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The New Alphabet November 22, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Health & Wellness, Humor, Joke.

Donald-DuckaA is for apple and B is for boat, that used to be right, but now it won’t float! Age before beauty is what we once said, but let’s be a bit more realistic instead.

The New Alphabet

A’s for arthritis. B’s the bad back. C’s the chest pains, perhaps car-di-ac?

D is for dental decay and decline. E is for eyesight, can’t read that top line! F is for farting and fluid retention. G is for gut droop, which I’d rather not mention.

grumpy_thinkingH is high blood pressure – I’d rather it low. I for incisions with scars you can show. J is for joints, out of socket, won’t mend. K is for knees that crack when they bend.

L ‘s for libido, what happened to sex? M is for memory, I forget what comes next.

N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low. O is for osteo, bones that don’t grow!

Grumpy gusP for prescriptions, I have quite a few. Just give me a pill, I’ll be good as new! Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu? R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.

S: sleepless nights, counting my fears. T is for Tinnitus, bells in my ears! U is for urinary, troubles with flow. V for vertigo, that’s ‘dizzy,’ you know.

W for worry, now what’s going ’round? X is for X-ray, and what might be found.

Y’s for another year I’ve left behind. Z is for zest I still have . . . in my mind!

I’ve survived all the symptoms, my body’s deployed. Β I’m keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!

Β Aah . . . that’s better!

E-mail from unknown author (sent by Granny1947)



1. Jill Weatherholt - November 22, 2014

Very clever, Nancy! πŸ™‚

nrhatch - November 22, 2014

When Kathy sent this to me this week, I didn’t know whether to be insulted or amused.

So I chose AMUSED! :mrgreen:

2. ashokbhatia - November 22, 2014

Good one!

nrhatch - November 22, 2014

Very humorous look at the perils of aging. It’s a wonder that so many find it better than the alternative. πŸ˜›

3. Don - November 22, 2014

Nice when letters of the alphabet are given an earthy life context. πŸ™‚

nrhatch - November 22, 2014

They all seem fully employed . . . in wreaking havoc! πŸ˜•

4. Silver in the Barn - November 22, 2014

“R” is for recognizing more than one or two of these. So clever, Nancy!

nrhatch - November 22, 2014

As soon as Kathy sent it, I said I’d share it this week ~ I suspect that more than a few of us can relate to its humorous bent. 😎

5. Tiny - November 22, 2014

Oh dear! That was an alphabet to remember….hopefully not to experience it all πŸ˜€

nrhatch - November 22, 2014

BFF asked me to print it out so he could take it to his next doctor’s visit. πŸ˜›

Tiny - November 22, 2014

I love that!!

nrhatch - November 22, 2014

BFF’s doctor has a great sense of humor ~ he’ll get a kick out of it . . . plus it will jog BFF’s memory about complaints worth complaining about. πŸ˜›

6. JOriginal Muse - November 22, 2014

Ahhhh, Ha, Ha, Ha…! I don’t get it… JK…! Unfortunately, I GET at least a couple of those letters… I’ll never be able to sing the Alphabet Song the same again 😦

nrhatch - November 22, 2014

I keep get sidelined at “M.” πŸ˜›

7. thecontentedcrafter - November 22, 2014

Ah! That made my first smile of the morning and I haven’t had my coffee yet – even though it might be horrendously true for someone…… The composer is very clever!

nrhatch - November 22, 2014

Yes! I get a kick out of some of the stuff floating around cyber space.

8. joannevalentinesimson - November 22, 2014

This one’s cool! Oh yeah!

nrhatch - November 22, 2014

Glad you enjoyed, Joanne. Aging is NOT for sissies . . . or for those without a well developed sense of humor.

9. Barb - November 22, 2014

Sadly, I can’t get past M either! 😦

nrhatch - November 22, 2014

Maybe memorizing this alphabet song will boost our recall? πŸ˜•

10. Yolanda M. - November 22, 2014

What about ‘I’ is for incontinence? and ‘D’ is for diapers? πŸ˜€

nrhatch - November 22, 2014

Good ones, Yolanda! “U” might cover both . . . along with a few other plumbing problems. :mrgreen:

11. ericjbaker - November 22, 2014

Funny and depressing at the same time!


nrhatch - November 22, 2014

That about sums it up. πŸ˜€

12. valleygrail - November 22, 2014

Funny! I will never look at the alphabet the same way again!

nrhatch - November 22, 2014

I read through the list in horrified fascination ~> its accuracy is uncanny. :mrgreen:

13. Behind the Story - November 22, 2014

I agree with Eric–Funny and depressing. Good rhyme and rhythm.

nrhatch - November 23, 2014

Now we know how doctors pay off their med school loans. πŸ˜‰

14. Pix Under the Oaks - November 23, 2014

I am amused.. πŸ˜€

nrhatch - November 23, 2014

Yay! A lighter look at aging helps us keep things in perspective (and reminds us we are not alone).

Pix Under the Oaks - November 23, 2014

Yes! It helps.. πŸ™‚

15. Grannymar - November 23, 2014

Now what was I going to say? What am I laughing at? some of your alphabet are close friends these days… way too close for comfort, but I still want to copy and paste to my blog during the week, if I may pretty please.

nrhatch - November 23, 2014

Absolutely, GM! Post away. Feel free to swap out the pictures if you have something you like better.

Grannymar - November 23, 2014

I was thinking of a different layout, without your graphics,but I will give you credit for the borrow!

nrhatch - November 23, 2014


16. jannatwrites - November 23, 2014

Haha, this is funny! Getting older is great πŸ™‚

nrhatch - November 23, 2014

Yes! (Except for the bad bits.) :mrgreen:

17. The New Alphabet | Grannymar - November 25, 2014

[…] Original author unknown, but I borrowed it from Nancy Hatch […]

18. Three Well Beings - November 30, 2014

If we live long enough this list becomes a bit more accurate. We might as well chuckle along while we can. πŸ™‚

nrhatch - November 30, 2014

Yes! Few reach their 80’s and 90’s “unscathed” by the ravages of time. Keeping a sense of humor about it smooths out the potholes in our path.

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