Statement of the Century May 31, 2014
Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.comments closed
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker ~ Billy Connolly:
“If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can’t have a headache and sex at the same time?”
Source: e-mail (sent by Joe M.)
Och . . . that’s just bloody awful!
Do you accept everything people say literally? Or do you use your creative problem solving skills to look for clues to sarcasm’s subtle deception?
Sarcastic statements are sort of a true lie. You’re saying something you don’t literally mean, and the communication works as intended only if your listener gets that you’re insincere.
Sarcasm has a two-faced quality: it’s both funny and mean. This dual nature has led to contradictory theories on why we use it.
From The Science of Sarcasm? Yeah, Right!
Related posts: Are You Serious? * A Touch of Sarcasm
Here and Now May 30, 2014
Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Mindfulness.comments closed
It is easy to allow ourselves to be drawn out of the present, into the past and future . . . oblivious to the moment at hand.
Returning our attention to the present moment pays dividends as we hear and see what is being offered.
Here and Now.
Aah . . . that’s better!
Related post: Nobody Home (Milk Fever’s Blog)
Fame Is NOT Contagious May 28, 2014
Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Mindfulness, People.comments closed
When we lived in South Carolina, people loved to say ~ “It’s not who you are, it’s who you know.”
I found that perspective bemusing.
Much like Alice found Tweedledum and Tweedledee.
Are we somebody because we know somebody who is somebody?
Or because we know somebody who met somebody. Once. Upon a time.
Are we so preoccupied with fame that we’ve convinced ourselves that a quick brush with “greatness” is all that it takes?
As if fame was somehow contagious.
Hmm . . .
* I met Andy Warhol at Tavern on the Green in NYC ~ will that make me a better pop artist or photographer?
* Orson Bean sent me an air mail letter from Australia because he knew my dad when they were kids ~ will that letter get me a semi-permanent hosting gig on a daytime game show?
* I watched Bruce Hornsby give an impromptu concert outside Wait Chapel at Wake Forest ~ will that improve my skills as a musician?
* I grew up in Bruce Springstein’s backyard, next door to his hometown of Freehold; he later moved to my hometown ~ does that mean he’ll feature me in his next music video or invite me to his 4th of July Picnic?
* Charles Bronson purchased land in Vermont from my grandfather ~ will that give me an in as an actor (or a bobblehead)?
Answers: No, not likely, nope, not a chance, and no!
Fame is NOT contagious!
A happy fact for Cheshire Cats, like me, who are pleased with our anonymity.
Aah . . . that’s better!
Have you had any brushes with greatness?
Did they have staying power? You know, like one of Elvis’s famous peanut butter, banana, and mayo sandwiches . . . with bacon!
Related post: Elvis Kissed Me (Andra Watkins Blog)
Pig’s Wild! May 27, 2014
Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Humor.comments closed
Last week, we attended the Grand Opening of the revitalized Beachhouse restaurant in Bradenton Beach.
The interior decor is elegant, refined, and features a wall of wine.
The ribbon-cutting ceremony included complimentary appetizers of fresh, sustainable, locally grown fruits and veggies, local seafood, and . . . wild pig!
Judging from comments made by the owner, Ed Chiles, the emergence of wild pig on menus around the country ranks right up there with the Second Coming of Christ.
I can’t imagine ever getting that excited about pork.
Instead of sampling Stuffed Oysters, Salmon Tartare, and Wild Pig Sliders, we “pigged out” on Lobster Mac & Cheese while chatting with friends and a few local dignitaries.
We also enjoyed Shishito Peppers, Mini Caprese bites, Puffed Potato Balls, roasted red peppers, and fresh strawberries, blueberries, and . . . peaches!
Chiles relayed that peaches grown at King Farms are kin to those Adam and Eve enjoyed in the Garden of Eden . . . before they pissed off the Holy Host!
He might be right ~> they were decadent, delicious, delectable, divine!
Aah . . . that’s better!
Photography, Again?! May 26, 2014
Posted by nrhatch in Art & Photography, Humor, People.comments closed
Continued from . . . Pulling Rank!
Dad received a Mercury II camera in February; it wasn’t what he wanted. In the next several letters, he explained in great and tedious detail why he wanted a Kodak camera instead:
“I would rather have a 35 mm camera than anything else. All the best films are made in that size.”
“I hope you will not think I am being too critical in my choice of a camera, but I want a camera that has a lens good enough so that I can make large enlargements from the negatives when I get home and buy an enlarger which I plan to do.”
“I don’t think that there is much other news. I did start learning Korean. We have had three classes. Everyone who has had Latin, French, Spanish, or some other European language says that Korean is a lot harder than any they have studied before.”
On April 12th, he wrote about cameras and film and cameras and slides, then said:
“Now I had better change the subject. Probably everyone at home gets sick of reading photography.”
“By the news the last few days, it sounds as though moves to create a Korean Government will be made soon. I hope Russia will work with us on this. I don’t think it was a good idea to divide Korea at the 38th parallel in the first place. But taking steps to liberate Korea from occupational troops, or at least approving such steps, may force Russia to change her policy toward Korea.”
On April 25th, he wrote Marjorie:
“I received a letter from Marge. The writer had apparently been reading some of my letters and did not exactly approve of my most popular theme ~ ‘PHOTOGRAPHY’. Can you imagine anyone not approving of such a fine subject as that?”
“Well, I think it would be wise if the security of my letters home were guarded more carefully, so as not to expose them to the type of moron who would criticize one of my fine letters. (Got to get back a little of that sarcasm you used on me.)
