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Dive Deep July 21, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Life Balance, Mindfulness, People.

ChessIt’s challenging to be around people (even those we adore), when they seek constant reassurance and admiration for each new handbag or pair of shoes.

Or desire that we mirror their shifting emotions (from glad to mad to sad).

Or ask that we validate their daily choice of books, sports, movies, or “must see TV.”

Mickey-Diver“And yet not choice but habit rules the unreflecting herd.” ~ William Wordsworth

Here’s to diving DEEP . . . far below the distracting currents!

Aah . . . that’s better!

Related post:  Stuck in the Shallows (Find Your Middle Ground) * 5 Reasons to Stop Ignoring Negative Emotions (Think Simple Now)



1. Jill Weatherholt - July 21, 2015

Some days it seems I can’t go deep enough, Nancy.

nrhatch - July 21, 2015

As we learn to silence the mind, our present moment awareness increases. Instead of being actors on the stage of life, tossed around by daily dramas and stormy seas, we become observers in the audience watching as each moment and scene unfolds.

2. Hariod Brawn - July 21, 2015

There’s little so emotionally draining as encounters with the self-centred and self-obsessed other.

nrhatch - July 21, 2015

Parasitic people can suck the life energy out of us if we aren’t vigilant. 🙄

3. Val Boyko - July 21, 2015

Thanks for the link Nancy. Just as I start to read your post, i thought … oh yes … I’ve been there too. It take energy to try to be like someone else!

Val Boyko - July 21, 2015

… and is a great lesson on patience to be in their company.

nrhatch - July 21, 2015

The single most powerful thing on earth is the power to choose a thought, a response, a habit, a life.

4. Don - July 21, 2015

I’ve done that. Hard and as you say extremely challenging, Nancy. I’ve often wondered how healthy it is to continue in our doing it.

nrhatch - July 21, 2015

One of our greatest failures is making ourselves victims of the failures of others.

5. Pix Under the Oaks - July 21, 2015

I used to be able to dive pretty deep when I was a kid at the Elk’s Club pool. It’s a bit harder now in the distracting currents, but I can do it… I think I can… 🙂 I clicked your link to Val’s post. I am going to go back and read again.
Good Morning!

nrhatch - July 21, 2015

As detached observers, we interact with others in a more deliberate manner ~ with fewer automatic and habitual knee-jerk reactions to idle chit-chat around the water cooler. Life seems calmer and slower, more peaceful and less precarious.

Aah . . . that’s better!

6. Kate @ Did That Just Happen? - July 21, 2015

Oh my gosh, so true! It’s hard to spend to much time validating others! Of course, having said that… the other day I sent a text to my friend with whatever issue it was and flat out told them “I am struggling and just need some validation” 😉 But I don’t do it very often, I’ve gotten better at being me, but it’s nice to have those there for me when I needed it!

nrhatch - July 21, 2015

I’ve been keeping an eye on Ego. This week, Ego acted up while I played a game and then when we went bowling. Both times Ego wanted to WIN!!!

Dashing Ego’s hopes, I lost. And laughed. I mean really, would I be a better person if I won at Yahtzee? :mrgreen:

Sometimes we think we need external validation when “we” don’t. It’s just an Ego think.

7. L. Marie - July 21, 2015

Very true, Nancy. Most of the time, people mention a show I should be watching and I’ve never seen a minute of it. Or a brand of clothing is mentioned and I’ve never heard of it. So I get the “You must be a hermit” look. Yet when they’re hurting, they don’t bring up those items.

nrhatch - July 21, 2015

Yup! People desire validation that the choices they are making are the “right” ones . . . even when they are unimportant and irrelevant trivial choices like “must see TV.” :mrgreen:

8. William D'Andrea - July 21, 2015

Many things would be so much easier if we all just leave our egos at the door.

nrhatch - July 21, 2015


9. NancyTex - July 21, 2015

Totally agree. And yet… when the individual is ranting on about how badly they’ve been wronged, or crying about how badly they’ve been hurt, or crowing about how amazing their life is – even when I know it’s a cry for attention on all fronts – why is it that what I feel is guilt if I don’t jump in to commiserate?

nrhatch - July 21, 2015

Hmmm . . . sometimes it’s not “guilt” that causes us to commiserate with the Crowers and the Cry Babies, it’s our Ego prompting us to “chime in” because Ego feels validated that “they” want to share their trials and tribulations with us. And because Ego wants “them” to like us.

Other times, it is guilt . . . albeit misplaced.

I know a few people who want to use me as their approved flotation device. When they feel like they are “going under” (even for the stupidest reason), they want to climb up on my shoulders and have me save them by helping them shift perspectives.

To get me to “play along,” they attempt to manipulate me with compliments: “Talking with you always cheers me up. I feel so much better after talking to you!”

My response: “That’s nice. But it’s not my job to cheer you up and steer you in the right direction. That’s YOUR job.”

10. granny1947 - July 21, 2015

People with low self esteem can be SO exhausting.

nrhatch - July 21, 2015

Except for people who want to be “needed” by needy needy people! 😛

11. anotherday2paradise - July 21, 2015

Some people don’t go any deeper than shallow. 😦

nrhatch - July 21, 2015

That’s one reason I enjoy blogging ~> a wider gamut of subjects than encountered while wading in the shallows.

anotherday2paradise - July 21, 2015

For sure. 🙂

12. diannegray - July 21, 2015

Sometimes I dive in deep and surround myself with that air bubble, Nancy. Protecting my energy from others is something I’ve had to become adept at over the years 😉

nrhatch - July 21, 2015

Yes. Climb into the air bubble and F~L~O~A~T!

diannegray - July 21, 2015

LOL – will do! 😀

13. Tiny - July 23, 2015

How do you always speak the truth, Nancy? Spot on.

nrhatch - July 24, 2015

Thanks, Tiny! It’s a gift. 😎

14. Debra - July 24, 2015

I don’t have too many occurrences where I feel I’m asked to validate superficial choices or decisions, but it seems to me that somehow I’ve attracted “too many” who expect that I will mirror their emotions. And if I don’t, the clamoring just gets louder. I work very hard at disengaging, but it’s exhausting even needing to take that step! I will picture the air bubbles and floating. 🙂

nrhatch - July 24, 2015

Yes! Outraged Drama Queens get OUTRAGED x 2 if we don’t share their outrage at each minor transgression and faux pas that piddles across their path. And when their emotions shift from HOT to COLD or MAD to GLAD, ours are “supposed” to follow suit. It is exhausting.

Take a GIANT step back and B~R~E~A~T~H~E!

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