How To Go To Sleep (For Moms) June 18, 2013
Posted by nrhatch in Home & Garden, Humor, Joke, Life Balance.trackback
For some, sleep comes easily.
These fortunate few sit or lie down, close their eyes, and fall sound asleep (and start snoring!) in mere seconds.
For others, especially moms with small children, going to sleep is more involved:
1. When you are too exhausted to dot another “i” or cross another “t,” head toward the bedroom for some much needed shut-eye.
2. Wait! What’s that smell? Swing by the litter box and stop to scoop the poop that Johnny was supposed to clean up before he played video games for three hours this evening.
3. Continue heading down the hall.
4. Glance out the front door. Yup, Susie’s bicycle is still lying in the driveway, directly behind your husband’s car, even though she promised she would put it away before spending two hours IM-ing her BFF, Jill.
5. Move the bike out of the target zone of the morning commute.
6. Return to the front door. Wait! What’s that noise?
7. Glance to the right to identify the subtle squishing sound coming from the side yard. Yup, the sprinkler is still on, even though your husband swore he turned if off hours ago.
8. Wade through the mini swimming pool in the middle of the lawn to turn off the spigot.
9. Head back inside. Take off soggy shoes and leave them in the laundry room to wash tomorrow.
10. Turn out the laundry room lights.
11. Notice that the lights you turned off in the kitchen thirty minutes ago are now back on.
12. Head to the kitchen to investigate.
13. Discover that the kitchen you tidied up after dinner now has a blobs of ice cream melting on the counter, drips of chocolate smeared across the floor, and dirty bowls stacked in the sink.
14. Tidy up the kitchen.
15. Turn out the light.
16. Head to the bedroom.
17. Wash your face.
18. Brush your teeth.
19. Floss your teeth.
20. Change into your pajamas.
21. Rub hand-cream on your hands.
22. Put moisturizer on your face.
23. Climb into bed.
24. Lie down and get comfortable. Aah . . . that’s better!
25. Wait. What’s that noise?
26. Yup. Daisy’s scratching at the back door because Jeffrey forgot to let her in before going to bed.
27. Get up and let the dog in. Give the dog a biscuit. Fill up the dog’s water bowl.
28. Return to bed.
29. Lie down and get comfortable.
30. Wait! What’s that racket?! Realize your husband’s snoring is drowning out the thoughts that usually keep you awake at night.
31. Turn on the light.
32. Find the ear plugs.
33. Turn off the light.
34. Lie down.
35. Wait! Did anyone make the lunches for tomorrow?
36. Stumble out of bed and wander out to the kitchen.
37. Get out the bread, peanut butter, and jelly.
38. Seriously?! Someone put both jars back empty without adding them to the shopping list?! Yup, they did.
39. Get dressed.
40. Drive to the Quickie Mart to buy peanut butter and jelly.
41. Return home.
Wikipedia ~ Kitchen (in Public Domain)
42. Make sandwiches.
43. Clean up the kitchen. For the third time.
44. Return to the bedroom.
45. Put on your pajamas. Again.
46. Lie down and get comfortable.
47. Listen to your husband’s I-don’t-have-a-care-in-the-world-snores as you wait for sleep to descend.
48. Glance at the clock.
49 Do some quick calculations.
50. Yup . . . you have to get up and do it all again in five short hours.
Aah . . . that’s better!
So, which camp do you fall into? Do you fall into bed and fall fast asleep as soon as your head hits the pillow?
Or do you lie awake and wonder why sleep is as elusive as an eel?
Related post: Papa Says Get Economical (Weekly Writing Challenge)
Comments
Sorry comments are closed for this entry
Spirit Lights The Way 
Oh, goodness! Right now, I fall asleep instantly, but I imagine that if I had kids or a husband, it would be totally different!
A few nights a year, I fall asleep instantly. My head hits the pillow and I am lost in the “land of Nod.” So I know the quick descent into slumber you’re describing is NOT just an Urban Myth spread around to make insomniacs jealous.
But I am still green with jealousy!
My wife is one of those few lucky people who can fall asleep at the drop of a hat. I often find that we would be talking in bed about something and I would suddenly get the feeling that I’m actually speaking in to the air. I’d look at her and she would be fast asleep. Now that can be annoying, but secretly I wish I could fall asleep in that way.
Those roles are reversed here. BFF drifts off at the drop of a hat. He can be sitting down, lying down, and (perhaps) even standing up when, all of a sudden, he’s “gone” . . . down for the count.
Once in a Blue Moon, I get to experience the JOY of rapid descent into slumber. It’s wonderful. Like you, I wish I could fall asleep that way EVERY night. Instead of counting sheep. 🙄
Some nights it is right to sleep, some nights wide-eyed.. 😀
That sounds like me. But the emphasis is on the latter, rather than the former. {{yawn}} 😯
Brilliant! I can really relate to that 🙂
Thanks, Lorraine. I expect that most “moms” have experienced something like this in their child-rearing years. 😀
I wrote about the lack of sleep today. . A few short months ago I wrote about a little miracle – a full nights sleep, the first since December 1991.
That is a lovely MIRACLE, Grannymar.
It’s been a LONG time since I’ve slept straight through the night ~ I usually wake up at least once and totter off to the bathroom.
I used to sleep great when I was in the middle of a trial and my brain had been fully utilized all day.
