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The Atheist In The Woods July 5, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.

300px-Paradiso_Canto_31An atheist was walking through the woods admiring the landscape:

What majestic trees!
What powerful rivers!
What beautiful animals!

As he walked along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes and saw a 7-foot-tall  grizzly bear charging towards him.

He dashed up the path, but heard the bear closing in on him.

Then he tripped and fell to the ground!

Rolling over, he saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike.

At that instant the Atheist cried out, “Oh my God!”

Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.

A bright light shone upon the man from above and a voice echoed through the forest:

“You deny My existence for all these years, teach others to scoff at Me, and even credit creation to cosmic accident.  Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?”

Looking into the light, the atheist said, “It would be hypocritical of me to ask you to treat me as believer now – but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?”

“Very well,” said the Voice.

The light went out.  The sounds of the forest resumed.  The bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke:

“Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive from thy bounty. Amen.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  e-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)



1. Val Boyko - July 5, 2014

LOL!! ….. That was a surprise.
Thank you Nancy
Val x

nrhatch - July 5, 2014

Hope your Saturday is filled with SMILES, Val!

2. Jacqueline King - July 5, 2014

Brilliant Nancy! Be careful what you wish for 🙂

nrhatch - July 5, 2014

When it’s my time to go, I hope it’s NOT as dinner for a wild animal . . . Christian or otherwise.

3. katecrimmins - July 5, 2014

Oh so naughty!

nrhatch - July 5, 2014

If ever I meet up with bear, shark, crocodile, or gator . . . I hope the wild beast is NOT hungry enough to give chase.

katecrimmins - July 5, 2014

I would try to convince them that old people are tough and stringy.

nrhatch - July 5, 2014

Or that we do NOT taste like Chik’n. 😎

4. ericjbaker - July 5, 2014

If I ever get chased by a religious bear, I hope he’s a 7th Day Adventist.

nrhatch - July 5, 2014

I’m with them ~ I’d rather eschew meat than chew meat! 😎

ericjbaker - July 5, 2014

Even the bears are groaning at that!

nrhatch - July 5, 2014

No doubt. 😛

5. jannatwrites - July 5, 2014

Hehe… that didn’t quite work out as planned 😀

nrhatch - July 5, 2014

His Wish got Twisted before being Granted.

6. Anne Lene - July 5, 2014

LOL, too funny! Great ending, I did not see that one coming…

nrhatch - July 5, 2014

Neither did he! 😎

7. Jill Weatherholt - July 5, 2014

This is why I’m not an atheist, I mean really, how many Christian bears can there be…
Thanks for the Saturday smile, Nancy!

nrhatch - July 5, 2014

Glad you enjoyed, Jill!

8. diannegray - July 5, 2014

Haaaa! Excellent, Nancy 😀

nrhatch - July 5, 2014

Thanks! Hope your Sunday is off to a stellar start, Dianne.

9. Rainee - July 6, 2014

Got a good laugh out of this one. Thanks 🙂

nrhatch - July 6, 2014

Yay! Laughter each day keeps the doldrums away.

10. Grannymar - July 6, 2014

Ha ha. Not enough meat on my bones to feed a sparrow, so I think the bears would walk on by.

nrhatch - July 6, 2014

Fate is on your side. 😎

11. Pix Under the Oaks - July 6, 2014

Laughing here! CH will get a kick out of it.. 🙂 Last round of family festivities today! Tomorrow will be a day of rest. Aah.

nrhatch - July 6, 2014

You and CH will need a rest up tomorrow after all this fun, festive, family frivolity. Enjoy!

12. bluebee - July 6, 2014

Tee hee

nrhatch - July 6, 2014

Oops! Too much wiggle room in that wish!

13. livelytwist - July 7, 2014

Ha ha ha. Didn’t see this one coming 🙂

nrhatch - July 7, 2014

I heard BFF laughing at the computer this morning . . . he’d just read this post for the first time and couldn’t contain himself.

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