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7 Reasons Not To Mess With Children December 10, 2012

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, Word Play.
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One of my favorite shows growing up was Art Linkletter’s Kids Say the Darndest Things.  They do, you know.  Often when you least expect it.

(1) A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.  The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because, even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. 

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

Undeterred, the little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah.”

The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?”

She replied, “Then you ask him.”

(2) A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. 

After explaining the commandment to honour thy father and thy mother, she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”

Without missing a beat, a little boy answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

(3) One day a little girl was watching her mother do the dishes when she  noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?”

Her mother replied, “Well, every time you do something naughty, one of my hairs turns white.”

The little girl thought about this and then asked, “Mummy, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?”

(4) The children had all been photographed and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

“Think how nice it will be when you’re older and can say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, he’s a doctor.'”

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher, she’s dead.”

(5) A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the girl was drawing.

The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.”

The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.”

Without missing a beat, the girl replied, “They will in a minute.”

(6) A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, “Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.”

“Yes,” the class said.

“Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?”

A little fellow shouted, “‘Cause your feet ain’t empty.”

(7) The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.

At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun had posted a note on the apple tray:

“Take only ONE . God is watching.”

Further along the lunch line, next to a pile of chocolate chip cookies, a child propped up a note:

“Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”

Aah . . . that’s better.

Source:  e-mail from unknown author (sent by Jane Nast)

Comments»

1. Sandra Bell Kirchman - December 10, 2012

Hilarious…and so cute. My daughter, when she was about 4 or so, was sitting in the doctor’s office with me, closely watching an African Canadian (is that PC?). I knew something was going on in her head and waited with trepidation.

Sure enough, she finally asked, “Mommy, why is that man’s skin dirty?” With a nervous glance at the man, who was not amused, I told my daughter, “Shhh, he’s supposed to be that way.”

Her eyes open wide. “You mean his skin is supposed to be dirty?” I knew she had already gotten visions of never having to wash again.

nrhatch - December 10, 2012

A~W~K~W~A~R~D. I take it your daughter did not grow up in a neighborhood filled with diversity?

Imagine if you had had to explain PURPLE HAIR or TATTOOS. 😀

Sandra Bell Kirchman - December 13, 2012

No, not much diversity. Since it was Canada, there were not that many African Americans either. She had never seen one.

nrhatch - December 13, 2012

See comment #15 . . . for the opposite side of the coin. 😀

2. rohan7things - December 10, 2012

Haha, great post, made me giggle 🙂 Similarly to Sandra’s comment above, my parents tell me that when I was about 3 living in Ireland we were waiting in line at a bank and I asked about the black man behind us, in a loud and clear voice “Is his tongue black?”.

Oh my god, very awkward. Ah the innocence of childhood, it’s crazy to think that we once had no concept of racism and we could ask such genuine questions without freaking out about offending people.

Thanks for sharing 🙂

Rohan.

nrhatch - December 10, 2012

Thanks, Rohan. These days, TV educates children who don’t live in diverse neighborhoods . . . letting them see the wonderful variety and diversity of the planet.

3. William D'Andrea - December 10, 2012

I remember a joke, from when I was a child, in New York City, in the 1950s.

A teaching nun in a local Catholic Elementary School asked her students, “Where is God in your house?”
One boy said, “In the dining room. That’s where we say Grace before eating.”
A girl said, “In the bedroom. That’s where I say my prayers, before going to sleep.”
Another boy said, “In the kitchen. I always hear my father saying, “Jesus Christ! Isn’t dinner ready yet!”

Comment edited.

nrhatch - December 10, 2012

I edited your joke, William. I didn’t find the bathroom humor amusing. If you would prefer that I delete it, let me know.

William D'Andrea - December 10, 2012

If you want to delete the whole thing, okay. I just tossed out the first thought that went through my mind. I’m sure I can come up with much better material than that.

nrhatch - December 10, 2012

No problem. I expect that if I had heard YOUR version in my youth, I would have found it quite amusing.

Tastes vary . . . so I switched it from bathroom to kitchen. 😉

William D'Andrea - December 10, 2012

That sounds better. It’s good to have you as a collaborator.

nrhatch - December 10, 2012

Thanks! 😀

4. Allan G. Smorra - December 10, 2012

I love #5. Thanks for the post.

nrhatch - December 10, 2012

Calm certainty at its finest. 😀

5. suzicate - December 10, 2012

Thanks for making my day!

nrhatch - December 10, 2012

Yay! Glad you enjoyed. As a day care provider, you must hear lots of “darnedest things” from children. 😀

6. Piglet in Portugal - December 10, 2012

Children always have the answer…and ask the most awkward questions at the most awkward moments.

nrhatch - December 10, 2012

They really do put their parents/teachers/caretakers in the “hot seat” at times . . . as they comment on race, age, disabilities, excess weight, etc.

