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Pretzels, Peanuts, & Popcorn? April 2, 2012

Posted by nrhatch in Food & Drink, Humor, People.

Once or twice a month, the Social Committee in the neighborhood hosts a potluck Happy Hour.

People bring their own drinks and hors d’oeuvres or appetizers to share.


These cocktail parties are unlike any I’ve attended elsewhere.

As an attorney, cocktail parties hosted by the firm or the local bar association went something like this:

1.  Wander into the venue and over to the bar to get a cocktail, nodding politely and making small talk along the way.

2.  Drink in hand, swing by one of several tables of food, pick up a napkin or small cocktail-sized plate, place a few morsels and tidbits on the plate or napkin, step away from the table and find someone to converse with until your glass and/or plate is empty.

3.  Repeat.

Parties held here ignore three time-tested techniques designed to encourage  social interaction at cocktail parties: (1) small plates, (2) food serving stations spread throughout the venue, and (3) bottomless beverages.


Here, people run in, grab a table, and RACE back to the food line.

Yes, there is a line.

Once safely in line, they deign to chat with the people in front and behind them as they wait to load up their plates at the food trough . . . I mean table.

Reaching the serving table, they  grab MASSIVE platter-sized plates and walk S~L~O~W~L~Y around the table.


Carefully scrutinizing the offerings with a discerning eye.

Piling the chosen food high . . . higher . . . highest.

With plates practically buckling under the weight of their food . . . they head back to their tables and scarf it down, mumbling between mouthfuls.

Meanwhile, people at the back of the line arrive to find that 90% of the dishes are devoid of food.

Instead of the full complement of culinary offerings, those at the tail end of the processional must be  content to nibble on scraps left behind by the “early birds” . . .  crackers, pretzels, peanuts, popcorn, and that perennial favorite, potato chips.

Wikipedia ~ Potato Chips (in Public Domain)

How do I know?

Because BFF and I are always LAST IN LINE.

We arrive at the party, chat our way over to a table, pour ourselves a drink, turn around (glass in hand), and gulp when we see the food line wrapped twice around the serving table.

Imagine a feeding frenzy of piranhas in the Amazon river.  It’s like that.

We shrug and keep drinking ~ the only way anything left for consumption at that point is going to taste good is through the golden haze of alcohol.

We drink and chat until the potluck pod thins.  Then, we collect our consolation prizes of pretzels, peanuts, popcorn, and potato chips.

If we’re lucky, we get a teaspoon of dip.

If not, we choke down the dry fare with further liquid libations.

Aah . . . that’s better!

What about you?  When you attend a cocktail party, do attendees focus on convivial conversation . . . or consummate consumption?

For Party Tips:  Party All The Time (Accidental Cootchie Mama)