“I managed to waste quite a lot of paper. If you don’t hear from me for a while you will know it is only because I am trying to save paper.”
Once he received the Kodak 35 with rangefinder in June, he sold the Mercury.
On July 4th, he wrote his father to thank him:
“The Kodak 35 arrived several days ago and I am well satisfied with it. It is a much better camera than the Mercury II which I have already sold.”
Throughout the years, dad’s interest in photography stood him in good stead during travels, national and international. Our house included a dark room for developing and enlarging black and white prints in the days before digital photography.
Continued next week: Thanks . . . But No Thanks!
Mysteries Beyond The Veil May 25, 2014
Posted by nrhatch in Magick & Mystery, Poetry.comments closed
The spiritual well is deep. We may never unearth all its secrets.
No matter how deep we dive.
Caught in a gossamer web, we catch a glimpse beyond the veil.
An elusive epiphany whispers, allowing us to know the unknowable.
If you held THE key, would you go beyond the surface of what we taste, touch, and see to unveil the mystery?
Or would you choose to remain in the dark, cloaked in ancient shrouds?
Forgoing certainty to embrace mystery.
Aah . . . that’s better!
Related post: To “Look” For Meaning (Candid Impressions)
Children Are A Class Act May 24, 2014
Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke.comments closed
TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell crocodile?
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
GLENN: But you asked me how I spell it.
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Didn’t you say it’s H to O?
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your multiplication problems on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do the math without using tables.
TEACHER: Cooper, why do you always get so dirty?
COOPER: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with I.
MILLIE: I is…
TEACHER: No, Millie . . . Always say, “I am.”
MILLIE: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
TEACHER: George Washington admitted that he’d chopped down his father’s cherry tree. Louis, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand?
TEACHER: Simon, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, my Mum is a good cook.
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on “My Dog” is the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It’s the same dog.
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.
Aah . . . that’s better!
Source: e-mail from unknown author (sent by Joe M.)
Hey! That’s What I Think! May 23, 2014
Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Mindfulness, People.comments closed
In pondering deep thoughts, there is no reason to start from scratch.
We can build on the thoughts of those who came before us.
Not through wholesale adoption of their truths, but by running their ideas through our internal filter to see what resonates with our inner compass.
And what needs to be kicked to the curb!
Aah . . . that’s better!
Related post: Conveyors of Other People’s Thoughts & Ideas (Candid Impressions)
What Are You . . . Some Kind Of A Bozo? May 22, 2014
Posted by nrhatch in Animals, Humor, Joke.comments closed
At the circus, I’m amazed by many things . . . acrobats, magic acts, and watching clown after clown pour out of teeny tiny toy cars.
After the Posters, Postage, and Postal Posers Ceremony, BFF and I wandered through the Circus Museum.
Feeling limber and lithe, we decided to squeeze into the clown car on display.
One at a time . . . NOT together!
Aah . . . that’s better!
Want to see something else amazing?
7 Writing Tips From Real Writers May 21, 2014
Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Word Play, Writing & Writers.comments closed
For those of you who yearn for fame, fortune, and publication, here are 7 sure fire writing tips from real writers:
1. Walk. A lot. Charles Dickens walked 20-30 miles a day. And we know that he wrote some good stuff that has withstood the test of time. My guess: he did his best writing after a long nap. Same with Carl Sandburg who also walked 20 miles a day.
2. Never leave the house. Emily Dickinson wrote 1,800 poems holed up in her hidey hole, a white room, while wearing only white. She commissioned her sister to address her correspondence.
Of course, only seven of her poems were published during her lifetime. So this tip might work best for those who seek posthumous publication.
3. Follow writing rituals. Edgar Allen Poe wrote with a cat on his shoulder and wore all black, quoth the Raven, “nevermore.” Charles Dickens touched certain objects three times for good luck and placed objects on his desk with exacting precision. T.S. Eliot preferred writing with a head cold. E.B. White did not ~ he wore a surgical mask in public to protect himself against contagious diseases.
4. Choose the right writing posture. Ernest Hemingway and Lewis Carroll wrote standing up. Mark Twain and Robert Louis Stevenson wrote lying down. Benjamin Franklin wrote naked in the bath.
5. Don’t avoid stimulants. Mark Twain smoked 40 cigars a day. W.H Auden and Dr. Johnson preferred tea. Johnson consumed 25 cups in a single sitting. Honoré de Balzac preferred coffee ~ 50 cups a day. Samuel Taylor Coleridge used opium to invoke his muse.
It’s anyone’s guess what Lewis Carroll was on.
6. Do it on a dare. Agatha Christie began writing detective mysteries at age thirty after her sister told her that she could not handle the rules governing that genre. Christie wrote 30 Poirot mysteries to prove a point.
7. Write. A lot. Upton Sinclair wrote 8,000 words every day, including Sunday. In the 18 months he spent as a full-time grad student at Columbia, he wrote 1,275,000 words. Some of them quite good. Anthony Trollope wrote 47 novels in 27 years before dying of a stroke while laughing out loud at a novel. Jack London wrote 20 hours a day on 4 hours of sleep. To make sure he didn’t oversleep, he rigged his alarm to drop a weight on his head. That’s dedication!
Bonus tip: Don’t read a lot of books with tips from other writers. They are not you and you are not them. Just write. Let the way teach you the way.
Aah . . . that’s better!
“Some people don’t really bother much with remembering; it seems such a useless activity. But most writers are addicted to it.” ~ Alice Munro
More fun facts: A Writer’s Book of Days ~ A Spirited Companion & Lively Muse for the Writing Life, Judy Reeves
Spirit Lights The Way 