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Virtual Reality: Travel January 24, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, Travel & Leisure.
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Earth_Eastern_HemisphereAs I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind – every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder. – John Glenn

America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked. – David Letterman

If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport – Jonathan Winters

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. – Spike Milligan

Donald-Duck-DrivingYou know you’re a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn’t. – Jeff Foxworthy

In hotel rooms I worry. I can’t be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked. – Jonathan Katz

The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone. – George Roberts

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  e-mail from unknown author (sent by Granny1947)

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1. Hariod Brawn - January 24, 2015

Love it Nancy! I wonder if someone thinks up a lot of these lines on behalf of celebrities? If they do, they probably go either by the name Woody Allen or Albert Einstein – the two most misquoted individuals in the dubious history of the internet.

nrhatch - January 24, 2015

Good point, Hariod. David Letterman has a team of writers, as do most talk show hosts. It’s a safe bet that quotes (especially in cyber space) get mis-attributed all the time.

Hariod Brawn - January 24, 2015

P.S. My favourite of the above was John Glenn’s quote – and even that sounds like Woody!

nrhatch - January 24, 2015

It does sound like Woody. Elsewhere, I found different wording:

Remember John Glenn’s famous quote when he was asked what it felt like sitting atop the rocket, ready to launch?

“I felt about as good as anybody would, sitting in a capsule on top of a rocket that were both built by the lowest bidder.” (Senator John Glenn, Colonel USMC, Retired)

Hariod Brawn - January 24, 2015

Wow! That’s quite different, but then again he’s probably told that anecdote a thousand times in as many different ways.

Here’s one of my favourite lines from Woody:

“I’d call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.”

nrhatch - January 24, 2015

Haha! Great word play, Woody!

2. Jill Weatherholt - January 24, 2015

Great quotes, Nancy! I love all things pertaining to space. The Planetarium was one of my favorite field trip destinations as a kid…still is. 🙂

nrhatch - January 24, 2015

Our planetarium here had a massive upgrade last year . . . it is STELLAR! 😉

3. Valleygrail - January 24, 2015

So funny! Mental note: DO NOT sit down in hotel room. Euuuwwww!

nrhatch - January 24, 2015

After all the horror stories about bed-bugs, etc., I no longer want to stay in hotels . . . or eat in restaurants.

There are two series on the local news: Restaurant Red Alert and Dirty Dining. Both highlight horrendous practices in the food service industry. Disgusting stuff.

And one night we saw a “professional” chef on CHOPPED as he double dipped into the sauce as he was plating! He licked the spoon and then used his dirty spoon to ladle out the sauce!

After being admonished by the judges, he promised not to do it in the next round. And he did it again! He dipped into the sauce on the stove, stuck the spoon into his mouth, and then returned it to the pot! EWWW!!!

Oh, yeah, same chef cut himself and BLED onto the food he served in Round One.

Valleygrail - January 24, 2015

I appreciate the food industry; however, after working as a restaurant accountant, and seeing what went on behind those swinging doors, you could not pay me to eat in a restaurant. And the one where I worked was snazzy and expensive. Ughh! Nasty.

nrhatch - January 24, 2015

We rarely eat out these days ~> restaurants serve so much unhealthy food prepared in unhealthy ways. We like eating what comes out of our own kitchen.

But I do buy some processed and prepared foods . . . like pizza. And chocolate.

Some things are worth the gamble! :mrgreen:

4. Pix Under the Oaks - January 24, 2015

Well considering we just returned from 3 hotel stays you won’t catch me laughing at the hotel joke.. 😀 But let me tell you, CH checks for bed-bugs as efficiently as he can and I always pull the duvet down to the end of the bed and just keep the top sheet with my traveling beach towel on top for a blankie. I take disinfecting wipes and I use them. I trust where we stay in Venice because we have been staying there a long time and I have seen how they clean our room and we stay at the same hotel coming and going. Hotels are a dicey situation!

I always have a teeny lurking concern when I eat out.. 😀 CH never worries about any of those things! So, I worry for him 😀

nrhatch - January 24, 2015

Haha! Bad timing on my part, eh?

Sometimes I have to remind myself that trying to avoid all risk is paralyzing . . .

* Say yes to life, even though you know it may devour you. ~ Stephen Larsen

* Nothing ventured, something lost. ~ Neale Clapp

* Being too cautious is the greatest risk of all. ~ Jawaharial Nehru

* There’s no such thing as “zero risk.” ~ William Driver

* The greatest mistake we can make is to be continually fearing that we will make one. ~ Elbert Hubbard

So we do go out to eat and stay in hotels and hop on planes, trains, and automobiles . . . we just keep our fingers crossed. 😛

5. Val Boyko - January 24, 2015

Great clever truths Nancy. Thank you for the giggle 🙂

nrhatch - January 24, 2015

Thanks, Val. Giggles => Good!

