jump to navigation

How To Meditate October 8, 2012

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, Meditation, Mindfulness, Writing & Writers.
107 comments

Welcome to Beginner’s Meditation.

I’m your instructor and will walk you through the basics.  Soon, with a little practice, you’ll be able to mediate like The Buddha.

OK, let’s start:

Find a comfortable place to sit quietly without distractions.

No, you may not keep your cell phone with you. Please put it away.

Sit there, quietly, without distractions for . . .

What are you doing?

No. I said, “sit down,” not “lie down and fall asleep.”

I need you to wake up and stop snoring ~ it’s disruptive!

Great. Sit there, quietly, without distractions for . . .

Put down the remote. Put it down. You cannot watch TV and meditate simultaneously.

No, no video games either.

That’s it. Focus on your breath . . .

Whose laptop is that? Please, turn off your computer.

If I hear it say, “You’ve got mail,” one more time, you’re going to be in big trouble, mister!

That’s it. Focus on your breath.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

No, you don’t need your own specialized, personalized, individualized mantra to meditate. What you need is to F-O-C-U-S.

Just stop talking and F-O-C-U-S . . .

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe . . .

Turn it off.  Turn it off NOW. Don’t make me come over there.

Well, when I said, “Cell phones,” I meant Blackberries and PDA’s as well.

That’s it . . . Breathe in. Breathe out.

Stop it. Stop laughing.

I mean it. I’m serious about this, people. This is my job.

Listen to me. Please.

Well, actually, strike that.

Listen to your breath, not me. I’m not supposed to be talking either.

That’s it. Focus on your breath.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

OK, that was a good start. Let’s call it a day and try again tomorrow.

Aah . . . that’s better!

Quote to Ponder: When the world recedes, you hold infinity in your grasp. 

Related posts: Meditation 101 * Daily Press Weekly Writing Challenge ~ And Now For Something Completely Different