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Children Are A Class Act May 24, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.
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Huey,-Dewey-And-Louie

TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell crocodile?
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
GLENN: But you asked me how I spell it.

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Didn’t you say it’s H to O?

Mr-Mackey-mmkayTEACHER: John, why are you doing your multiplication problems on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do the math without using tables.

TEACHER: Cooper, why do you always get so dirty?
COOPER: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with I.
MILLIE: I is…
TEACHER: No, Millie . . . Always say, “I am.”
MILLIE: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

TEACHER: George Washington admitted that he’d chopped down his father’s cherry tree.  Louis, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand?

SkinnerTEACHER:  Simon, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, my Mum is a good cook.

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on “My Dog” is the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It’s the same dog.

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source:  e-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)

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Comments»

1. Pix Under the Oaks - May 24, 2014

These were very good Nancy! I like #6 and #10.. 🙂
Good Morning! It’s raining here!! I will take it but I would like it to clear up for the grad across the road that is having an open house today, I don’t want to eat my cheeseburger in the rain and I want him to have a beautiful day!

nrhatch - May 24, 2014

I bet sunny skies are in demand all across the US this weekend ~ better for bar-b-q’s, cookouts, grad parties, picnics and Memorial Day exercises at the cemetery.

Fingers crossed for you and him.

2. Ruth - May 24, 2014

Some good ones to enjoy as the school year winds down. June 13th is the last day for teachers. YAY!

nrhatch - May 24, 2014

Yay! I’m sure that you are beginning the countdown, Ruth.

3. Grannymar - May 24, 2014

I like winnie’s style!

nrhatch - May 24, 2014

Me too!

4. katecrimmins - May 24, 2014

These ring true. I can actually see a kid saying them!

nrhatch - May 24, 2014

I agree ~ they can be so literal about things. My favorite: not praying before meals because “mom is a good cook.”

katecrimmins - May 24, 2014

Makes you wonder where he got that idea, doesn’t it?

nrhatch - May 24, 2014

“Tim, will you lead us in prayer?”
“Nah, no need.”
“No need? Why not?”
“You’re a good cook . . . I trust ya!”

5. William D'Andrea - May 24, 2014

I remember when I was in High School, we had a 12th Grade English Teacher named Mrs. Salter. That lady was sharp. The kids were dull, or at least not anywhere near as sharp.

One day, at the beginning of Class, Mrs. Salter found a bulging envelope on her desk. She opened it and shook out a hairclip tied with a twisted rubber band. It just lay on the desk and did nothing.

She asked, “What’s this?”

One girl named Inez told her, “It’s supposed to spin around so you’ll get scared.”

The woman said, “Well no wonder it doesn’t work! You’ve built it all wrong!”

Then Mrs. Salter took the device apart, put the right kind of rubber band on it, and it spun around properly.

She said, “I used to build these all the time, when I was in school.”

She advised Inez, along with the rest of us, “Just build it this way, and it will always work. I guarantee it!”

Like I said, that Lady was sharp!

nrhatch - May 24, 2014

High school teachers are a mixed bag.

6. Don - May 24, 2014

Enjoyed them all Nancy. Had a good laugh. I must say I enjoyed the sense of ego in some of them. I mean ego strength in the constructive way. 🙂

nrhatch - May 24, 2014

Yes! Kids enjoy a confident sense of self until “life” causes them to lose self-esteem. Just Being is no longer enough. We are encouraged to compete, compare, and contrast ourselves with others, focusing on and fretting about our perceived short comings rather than feeling gratitude for our unique strengths.

7. ericjbaker - May 24, 2014

I like the “H to O” one. I enjoy jokes that catch me off guard like that. Funny.

nrhatch - May 24, 2014

That one might be worth sharing with your son . . . unless he’s too old/young for literal humor.

8. viviankirkfield - May 24, 2014

I loved every single one of these, Nancy! I’ll share this forward…much appreciate the big smile I’ll have for the rest of the day as I remember these. 🙂

nrhatch - May 24, 2014

Glad you enjoyed, Vivian. Hope you have a wonderful weekend with your family.

9. Life Penned - May 24, 2014

These are priceless! And some are downright genius! Great stuff!

nrhatch - May 24, 2014

There’s some brilliant stuff floating around in cyberspace. I’m doing my best to gather it all in one place. 😎

10. diannegray - May 24, 2014

These gave me a great belly laugh this morning, Nancy. Although I’m still laughing at the one you posted about the picture the child drew of the mother selling the spade! 😉

nrhatch - May 24, 2014

These are cute . . . but that picture is priceless! Hope you having a grand weekend.

11. bluebee - May 24, 2014

Smart kids – Cooper and Millie will go a long way, haha

nrhatch - May 24, 2014

They will . . . after a stop (or three) in the Principal’s Office. 😎

12. Jill Weatherholt - May 24, 2014

Some kids are just too smart! I love these, Nancy!

nrhatch - May 24, 2014

Yay! Glad you got a kick out of them, Jill. Have a super weekend.

13. pix & kardz - May 25, 2014

gotta love kids! thanks for sharing this 🙂

nrhatch - May 25, 2014

When I ran the AmeriCorps program at Salisbury University, my favorite site visits were to kindergarten classrooms and pre-schools. Kids are so funny and fun to be around.

14. Val Boyko - May 25, 2014

What a hoot! Thanks for the sunday chuckle Nancy!

nrhatch - May 25, 2014

Teaching in the younger grades includes many challenges . . . but the rewards abound.

15. livelytwist - May 25, 2014

These two drew the loudest laughter from me:
Cooper, why do you always get so dirty?
Millie, give me a sentence starting with I.
Thanks for sharing Nancy 🙂

nrhatch - May 25, 2014

Glad you enjoyed the chatter of these cheeky monkeys!

16. jannatwrites - May 26, 2014

Thanks for the chuckle! My favorite is the George Washington one… I’d probably not punish someone holding an axe, either 🙂

nrhatch - May 27, 2014

“Step away from the axe, George.”
“Who’s gonna make me? You and what army?”

“The British are coming! The British are coming!”

17. Three Well Beings - May 27, 2014

I always enjoy hearing what the children have to say, and their fresh perspectives!

TEACHER: George Washington admitted that he’d chopped down his father’s cherry tree. Louis, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand?

Smart kid! LOL!

nrhatch - May 27, 2014

Today kids (and adults) struggle with body image because of the media’s portrayal of the sleek elite.

Back in revolutionary times, kids struggled with integrity issues because George’s “I cannot tell a lie” was used as the exemplar by which they all were measured. 😎


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