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Crossing “Feed Ego” Off Our To Do Lists January 6, 2015

Posted by nrhatch in Happiness, Life Balance, Spirit & Ego.
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Woodstock-&-Snoopy2

Once upon a time . . .

I wanted to be a FAMOUS Rock Star.
I wanted to have OODLES of money.
I wanted to write a BEST SELLING NOVEL.

Et cetera.  Et cetera.  Et cetera.

I wanted to DO SOMETHING so that I would BE SOMEONE.

Then I woke up to the realization that to BE SOMEONE, I don’t have to DO anything.  I just need to . . . BE ME.

Broccoli-Mocking-StewieWhen our motivation for action arises from a desire to Feed Ego with accolades, approval, acclaim, acknowledgment, applause, admiration, etc., etc., etc., we are always worried about falling short of the bar (or flat on our face).

We are concerned about what “they” think of us.  We act (and re-act) to protect Ego’s fragile reputation.

Only Ego doesn’t really exist.

Once we see that Ego is imaginary, ego-driven motivation (i.e., the desire to impress) and self-doubt fall by the wayside.

We become more confident in the steps we’re taking.

We no longer feel the need to reach a predetermined destination, so we’re not worried about falling short of the mark.  We stop looking over our shoulders to see who’s watching.  We no longer seek external validation that we’re doing “it” right ~ whatever “it” is.

Mickey-Surfer

Fear of failure dissipates because it no longer matters whether others are impressed with us or not.

Our locus of control shifts.
We reclaim our power.
We trust ourselves again.

Et cetera.  Et cetera.  Et cetera.

Aah . . . that’s better!

When we know WHO we are . . . we know HOW to live. ~ Goethe

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Comments»

1. Hariod Brawn - January 6, 2015

The desire to become – the release from this is true liberation.

nrhatch - January 6, 2015

Now and then it’s good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.

Hariod Brawn - January 6, 2015

I’m sure Val would agree, pawsing is good Nancy.

nrhatch - January 6, 2015

Pawsing leads to “sure-pawedness” . . . to use your words. 😎

2. Jill Weatherholt - January 6, 2015

Free to be me! Life is so much easier when we come to this realization.

nrhatch - January 6, 2015

It’s a great weight off our shoulders when we stop worrying about what “they” think of us:

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” ~ Dr. Seuss

3. Val Boyko - January 6, 2015

Agreed ….. be more like a dog. 🙂

nrhatch - January 6, 2015

Yes! That’s why I linked back to your post on Confidence ~ a perfect example, to use Hariod’s descriptor, of sure-pawedness.

4. Kate Crimmins - January 6, 2015

But I still want to be a rock star and make oodles of money and write a scathing best seller!

nrhatch - January 6, 2015

Good luck with that, Kate! 😉

“If at first you don’t succeed you’re running about average.” ~ M.H. Alderson

“What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” ~ Colette

Kate Crimmins - January 6, 2015

Ok, I’ll write off the oodles of money part.

nrhatch - January 6, 2015

Haha! How are you going to pay for all the hotel rooms you destroy on tour? Or the guitars you beat to death on stage?

Behind the Story - January 7, 2015

Love that Colette quote!

nrhatch - January 7, 2015

Yes! It’s a great reminder to focus on the good.

5. Silver in the Barn - January 6, 2015

Of course, I completely agree with what you’ve written here, Nancy….except the rock star part still holds appeal to me. (sort of not even kidding….LOL)

nrhatch - January 6, 2015

Great! You and Kate and I shall start a band . . . with THREE lead singers. Maybe we can even agree on a name.

Like “Cool As A Moose!”

Silver in the Barn - January 6, 2015

See, this is why I love you.XXX

nrhatch - January 6, 2015

No, wait! The Three Mooseketeers! 😛

6. jannatwrites - January 6, 2015

It’s good to examine motivations behind our actions. Ego can be a demanding master. I still wouldn’t mind the novel one, but it doesn’t have to be best selling 🙂

nrhatch - January 6, 2015

Looking at motivation makes all the difference ~ are we doing it to GIVE or to GET?

For some, it’s NOT the value of the story that matters because what readers “get” from the story is irrelevant ~> they just want to “sell books.” Even crappy books. With no redeeming value.

In contrast, some writers are motivated by CRAFTING and SHARING a good story. They want to “give” something of value to readers. In the end, they’ll probably enjoy the journey more AND may sell more books.

What a vast difference between the two motivational pulls.

7. Pix Under the Oaks - January 6, 2015

Being me works for me… I don’t do so well trying to be someone else.. 🙂 I just need to improve me!

nrhatch - January 6, 2015

I like you just the way you are. Especially when you share your Heavenly Cupcakes with us! :mrgreen:

8. suzicate - January 6, 2015

I want to be a famous rock star (except I can’t sing or play an instrument), make oodles of money (I don’t particularly care for the kind of changes that would entail), and write a best seller (don’t need a best seller, but would like to actually finish one of the books I’ve started, a matter of personal discipline), BUT I don’t want to make any public appearances…ah, guess I’ll just be me then!

nrhatch - January 6, 2015

When we start our new band, The Merry Mooseketeers, you can play drums/ tambourine/ triangle. Deal?

You can also be our official photographer. Especially on location.

suzicate - January 6, 2015

Sounds like a plan!

nrhatch - January 6, 2015

Excellent!

9. Barb - January 6, 2015

I keep saying we should be more like dogs, they know how to be just themselves……

nrhatch - January 6, 2015

I linked back to Val’s recent post on Dogs & Confidence ~ emulating them gives us “sure-pawedness.”

