The Worst First Date February 21, 2015
Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, Nature, People.trackback
When Jay Leno asked audience members to share embarrassing first dates, this story took the prize:
I had the worst first date ever. My date took me skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah. The outing was fun, until we started for home.
Driving down the mountain, an hour away from the nearest rest room, in the middle of nowhere, nature called.
I realized I should NOT have had that extra latte.
After holding it as long as I could, I asked him to stop the car so I could go beside the road. As soon as the car stopped, I jumped out, ran behind the car, yanked my pants down, rested my butt against the rear fender, and let go.
My date stood at the side of the car watching for traffic.
Despite the embarrassing nature of the situation, all I could think about was the relief I felt. Finished, I bent to pull up my pants and discovered my cheeks were glued to the car’s fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to metal flagpoles came to mind as I attempted to disengage my exposed flesh from the icy perch.
When I told my date I needed assistance, he came around the car and burst out laughing at the sight of me freezing my butt off!
After we stopped laughing, we figured out the best way to free me . . . I looked the other way while he unzipped his pants and peed my butt off the fender.
As the audience screamed with laughter, Leno said, “This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.”
How did the date end?
Her date became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.
Aah . . . that’s better!
E-mail from an unknown author (sent by Joe M.)
Has a first date ever pissed you off? 
Related articles: Frozen Assets (Snopes) * Rumors (TruthorFiction.com)
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Spirit Lights The Way 
Yes! CH was not the best first date. I didn’t like him too much. I think I mentioned it on Jill’s blog… 😀
My favorite part of your date ~ that he kicked the bottom of your boot to get your attention.
Glad you didn’t give in to “first impressions” since CH and you seem perfect together.
Ha ha! Yes Nancy, the boot kicking was hilarious! 🙂
I’d say that he knew that Pix was the ONE for him!
All I would say is, when you’re on a date, don’t fart and cough at the same time.
Setting that thought aside for the moment, did you know that farting is an accepted “art form”?
Some folks really are “Artsy Fartsy.”
“A flatulist, fartist, or professional farter is an entertainer (sometimes considered a comedian) whose routine consists solely or primarily of farting in a creative, musical, or amusing manner.” ~ Wikipedia ~ Flatulist
Imagine buying tickets to hear a flautist perform, only to learn on arrival that you purchased tickets to a flatulist’s musical interlude:
“And, now, please relax and enjoy . . . Beethoven’s Surprise Symphony for Flatulists in F-Minor.”
Sounds like a bad first date.
Yes! A real stinker. 😛
Yes Nancy, I can render a tune on the Colonic Caliope myself as it happens. I may even do requests once I’ve finished my lentil bake.
What a great party trick!
Correction: farty trick.
Yes! Well said. 😛
I don’t recall any notoriously bad first dates, though it’s possible I might show up in someone else’s story…
Not YOU! Surely. (Unless of course someone was put off by the color of your eyes?)
BFF elbowed me in the nose on our first date. OUCH! He didn’t break my nose, but it did break the ice.
Luckily, there are enough of us brownies that we can form colonies of other unattractively eyed people and go on dates. We keep the lights low, though, to soften the ugliness. 😉
My mom puked on my dad on their first date.
OMG! That is awful. I have never puked on anyone, first date or otherwise. But I did get sick on a bus in France after too much wine. Yuck! An experience I’d like to forget.
Low lighting is often a help. 💡
If you’d like to read an entertaining story about one date that ends badly, go to
http://www.webook.com/project/Miss-Denskis-Wind-Night
As you know, I don’t find vampire tales entertaining . . . but others might, so I’ll leave the link. 😯
Thank you for your generosity. Do you have any projects that you’d like me to read?
No thanks.
I liked this post, have had so many ‘bad’ first dates. The way I was able to siphon through 2500 likes on match.com and meet 100 dates in 6 months showed my ability to determine a ‘no’ or someone who was mainly not my type. I have only two I still communicate with, neither are romantically my type. (Not based on looks but character. Truly wish for an average nice guy. I have a good guy friend who is my ‘gold standard.’ I tell him I hope we can someday take a walk and go from there. he is very busy with taking care of his mother, up at 4 am and up until 9 or ten at night after work. A good example of a man who ‘beat’ all the odds to be a husband and father was my own Dad. My Mom managed to help him transform from his impoverished roots which had no role models. Their love story took time and energy, Nancy.
