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Tips On Speaking March 14, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Mindfulness, People.

alice26thFill your speech with the 7 deadly sins (Gossip, Judging, Negativity, Complaining, Excuses, Embroidering/ Exaggerating/ Lying, and Dogmatism) and people tend to tune out.

Focus on Honesty, Authenticity, Integrity, and Love and they tune in.

In Fight On The Plane, Nicki Chen shares an example of conflict sparking a real (if somewhat heated) exchange between two fellow passengers.

When they dropped their masks . . . honesty, authenticity, integrity, and even love peeked through.

Of course, it’s not just what you say, it’s how you say it.  A few tools to play with ~ Register, Timbre, Prosody, Pace, Silence, Pitch, and Volume.

For still more tips, have a listen to Julian Treasure as he plays a masterful instrument . . . the human voice:

Aah . . . that’s better!





1. Val Boyko - March 14, 2015

Love these communication tips Nancy!
hhmmm … notice how the 7 sins comes from fear and the latter comes from love.

nrhatch - March 14, 2015

In the interplay between Ego and Spirit, who’s holding the reins?

Val Boyko - March 14, 2015

Love this ego motivated question Nancy!

nrhatch - March 14, 2015

Thanks, Val.

2. Jill Weatherholt - March 14, 2015

These are great tips, Nancy. Working in an office environment for thirty plus years, I’ve heard so much gossiping and negativity. Those are two that I can’t tolerate. Oh, I remember that post written by Nicki, it was great! 🙂

nrhatch - March 14, 2015

Water Cooler chit chat often gravitates to the negative. ACK!

Nicki’s post stayed with me. Anger caused their masks to slip, revealing authentic beings.

3. Pix Under the Oaks - March 14, 2015

Oh how I know about the 7 sins especially with self talk… judging, negativity, complaining. Then when I go out loud with them it makes me a miserable person. I have learned to not go “out loud” with my worries and negativity but using self talk about happiness and feeling peaceful. Still working on it all Nancy.. 🙂

nrhatch - March 14, 2015

We are all WIPs, Pix! It’s progress, not perfection, we’re after.

4. Hariod Brawn - March 14, 2015

Bop, bop, bop, brr, brr, brr, weeooo, weeooo, weeooo.


“Excellent article and video Nancy”.

nrhatch - March 14, 2015

Hmm . . . I can’t decide if you sound more like R2D2, C3PO, Hal, or Wall-E. 😛

nrhatch - March 14, 2015

Oops! I deleted your reply and can’t retrieve it, so I’ll reproduce it instead:

Merely following Mr. Treasure’s warm-up advice Nancy. 😉

nrhatch - March 14, 2015

My mom’s tip, learned during voice lessons at Juliard ~> eat salted peanuts before performing on stage.

5. anotherday2paradise - March 14, 2015

I remember my mom telling us, “If you can’t say something nice about somebody, rather don’t say anything at all.” Gossip is really ugly. When I was finishing up at my art class yesterday, I had two gossipers who were so enjoying pulling someone’s character to pieces. I was glad to get out of there.

nrhatch - March 14, 2015

I’d be right behind you, Sylvia. One person at Water Aerobics loves to “dish up dirt” I tune her out or change the subject ~> I don’t need to know that X,Y,or Z had too much to drink at the Christmas Party 3 years ago.

6. Silver in the Barn - March 14, 2015

I love this guy! Complaining is the “National Art of the UK”! How funny. And I couldn’t agree more about overuse of the word “awesome.” I think this one would be a really good thing to play at our next employee meeting.

nrhatch - March 14, 2015

Sharing it at the next meeting might spark an interesting conversation . . . or, at least, provoke thought.

People often feel more comfortable when complaining about “What’s Wrong” than when celebrating “What’s Right” . . . and not just in the UK.

Maybe it stems from a desire to appear humble, modest, meek, mild, and lowly? I’d rather be around this chick:

Silver in the Barn - March 14, 2015

OMG!!! You need to craft a post around this immediately. I like my HAIR! Fabuloso!!!

nrhatch - March 14, 2015

I shared this cutie in a post some time ago:


There’s not much to the post, though. She wasn’t about to relinquish center stage! :mrgreen:

7. reocochran - March 14, 2015

This was thought provoking and revealing of the times we live in. I will have to think more about the subject matter. Great post!

nrhatch - March 14, 2015

I gave it a good thunk, Robin.

E.g., what would life be like if everyone dropped the Ego striving and pretense and used conversations to communicate, connect, and cooperate . . . rather than to compete, criticize, and posture?

8. suzicate - March 14, 2015

Nicki’s post is interesting. It’s funny how we (or people we know) dislike a certain person for whatever reason and then when they are thrown together where they must communicate they find they have much in common and form friendships. I find people I thought I had nothing in common with in high school are now people I have more respect for and mutual interests than those I were closer to back then. I wonder if we’d given one another a chance back then if we’d been good friends.

nrhatch - March 14, 2015

In high school, most of us had more in common than we ever suspected, but we were so busy hiding behind our masks (to protect our fragile Egos) that we don’t sense the full extent of the connection.

When we stop masquerading, our true lights shine. 😎

9. thecontentedcrafter - March 14, 2015

That was a most enjoyable talk to listen to with my Sunday morning coffee Nancy – thank you for sharing it! He is spot on isn’t he!

nrhatch - March 14, 2015

Thanks, Pauline. He is! Valid points shared with panache!

