13 Unpolished Gems . . . One Stone October 25, 2013
Posted by nrhatch in Blogging, Humor, Word Play.trackback
I always seem to have more ideas to write about than time to write ~ the more I write, the more ideas I have.
Maybe writing primes the pump and keeps ideas flowing.
In any event, given the ever-growing backlog of draft posts incubating in my cyber desk, I’ve decided to toss out 13 esoteric, eclectic, extraneous, and unpolished “hidden gems” for pondering and perusal.
Here goes nothing:
(1) There is NOTHING like looking at my TO DO list for the day and realizing that most of the items on it have already been DONE!
Huzzah!
(2) Magazine titles make me snort. For example: 16 Songs That EVERYONE Over The Age of 50 MUST Have. Seriously? There is NOTHING that everyone over the age of 50 would agree on except, perhaps, how lame lists like this really are.
And I don’t care what Supertramp says ~ do NOT take the long way home if you’re already in a hurry.
(3) People often underestimate the time it takes to get to know someone. Even after all these years, I’m still getting acquainted with the “real me.”
(4) When you don’t know, go with the flow. Have faith that you’ll end up where you need to be when you need to be there.
Besides, let’s say you veer off course, how are you ever gonna know?
(5) While we’re on the subject of faith, do those who believe in a personified deity picture God with eyes, ears, nose, mouth, chin, arms, legs, hands, feet?
How about a dick? Or is picturing God with sexual organs a form of blasphemy?
(6) And what about Jesus? Did he masturbate in his teens, succumbing to “sins of the flesh” before he knew he would be sitting on the right hand of an all-knowing all-seeing all-powerful vengeful God? For all eternity.
AWKWARD!
(7) Ever notice how some people are addicted to the idea of being addicted? They claim their “addictions” (i.e., eating cookies and being a couch potato) are why they are fat and unhappy. Bad habits are NOT addictions. They are just a convenient way to abrogate responsibility for our personal health & well-being.
Care for a cookie?
(8) OMPM (One Mistake People Make) ~> Plastic Surgery for Pets. When dogs are overweight, they do NOT need liposuction.
They need to go for a WALK!
(9) And speaking of walks, I do NOT support Walk for the Cure. Rather than having masses of people moving from Point A to Point B to raise money, I’d rather see them planting trees, picking up trash, renovating apartments for the homeless, helping in soup kitchens, etc.
You know, raising funds by actually DOING something to improve the world.
(10) On that note, I DO support many causes . . . I just don’t let others goad me into adopting THEIR causes as my own. In the AmeriCorps program at Salisbury University, members mentored and tutored at-risk youth. They enjoyed making a difference in the community. And I enjoyed watching them make a difference.
What? I supported them by being a cheerleader. It’s not always about tossing money at problems.
(11) Which reminds me, I refuse to be manipulated by all the non-monetized awards circulating through cyber space. If people want me to play by the rules, give acceptance speeches, nominate more bloggers, spill my guts, post the award on my sidebar, etc., etc., etc., they should attach a stipend to the award!
Yeah, baby. Show me the money!
(12) Did you hear that Facebook is claiming a trademark for the “Thumbs Up” sign? Right! FB came up with the “Thumbs Up” sign the same way that Al Gore dreamed up the Internet.
In their dreams!
(13) Are you getting tired of the LIKE button? Don’t you wish WordPress would offer more creative options? Pressing “Thought Provoking,” “Hysterically Funny,” “Awesome Photos,” and/or “Wild Applause” for this post would be way better than pressing LIKE, right?
Can you give me a Thumbs Up?
Log out of FB first, to ensure you don’t get sued for Trademark Infringement.
Aah . . . that’s better!
Nothing like killing 13 “gems” with one stone. If any of these thoughts SPARK YOUR SNARK, speak up.
C’mon . . . get your SNARK on!
Need tips? Visit Kate. Oh, wait, Kate says she lost her SNARK. Hmm . . . I don’t buy it. Here’s some SNARK she shared just days ago in a post about Peace and Quiet.