Wow! 100 dates in 6 months? That would take more stamina for dating than I have ~ I might be able to manage 1 a week. Four in a week would make me dizzy!
Glad your mom and dad shared a happy love story.
I met my husband on Halloween. He dined out on the fact for years, telling everyone that he thought I was wearing a mask and by the time he discovered it didn’t come off, I had my hooks in him. He didn’t turn tail and run, we married happily the following July and the rest is history.
Haha! I love your love story with Jack.
I could just picture it….hilarious!
One more reason to live where it’s warm! 😛
Dead right there Nancy!
That makes reason #137 for me!
That is hilarious, Nancy! I love that they ended up together…how could they not after that! I have to say, I don’t think I ever had a horrible first date, just dates that weren’t worth a do-over. 🙂
That’s more my experience too, Jill. Nothing this mortifying in any event.
OMG… I thought being asked to go sample foods at COSTCO for a first date was bad, but this one definitely tops every bad first date I’ve ever had…!
I’m laughing at your date taking you to COSTCO for samples! That’s too funny, Joanne.
I hope he didn’t ask you to chip in for the gas! 😛
It gets even funnier… I ended up marrying him… He said he asked me there so I wouldn’t feel the pressure of the whole “first date” formalities.
Well, he was Husband #2 who ended up being my “Double Ex”… He didn’t have me pay for gas, but I did pay dearly for the stress his addictions put me through… My Bad for not paying attention to all of the red flags waving blatantly in my face.
Sometimes we see the red flags and turn the wrong way.
Before BFF, my taste in men/boys lacked the requisite “finesse” for choosing a “life partner.”
Perhaps we lived too much in the NOW. 😎
😀 I puked on one of my dates and I never heard from him again!
There is just NO pleasing some people!
Thanks for a great share. I think you win the prize, Yolanda.
Hilarious! Still laughing! I screamed my lungs out on one of my first dates. In a small airplane when my date demonstrated what happens when you switch the engine off, then flew upside down. I didn’t know he was a fighter pilot…but there wasn’t a fighting chance I would have seen him again.
YOWSA! From your perspective, he might well have been a Kamikaze pilot in training!
Reminds me of a song:
You win the “Most Thrilling Date” award for this thread.
Yes, that’s what he WAS! And he said I screamed like a pig! I was 19, that was my first flight ever and it took me 5 years to fly again…to my honeymoon with a different guy, my hubs, in a 747. Thanks for the song!
Shows how ignorant he was . . . pigs don’t scream, they squeal. 😛
I’m glad you mustered up the courage to take a honeymoon flight with your hubs!
Hilarious Nancy.
Not the first date of my dreams . . . especially with all that Snow, Ice, and COLD. 😎
I see why that story was chosen. It is hilarious! I don’t have a story that good!
That’s good! And same here ~ my “worst date” doesn’t hold a candle to this story.
There must have been great chemistry between the two of them–no pun intended here—but they had something great going on because in most instances I doubt there would have been a second date! What a story! If they have children, I wonder at what age they’d share about the first date. 🙂
Oh that’s funny, Deb ~> something to share when the kids are young, at the age when “pee pee” jokes are hysterical . . . or in early adulthood.
NOT in the throes of awkward adolescence. 🙄
Picture a young African lady walking around a frozen lake in St Albans – she absolutely hated the cold (and still does) yet she married the loon who took her there for a first date 🙂
That says something about the “loon” who won her over, doesn’t it? And you’ve been “love birds” ever since!
Well, that was a date to remember, and a good story to tell 🙂
A very C~O~L~D date. Brrr . . .
Nothing better than humour to fuel good relationships. Hilarious.
That’s what I think ~ with a start like this, I bet they’re able to weather the highs and lows with aplomb.