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FBI Opening: Hit Man Needed May 10, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, People.

The FBI had an opening for an assassin.

After all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done, there were 3 finalists ~ two men and a woman.

220px-TennieldumdeeFor the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.  “We need to know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances.  Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her.”

The man said, “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.”

“Then you’re not the right man for this job. Take  your wife and go home.”


The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes.

The man came out with tears in his eyes, “I tried, But I can’t kill my wife.”

The agent said, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”


Now it was the woman’s turn.  She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband.  She took the gun and went into the room.  Shots were heard, one after another. Then the agents heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.

After a few minutes, the door opened.  There stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.


“This gun was loaded with blanks.  I had to kill him with the chair.”

Source:  e-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)




1. Tom Merriman - May 10, 2014

Funny, Nancy!

nrhatch - May 10, 2014

I don’t think I would make a very good FBI hit man. Not enough resolve to get the job done.

2. Pix Under the Oaks - May 10, 2014

Laughing here! 😀

nrhatch - May 10, 2014

“Do what you can with what you have where you are.” ~ Teddy Roosevelt

3. Eric Alagan - May 10, 2014

That’s called improvisation – LOL!

nrhatch - May 10, 2014

If you can’t get ’em with the gun . . . use whatever’s handy.

4. diannegray - May 10, 2014

HAAAAAAA! Love it! 😀 (did I laugh a little too loud?)

nrhatch - May 10, 2014

I share all these jokes with BFF before posting ~ this one made him more “uncomfortable” than most. 😉

5. kateshrewsday - May 10, 2014

Ha! She got the job done. She fulfilled her brief.
Excellent yarn, Nancy.

nrhatch - May 10, 2014

She exhibited both determination and perseverance in carrying out her assignment.

If at first you don’t succeed, try again!

6. valleygrail - May 10, 2014

Still laughing!

nrhatch - May 10, 2014

Yay! Glad you got a kick out of it.

7. Jill Weatherholt - May 10, 2014

Too funny, Nancy! Thanks for the laugh! 🙂

nrhatch - May 10, 2014

Nothing like some laughter each day to keep the doldrums at bay.

8. Three Well Beings - May 11, 2014

OK…I laughed out loud at this one. VERY funny!

nrhatch - May 11, 2014

Happy Mother’s Day, Debra!

9. jannatwrites - May 11, 2014

Hilarious! (Unless you’re her husband, of course!)

nrhatch - May 11, 2014

Exactly! I don’t want to meet her in a dark alley.

10. sufilight - May 12, 2014

Yikes, she is indeed the right person for the job! lol.

nrhatch - May 12, 2014

She reminds me of a high school football cheer: “We don’t mess around. Hey!”

11. ericjbaker - May 12, 2014

You probably tapped into the secret desire of most wives.

nrhatch - May 12, 2014

Maybe not “most” . . . but definitely some of the wives, some of the time. 😎

ericjbaker - May 12, 2014

Maybe I was projecting.


nrhatch - May 12, 2014

Haha! You should ask your wife to do a guest post on your blog some time . . . I’m sure we’d all like to meet her.

12. I am J - May 12, 2014

Omigosh. I didn’t see this one coming. She’s one tough cookie – or maybe she’d just been married 40 years!

nrhatch - May 12, 2014

I’m guessing her husband didn’t have many redeeming values.

13. Perfecting Motherhood - May 13, 2014

Haha, hilarious!

nrhatch - May 13, 2014

We can have anything we want . . . as long as we make it a priority.

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