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A Tip For Flying December 2, 2012

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Joke, Travel & Leisure.

Donald-Duck-DrivingSome people have the “travel bug.”  They are always “itching” to get away. 

Somewhere.  Anywhere.

Not me. I do not have the “travel bug.” Just the opposite, travel bugs me:

* Sitting for hours in planes, trains, or automobiles gives me numb butt. 

* TSA agents are creepy ~ why would anyone want a job which entails  rummaging around people’s toiletries, underwear, and private parts?  

* Travelers spread germs, lice, and other travel bugs.  And that bugs me.

Huey,-Dewey-And-LouieMany people put up with the inconvenience of  getting from HERE to THERE.   Some see greener grass on the other side of the fence.  Others have wander lust.  Still others are lonely and enjoy being  pawed at TSA checkpoints. 

Not me. The grass never seems greener on the “other side of the fence.” I love where we live and feel no need to “get away.”  I am already where I want to be.

But, sometimes, travel is necessary.  If you must fly to get from where you are to where you need to be, here’s a tip that’s worked well for me: 

When you fly the friendly skies, put your good stuff in  your carry-on . . . so TSA agents can rifle through it with grimy grubby ape-like paws while on-lookers look on in awe.

Fill your checked luggage with stuff you no longer need but are too embarrassed to sell on e-Bay.

If your luggage is lost, which happens 62.7% of the time on certain airlines,  accept the lost luggage reimbursement and consider it an even swap.

Mickey-In-HammockOnce you get rid of all the stuff you could never in a million years unload on e-Bay, stay home. 

Like me.

Aah . . . that’s better!


1. tori nelson - December 2, 2012

The dreaded numb butt! I’ve spent many a long road trip squirming around in my seat because my bum’s asleep 🙂

nrhatch - December 2, 2012

Stopping at rest areas and stepping away from the car is such a relief . . . until it’s time to buckle up again. Noooooo!!!!!!!

2. Maggie - December 2, 2012

That’s like me. I rarely travel, and if I did, I don’t think I’d take the plane. I did once and didn’t care for it.

nrhatch - December 2, 2012

Pre-TSA, flying wasn’t so bad. Now it’s intrusive, inconvenient, and not nearly as pleasant.

I prefer the car . . . as long as I don’t have to drive too far.

Maggie - December 2, 2012

I’d want to take the train… probably because I’ve never traveled that way before.

nrhatch - December 2, 2012

I enjoyed taking the autotrain this summer . . . bathrooms on board, a dining car for dinner and breakfast, a lounge car for happy hour, big windows for watching the scenery.

Plus, you can leave everything in your car, except what you need on the train. Definitely the way to go if you are going to be at “the other end” for more than a few days.

Travel across country would be quite different. I wonder if you would have to keep your luggage with you or whether it could be checked?

Karen J - December 2, 2012

Generally, you *can* check luggage on Amtrak and (Canada’s) ViaRail, but first, be sure that there’s “Checked Luggage Service” at your destination station! It seems that smaller stops don’t always have the necessary personnel available. (I *always* talk to somebody on the phone – “automated services” trees make me cuh-Ray-zee!

happy Sunday!

nrhatch - December 2, 2012

Thanks, Karen. That’s a great tip . . . one that I might not have considered if getting off at a whistle stop.

3. sweetdaysundertheoaks - December 2, 2012

I am not happy about the whole part of getting where I am going if it is a long drive. Don’t like the packing, driving, eating and sleeping in strange places but once I get to where I am going I am happy. Usually destination Venice. But I am always ready to head home to the Tiny Ten! Well, in Venice I whine a bit about leaving.. 🙂

nrhatch - December 2, 2012

A “home away from home” is like visiting an old friend ~ comfortable, relaxed, cozy. 😀

Hope we get to see you and CH when you visit Venice this year.

4. kateshrewsday - December 2, 2012

For twelve years I have followed your lead broadly, Nancy, and stayed away from the aeroplane. But last night Phil informed me we may well be going to Canada for a fortnight this Summer. So I must polish my travelling skills once more.

nrhatch - December 2, 2012

A fortnight in Canada will give you time to explore different venues, follow leads, and track down anecdotes. 😀

Will Maddie and Felix be flying with you?

kateshrewsday - December 2, 2012

Yes, all of us. The dog and the cat will not, however 😀

nrhatch - December 2, 2012

Maddie and Felix are apt to enjoy the experience. I remember my first flight from New York to Paris. What a delight.

