jump to navigation

Older Is As Older Does March 21, 2013

Posted by nrhatch in Fiction, Humor, Joke.
trackback

catlady

I visited an elderly lady in the neighborhood the other day.

As we chatted, I asked, “What’s the best thing about getting older?”

Without missing a beat, she said, “‘No peer pressure.”

“You’ve got a great sense of humor and comedic timing.”

She laughed, “Folks call me Georgia Burns.”

Taking that as my cue, I decided to ask a few more questions.  Before leaving, I got her permission to share the interview with you:

As you’ve gotten older, what challenges have you had?

Well, let’s see, I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, colon cancer, and diabetes.  I’m half blind.  I can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine.  Medications I’m on make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.

Wow!  That’s a lot of challenges . . . 

Aww, honey.  Bless your heart.  I’m not done.  

Let’s see, I have bouts with dementia.  Half the time, I can’t remember if I’m 85 or 102.  I’ve lost all my friends.   Hmm . . . what else?  Oh, yeah, I have poor circulation.  Can hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.  

That must make it hard to get around.

It does.  Thank the Lord I still have my driver’s license.

Donald-Duck-DrivingSo {gulp} you still drive . . . do you still shop for yourself?

Oh, sure.  

Biggest change there is that, in the olden days, everything in my shopping cart said, “New and Improved.”  These days it says, “For fast relief.”

How do you stay in shape?

Bless your heart!  You need to get your eyesight checked.  My body is totally out of shape.  Course I do have a secret that keeps me from sagging.

You do?     

Yep.  I  just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

Hey, I think I’ll try that! 

Pluto-RollerskatingIt’s not that I don’t try to stay in shape, I do.  

When my doctor encouraged me to exercise more,  I signed up for an aerobics class for seniors.  I drove over to the gym and spent the next hour bending, twisting, gyrating, jumping up and down, and perspiring.  But, it was no use.  

It wasn’t?  Why not?

By the time I got the damn leotards on, the class was over.

That is too funny!  Have you ever been married?

Oh sure.  Walter and I were married for 75 years.  He died a couple years back.  {{chuckles}}  I’m laughing cuz, just before the service, that undertaker asked me, “How old was your husband Walter?”  

I replied, “He was 98 ~ two years older than me.”  Right away, I saw the dollar signs in that damn undertaker’s eyes.  He was practically licking his lips.  

So I said, “Hardly worth me going home, is it?”

You’re a hoot! Do you have kids?

Oh yes.  Two daughters.  I’ve told them I want to be cremated and have my ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.

Wal-Mart? Why Wal-Mart?

Then I’ll be sure that they’ll both visit me every week.

Little-Miss-ScatterbrainI love your sense of humor.

Finding things to laugh about helps.  

Even so, it’s tough getting old.  First, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.

And . . . ?

Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.

Looking back, when did you first realize you were getting old?

In hindsight, I realized I was really getting old when my tailpipe started sputtering and backfiring . . . making the same noises as my coffee maker every time I walked across the floor.

On that note . . . what keeps you tooting along?

Have you ever heard of the Serenity Prayer?

Sure.  Is that your secret?

Donald-DuckaHell, no.  My secret is the Senility Prayer:

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.  Amen.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Inspiration:  Jokes on aging from an unknown author (sent by Granny1947)

Image Credit: Saturday, officially old  & Sunday, start young (Today, I think)

Comments

1. suzicate - March 21, 2013

What a riot! The driving part reminded me of something that happened years ago in my small home town. The Sheriff was a family friend and he told us about this old man who was about 95 and he parked illegally on Main Street. The Sheriff just casually told him he needed to repark his truck and asked when he was going to give up his driver’s license and stop driving. He told him he’d never had a license because he didn’t know he needed one, The Sheriff chuckled to himself and just walked away!

nrhatch - March 21, 2013

That’s great, Suzi! One of the perks of aging is being able to bend the rules . . . just a bit. 😀

2. Don - March 21, 2013

Wow! what a lady and what a laugh.

nrhatch - March 21, 2013

Glad you enjoyed, Don. Granny circulates some funny e-mails. With just a bit of editing (and creative license), they become FUN and FUNKY posts for SLTW. :mrgreen:

3. Grannymar - March 21, 2013

I have heard it before, but it made me smile again today.

nrhatch - March 21, 2013

Some jokes are worth re-circulating. I enjoyed playing around with them to create this fabricated interview.

