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Virtual Reality: Battle of the Sexes February 28, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, Life Balance, People.
48 comments

Betty-Boop

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife. – Prince Philip

The only reason they say ‘Women and children first’ is to test the strength of the lifeboats. – Jean Kerr

I’ve been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage. – Zsa Zsa Gabor

Home cooking ~> Where many a man thinks his wife is. – Jimmy Durante

3D-Cow

Men are like linoleum floors. Lay ’em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years. – Betsy Salkind

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. – Irina Dunn

Q. “Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?”
A. “Why buy the pig if all you want is a little sausage?”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  e-mail from unknown author (sent by Granny1947)

March 2nd: I’m guest posting on L. Marie’s blog as part of her series ~ The Stanton Effect: Inspiration From A TED Talk.

Here’s the link:  The Stanton Effect:  Building to the Punchline

And The Oscar Goes To . . . Coral Reef! February 23, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Humor, Joke.
36 comments

This video landed in my mailbox last week and made me laugh out loud.

If we are to believe Jackie Jordan . . . Coral Reef is a true Renaissance Color!

It’s vibrant, uplifting, buoyant, spirited, and joyful . . . with botanical notes . . . and a vintage spirit . . . “something we are truly craving today.”

I don’t know about you, but I don’t need someone else telling me what color to paint my living room.

Aah . . . that’s better!

The Worst First Date February 21, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, Nature, People.
52 comments

Brian-Oh-NoWhen Jay Leno asked audience members to share embarrassing first dates, this story took the prize:

I had the worst first date ever.  My date took me skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah.  The outing was fun, until we started for home.

Driving down the mountain, an hour away from the nearest rest room, in the middle of nowhere, nature called.

I realized I should NOT have had that extra latte.

After holding it as long as I could, I asked him to stop the car so I could go beside the road.  As soon as the car stopped, I jumped out, ran behind the car, yanked my pants down, rested my butt against the rear fender, and let go.

My date stood at the side of the car watching for traffic.

TimonDespite the embarrassing nature of the situation, all I could think about was the relief I felt.  Finished, I bent to pull up my pants and discovered my cheeks were glued to the car’s fender.  Thoughts of tongues frozen to metal flagpoles came to mind as I attempted to disengage my exposed flesh from the icy perch.

When I told my date I needed assistance, he came around the car and burst out laughing at the sight of me freezing my butt off!

After we stopped laughing, we figured out the best way to free me . . . I looked the other way while he unzipped his pants and peed my butt off the fender.

As the audience screamed with laughter, Leno said, “This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.”

Mickey-and-Minnie-kissHow did the date end?

Her date became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.

Aah . . . that’s better!

E-mail from an unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

Has a first date ever pissed you off?  :mrgreen:

Related articles:  Frozen Assets (Snopes) * Rumors (TruthorFiction.com)

I Want To DO Less . . . And BE More February 17, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Gratitude, Happiness, Life Balance, Mindfulness.
57 comments

IMGP1800bOne of the best tricks I’ve found to discern whether I’m on the right path for me is to envision this as the last year of my life ~ to question whether I would regret spending the next 12 months engaged in similar endeavors.

At this point, I’m happy with the flow of my days and nights, but in earlier years this simple exercise inspired big changes:

In 1997, it led to my decision to leave the practice of law, take a sabbatical, and re-enter the work force as the director of a Crisis Intervention Team, assisting victims of domestic violence to evaluate options.

In 1999, it encouraged us to shed possessions, down-size, and move out of New Jersey to a home on the banks of the Chesapeake Bay ~ still close enough to visit family while being far enough away to live our own quiet lives.

In 2008, it freed us to leave winters behind for good and move to Florida.

IMGP2615c

Aah . . . that’s better!

What would you do if your “final curtain call” lay around the next bend?

Something’s Screwy With This Key February 14, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
61 comments

SnoopyA woman in her early forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift. The surgeon told her about a new procedure called “The Key,” where a small key placed on the back of a woman’s head can be turned to tighten her skin to create the effect of a brand new face lift.

Of course, the woman wanted “The Key.”

Over the years, the woman tightened the key with wonderful results – the woman remained young and vibrant looking.

Woodstock-&-Snoopy3After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems.

“For 15 years, everything has worked fine. I’d turn the key and love the result. But now I’ve developed two annoying problems.  First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the key won’t get rid of them.”

The doctor looked at her closely and said, “Those aren’t bags, those are your breasts.”

She nodded. “No point asking about the beard then . . .”

Aah . . . that’s better!

E-mail from unknown author (sent by Granny1947)

Happy Valentine’s Day!

What If No One Is Watching? February 11, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Life Balance, Mindfulness.
62 comments

alice26thEgo likes accolades and acknowledgement for accomplishments, big and small.

For Ego, it’s not enough To Do or To Be for the Do-ness or Be-ness of it all.  Ego is convinced it doesn’t count if no one is watching.

Ego is in a perpetual state of “Look At Me!”

Hence the rise of Selfie Sticks.

It’s not the journey of writing, painting, singing, dancing, creating, or exploring that matters to Ego, it’s the applause of the audience, the roar of the crowd, the recognition from others that we matter.

A legacy left behind.

If I slam a door, and no one hears, should I slam it louder?

Hmm . . . that depends.  
Am I slamming it for me . . . or for them?

Remember George Costanza and the Tip Jar?  He didn’t toss a tip into the jar because he wanted the self-acknowledgment of having done so.  He wanted “them” to see him toss the tip into the jar.  He wanted recognition from others for his actions.  He wasn’t giving to give, he was giving to get.

When he realized “they” weren’t watching, he reached in to reclaim the tip for a “do over” and lost what he was trying to gain . . . his paisano’s approval.

Donald-Duck-BaseballWhat would you do if no one was watching?

Would you spend decades building the cathedral, the bridge, or the concert center if you retained your anonymity?

Living in the shadows in a state of obscurity?

With no one applauding your efforts?

You know you’ve found your bliss and are headed the right way when your spirit is soaring and work feels like play.

Even when no one is watching.

Aah . . . that’s better!

After enlightenment, the laundry. ~ Zen Proverb

Virtual Reality: Fame & Fortune February 7, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Humor, Joke, People.
44 comments

I’m not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. I’m a billionaire. – Howard Hughes

Having more money doesn’t make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I’m just as happy as when I had 48 million. – Arnold Schwarzenegger

Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself. – Harrison Ford

Donald-DirectorHollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap. – Steve Martin

I don’t believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we’re very skeptical. – Arthur C Clarke

If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead. – Johnny Carson

No man is a failure who is enjoying life. ~ William Feather

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  e-mail from unknown author (sent by Granny1947)

The Cat February 3, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Animals, Humor, Poetry.
38 comments

2014-03-21 07-42-58_0033Cat preened and pranced
and purred and pleaded
As each new desire arose

It deigned to flatter
“Dear owners . . .
What have you done for me lately?”

Itch scratched
Self-content evident
Cat padded away on soft paws

To preen itself
and do its own thing
Heeding no one

Appetite satiated
Cat admired its elegant image
with narcissistic intensity

And plotted its next plea

IMGP1782a

Aah . . . that’s better!