10. Kate @ Did That Just Happen? - January 6, 2015

That is a good way to sum up my last life journey to stop comparing myself to others – that I don’t have to compete and most importantly, I don’t have to worry what others are thinking of me! I think my Ego may currently be in check! Great post!

nrhatch - January 6, 2015

Your Ego seems well in check, Kate. It’s so liberating to stop all the unnecessary comparing and competing. Shedding Ego concerns allows us to survive and thrive in peace.

11. NancyTex - January 6, 2015

Sitting at the Montreal airport waiting for my flight home after a good, but very busy day of client meetings with my local rep. The very last conversation we had was about priorities, choices, quality of life. When my ego was a little more prevalent, the size of my paycheck was the #1 driver of my career direction, regardless how unhappy I was. I’m so grateful not to be in that place anymore.

nrhatch - January 6, 2015

Same here. Being able to focus on life balance is HUGE. Hope you had a safe flight home.

12. Three Well Beings - January 7, 2015

What a super Goethe quote. I think the greatest relief is when you really do realize you don’t care about external validation. That takes a great weight off!

nrhatch - January 7, 2015

It does! It’s great when thoughts we share resonate . . . even if we’ve borrowed words/quotes from others.

13. Grannymar - January 7, 2015

I am me, warts and all! My aim is to have fun on my one way journey through life and so long as I do not hurt anyone, it is none of my business what others think of me.

nrhatch - January 7, 2015

In the past, when I realized someone had a mistaken impression of me or my motivations, I spent time and energy trying to “set the record straight.”

Now I just shrug . . .

Everyone’s impression of us is mistaken in some respect or other. We have as many reputations as we have acquaintances and NONE is accurate because “they” see us through the clouded lens of their own experiences.

Once we get that, it frees up our time and energy for more important business.

14. Valleygrail - January 7, 2015

Wait, are you going to be in that rock band, too? I would like a ticket! I think we appreciate approval, but it cannot define us or our worth. And we surely cannot fail if we stay true to our authentic selves. Great post!

nrhatch - January 7, 2015

Thanks, VG. We’ll put you at the top of the list for tickets to our first (and probably last) tour date. 😛

And agreed. It is nice to get feedback and not always because we want to feed Ego. if I share something funny and people laugh, I’m happy because I gave them a giggle. I don’t care if they’re impressed with my comedic prowess. I’m just glad I added to their daily dose of happy.

In contrast, if I want feedback just to feed my Ego, even insincere platitudes with no real substance (i.e, junk food) will fill the bill.

15. Tiny - January 7, 2015

It’s truly liberating to let those destinations/targets drop away, and just be. Loved this post, Nancy!

nrhatch - January 7, 2015

Thanks, Tiny. Sometimes a post like this reminds us of how far we’ve come.

16. Yolanda M. - January 7, 2015

Wonderful post Nancy and a great reminder. It took me many many years to finally ‘get it’ that being me was ‘enough’ and that it’s perfectly okay to march to the beat of my own drum 🙂

nrhatch - January 8, 2015

Yes! It’s great when we can let go of all the puffing, preening, and posturing for position. Here’s to making our own kind of music.

17. Jill Weatherholt - January 8, 2015

Just checking in to make sure you’re okay, Nancy. I panic when I don’t see your post. 🙂

nrhatch - January 8, 2015

Thanks, Jill. I’ve been reading and commenting while being a bit lax about posting.

I’ll get a post up tomorrow. Tuesday at the latest. :mrgreen:

Jill Weatherholt - January 8, 2015

I can relate, Nancy. No rush, just wanted to make sure all was well in your world. 🙂

nrhatch - January 8, 2015

Thanks for checking up on me!

Val Boyko - January 9, 2015

good to know! I missed you too 😉

nrhatch - January 9, 2015

Thanks, Val. I’m enjoying a few “new” pursuits which have claimed writing/ posting time.

When I didn’t have a post ready Wednesday, I shrugged and aimed for Thursday. And missed that as well. :mrgreen:

I tossed out a few lines today so visitors will know I’m alive and well and . . . Coasting Downhill. WHEE!!!!

18. anotherday2paradise - January 9, 2015

You make so much sense, Nancy. I gave up my aspirations of fame and fortune long ago. 🙂

nrhatch - January 9, 2015

Thanks, Sylvia. It’s a more relaxing way to flow through our days and nights.

19. L. Marie - January 10, 2015

Oh man! Thanks for this post! I remember thinking that if I hadn’t attained stardom or whatever by the time I was 30, my life would be meaningless. I wasted so many years with that belief. Our youth-centered, fame-driven culture does a number on many people’s heads. Reality shows provide even the average Joe with 15 minutes of fame, which causes some of us to seek after it more and more. And with the Internet and videos one can post to YouTube, we have hopes of going viral.
I totally admit to ego and the desire to be noticed (and loved for my accomplishments). A road that leads to a dead-end.

nrhatch - January 10, 2015

Yes! When we convince ourselves that reaching a set goal/ destination is a pre-requisite to happiness, we are apt to be disappointed ~ since the rewards we envision, if they materialize at all, often feel less like rewards and more like dead ends.

If we are living “full lives” there is little reason to get caught up in regret about people we didn’t meet, books we didn’t read (or write), conversations we didn’t have, foods we didn’t taste, pounds we didn’t lose, movies we didn’t watch, or places we didn’t see . . . yet.

Happiness is not waiting for us at the end of the road . . . it’s found here and now, by enjoying each step along the way!


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