7. kateshrewsday - December 10, 2012

Puts a whole new light on the term ‘direct speech’, doesn’t it, Nancy? Lovely stories. off to share them…

nrhatch - December 10, 2012

Yay! Glad you’re inclined to share their direct pointed commentary. 😀

8. Tom (Aquatom1968) - December 10, 2012

All are funny, Nancy! I had to think about the empty feet one for a few seconds, and then roared when I realised! 😀

nrhatch - December 10, 2012

Children are a delight . . . I hope at least a few attend your Solstice Party. 😀

9. Patricia - December 10, 2012

So funny! I love to listen to little kids conversations…they have yet to learn about diplomacy and tact and just tell it like they see it.

nrhatch - December 10, 2012

Same here. It’s such a delight to “eavesdrop” on them. 😀

10. jannatwrites - December 10, 2012

Oh my goodness, these are hilarious! I especially like the first one and the last one (my husband actually laughed out loud at the first one and he doesn’t laugh that easily!)

nrhatch - December 10, 2012

Great! Hint: I always put MY favorites in first and last place. 😀

11. barb19 - December 10, 2012

Brilliant! You can’t beat kids for down-to-earth, straight-forward, see-it-as-it-is comments!

nrhatch - December 10, 2012

They are the BEST! 😀

12. seeker - December 10, 2012

Funny, teehee. May I share this with my siblings in the FB? They have kids, I don’t.

nrhatch - December 10, 2012

Yes. Absolutely.

You should be able to just press the button with the “F” next to “spread the word” to post a link on your FB account.

seeker - December 10, 2012

thank you.

13. theonlycin - December 10, 2012

They’re priceless, gave me a lovely morning grin 😀

nrhatch - December 10, 2012

Best way to start the day! Have a good one. 🙂

14. Three Well Beings - December 11, 2012

I loved Kids Say the Darndest Things, too, Nancy. I was still a kid myself yet found it so funny! A few years ago I saw Art Linkletter in a wheel chair being pushed around Disneyland. He was still a kindly looking gentleman. Thanks for such a fun laugh today!

nrhatch - December 11, 2012

“Kindly looking gentleman” is the perfect description for him . . . his expressions made the show.

15. sufilight - December 11, 2012

Gave me a chuckle, especially about the teacher knowing where hell is. 😀 Was reading the comments and I have a young, African blogger friend (Veeh) who shared that as a little girl she had never seen a white man. When one visited her small village, she ran screaming into her house as she found him frightening. I found this amusing because she is very much into diversity these days. Nowadays with the Internet children should be more aware of the beautiful diversity in our planet.

nrhatch - December 11, 2012

She probably thought he was a G~H~O~S~T . . . otherwise, why so white? :mrgreen:

16. Pocket Perspectives - December 11, 2012

I loved watching Art Linkletter, too and delighted in the wonderful comments of children! Kids are so amazing! Love the 7 highlighted here! 😀

nrhatch - December 11, 2012

Glad you enjoyed, Kathy. Children are such treasures. 😀

17. 2e0mca - December 12, 2012

Love this post Nancy – gave me a laugh 🙂

“The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.”

The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.”

Without missing a beat, the girl replied, “They will in a minute.”

And it’s not entirely unlikely that the little girl’s drawing was an accurate representation 🙂

I was covering the work of UNICEF at my Cub Pack 2 weeks back and explaining with exercises and literature the difference between Want’s and Need’s and how that is then formed into a rights charter for children. So subsequently when summing up I went through the key rights including…

“Every Child has a right to be heard – But not while Kaa is speaking!” which drew a laugh from most of the cubs and from the adult helpers too 😉

nrhatch - December 12, 2012

Love that story, Martin. Wonderful to balance out their RIGHT to be heard with the RESPONSIBILITY to listen to others. 😀

18. gita4elamats - December 12, 2012
19. Perfecting Motherhood - December 13, 2012

These are great!

I was quickly reading through the first posts and I have to share a story that happened in my 6-year old’s classroom. The teacher recently told the kids about segregation in schools and explained about the separation of white and black kids. Some kids in the class asked her if she was one of the white or black kids (she’s white). She said it was a great question because she thought it meant that kids are colorblind. To me, it really meant that these kids have never had a discussion about race with their parents and that’s quite shocking for their age! I can’t imagine my kids ever asking that question! I remember a whole chapter in the book Nurture Shock (excellent read if you haven’t read it yet) where the authors share research showing that the more and the earlier kids are forced to discuss race differences with parents and adults, the more understanding they have. It’s a very insightful chapter.

nrhatch - December 13, 2012

I question whether “being forced” to discuss “race differences” would be as effective as just letting kids PLAY TOGETHER on the playground, where they see commonality and simillarities, one with another.

Perfecting Motherhood - December 13, 2012

Maybe forced is not the right word. It was more discussing the issue of race, as in making a big deal out of it, instead of hushing kids anytime they mention someone’s skin color. I guess it would be more forcing the parents to talk about race, since kids are already so open to discuss it.

nrhatch - December 13, 2012

Yup. When adults accept others “as is” (without undue regard to politics, race, sports teams, gender, age, or disability) . . . kids will follow our lead. 😀

20. Booksphotographsandartwork - December 14, 2012

LOL a million times over, those are some of the funniest I have heard in a long time.

nrhatch - December 14, 2012

Glad they gave you a chuckle. 😀


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