Hudson Howl - December 2, 2012

Why would any sound thinking person ever want to travel to Canada!

nrhatch - December 2, 2012

Eh? 😉

In the summer, I can think of ample reasons.
In the winter, not a one.

Unless, of course, you like snowshoeing, ice fishing, or skating away on the frozen ponds.

Hudson Howl - December 2, 2012

i live in the Banana Belt, good luck finding frozen ponds for skating away on now with Global warming. Though I am thinking of going a tad North to hang out in Yurt for a few nights this winter. I know am a sick sick individual -but am happy.

nrhatch - December 2, 2012

You’re in good company:


There’s a link in the article:

Wake up to an ocean view if you book a yurt at Cabot Shores on Cape Breton Island in Nova Scotia. Luxury camping for $35 per night, per person.

Hudson Howl - December 2, 2012

I know the place, an have awoken to that exact view a few times, though not from a Yurt however. I lived in Nova Scotia and go back all the time. Hardly a piece of the Maritimes I haven’t tromped, on and off the path. Here’s a little taste. http://www.beyondplumcreek.com/#/CARDBOARD_BOX/Upon_Ocean_Dream

Near the place in your link is another place ‘Pleasant Bay’ which has a Western Buddhist Monastery. It seems you and I are in good company when comes to finding a shore. http://www.gampoabbey.org/

nrhatch - December 2, 2012

How cool! I didn’t know what I was looking for when I went looking . . . and then I saw the link and thought, “That’s the one.” And you’ve been there. Way cool.

I see the monastery is offering year long residencies. How tempting.

Thanks for the link to your blog. I keep clicking on your name to pay you a visit, but your name/avatar doesn’t take me to Beyond Plum Creek.

Andra Watkins - December 2, 2012

I love Canada.

nrhatch - December 2, 2012

I’ve enjoyed every trip I’ve taken into Canada. But I wouldn’t venture that far north during the Winter months.

Tammy - December 2, 2012

Oh hurray! It would be great if it was possible to meet up Kate!

kateshrewsday - December 2, 2012

We’d love that, Tammy 😀

nrhatch - December 2, 2012

To Canada! Crossing borders to hook up wtih Kate. 😀

5. Hudson Howl - December 2, 2012

Hate driving long distances an calling it a holiday, watching places, people and life flash by is not appealing. But I get cabin fever and long for the ocean so I wing it.

nrhatch - December 2, 2012

I agree. And since the ocean wouldn’t come to me . . . I moved to the ocean.

Beside the sea is the place for me to relax and be. 😎

6. Tammy - December 2, 2012

Gosh, I love both. I adore travel with a good purpose and I love staying home.

nrhatch - December 2, 2012

That’s the best type of attitude to have, Tammy. Enjoy yourself, wherever you are. 😀

7. ericjbaker - December 2, 2012

Let’s see: I don’t like heights, hate confined spaces, and dreadfully fear loss of control. So you can imagine how much I love air travel. Factor in the multiple trips I’ve taken from New York to east Asia (16 hours spent silently freaking out, cold sweats, no appetite), and you can imagine how much I really love air travel.

It’s cars, boats, and trains for me. If I never have to get on a flying vehicle again, I will be quite content.

nrhatch - December 2, 2012

Flying was better when passengers could have a drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other. 😉

Now they’re stuck in a narrow metal tube, zooming through the air at vast speeds, with nothing to take their minds off where they are and what they’re doing.

8. ryoko861 - December 2, 2012

Never traveled…by plane. I get numb butt just traveling in the car!

nrhatch - December 2, 2012

We used to think nothing of hopping in the car and driving through the snow for 12 hours each way to go “home for the holidays.” Now a 2 hour trip gives us cause for pause.

For some trips, plane travel is “expedient” . . . especially when there is an ocean to navigate around. At this point in my life, I might prefer taking “a slow boat to China.”

9. Don - December 2, 2012

It’s that space between you and the seat in front of you. You can hardly move your legs, then the person decides to lower the back of the seat. I won’t tell you what thoughts go through my mind when this happens.

nrhatch - December 2, 2012

Yes! The person in front shoves BACK and, if you try to recline, the person behind has their feet propped against the back of your seat preventing movement. It’s like being caught between a rock and a hard place.

If you’re on the aisle, the “window seat” is constantly asking to get in or out. If you’re in the window seat, and desperately need the restroom, the “aisle seat” is fast asleep (or pretending to be).

And no more peanuts due to the fear of in air allergic reactions.

Don - December 2, 2012

Lol – That’s why I move heaven and hell to always sit in an aisle seat. At least some relief.

nrhatch - December 2, 2012

Unless we’re flying by something particularly scenic when 3 miles up (like the Himalayas) . . . I grab the aisle seat.

10. katecrimmins - December 2, 2012

My last plane flight was accompanied by a screetching child for 3-1/2 hours. I thought I was going to go crazy! Parents whose children do not travel well should be prepared with whatever it takes. Perhaps some nitrous oxide for me would have worked too.

nrhatch - December 2, 2012

Sleepings pills, perhaps? (For the child, not you). 😉

11. ApplePieAndNapalm - December 2, 2012

You would have to lure me onto a plane with alcohol and then split something into said drink to get me to stay put. I’m childish enough strapped in a car, I can’t let myself think about a plane. Scarlett and I will think about that tomorrow. Love your post!

nrhatch - December 2, 2012

Thanks, AP&N. No doubt Scarlett will tell you, “Tomorrow is another day!” 😀

12. Andra Watkins - December 2, 2012

I love to go anywhere. I’ll brave planes to do it most of the time, but I’m really not picky. In the fall, I did a long trip by car.

nrhatch - December 2, 2012

I’ve done month long cross country trips twice ~ one at age 13 and again at age 34. So much to see and do that a month is not nearly long enough . . . but it is far too long for me to be away from my humble abode. Henceforth, our jaunts will be shorter and cover less distance.

13. jannatwrites - December 3, 2012

I never have liked flying, but post 9-11, it’s awful. Getting through airport security with the kids is fun, too. It’s better now that they are getting older. When we went to San Francisco a couple years ago, my younger son was four (and cranky). We were in line to get through security and he announced that he had to go poop. How did he do this? By yanking down his pants right there in line! Hubby got him to the bathroom real quick. I got out of line just as quickly…the stifled snickers were almost too much to take.

nrhatch - December 3, 2012

Your 4-year-old definitely conveyed his sense of urgency, eh? “I have to go. NOW!” I would have been snickering along with the rest of them. I might not have been able to stifle my snickers. You might have heard a loud guffaw or two. My bad. 😆

14. Barb - December 3, 2012

Flying just isn’t fun like it used to be. I love travel, but sitting in airports, tarmacs and delays are tiring.

nrhatch - December 3, 2012

Once I get where I’m going, I enjoy the change of scenery ~ we’ve been to some beautiful places. But, post 9/11, the inconvenience of flying has caused us to stick closer to home.

15. Three Well Beings - December 3, 2012

I’m not crazy about flying–but I love a good road trip! And I’ve taken some nice trips by train. You can’t be in a hurry, but I sure did enjoy myself! We don’t actually go very far most of the time, though. I don’t have the wanderlust I once had! 🙂

nrhatch - December 3, 2012

I think that’s it for me, Debra. When we were younger, the REWARDS of travel outweighed any of the inconveniences of flying or driving. Now, the REWARDS of staying home temper our wanderlust.

16. sufilight - December 3, 2012

Traveling was better before the 9/11. Nowadays, I don’t like it very much but have to travel from time to time to visit family and friends in the East Coast. It’s over 5 1/2 hours by plane and by the third hour, I am feeling tired from sitting and sitting. I worry a little about my nephew in Thailand because his wife is about to have a baby girl in January. To visit Thailand takes I believe 18 hours plus $2,000 airfare… I can’t see myself making a long, expensive trip like that, especially after I lost hearing in April; altitude puts pressure on the ears.

nrhatch - December 3, 2012

Maybe you and your nephew can SKYPE to stay in touch ~ you can see the baby on an on-going basis without expending the time and energy required to travel halfway round the world.

sufilight - December 3, 2012

I thought about that after I made the comments. It’s a good idea!

nrhatch - December 3, 2012

Especially when young kids are involved . . . more FUN for them and you to see who’s talking on the other end of the line.

17. William D'Andrea - December 3, 2012

I haven’t been on a plane since 1987. I get the impression that it’s no longer anywhere near as enjoyable as it was then.

nrhatch - December 3, 2012

Airline travel has definitely changed since 1987 . . . and not in a good way. I will continue to avoid it whenever possible.

18. William D'Andrea - December 3, 2012

I remember being served chicken coeur-don-bleu (however it’s spelled) while in seated in the economy class section; and the price for everything was included in the airfare, which I’d paid several months before, in my travel-agent’s office.

The only traveling I do now consists of taking local buses. With my senior citizen card they charge $0.75, plus $0.25 for a transfer. On the day before Thanksgiving, I took a $0.75 bus ride to the Long Island Rail Road’s Wyandanch station; from there I took a $5.50 ride to Greenport. There were no security checkpoints, and I bought the tickets from a vending machine. The entire two way trip cost me only $12.50; and I was very well satisfied.

nrhatch - December 3, 2012

I’m glad that your Thanksgiving travels went well. I believe it’s Chicken Cordon Bleu.

19. William D'Andrea - December 3, 2012

Merci beaucoup.

20. spilledinkguy - December 3, 2012

Vacations involving travel are NEVER relaxing for me… I’m pretty much worried about all the ‘stuff’ that could go wrong… the WHOLE time. Which is unfortunate… because I really would like to see more of the world! I’m hooked on Travel Channel-ish things… unfortunately I also seem to be hooked on my couch (and it’s not really helping my photography)! 🙂

nrhatch - December 3, 2012

I adore the Travel Channel . . . I can cross the desert while eating dessert . . . enjoy a pizza while touring Italy . . . drink cocktails while enjoying the view from the Eiffel Tower.

All without leaving the comfort of my living room. 😀

William D'Andrea - December 4, 2012

I also enjoy the Travel Channel. I’ve even written a fanfiction short story, based on the TV Series “Angel”. The plot involves a supernatural Travel Show, where the guide takes the viewers on a tour of a demonic dimension.

The story is titled, “I Wish I Had Her Job” and can be found at http://figment.com/books/389985-I-Wish-I-Had-Her-Job .

According to the plot summary: “Cordelia’s own carelessness gets her trapped in a Demonic Dimension, from where she will not be permitted to leave unless she herself becomes a demon.”

nrhatch - December 4, 2012

Sounds creepy. 😯

21. Booksphotographsandartwork - December 3, 2012

Yep, The Travel Channel will do it for me. I don’t even like to go down the road to Wal Mart anymore and it’s only three or so miles. I would shop at Target but that’s seven miles.

nrhatch - December 3, 2012

I would probably drive the extra 4 miles to avoid WalMart. (I do not like that store or its owners.)

Or better still, I’d stay at home and watch the Travel Channel and skip the shopping excursion until AFTER the holidays. 😉

22. Perfecting Motherhood - December 4, 2012

I have done plenty of traveling (work and pleasure) over the past 20 years and I enjoy staying home the most. I don’t enjoy sleeping in hotel rooms or eating out every day. The best part of traveling is coming home anyway. But I’ve also moved a lot in my life, and that’s my moving bug. I’ve been in CA for almost 15 years but I’ll admit I’ve wanted to move away from here several times. There’s something about feeling rooted somewhere for too long that makes me uncomfortable. Call it freedom, I guess.

nrhatch - December 4, 2012

I hear ya. Hotels and eating out get old quickly. The best part of any trip is walking in the front door.

We’ve moved around a bunch too. Starting in law school, we’ve lived in SC (3 yrs), NC (8 yrs), NJ (8 yrs), VA & MD (8 yrs), and now FL (4 yrs). Every 8 years, we try someplace new.

I wonder if 4 years from now will have us moving again? Somehow I doubt it. I think I finally found a place that doesn’t inhibit my freedom.

Perfecting Motherhood - December 4, 2012

I think the 7/8-year itch applies to me too. I’ve been here for 15 years and I’ve had a severe itch to move twice already. I really like it here so I can’t complain but I just feel there’s so much more to see and experience for me and my kids. San Diego is great for little kids but it does get old sometimes…

nrhatch - December 4, 2012

It’s a big planet with lots of nooks and crannies to explore. It’s great to “bloom where we are planted,” but it’s FUN to uproot ourselves from time to time and get a change of perspective. 😎

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