10. Barb - March 14, 2015

I really enjoyed the video Nancy, this man is right; we could all learn from him. I guess it all comes down to positivity.

nrhatch - March 14, 2015

When someone has a “real problem,” I’m happy to listen, but if they are perpetual whiners (with constant gripes about this, that, and the other thing), I start to tune them out. Life is too short. 😎

Barb - March 14, 2015

Me too, my ears close up to negativity.

nrhatch - March 14, 2015

Here’s to a daily dose of positivity! :mrgreen:

11. beeblu - March 14, 2015

A most instructive and enjoyable post, Nancy. Nicky’s, too. I’ve bookmarked Julian’s talk as a constant reminder, particularly for my work. Thanks.

nrhatch - March 14, 2015

Yay! Glad it struck the right chord for you, BB. It did me.

12. Tiny - March 14, 2015

Great tips and so true! Loved the talk, thanks for sharing Nancy!

nrhatch - March 14, 2015

I’m glad it resonated, Tiny. I felt he packed quite a punch in a short 10 minutes.

13. Behind the Story - March 14, 2015

That was a good TED talk, Nancy. The deadly sins that especially annoy me are negativity, lying and dogmatism. Negativity spoils the fun; lying destroys trust; and dogmatism blocks rational thought.

Pix under the Oaks brought out a good point about being aware of the seven deadly sins of speaking when we’re speaking to ourselves.

nrhatch - March 14, 2015

Yes, Pix had a great point. When we hear our self-talk veering into the negative, it’s up to us to change the channel to something a bit more productive.

Thanks for your post too, Nicki. I sensed a real connection between your fellow passengers once they “decided” to be authentic.

Behind the Story - March 14, 2015

Yes, very definitely.

14. Three Well Beings - March 14, 2015

I don’t think I have too much regular exposure to the speech related 7 Deadly Sins, but at certain junctures in my life I sure did. And we can all recognize it when we hear it. I do have a variety of friends who just can’t say anything without inserting something just a little negative. I love them to pieces…but in small doses. 🙂

nrhatch - March 14, 2015

The example Julian gave cracked me up . . .

“It’s October 1st.”
“I know. Isn’t it dreadful.” 🙄

15. diannegray - March 16, 2015

This is great, Nancy. Thanks so much for sharing 😉

nrhatch - March 16, 2015

Glad you enjoyed, Dianne!

16. Tammy - March 16, 2015

I hope that it is these qualities that sell Nancy. I’m often disappointed in what seems to be a draw for the masses and then remember, oh yeah, I am not one of the masses.

nrhatch - March 16, 2015

Maybe it depends on where we are on the consciousness scale, Tammy. Many are still wedded to the monkey mind ~> racing, racing all the time. Others have allowed the “fog” to clear and no longer live in a constant state of fear.

17. L. Marie - March 16, 2015

Love that talk! His tips are wonderful. I tried the vocal exercises. My neighbors probably think I’ve gone insane. “Wheeeeeeeeee.”

nrhatch - March 16, 2015

Wheeee!!! You got me smiling here, Linda.

18. Barb - March 16, 2015

So brilliant. The question I’ve been working on this week is: Why do some people need to talk? The question arises from being in a meetings with two women who seem to dominate every discussion. At first it was kind of entertaining like a tennis match, but now….? Sometimes their additions aren’t even relevant. I think it has to do with who’s the smartest person in the room. Thanks for sharing this.

nrhatch - March 16, 2015

Thanks, Barb. Sounds like those two “Chatty Cathy’s” haven’t heard the adage:

“It’s better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.”

The quote has been attributed to Abe Lincoln, Mark Twain, Confucius, The Bible, etc. Whoever said it first had a good point ~> some people look smarter if they keep their mouths shut. And they can never be misquoted. 😛

19. brickhousechick - March 16, 2015

Wonderful tips, Nancy! I listened to the whole talk and thought is was spot on. I always tell my kids that oftentimes, it is not what you say that matters but how you say it. We could all use practice utilizing our tools. Great post.

nrhatch - March 16, 2015

Some people are wonderful speakers/talkers ~ engaging in presentation with excellent content.

Others drone on and on and on and on about “next to nothing.”

I’m glad you’re encouraging your kids to land in the first camp.

20. livelytwist - March 21, 2015

It’s not only what you say, but how you say. Oh Lord, save me some more! I’ve always loved this particular Ted Talk.

nrhatch - March 21, 2015

Julian makes good points ~ now I’ve got it blog-marked for reference.

We watched a fascinating show last night on Brain Games ~ the tricks our mind plays on us, the tells we have when we lie, why we like the body language of some “avatars” more than others, etc. If we nod and smile while talking with others, others are drawn to us. If we frown and shake our heads, they move away.

livelytwist - March 21, 2015

Interesting. I have a book on tells. I should read it. Thanks for sharing.

nrhatch - March 21, 2015

One of the “subjects” on tells had the WORST poker face ~ she pursed and licked her lips every time she lied. BFF and I had no problem identifying her efforts to deceive.

21. jannatwrites - March 21, 2015

How we say things does make a huge difference. The tone we use can make the same words either be confrontational or conversational. I’ve worked with people who didn’t quite have this down, but in time, I learned they weren’t as abrasive as their words came out, so I just accepted it.

nrhatch - March 21, 2015

Yes! Certain accents are calm and soothing . . . others seem more abrasive and “snippy.” Two people can say the same thing and have it be interpreted in different ways by the same audience.

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