6. thecontentedcrafter - January 24, 2015

True or not – I’hey make us smile – or not – and for sure somebody said them!

nrhatch - January 24, 2015

Agreed! A smile is a smile . . . no matter who inspired it.

7. beeblu - January 24, 2015

hahaha – thanks for the laughs 😀

nrhatch - January 25, 2015

Travel is not always Comfortable, Convenient, or Clean! 😛

8. Barb - January 25, 2015

I often go to the quote pages and copy a few quotes. I love ’em. Keeps me normal. Thanks

nrhatch - January 25, 2015

I get a kick out of quotable quotes. Some remind me of things I learned and need to remember ~> “thought post its.”

Others (like these) make me laugh, grateful that I’m not (a) hurtling through space or (b) sleeping in a hotel room. 😛

“There’s no place like home!”

9. anotherday2paradise - January 25, 2015

These all made me laugh, Nancy. Yes, that first piece of luggage is just a trick they play, to see how honest people are. 🙂 Love the John Glenn quote, and the Jonathan Katz one is really food for thought. 😯

nrhatch - January 25, 2015

Maybe the only thing in the 1st piece of luggage is a tracking device . . . to catch ’em red-handed!

10. jannatwrites - January 25, 2015

These made me smile 🙂

nrhatch - January 25, 2015

Me too! I especially like Spike’s cure for seasickness . . . don’t go to sea, sit under a tree. 😛

11. Silver in the Barn - January 26, 2015

Each one of these is a little gem but the John Glenn quote really jumps out at me. And always Jeff Foxworthy!

nrhatch - January 26, 2015

Glad you enjoyed. Being in a rocket and having that thought filter in would be . . . disconcerting.

Jeff Foxworthy is a worthy comic!

Silver in the Barn - January 26, 2015

He appeals to the pseudo-Southerner in me, Nancy.

nrhatch - January 26, 2015

Ya’ll come back now, y’hear?!

12. Tiny - January 26, 2015

So funny, Nancy! Something to smile about on a windy Monday.

nrhatch - January 26, 2015

Glad you got a kick out of it.

We just got back from a W~I~N~D~Y walk . . . it’s wild out there, but better than the blizzard they’re expecting in the Northeast. It doesn’t sound like fun at all.

Tiny - January 26, 2015

It’s really windy, but we have nothing to complain compared to friends up north on the east coast. I just checked on the ospreys and they are huddling together in the nest, swaying, feathers fluttering and heads turned against the wind.

nrhatch - January 26, 2015

Yesterday was wonderful ~ the calm before the wind. I’m just happy not to have to deal with blowing snow in 50-60 mph winds. ACK!!!

13. Grannymar - January 26, 2015

I never sit on a bed naked in a hotel, and now may never do so fully clothed! *Shivers!*

nrhatch - January 26, 2015

Maybe we can start a new trend ~ bringing our own inflatable mattresses, sheets, and comforters whenever we stay in hotels. 😛

Grannymar - January 26, 2015

I think it would be easier to stay home!

nrhatch - January 26, 2015

That’s always my preference. Travel is over-rated. :mrgreen:

14. livelytwist - January 26, 2015

The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone. – George Roberts

Ha ha, true. Lonely thing, it just lies there on the conveyor belt, with everyone pitying it as it rolls by, then it goes back into the hole from whence it came! 🙂

nrhatch - January 26, 2015

Yes! And it sings along with Lennon while waiting to NOT be claimed:

“I’m just sitting here watching the world go round and round . . . I really love to watch things roll.”

15. Behind the Story - January 26, 2015

Excellent and funny, every single one of them. I can’t choose a favorite; they’re all so good. They conjure up images of the worried astronaut hurtling through space, the airplane taking off over a traffic jam, the redneck sitting in the doorway of his RV, drinking a beer and gazing at an old Chevy on blocks.

nrhatch - January 26, 2015

Yes! Great images, Nicki. Especially the last which reminds me of Cousin Eddie in Christmas Vacation:

“That there vehicle is an AR VEE!”

16. L. Marie - January 27, 2015

All of those are hilarious, but this one is sooooooooo true: “The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone. – George Roberts” I’ve never seen ANYONE grab that piece of luggage.

nrhatch - January 27, 2015

We’ve been watching footage of the Juno’s impact on the northeast . . . including the airports. And I keep seeing the same piece of luggage going round and round and round. 😛

17. reocochran - January 28, 2015

I am laughing about this collection of humorous quotes and think that the one which strikes me as sad, but true is the John Glenn quote. Too bad their lives aren’t considered more than the lowest bidder. I also thought the Jeff F. was the funniest of the lot! Thanks for the smiles!

nrhatch - January 28, 2015

Glad you enjoyed!


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