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Communication Is Key March 26, 2016

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, People.
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170px-PuckCoverA judge, interviewing a South Carolina woman regarding her pending divorce, asks, “What are the grounds for your divorce?”

“About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.”

“No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?”

“Concrete, brick, and mortar.”

“I mean,” he continued, “what are your relations like?”

Tiggers-R-Us“I have an aunt and uncle and 12 cousins living here in town, as well as my husband’s parents.  They’re all good folk.”

The judge took a deep breath and asked, “Do you have a real grudge?”

“No, we have a two-car carport and have never really needed one cuz we don’t have a car.”

“Please,” he tried again, “is there any infidelity in your marriage?”

Woodstock-&-Snoopy2“Yes, my son and daughter both have stereo sets. We don’t like the music – all that hip hop and rap tap – but we can’t seem to do anything about it.”

“Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?”

“Yes, every morning.”

“Every morning?”

“Yes, he gets up every morning before I do and makes the coffee.”

The judge asked, “Is your husband a nagger?”

“Oh, hell no, he’s as white as you and me!”

Little-Miss-ScatterbrainFinally, in frustration, the judge asked, “Lady, why in hell do you want a divorce?

“I don’t want a divorce.  I’ve never wanted a divorce, my husband does. The damn fool says he can’t communicate with me.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  E-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

 

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Comments»

1. mybeautfulthings - March 26, 2016

Love it! Thank you for the smile. 🙂

nrhatch - March 26, 2016

Sometimes we don’t speak the same language even if we’re speaking the same language. 😛

2. Rainee - March 26, 2016

That was really funny! Thanks Nancy 🙂

nrhatch - March 26, 2016

Southern accents can be a droll drawl, ya’ll. :mrgreen:

3. jannatwrites - March 26, 2016

I don’t think the husband will have difficulty convincing the judge 🙂

nrhatch - March 26, 2016

Exactly right, Janna. She’s really given him an earful. 😀

4. Patricia - March 26, 2016

Living in SC this all made sense to me.

nrhatch - March 26, 2016

Her communication skills are tangled in twang! :mrgreen:

5. Carol Ferenc - March 26, 2016

LOL!! Give the poor guy the divorce 🙂

nrhatch - March 26, 2016

Agreed! He’s suffered enough. 😛

6. anotherday2paradise - March 26, 2016

The poor judge, not to mention the husband! The husband really does need to make his escape. 😀

nrhatch - March 26, 2016

If he escapes, will she be able to connect the dots?
I’m guessing . . . NO. 😛

7. Jill Weatherholt - March 26, 2016

Having worked in a domestic relations law firm for 18 years, you know this made me laugh. Thanks, Nancy!

nrhatch - March 26, 2016

Some courtroom conversations are like enjoying a big slice of Chuckle Cake! 😀

8. Val Boyko - March 26, 2016

I feel for all those in relationship with someone like this. Her obliviousness is funny with a tinge of sadness…. That’s what humor is about 🌞

nrhatch - March 26, 2016

Who knows . . . he could be just as clueless. :mrgreen:

Val Boyko - March 26, 2016

True Nancy 🐰

9. Tiny - March 26, 2016

Oh oh. Very funny! And well explained 😁

nrhatch - March 26, 2016

Glad you enjoyed, Tiny!

10. Naomi - March 27, 2016

Thanks for the Lol Nancy 😀 And for the reminder to be mindful of my communication!

nrhatch - March 27, 2016

She’s like a mindless Mynah . . . focused on free association rather than 2-way communication.

11. reocochran - March 27, 2016

Oh my, shows the frailties of poor listeners or bad hearing! I would leave her, too, if I were her husband! 😀
Have a happy day and if you celebrate, Happy Easter, Nancy. ~**~ Smiles, Robin

nrhatch - March 27, 2016

She needs to read The Zen of Listening and practice being mindfully in the moment.

Here, Now, where conversations take place. 😛

reocochran - March 27, 2016

So true, I may benefit from this book, too. Thank you, Nancy for a great suggestion! Have a fun week with laughter included!

nrhatch - March 28, 2016

The Zen of Listening mirrors the Zen of Living ~> be mindful, pay attention, be awake and aware. That’s it.

Easy . . . after lots and lots of practice.

12. brickhousechick - March 27, 2016

Ha!!!! Love it!! 😜. She just keeps on talking totally oblivious to what’s really happening and not really taking the time to understand the judge. Yup, sounds like most of us! 😩

nrhatch - March 27, 2016

Yup! We’re in the midst of an epidemic ~ easily distracted people surrounded by a distraction or two . . . thousand! A recipe for miscues and missed opportunities.

So glad that you and your mom are connecting this week!

13. diannegray - March 27, 2016

Haaaa – unfortunately I know people like this! 😉

nrhatch - March 30, 2016

Me too!

14. Under the Oaks - March 28, 2016

I will have to check out The Zen of Listening. My Mom-in-law is like this but it’s a hearing problem. It’s exhausting but I know she feels bad about it too and it is much harder for her.
Good Morning!

nrhatch - March 28, 2016

Hearing (and listening) problems are a barrier to communication. Both are exacerbated by external and internal noise . . . or anything that distracts us.

Often, when we quiet our minds with meditation, our listening skills improve.

15. suzicate - March 28, 2016

Bwahaha!

nrhatch - March 28, 2016

That’s what I say! 😛

16. livelytwist - March 30, 2016

“The damn fool says he can’t communicate with me.”

Small wonder! I bet the judge granted the divorce pronto 🙂

nrhatch - March 30, 2016

Unless the judge wants to keep her out of circulation . . .

17. Debra - April 2, 2016

Oh my! She wins the “clueless award” of all time! 🙂

nrhatch - April 2, 2016

Yes! And not the best conversationalist ~> trying to communicate with someone like that is exhausting.


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