nrhatch - April 16, 2016

They did sound familiar, but when I looked at them more carefully I realized that I hadn’t heard them from my parents (except for #4).

I must have seen them on TV or read them in books as part of my “cultural immersion.”

BunKaryudo - April 16, 2016

Some were word for word identical (e.g. were you born in a barn, because I said so). Others had slight variations in wording, but were basically the same. e.g.

10. You’ll sit there until all those potatoes have gone. (I like spinach.)
11. This room looks as if a herd of elephants rampaged through it.
20. If you kill yourself on that bicycle, don’t come running to me.

The similarity is in the basic pattern and in the tone.

nrhatch - April 16, 2016

Exactly the right tone, Bun. Make sure to pass a few of them along to your kids so they don’t feel deprived of parental wisdom.

4. Under the Oaks - April 16, 2016

Haha! Very funny this morning, Nancy!!! I think I have heard them all except #5 and #19. Have a wonderful Saturday!

nrhatch - April 16, 2016

My parents were reason-able and never threatened violence (e.g., #3, #7, #13). The biggies in our house ~ #4 and #10.

Mom wanted us to be members of the “Clean Plate Club.”

But they all held a ring of familiarity from TV shows like “Good Times” and “All In The Family.”

5. Kathy Waller - April 16, 2016

Variation on #19: Yes, you have to wear your hair in a pony tail. When you wear it down, it makes my neck hot.

nrhatch - April 16, 2016

Haha! What’s good for the goose is good for the gander . . . and the gosling!

6. Eileen - April 16, 2016

Some things are obviously universal and have no expiration date! Recognized them all.

nrhatch - April 16, 2016

That familiarity got me thinking about the enormous influence TV has had on our cultural immersion and submersion.

Different parents, same upbringing.

7. William D'Andrea - April 16, 2016

My mother was always saying, “I’ll tell Daddy when he gets home.”
Once, when I was 7, I made the mistake of replying, “Oh, you always say you’re gonna tell him, but you never do.”
I learned something very important from that:
To keep my mouth shut.

nrhatch - April 16, 2016

Sometimes the less said the better ~> less is more!

8. anotherday2paradise - April 16, 2016

I heard many of these when I was a kid. I’ve since found out that “Eat your cabbage, it will make your hair curl” was a lie. 😦

nrhatch - April 16, 2016

Ha! I never heard that one. Some motherly advice flowed from fiction, not fact.

anotherday2paradise - April 16, 2016


9. Carol Ferenc - April 16, 2016

Oh, boy, these take me back! So funny!!!

nrhatch - April 16, 2016

This is quite a collection of parental utterances. Glad you enjoyed, Carol.

10. diannegray - April 16, 2016

I’ve heard most of these from my parents, Nancy! Parents must have some kind of psychic connection no matter where you live in the world 😀

nrhatch - April 16, 2016

Yes! Although the sayings might vary in other languages. Maybe Timi will weigh in with some of her parents’ Nigerian sayings.

11. Tiny - April 16, 2016

I heard many of these, or very similar ones, but not in English language. Home schooling seems to be universal 🙂

nrhatch - April 17, 2016

It does ~ from Europe to Australia to the Americas to Africa. Not sure about Antarctica or Asia.

12. Behind the Story - April 17, 2016

Hilarious!! I’m surprised there are so many of these and that I’ve heard most of them somewhere or other. “Because I said so” is the one I remember.

nrhatch - April 17, 2016

“Because I said so” is the one that jumped out at me too. We heard that a lot!

BTW: I just finished reading two books that might interest you:

* When The Emperor Was Divine
* The Hotel on the Corner of Bitter & Sweet

Both deal with the Japanese Internment during WWII. The first from the perspective of a Japanese family. The second from the perspective of a young Chinese/American boy in love with a Japanese/American girl.

Behind the Story - April 17, 2016

Thank you, Nancy, for the recommendations. I haven’t read When the Emperor Was Divine yet, I’ll have to have a look.

nrhatch - April 17, 2016

I found both books interesting and thought provoking, but The Hotel on the Corner of Bitter & Sweet had more “heart.”

13. mybeautfulthings - April 17, 2016

Thank you for these! I could hear my parents’ voices as I read through these! 🙂

nrhatch - April 17, 2016

Parents speaking a Universal Language. Glad you enjoyed.

14. Paula Tohline Calhoun - April 17, 2016

Hey there! We attended the same school! Now I remember you. You were the other little brat I palled around with and spit-balled with when teachers Mom snd Dad weren’t looking.

So good to read you again! 😆

nrhatch - April 17, 2016

I never shot spit balls . . . always rubber bands!

15. L. Marie - April 18, 2016

I’ve heard some of those from my parents! Hilarious.

One can do double duty: My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY/HYPERBOLE:.

“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times, don’t exaggerate!”

nrhatch - April 18, 2016

Yes! But if you took the time to politely point that out to your parents, you would likely hear:

“Do as I say . . . not as I do!”

16. Ally Bean - April 18, 2016

“10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. ‘You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.'”

Made me laugh. I learned this one quite well. My mother was relentless about the eating of vegetables. And spinach was my nemesis.

nrhatch - April 18, 2016

For me it was meat. I would eat the smallest piece I could while still being “eligible” for dessert!

17. livelytwist - April 18, 2016

Ha ha ha! And we love them for it… much later!

nrhatch - April 18, 2016

Exactly! In part because #24 is true.

18. Debra - April 20, 2016

I just loved these! Apparently there are some universal truths we were ALL taught as children! 🙂

nrhatch - April 20, 2016

A global connection via parental nudges.

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