Need more SPARK for your SNARK? Check out Col’s post, Wild Weekend, in which he shares a poem about tons of Hippo Poo being deposited where fish pee, eat, drink, sleep, and have sex.
Oh, he didn’t mention sex? My bad.
Related Posts: How Do You Fill Your Creative Tank? (Andra Watkins) * Writing Magic (Vivian Kirkfield) * Daily Prompt: Simply the Best (Modern Human Culture)
Comments
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Spirit Lights The Way 
#9 makes good sense
Especially since more and more non-profits are taking up the WALKING and TALKING banner as a form of fundraising.
Hey, it’s easier for them, right? Just pick Point A and Point B. And grab some bottled water to hand out.
a lot of good gems…too many to comment individually, but love #4.
#13, great idea, but watch out they might steal your idea the way Al Gore and FB claimed the internet and thumbs up sign! #3 Absolutely and #5 never given that any thought! You got my brain off any running this morning…gotta’ go try to catch it!
#4 ~ I’ve given this lots of thought. In retrospect, it always seems that I’m where I need to be when I need to be there . . . but what’s my frame of reference? I don’t have one ~ if I’d chosen Door #2, would I have ended up in the same spot at the same time?
Or would I have landed somewhere else entirely? And, if I landed someplace else, would I still be convinced that I landed where I needed to be when I needed to be there?
#5 ~ I’ve not given this much thought because when I view God as a personified deity, I was a tiny tot that never gave any thought to “naughty bits.” Now I’m more comfortable viewing a formless Universe at the helm, rather than a man in a flowing white beard.
But what if God IS a man? How “virile” is he? 😳
#13 popped into my head a few days ago when responding to a post on Lindalitebeing’s blog. LIKE is so . . . generic. Other choices would be more fun. Of course, maybe the whole point is to get us so BORED with pressing LIKE that we actually use words and leave a great comment. Like you did!
I agree with you on #9 too. I am tired of the Like button, I want more options.. 🙂 I am tired of Facebook. Almost pulled the plug on my account but there are two or three things it gives me access to that I don’t want to lose.
#9 ~ Fundraising has become Big Business. The race for the consumer is on. We are manipulated by pink ribbons and “spin doctors” who tug on our heart strings. I’ve had enough of tossing money at campaigns designed to raise awareness for the NON-PROFIT without actually offering HOPE for a CURE.
When they switch from walking to doing, I’ll check my wallet and see what I can DO.
#12 ~ I’m with you on FB. I stay plugged in to share photos with friends and family. But I rarely update my timeline or check out the timelines of others. I have to be pretty BORED. 😉
#13 ~ Maybe boredom with the LIKE button will SPARk people’s SNARK enough that they’ll leave real live comments! Yay!
2. I gave up buying magazines years ago because I was fed up with paying out good money for advertising. Alas, it got its own back – advertising is all over the internet! 😡
4. I’ll go with veering off course, it might lead to one hell of an adventure! 😉
7. Addiction & Stress have become big money makers in recent years. If feeling stressed, go do some physical work like cleaning windows, scrubbing patios, or weeding the garden. It kills stress and you might even lose weight and save having to pay someone else to do the chore! Win, win, win, all the way! 😀
13. I never liked the LIKE button. To me it is a cop out, a lazy way of avoiding typing a comment.
#2 ~ That was an on-line magazine title that caught my eye. For fun, I reviewed the 16 songs. There were only 2 “must haves” on the list. Most of the rest weren’t even in my Top 1000 Songs.
#4 ~ We often stretch “the truth” to suit us ~ creating worst case scenarios in our minds or pondering “what’s the worst that could happen.” To me, it makes just as much sense to ponder the Best Case Scenarios by assuming that we are ALWAYS where we need to be when we need to be there. And if not . . . so what! We’re never going to know what was behind the “Other Door.”
#7 ~ Yes!!! You are a wise woman. People don’t exercise enough. So STRESS builds. That creates anxiety. So they eat a cookie and sit down to digest it. So STRESS continues to build. Get Up and Get Going!
#13 ~ I often post a comment without pressing LIKE. Sometimes I press LIKE and also leave a comment. But I rarely press LIKE (on a post that I really LIKE) without also leaving a comment.
Unless I’m just dumb-founded by the eloquence expressed. 😛
I am the same with song lists, seldom see more than one or two that I would even know, never mind listen too.
I can’t imagine trying to distill ALL the songs I’ve loved over the years into a discrete list of my top 10 favorites ~ that would be way too hard. PLUS, the songs on the list would change from day to day depending on my mood. Once, I tried to respond to a 15 Album prompt . . . and ended up with 27 on the list of favorite Albums. And I could have kept going.
I hope I never have to choose just ONE to take with me to a deseert island.
I love all of these, and especially the SuperTramp reference. They had some fine snark back before we even had the word snark. 🙂
Yes! Like the Logical Song:
But then they send me away
To teach me how to be sensible
Logical, responsible, practical
And then they showed me a world
Where I could be so dependable
Clinical, intellectual, cynical
Read more: Supertramp – The Logical Song Lyrics | MetroLyrics
Oh no, now I’m wondering if I’ve veered off course and don’t even realize it!. Loved your idea for LIKE substitutes.
I expect we’ve all veered off course by taking an unexpected detour . . . at least a time or two.
That said, I think the Universe steers us back in due course.
Nancy, what can I say? To see life through your eyes is a sheer treat.Just loved it. I’m not sure what happens to you, but I sense you sometimes get on a roll and when you do it’s daring, fast and snappy and I just love running with you. Wonderful stuff.
Thanks so much, Don! What a fabulous comment to read this morning. You’ve put a BIG grin on my face.
As many of us do, I often “rein myself in” rather than sharing my “daring, fast, and snappy self” with the world in full measure. Instead of letting our brightest colors show, we “tone it down.”
Perhaps we don’t want to startle people with how we see the world behind our eyes. 😯
Yesterday, while combing through my “Thoughts to Consider” file, I decided to share a few unfiltered and unpolished thoughts.
So glad I did.
If you’ve never seen this, you might enjoy it ~ it’s a poem by Marianne Williamson, often attributed to Nelson Mandela because he recited it in a speech once:
Yes, do a post with a picture of JC pleasuring himself in the corner with the centerfold from “Female Gladiator Monthly” splayed out across the ottoman… or whatever that piece of furniture would have been called back then.
That would go over big. 😉
You made me laugh out loud ~ especially when I got to the Female Gladiator Monthly splayed across the Ottoman (which got its name from the Ottoman Empire, inspired and sustained by Islam. Allah be praised). 😛
I left out the hippo sex bit? Sorry!
These are good points to ponder. Particularly the silly ways of raising funds. Competitions/activities featuring action which will actually benefit the target recipients are a much better idea.
Seriously, Col. You left out the best part. 😀
The silly ways relied on to raise funds need serious revision. There are so many ways to serve in every community, that raising funds just by walking around a track and talking seems ludicrous.
You had me at Supertramp… and the cookies. 🙂
Supertramp + Cookies = Perfect Together!
Wild Applause!!!
Yes!!! Thanks, Ela. 😀
Cookies??? Did someone say cookies???
Or, was that cocks???
Readers tell me they enjoy my unfiltered posts. Raw honesty resonates with people.
I’ll probably be on my deathbed, still getting to know myself. Not to mention the people in my life. Just when I think I know someone, they pivot. Every. Damn. Time.
Haha! I didn’t even think of that transition, Andra. And great points . . . especially the pivot point. I had fun transitioning from one unrelated unfiltered item to the next using tenuous tangents.
Quite a list there Nancy. I liked #4 the best…it’s true isn’t it. Every decision we makes which takes us on a path is “perfect”. It’s always better to think so instead of always wondering ‘What if” because it’s those “What if” questions which make us stagnate..or as in The Map, takes us to the Ghostlands. If we don’t like the path we are on, then in our hands lie the choice of doing something about it…even at times when the doing may makes us uncomfortable.
# 5 and #6 made my eyebrows rise…hehe. At this point in time I see God as a beautiful light however there are times when I wish I still saw him as the gentle loving person that I used to see him as. There’s something comforting about that, for me at least. Or even as an all loving Mother, because isn’t God both the feminine and the masculine? And no, never had the problem of wondering about the genitalia and reading + learning about how there was no need for procreation …when creation of another was done without sex…I guess for me it answers why I have not had that problem..lol.
I feel blessed…I don’t and haven’t seen God ever as a terrible God. Maybe it helped I never read the Bible from end to end either..hehe. I do notice though that many people tend to get caught up with that part of God. I can’t and don’t see any reason to! So yay me..:D
Jesus was a man, He was also someone who was so aligned to God that He manifested the Christ consciousness. So, if Jesus masturbated I wouldn’t be surprised…after all it’s one of the way to get in touch with our physical bodies isn’t it? 😉
Good post and great list too!
Thanks, Shree! Good thoughts.
#4 ~> We’re always where we’re meant to be . . . and, when we aren’t, we’re none the wiser. 😛
#5 & #6 ~ I don’t see God as masculine or feminine, I see God as energy, like the wind: “God is the breath within the breath.” “God dwells within me as me.” I view Santa Claus the same way. No elves. Just energy. Lots and lots of POSITIVE energy. And not a hint of “vengence is mine” in the mix.
That watching a cooking show cartoon cracked me up!
I’m glad you shared these gems. You might be onto something with the walks. I think “Plant for the Cure” has a nice ring to it 🙂
That cartoon cracks me up every time! That’s the kind of art I’d love to do ~ insightful, spot on, thought-provoking, and FUNNY!
I think #9 resonated with lots of readers. I’m glad I’m not the only one to wonder about the point of meeting at a track and walking around in circles all night “for the cure.”
I absolutely love this post. Especially # 5 and 6, 9, 11 and 13. As far as # 5 I also think it interesting how most picture this god and refer to it as a he. Why do we think it is blasphemous to think of divine energy as feminine also?
Thanks, Brenda. Glad you enjoyed!
People refer to god as “he” because that’s what the male dominated hierarchy of organized religion has crammed down their throats since they went to “Sunday School.” I often refer to god as “she” . . . to keep things fresh.
I read a fascinating book: When God Was A Woman. If you’re interested, I discussed the book in this post:
Thanks, Nancy. I actually have the book along with several others that helped me to understand the balance of masculine and feminine energy present in the universe. I refer to god as “she and goddess.”
Here’s to balance between the two and Peace for ALL.
Nancy, what a treasure bag ;-D Liposuction for dogs? Seriously?
Yup. And also “neuticles” to provide a more masculine look to neutered dogs:
While most cosmetic procedures performed on pets are medically necessary, there are some that aren’t. Take “Neuticles,” for instance. Invented nearly 10 years ago by Gregg Miller, an innovator in cosmetic devices for pets, Neuticles are testicular implants designed to give neutered pets a more “masculine,” unneutered look.
To date, about 148,000 implants have been fitted worldwide. The recipients are mainly dogs, but Miller now has three implants available that range in softness and size to fit cats as well as horses and bulls. Prices range from $79 to $400 a pair.
http://www.nbcnews.com/id/6915955/
That simply beggars belief. *Picks jaw up off floor*
I feel just the same, Kate. Silly Rabbits!
I have never heard of pet liposuction! I’m quite shocked. I don’t now how people put themselves through that, but their pet? I also laugh at magazine article titles. They are getting sillier and sillier all the time. 🙂
And they are always incomplete, designed to draw readers in to find out:
* “Why Kirstie Stopped Dieting and Started Losing Weight!
* “One Mom Did This . . . and So Can You!”