4. ericjbaker - March 21, 2013

Thanks for the laugh!

nrhatch - March 21, 2013

You’re welcome. Laughter prevents hardening of the attitudes.

5. Andra Watkins - March 21, 2013

I hope I can have the humor.

nrhatch - March 21, 2013

Me too!

6. Catherine Johnson - March 21, 2013

Absolutely fantastic, Nancy! What a stroke of luck that you ran into such an interesting character.

nrhatch - March 21, 2013

Thanks, Catherine. But she’s more fabrication, than not. I sewed about 10 unrelated jokes on aging together and she emerged from the tapestry.

But . . . I know “she’s” out there somewhere. Sweet Georgia Burns! 😀

Catherine Johnson - March 21, 2013

I’d wondered if you’d made her up. Brilliant!

nrhatch - March 21, 2013

Thanks! I had FUN imagining her into being and weaving the interview around the jokes that Kathy sent.

And there are LOTS of feisty old men and women out there with sparkling eyes and a razor sharp sense of humor.

7. Booksphotographsandartwork - March 21, 2013

They should teach classes in school about aging. It seems to come out of left field and surprises us and not in a good way. Kids would learn to be more patient, kind and helpful. All of society would benefit from it.

nrhatch - March 21, 2013

Society would also benefit from parents encouraging their kids to spend time interacting with their grandparents. It would give the parents a break . . . while opening the children’s eyes . . . and providing the grandparents with a stronger sense of connection.

8. diannegray - March 21, 2013

This gave me a big chuckle this morning, Nancy. Well done! 😀

nrhatch - March 21, 2013

Thanks, Dianne. I had fun knitting Granny’s jokes together into this trompe-l’œil interview. 😀

9. colonialist - March 21, 2013

Reminds me of when I lied to my poor dear mother. Well into her late eighties she was still driving her VW Beetle, but – for example – she would go straight out of our driveway and into the street without even looking for traffic.
The car developed a fault.
I told her it couldn’t be fixed.
Without that fib, I doubt whether she would have very nearly reached her century, as she did.

nrhatch - March 21, 2013

Good for you, Col. My father stopped driving of his own volition; mom insisted her driving skills had NOT deteriorated one iota from her teens ~ despite several traffic tickets, fender benders, and court appearances to the contrary.

She couldn’t remember running into the mailbox, over the curb, or into the side of the garage.

We convinced her to sell the car when she moved in with me. Now my brother and sister-in-law taxi her around. So much better for ALL concerned.

colonialist - March 21, 2013

Unless, of course, she is an incurable back-seat-driving-know-it-all, which is what some elderly ex-drivers become!

nrhatch - March 21, 2013

But she is far SAFER in the back seat, eh? We’ll get her an iPod if she gets too vocal. 😉

10. sufilight - March 21, 2013

Thanks for the chuckle, I enjoy humor in my day! 😀

nrhatch - March 21, 2013

Glad you enjoyed, Marie. Kathy sends me e-mails that are too FUNNY not to tidy up and share. 😀

11. katecrimmins - March 21, 2013

Love the Lily Tomlin photo!

nrhatch - March 21, 2013

Is that Lily? I “borrowed” it off of one of Patricia’s posts (Today, I think) because it seemed perfect. I’m waiting to hear back if Patricia wants me to excise it.

12. kateshrewsday - March 21, 2013

One of my favourite ever of your wonderful posts, Nancy.What a fabulous sense of humour that lady has.

nrhatch - March 21, 2013

Thanks, Kate. I had fun knitting Granny’s jokes together into this trompe-l’œil interview ~ I sewed about 10 unrelated jokes on aging together and she emerged from the tapestry. But . . . I know “she’s” out there somewhere.

