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Putting the Brakes on Spring Break March 21, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, People.
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It’s been a fast paced few weeks on the island as snow birds and spring breakers  converge and collide:

* A 16-year-old joy rider stole a car and led police in cars and helicopters on a jaunt around the area ~ over the river and into the bridge.  Before police punctured his tires, he side-swiped other vehicles and area infrastructure a total of 26 times ~ including 9 crashes into the protection rail on the Cortez Bridge.  Although the bridge survived the attack with nary a scratch, the “joy rider” is apt to get more than a slap on the wrist.

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* Police are out in full force on the beaches, targeting spring-breakers breaking alcohol laws ~ both under-age drinking and the alcohol ordinance that prohibits open containers on the beach

“We have a little machine that we can wave over an open container and it will read whether or not it’s an alcoholic beverage.  We are looking for people who display signs of intoxication.  If the person is underage, we will do a Breathalyzer.”

Good thing my days of underage drinking on the beach are behind me.

Speaking of behinds, here’s The Full Monty . . .

* Island police arrested a man running up and down Bridge Street on Sunday, March 9, at 5 p.m.  The man was talking to himself as he ran.  “I think I can, I think I can.”

The problem?  Like the vain Emperor or a 70’s stadium streaker . . . no clothes!  Not a stitch on him.

“Oh, yes, they call him the streak.  Fastest thing on two feet.”

When ordered to stop by an officer in a patrol car, the man ran off.  “You can’t catch me, I’m the Gingerbread Man.”

Subdued in front of the BeachHouse restaurant (where we wait to pick up our pizza), the subject told officers his clothes were “changing his internal biology of how he sees himself.”  As a result, he was no longer “in control of his mind.” Asked for his name, he replied, “Elijah the Prophet.”

An ambulance returned “Elijah” (a/k/a “the Gingerbread Man”) to Manatee Glens Mental Health Treatment Facility under the Baker Act after a warrant check revealed he’d run away from that facility.

I’m surprised Elijah the Prophet didn’t see that coming.

Spring Break ~ the perfect time to let your hair down and let it all hang out. “No shirt, no shoes . . . no problem.”  But that’s where we draw the line in the sand.

“No pants . . . no service!”

Aah . . . that’s better!