* “13 Good-for-you Foods that You Should NEVER Eat.” 😕
This is truly one of your funniest! I particularly liked #5. Shows how funny (or strange) it is to personify God. Especially as a male!
Thanks, Joanne! So glad you got a kick out of it. I agree with your thoughts on #5.
One reason I prefer to speak of Spirit, rather than God, is due to the vastly different interpretations placed on the word G~O~D by different religions and denominations.
To some, the word God conjures up the image of a personified God looking down on us from heaven . . . in flowing robes with a long white beard. That God is a father figure to pray to and obey . . . a God with a bit too much testosterone for my taste.
“God created Man in his own image and Man returned the favor.” 😛
Instead of praying to the External (personified) God of my youth, I look within for guidance and immediately sense a loving Spirit that wants nothing more than for me to be me.
God dwells within me as me. ~ Eat, Pray, Love
God is the breath within the breath. ~ Kabir
I’m with you on your understanding(s) of God, which I equate with All That Is. It’s a definition a scientist can feel comfortable with. Have you seen my book, “The God that Says I AM: A Scientist’s Meditations on the Nature of Spiritual Experience”? It received a very good Kirkus review, and is available on Amazon. http://www.amazon.com/God-that-Says-Scientists-Meditations/dp/1450549047/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1286802360&sr=1-2
Thanks, Joanne. I’ll check out your link. If you’re interested, here are a couple of posts that elaborate on my comment:
https://nrhatch.wordpress.com/2011/05/09/what-is-god/
https://nrhatch.wordpress.com/2012/05/05/blaming-god-for-the-tsunamis-of-life/
The personified Christian God of my youth (introduced to me in Sunday School before I was old enough to think for myself) seems a bit like Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny to me now ~ an archaic fable grounded in fiction, not fact, for adults who have not learned to connect with the Spirit Within.
Thanks for the links! I especially liked the one with the various definitions of God. I came to this issue differently from most folks. My family did not go to church, and when I was still a child, my mother had a talk with me and compared the idea of God to the Santa Claus myth, which she had never promulgated either. Reality and truth were the pillars of our family’s belief system.
Still, I wondered that so many adults could collude to try to deceive children, just so they’d be “good.” And I eventually found that many adults actually believed in what they were telling children. Moreover, I had experienced the sort of “loving spirit within” that you described, and so religious exploration has been an ongoing aspect of my effort to understand as much as possible about the nature of “Reality.”
Great comments, Joanne. I also enjoyed flipping through your book on Amazon. You’ve obviously given the topic the benefit of considered thought rather than a knee-jerk emotional reaction.
Many adults believe in a personified God because that’s the image given to them before they had a benefit of reason or the ability to think for themselves. And, unlike Santa Claus, who appears on the scene only once a year, the church reinforced its message with parishioners week after week.
By the time they reach adulthood, God conjures up the image fed to them in Sunday School ~ a man with a beard in flowing robes. And because religion is based on Blind Faith and hearsay (accepting what they’ve been told), they have NO FRAME OF REFERENCE for comparison.
At that point, they can Accept the church’s teachings, or Reject them, but it’s hard to modify the image of a personified God.
(1) *heading for the wine* – my todo list is never done…
(2) pfffft
(3) ditto
(4) mmmmm…I say always trust your instinct on this one – going or not
(5) Don’t believe, so no further comment from me on this one
(6) No comment
(7) Nom, nom
(8) Seriously?! Only in America, surely?
(9) Whatever floats your boat.
(10) see 9
Look at BB go! You were really on a roll . . . but all that scrolling back and forth must have caused you to run out of steam before you got to #11 – #13.
#8 ~ I seem to recall plastic surgery being performed on pets and animals around the world, including Australia. The funniest to me ~ implanting neuticles (fake testicles) in bulls to preserve their masculine appearance.
13. We need a read button and what about WordPress ratings? I never know who gave me the stars.
Your comment taught me something new ~ I clicked on “23 bloggers like this” and a box opened up showing all 23 avatars. I had no idea that I could do that before. So thanks for that!
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