Sweet Georgia Burns! :mrgreen:

13. Pix Under the Oaks - March 21, 2013

😆 Sweet Georgia Burns reminds me of my Aunt Margaret!

nrhatch - March 21, 2013

I think I would LOVE your Aunt Margaret. Of course I would . . . she’s related to YOU!

Pix Under the Oaks - March 22, 2013

She was a whole lot ditzy!

nrhatch - March 22, 2013

Some of my favorite characters are ditzy ~ like Phoebe on Friends! 😀

14. Crowing Crone Joss - March 21, 2013

This reminds me of a quote I saw on Facebook today. “When I get old I don’t want people thinking “What a sweet little old lady” I want em saying “OH CRAP! what’s she up to now?”

nrhatch - March 21, 2013

That’s great, Joss. Here’s to always leaving them guessing! 😀

15. nancycurteman - March 21, 2013

Hilarious interview. What a cool lady.

nrhatch - March 21, 2013

Thanks, NC. I had fun knitting 10 of Granny’s jokes on aging together into this trompe-l’œil interview. “Sweet Georgia Brown” emerged from the tapestry.

But . . . I know “she’s” out there somewhere. :mrgreen:

16. Three Well Beings - March 22, 2013

Wonderful humor! How great that you took the time to really talk to her. She has a lot to teach just in her honesty! Very special, Nancy.

nrhatch - March 22, 2013

Thanks, Debra. Everyone has fallen in love with “Sweet Georgia Brown.” She quite a character, eh?

17. adinparadise - March 22, 2013

Love this. My mom and my sister will appreciate it too. Thank goodness my mom has given up driving. She still has her car though, so I can’t really be sure. 😯

nrhatch - March 22, 2013

Thanks, Adin. Glad you enjoyed. We KNEW mom was still driving because of new nicks, chips, and banged up bits on the car every time we stopped by.

The missing mirror on the passenger clue was another hint. 😉

adinparadise - March 22, 2013

Hahaha….sounds just like my mom’s poor little car. My dear dad would be turning in his grave if he could see the state it’s in. 🙂

nrhatch - March 22, 2013

It’s hard getting older and relinquishing the autonomy represented by having our own set of wheels.

18. lifeofmedancing - March 22, 2013

Reblogged this on Life of Me Dancing and commented:
After all, you just have to dance with the music of life.

nrhatch - March 22, 2013

Dance on! 😀

19. dearrosie - March 22, 2013

Absolutely brilliant and hilarious story on aging Nancy. (I was also fooled that you’d really met this woman.) You should submit this to the AARP magazine!

nrhatch - March 22, 2013

Thanks, Rosie! I wonder if AARP has the right sense of humor for tailpipes sputtering and backfiring like coffee makers. 😉

20. Nannie Flores - March 23, 2013

Had me laughing all throughout. Thanks for sharing! 🙂

nrhatch - March 23, 2013

Glad you enjoyed. Getting old is not for sissies . . . but, for those with a sense of humor, there are still roses blooming in the garden.

21. Perfecting Motherhood - March 24, 2013

Haha, I hope I can be this funny when I’m that old!

nrhatch - March 24, 2013

Me too! I’m convinced that finding things to laugh about every day keeps the doctor away.

22. jannatwrites - March 26, 2013

Sounds like an entertaining conversation – what a fun lady! I chuckled at that senility prayer 🙂

nrhatch - March 26, 2013

Thanks, Janna. People come and go in our lives. Many are missed. Others, not so much. 😉

23. bluebee - March 31, 2013

There are certainly advantages to getting old. It has its benefits.

nrhatch - March 31, 2013

At the moment, I’d take young and naive over old and “wise” . . . but I might make a different choice tomorrow. 😎


Sorry comments are closed for this entry

%d bloggers like this: