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13 Unpolished Gems . . . One Stone October 25, 2013

Posted by nrhatch in Blogging, Humor, Word Play.
52 comments

I always seem to have more ideas to write about than time to write ~ the more I write, the more ideas I have.

Maybe writing primes the pump and keeps ideas flowing.

In any event, given the ever-growing backlog of draft posts incubating in my cyber desk, I’ve decided to toss out 13 esoteric, eclectic, extraneous, and unpolished “hidden gems” for pondering and perusal.

Here goes nothing:

(1) There is NOTHING like looking at my TO DO list for the day and realizing that most of the items on it have already been DONE!

Huzzah!

(2) Magazine titles make me snort.  For example: 16 Songs That EVERYONE Over The Age of 50 MUST Have.  Seriously?  There is NOTHING that everyone over the age of 50 would agree on except, perhaps, how lame lists like this really are.

And I don’t care what Supertramp says ~ do NOT take the long way home if you’re already in a hurry.

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(3) People often underestimate the time it takes to get to know someone.  Even after all these years, I’m still getting acquainted with the “real me.”

(4) When you don’t know, go with the flow.  Have faith that you’ll end up where you need to be when you need to be there.

Besides, let’s say you veer off course, how are you ever gonna know?

(5) While we’re on the subject of faith, do those who believe in a personified deity picture God with eyes, ears, nose, mouth, chin, arms, legs, hands, feet?

How about a dick?  Or is picturing God with sexual organs a form of blasphemy?

(6) And what about Jesus?  Did he masturbate in his teens, succumbing to “sins of the flesh” before he knew he would be sitting on the right hand of an all-knowing all-seeing all-powerful vengeful God?  For all eternity.

AWKWARD!

(7) Ever notice how some people are addicted to the idea of being addicted? They claim their “addictions” (i.e., eating cookies and being a couch potato) are why they are fat and unhappy.  Bad habits are NOT addictions.  They are just a convenient way to abrogate responsibility for our personal health & well-being.

Care for a cookie?

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(8) OMPM (One Mistake People Make) ~> Plastic Surgery for Pets.  When dogs are overweight, they do NOT need liposuction.

They need to go for a WALK!

(9) And speaking of walks, I do NOT support Walk for the Cure.  Rather than having masses of people moving from Point A to Point B to raise money, I’d rather see them planting trees, picking up trash, renovating apartments for the homeless, helping in soup kitchens, etc.

You know, raising funds by actually DOING something to improve the world.

(10) On that note, I DO support many causes . . . I just don’t let others goad me into adopting THEIR causes as my own.  In the AmeriCorps program at Salisbury University, members mentored and tutored at-risk youth. They enjoyed making a difference in the community.  And I enjoyed watching them make a difference.

What?  I supported them by being a cheerleader.  It’s not always about tossing money at problems.

(11) Which reminds me, I refuse to be manipulated by all the non-monetized awards circulating through cyber space.  If people want me to play by the rules, give acceptance speeches, nominate more bloggers, spill my guts, post the award on my sidebar, etc., etc., etc., they should attach a stipend to the award!

Yeah, baby. Show me the money!

(12) Did you hear that Facebook is claiming a trademark for the “Thumbs Up” sign?  Right!  FB came up with the “Thumbs Up” sign the same way that Al Gore dreamed up the Internet.

In their dreams!

(13) Are you getting tired of the LIKE button?  Don’t you wish WordPress would offer more creative options?  Pressing “Thought Provoking,” “Hysterically Funny,” “Awesome Photos,” and/or “Wild Applause” for this post would be way better than pressing LIKE, right?

Can you give me a Thumbs Up?

Log out of FB first, to ensure you don’t get sued for Trademark Infringement.

Aah . . . that’s better!  

Nothing like killing 13 “gems” with one stone.  If any of these thoughts SPARK YOUR SNARK, speak up.

C’mon . . . get your SNARK on!

Need tips?  Visit Kate.  Oh, wait, Kate says she lost her SNARK.  Hmm . . . I don’t buy it.  Here’s some SNARK she shared just days ago in a post about Peace and Quiet.

Need more SPARK for your SNARK?  Check out Col’s post, Wild Weekend, in which he shares a poem about tons of Hippo Poo being deposited where fish pee, eat, drink, sleep, and have sex.

Oh, he didn’t mention sex?  My bad.

Related Posts:  How Do You Fill Your Creative Tank? (Andra Watkins) * Writing Magic (Vivian Kirkfield) * Daily Prompt: Simply the Best (Modern Human Culture)