jump to navigation

Very Punny January 4, 2014

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, Word Play.

Death can be a Laughing Matter

* The Grim Reaper came for me last night.  I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.

* At the cemetery yesterday, I noticed four grave diggers walking about with a coffin for what seemed like hours.  I thought, “they’ve lost the plot!”

* Just got back from my mate’s funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.

* My wife has been missing a week.  Police said to prepare for the worst, so I went to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.”

Ahoy, Matey!

Donald-Duck-Driving* A mate of mine denied being addicted to brake fluid.  He reckoned he could stop any time.

* “Hey, Paddy!  Why ya talkin’ to that envelope?” “I’m sending a voice mail, ya thick sod!”

* 19 mates go to the cinema.  The ticket lady exclaims, “So many of you!” Mick nods, “The film said 18 or over.”

* My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 this morning! Can you believe that?  Lucky for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

* “Mick, I’m thinking of getting a Labrador.”  “Bugger that,” says Mick, “have you seen how many of their owners go blind?”

The Fairer Sex


* My girlfriend thinks I’m a stalker. Well . . . she’s not exactly my girlfriend yet.

* A wife says to her husband, “you’re always pushing me around and talking behind my back.”  He says, “what do you expect? You’re in a wheelchair.”

* My daughter asked me for a spider for her birthday.  At the pet shop, they were £70! “Blow this,” I thought, “I can get one cheaper off the web.”

* My wife was counting all the 1p’s and 2p’s out on the kitchen table when she got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason. I thought, “she must be going through the change.”

* In the pub, I heard a couple of wankers saying they wouldn’t feel safe on a plane if they knew the pilot was a woman. How sexist! It’s not as if she’d have to reverse the bloody thing!

* The “Knitting Needle Nutter” stabbed six people in the arse in the last 48 hours.  Police believe she could be following some kind of pattern.

Now that’s Punny!


* I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

* Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.

* At an ATM yesterday, a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

* The “rocket salad” I bought went off before I could eat it!

* A bear is working on a building site. When he returns from tea break, he notices his pick has been stolen.  Annoyed, he reports the theft to the foreman, who grins and says, “Oh, I forgot to tell you . . . today’s the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked.”

* An Asian fellow moved in next door. He’s traveled the world, swum with sharks, wrestled bears, and climbed the highest mountain.  His name? Bindair Dundat.

* I was driving this morning when I saw an AA van. The driver was sobbing and looked miserable. I thought, “that guy’s heading for a breakdown.”

Aah . . . that’s better!

Source: e-mail from unknown author (sent by Granny1947).


1. Lisa A. Kramer - January 4, 2014

Tee hee hee. Preparing for a stand up routine?

nrhatch - January 4, 2014

Sure . . . I’ll be the next Ellen! 😀

2. Crowing Crone Joss - January 4, 2014

ah, nothing beats a good giggle.

nrhatch - January 4, 2014

Exactly why I love sharing these e-mails from Granny, Joe, and others. Laughter makes the world lighter and brighter. 😎

3. Pix Under the Oaks - January 4, 2014

😆 I needed these this morning! Snow and frigid temps coming. Bah!

nrhatch - January 4, 2014

Yay! I always feel warmer when I’m laughing. Hope you and CH survive the FRIGID Arctic Onslaught. It’s MUCH cooler than normal here . . . but nothing like what others are dealing with.

Stay indoors where it’s cozy.

4. Tammy - January 4, 2014

You should go to open-mic night!

nrhatch - January 4, 2014

I’m in awe of comedians who can do an entire act with no notes while NEVER forgetting the punchline ~ Bill Cosby, Robin Williams, Ellen Degeneres, Jerry Seinfeld have such great comedic timing.

5. Sandra Bell Kirchman - January 4, 2014

How fun. Some of them were a little obscure, but I put that down to being Brit (like the 1p, 2p one). The rest of them had me giggling like a kid 🙂

nrhatch - January 4, 2014

I thought about changing the change to American, but decided to leave the flavor British. Glad you enjoyed.

6. Grannymar - January 4, 2014

Thank you Nancy for the laughter today!

nrhatch - January 4, 2014

My pleasure!

7. granny1947 - January 4, 2014

Love them!!!

nrhatch - January 4, 2014

Thanks for the share . . . keep ’em coming. 😀

8. ericjbaker - January 4, 2014

That first one was a real “Eureka” moment for me.

nrhatch - January 4, 2014

Haha! 😀

9. calmgrove - January 4, 2014

A real tonic for the dark nights of the northern hemisphere!

nrhatch - January 4, 2014

Laughter does help to keep things on an even keel in the dark days of winter.

10. Eric Tonningsen - January 4, 2014

Appreciate the early weekend humor. While not proud to admit this, I almost snorted at the ATM episode (while simply laughing or smiling at the others). 🙂

nrhatch - January 4, 2014

That’s OK . . . we know that YOU would never check someone’s balance by trying to knock them over. 😉

11. anotherday2paradise - January 4, 2014

Love these. Granny 47 is great. 🙂

nrhatch - January 4, 2014

She is, indeed!

12. Doom - January 4, 2014

Wow! That covers the gamut. From death, departure, voice mail, to breakdowns? With bears and other sorts to boot! Always good for some cheer. I even… you must not be American, but… I even get the off kilter language ones. Korea almost threw me. Then again, sounds like some of our… what is her name… Joan Rivers. Then again she sometimes throws me.

nrhatch - January 4, 2014

Yes! It does sound a bit like Joan Rivers. I suspect the author of the e-mail Granny sent me is British. I decided not to Americanize the jests during the editing/posting process.

13. Patricia - January 4, 2014

Enjoyed the silliness. Great laughs.

nrhatch - January 4, 2014

I should probably call these posts the Saturday Sillies. 😀

Patricia - January 4, 2014

Silly is sometimes good…

nrhatch - January 4, 2014


14. jannatwrites - January 4, 2014

Cute! I especially liked the husband who was preparing for the worst by getting his wife’s clothes back. Reminds me of my uncle, who likes to tell people they’ve been happily married for 20 years- they’ve been married for 40 years…he won’t say which 20 were happy 🙂

nrhatch - January 5, 2014

That one made me smile. I can think of a few spouses who are happier apart than together.

BTW: I think I met your uncle once ~ him or a reasonable facsimile! 😛

15. Three Well Beings - January 6, 2014

Aren’t these rich! So funny. I think my favorite is, “My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 this morning! Can you believe that? Lucky for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.” 🙂

nrhatch - January 6, 2014

That’s worth a grin! As much as I love the pipes . . . bagpipes at 2:30 in the morning would be a wee bit blurgh to me. 😛

16. colonialist - January 8, 2014

Many are in the ‘wish I’d thought of that’ category. Many others are in the ‘I did think of that’ category – but I obviously wasn’t the first! 🙂

nrhatch - January 8, 2014
colonialist - January 8, 2014

They are excellent!

nrhatch - January 8, 2014

I probably have 6-7 Punny Posts on SLTW. Here’s another:


nrhatch - January 8, 2014
17. Now That’s Punny! | Spirit Lights The Way - January 18, 2014

[…] Related puns:  All In A Day’s Work * No Pun In Ten Did *  Live Laugh and Learn * Virtual Reality * (Duck) Soup to Nuts * Crime Doesn’t Pay (Much) * That’s Gonna Leave A Mark * Very Punny […]

Sorry comments are closed for this entry

%d bloggers like this: