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The Laws of Love November 23, 2012

Posted by nrhatch in Books & Movies, Happiness, Mindfulness.
39 comments

Earlier this year, in the midst of mayhem, I received a copy of Chris Prentiss’s latest book to review:  The Laws of Love, Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams.

Now that my life is back on a somewhat even keel, I am ready to share a few thoughts on the book.

Law 6 resonates with me, especially when I look at my life in hindsight:

The Universe is perfect and is always working to benefit you.

Our vision is limited, grounded as it is in the present.  When something  seems negative, we want it to go away. We don’t want to deal with hardship or suffering.  We recoil from pain and resist the “what is.”

But things are not always as they first appear:

* A basement flood might be an opportunity to clear clutter.

* A nasty comment tossed in our direction might be chance to practice  compassion, patience, and forgiveness.

* A mistake might be a reminder to make peace with imperfection.

When we look over our shoulder, and take a retrospective glance at the negatives (e.g., being diagnosed with a tumor, having to undergo surgery, dealing with a flooded basement, being swamped by a rogue wave), our perspective has shifted.

With expanded cognition, we find that the “negative events” we resisted benefited us on our journey.   We learned something we needed to know.  We received a nudge in the right direction ~ a shortcut to becoming who we were always intended to be.

We ended up exactly where we needed to be, when we needed to be there.

If we accept that the Universe is working for our benefit, we start to see that there are no mistakes, only lessons.  Lessons we need to learn so we can grow, explore, dream, and discover how to be who we were always intended to be.

Next time you find yourself resisting the “what is” . . . take a moment to envision how the event might benefit you down the road.

Perhaps it is leading (or pushing) you down a different path for a reason.

Barn’s burnt down ~ now I can see the moon.  Masahide (1657-1723)

For more on this:  Is it Good or Bad? (Mindful Balance)

* * * * *

In stark contrast, Law 10 fell flat on its ass:  Your relationship will endure when you make it your primary priority.

Hmm . . . I’m not sure I agree.   The relationship might endure, but at what price?

I read on, thinking I had somehow misunderstood what  Prentiss intended to say.  I found myself shaking my head in complete and utter disbelief.

In a nut shell, appropriate for such nutty advice, Prentiss advocates giving in to any and all demands, however unreasonable, in order to prove to your partner that the relationship is your number one priority.

Say what?

If your beau doesn’t like your friends, dump them.  If  your significant other doesn’t approve of your family, ignore them.  If you receive a fabulous job offer that doesn’t suit your spouse, turn it down.  If hobbies you enjoy are not to your beau’s liking, they must go.

Hell no.  I don’t think so.

What kind of relationship would it be if one party to it accedes to every crack-pot demand made by the other . . . even if it means eviscerating themselves in the process?

Answer:  A crappy one.  Certainly not the relationship of my dreams.

I see any number of problems with his advice to put “all our eggs in a single relationship basket.”

What if, despite our best efforts to be accommodating, the relationship doesn’t endure?  What if our beau tires of living with a doormat and seeks greener pastures?  What if our significant other gets bored with the relationship because we’ve become only a shadow of our former glorious self?  What if the relationship ends because our partner dies?

Moreover, Law 10 is at variance with Law 9:  The happiness you seek  can only come from within you.

How happy are we likely to be if, instead of looking within for guidance, we are looking solely to someone else to call all the shots?  Someone, perhaps, who is asking us to turn our backs on friends, family, careers, and hobbies that excite and delight us?

Mickey-OKI cannot imagine that any relationship would be worth preserving if it required me to be someone other than who I am.

My relationship with BFF endures because he allows me to be me and I allow him to be who he wants to be, not because either of us allows the other to call all the shots.

What say you?

Does Law 6 ring true?  What about Law 10?

A much better book by Chris Prentiss . . . Zen & The Art of Happiness.

Aah . . . that’s better!