You Are NOT “All That” March 9, 2016
Posted by nrhatch in Mindfulness, People, Spirit & Ego.trackback
My nieces and nephews adored us when they were too little to know any better.
Now, with the utmost discernment, they let us know that we are NOT “all that” any more.
Should we be hurt?
Of course not.
Just because Ego enjoyed the adoration that flowed from their younger selves doesn’t mean that Ego is entitled to it for the duration.
* If Ego wants something, and gets it, Ego may be happy for a time. Until a new desire arises.
* If Ego wants something, and we withhold it, Ego may be unhappy for a time. Until a new distraction arises.
The cause of Ego’s happiness or unhappiness is the thoughts Ego chooses to think.
Ego is a toddler, often in the throes of the terrible twos. Giving in to Ego’s incessant demands each time Ego insists it “needs” something, doesn’t help in the long run.
Once Ego’s current “needs” have been met, Ego will desire something else and something else and something else.
What Ego really needs is to grow up and realize that it makes no sense to put its happiness in someone else’s pocket.
The pain of rejection at the level of Ego is often the catalyst for spiritual growth.
Once Ego realizes that happiness lies within, it begins to see through the illusion that it “needs” anything other than what it already has.
With that shift in perspective, self-created suffering dissipates into the ether.
We realize that we ARE “all that” . . . and MORE!
Aah . . . that’s better!
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Spirit Lights The Way 
Oh, can I relate to this, Nancy. I rarely hear from my nieces and nephew anymore, but I try not to get upset. I remember how I was in my 20’s. 🙂
When my brother’s three were tiny tots, they met us at the front door, faces pressed to the glass in eager anticipation of our visit ~ we felt as esteemed in their eyes as Santa Claus.
As they grew into their teen years, we felt special if they looked up from their smart phones and video games long enough to acknowledge our presence. 😛
Very true. As nieces, nephews and also grandchildren grow up, they are less in need of their older relatives. It doesn’t worry me in the least, as long as I know that they’re happy and doing well. 🙂
That’s it, Sylvia! They are NOT here to make us happy ~ they are here to BE happy. And if they are, we can BE happy for them even without acknowledgement and applause.
But . . . I am “secretly” delighted that my niece invited me to go with her, her sister, and my sister to shop for her wedding gown this weekend. 😎
How exciting! 😃
I’m excited. I’ve never been to a Bridal Shop before because my mother’s wedding dress suited me perfectly and my sister asked mom to make her dress.
So this will be a first for all four of us . . . followed by a birthday celebration for the same niece.
The great thing is now we can socialize on an adult level. Though they were so cute and funny, I really enjoy talking with them now about life and common interests. I’m really loving that our children no longer think they are too cool to hang with Mom and Dad, ha!
It’s wonderful when we embrace the “what is” (whatever it is at the moment) because that’s where happiness resides.
The past is gone and cannot be reclaimed . . . no matter how fast we chase the droplets down the stream..
I think teenagers, in the form of nieces and nephews, are hilarious. They teach us adults as much about who we are by ignoring us, as we believe we teach them about who they’ll become by sharing our wisdom. The reality? We’re all just people on different points along the path, doing our thing, hoping to put ego in its place.
Super well put, Ally Bean. That is it. Different points along the paths . . . different perspectives.
Of course, their egos are entering a growth spurt as well right now! … and they look elsewhere to feed theirs.
xo
They’re more invested in their preferences and priorities and, therefore, less willing to “drop what they’re doing” and come running when we visit. That’s OK.
We still share love, laughter, and smiles . . . without the Ego Boost. 😉
Now that’s always good for the soul 💛
Yes!
Not that it matters, nor do I care, yet I have a (23 y.o.) nephew who still considers me ‘simply the best’ (his words). I suspect the time will come when he feels otherwise and I’ll be okay with that, then. 🙂
Awesome! We still get along and have fun with all 10 of our nieces and nephews (aged 12 – 25) but the flavor of our interactions is different than when they were tiny tots.
Then we could do no wrong . . . no matter what.
Now we can. 😛
Other than the nephew referenced, your interactions mirror mine with the rest of my nieces/nephews. Cue Doris Day… Que sera… 🙂
Just so! Whatever will be, will be.
But being “simply the best” in the eyes of a chosen few lets us know that we are doing something right. Hope you and your nephew continue in that vein.
Our nieces and nephews are adults now with spouses and children of their own and they are BUSY! But we love hearing from them and our niece is close in St. Lou so we do get to see her, her husband, and their little boy… 🙂 Worker dudes are still working… sigh. Good news is that they show up on time and they work! Have fun shopping with your niece for her wedding dress and her birthday celebration!
We’re keeping our fingers crossed that one or more of our nieces and nephews will “settle” in FL ~ right now, with some in college, they spend their time in NJ (2), Chicago (2), Virginia (1), Colorado (2), GA (1), PA (1), and MD (1). But two return home to their nest in Orlando a few times a year ~ including this week for Spring Break! Yay!
Hope the worker dudes “finish ‘er up” and clear off the Tiny Ten soon.
“The pain of rejection at the level of Ego is often the catalyst for spiritual growth.” So true, Nancy. I don’t hear from my nieces and nephews all that much either. But I know where they are. 🙂
What amazes me is how F~A~S~T they grew from tiny tots to teens to young adults. I wouldn’t want to retard their development, but it would be nice to be able to press a R~E~W~I~N~D button and take a time travel trip backwards.
Losing the esteem of kids, once they grow, is the natural order of things. I remember doing it to my aunts and uncles, in my teens. Fortunately, I grew out of that phase soon enough.
I only have one aunt and uncle ~ husband and wife ~ who have 3 kids (my only cousins). When we got together with them in Vermont, everyone got together. It was great!
In contrast my siblings and their kids were spread out from NJ to CO to Florida so that reunions were few and far between. And now, they are even more spread out from Chicago to Erie PA to Georgia to Virginia. It would take a month to visit them all.
So, I’ll enjoy my memories and hope that a few settle in or near FL for the long haul.
I think your story is similar to many families these days. Social media helps to keep in touch but there’s nothing like being there in person.
Exactly!
This is so beautifully put, Nancy. I love the sentence, “What Ego really needs is to grow up and realize that it makes no sense to put its happiness in someone else’s pocket.” I read this about five times just taking it in. I must say that I have had a similar experience with my nieces and nephew. There were the years we were so close and now they have their own lives and their own families, and their children don’t think we are anything all that special. LOL! My ego was briefly bruised, I must admit. Ha!
Thanks, Debra. It stings a bit when those we love no longer have time for us. Reminds me of “Puff the Magic Dragon” and Jackie Paper. Or Harry Chapin’s “The Cats In The Cradle.”
The more spread out we are, the more spread out our visits.
How different life would be
If we lived in close proximity
Stopping by with regularity
To chat over coffee or tea
Aah . . . that’s better!
I’ve been working on not putting my happiness in other peoples pockets, and it helps, the circle of life goes on, even with my oft times dreadful Ego! 😉
I love the freedom we gain by reclaiming the reins!