That sounds about right. After last night (overseas relatives showing up at midnight, with children, for whom it should have been the middle fo the afternoon), I could use a good 8 hours. Hsn’t happened in decades, though, so I don’t know why tonight should be different.
Every once in a L~O~N~G while I way up in the morning and think, “WOW! That was a great night of sleep.”
May you wake up that way on the morrow, Eric!
I would love that eight hour miracle again soon! I wonder if I promised the sleep fairy to behave, would it work?
Stay tuned . . . Tammy is planning to post a t3 report on sleep which may be quite eye opening (or eye closing, depending on how you look at it).
hahaha, how I enjoyed reading this! No children around any more, no dog (sadly!) either, but husband and I can relate to your article.
Fun to read!!
Thanks! Glad that you and your husband enjoyed the read. Parents of young children (and of pets) often forgo slumber to care for their charges. 😀
No small children, but those premenapausal nights are for the birds. Too hot with a sheet…too cold without it! Perhaps I should cover myself in tissue paper, lol!
Yes! I find that I sleep best with the sheet 1/2 way up, with my arms free to “move about the cabin.” 😳
Funny Nancy. Sleep has been a main focus of mine in 2013 and I’m rather pleased with my results.
If you have any tips to share . . . please do!
I think it sounds like a t3 report!
Yes! Please!!! 😀
Reading these instructions made me tired……….
I generally don’t have a hard time going to sleep, which has always been a blessing.
I’ve never understood the expression, “you snooze, you lose.” If I catch some good zzz’s . . . I ALWAYS feel like a WINNER!
I thank God for my night meds, otherwise I would never sleep for worrying about my daughter.
I hope that OB is okay . . . and you too! You’ve experienced a decade worth of upheaval in such a short time span. Fingers crossed that your worries are soon a distant memory.
Yep. That’s all I have to say, just yep.
PS – don’t have a dog. Have done the run to Coles for milk and bread at 11:50 pm though.
I can well imagine . . . with all those “hungry little birds” in your nest, Robyn!
Tip: Do NOT get a dog. 😀
I remember the time I was like this, Nancy! YIKES – I don’t know how I survived. Now the kids have grown up and left home I just fall into bed and sleep like a baby 😀
That is so AWESOME! I would love to fall asleep like a baby night after night. When it happens, I am THRILLED!
I sometimes manage 4-5 hours straight but usually one or both dogs want to go out and then come back in. If I dont get up they scratch at the door. Argh. Sometimes there are night time visitors (wildlife) near the house so then the barking starts. Ever tried to hush up a dog so loudly you might as well have just yelled out. And, of course, by this time I am wide awake and so is the rest of the house 😦 I loved this post, it brought back memories, some not so distant either. Joy
Thanks, Joy! I’m really happy that you enjoyed the walk down memory lane . . . with the sandman at your side.
Dog barks sound so much LOUDER in the middle of the night.
I don’t think I slept like a baby even when I was a baby. How someone so tired can not fall straight to sleep is beyond me.
I agree 100%. When I am “beyond tired,” I sometimes enjoy blissful sleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. But it does NOT happen near enough.
Lately, I’ve taken to following my breath while counting backwards from 100 ~ it blocks out other thoughts and relaxes me enough that I drift off before ever reaching “3-2-1.”
I suffered from insomnia for over 20 years, but it suddenly got better about 4 years ago and now I fall asleep easily. I look forward to going to sleep these days. I think leaving NY helped me. Aah, sweet slumber.
That is AWESOME!!! I expect that leaving NY did have a positive impact on you . . . in more ways than one!
But, oh, sweet slumber! What a great gift.
I sleep easily, and I’m gathering from friends around me that I’m very fortunate. But your description of a mother’s lack of sleep is certainly true for so many. My daughter is an emergency room nurse and works some nights–I’m so accustomed to having conversations with a sleep deprived Mama! I don’t know how she does it. Sleep is so important. I have had friends say they were greatly helped with melatonin. For me, a sure-proof method for falling asleep is getting into bed at the end of a long day with a book, desperately hoping to have some good reading time, and then nodding off almost immediately! LOL!
You may be on to something there, Debra. When I want to read in bed, I’m usually too tired to do more than turn out the light.
I’ve taken melatonin for the past 6 months. At first, it seemed to help me get to sleep and stay asleep. Now it seems to have no more impact than eating a Tic Tac.
Yep, that’s about right! I often go to bed very late realizing I forget to get the clothes out of the washer. And then the next night, I remember they’re still in there so I get out of bed to take care of them. Otherwise, I need to wash them again the next day. Too many things to do, not enough time. 🙂
I don’t know how you do all that you do . . . caring for your two boys, blogging, reading stacks of books, hiking round town, home businesses, etc.
Here’s to getting a solid night sleep tonight!
Not enough sleep last night again, even though I told my kids not to wake me up until at least 7:30am since it’s our first day of summer break. They were jumping in my bed by 7:10am and were making noise way before then. I guess I just have to get to bed earlier. Ha!
Either that or keep them up later. 😉
Hope you all enjoyed your first day of summer break. That’s always a great transition for kids who get to spend the summer “at home” with mom.
I am *so* glad I can just get to sleep! LOL!
Getting a good night’s sleep is the BEST! 😀