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The House That Janna Built April 1, 2012

Posted by nrhatch in Humor, People, Poetry, Word Play.

Wikipedia ~ Hard Hat (in Public Domain)

The walls are not plumb
The porch is not square
The windows are cockeyed
And won’t let in fresh air

The doors don’t quite close
The toilets aren’t flush
The walls are all marred
With lines from the brush

The porch, like a hammock,
Just won’t stop swaying
The circuits are fried
And the doorbell is braying

The chimney is crooked
Loose bricks abound
Did they build this dump
On sacred burial ground?

Wikipedia ~ Poltergeist (in Public Domain)

Are poltergeists laughing
At the mess they’ve spawned?
Will the house still be standing
When tomorrow has dawned?

Or will these lopsided walls
Cave in and crumble?
Burying sloped crooked floors
‘Neath rubble and rumble

I stopped the foreman
As he rounded the corner
Hard hat in hand
He looked like a mourner

Sad eyes met mine
As he surveyed the scene
A house all gone wrong
Had not been his theme

Hearing my question
Before it was uttered
He hastened to answer
In a guttural mutter

“When picking a crew
Be sly like a fox . . .
Avoid volunteers who
Don’t own a tool box”

Inspired by a comment by Janna . . . who, like me, doesn’t know her way around a tool box with any degree of proficiency.

That’s ok ~ JannaT . . . Writes!

Related posts:  Wergle Flomp Humor Poetry Contest * I’m A “Free Radical” * Janna’s Comment / My Inspiration * Fools Rush In (Flying G’ma) * National Poetry Month (WP Prompt)


1. souldipper - April 1, 2012

What on earth are you doing up this late, madam??!! Get thee to your tool box and get to work.

nrhatch - April 1, 2012

By the time this posted, I was sound asleep . . . sawing logs. zzzzzz…….

2. suzicate - April 1, 2012

How clever this is; love it!

nrhatch - April 1, 2012

Thanks, Suzi! The first two stanzas popped into head when I read Janna’s comment on “Free Radical” the other day.

Yesterday, I decided to expland on the theme of a house gone wrong and submit it to Wergle Flomp by the deadline . . . April Fool’s Day. Made it . . . just under the wire. 😀

3. flyinggma - April 1, 2012

You are so talented with words Nancy. Love this! As we are working on the house nagging questions keep coming up like What did the architects know about the design that we don’t? Will it be still standing when we come back? We are having so much fun with the process.

nrhatch - April 1, 2012

Thanks, Jeanne. Writing this poem tickled my funny bone chakra. Last year, Wergle Flomp received 2,300+ poems . . . so my fingers are crossed but I am NOT holding my breath. 😀

Glad you’re enjoying the process . . . it looks and sounds like you are making real progress too. And I love what you found hidden under the rafters!

4. Three Well Beings - April 1, 2012

This is so clever, Nancy! I have a friend who is living this building nightmare right now…I’ll probably wait until her home is once more habitable, but then I’ll share this apt poem! Love your writing versatility! Debra

nrhatch - April 1, 2012

Thanks, Debra! I had a ton of FUN with this

And, yes, if she is dealing with a building nightmare, this might not be a good time to share this poem with her . . . even on April Fool’s Day. Hope things turn around for her.

5. granny1947 - April 1, 2012

I just love this NR….clever girl

nrhatch - April 1, 2012

Thanks, Kathy. Win or lose . . . I’m glad I entered the contest. Twas fun.

6. JannatWrites - April 1, 2012

I like what you did with this! It sounds about right…I’m so bad with tools, I think if I did lose my mind and sign up to volunteer with Habitat for Humanity, they would smile and say, “thanks, but no thanks.”

I guess I could bring the real workers coffee and doughnuts…

BTW, thanks for the shout-out 🙂

nrhatch - April 1, 2012

You and me both, Janna. BFF is such a handy-man, that I’ve lost touch with my inner carpenter ~ if he sees me holding a hammer or a paint brush he confiscates it immediately. :D.

7. JannatWrites - April 1, 2012

Oh, and good luck on the poetry contest. I hope you let us know how it turns out!

nrhatch - April 1, 2012

Thanks1 Will do. The results won’t be announced until mid-August . . . so I won’t be holding my breath.

8. Andra Watkins - April 1, 2012

This one is so me, too.

nrhatch - April 1, 2012

That’s why you’re in Rotary and I volunteer at the Library. 😀

9. sweetdaysundertheoaks - April 1, 2012

Good luck on the contest Nancy! I didn’t realize it WAS a contest. I feel like I am autopilot lately. I will get back with the program tomorrow. The inside of my head feels like cotton candy. 😀

nrhatch - April 2, 2012

Thanks, Pix. Win or lose . . . I enjoyed writing and sharing.

I shared info about the contest a couple weeks ago, in case anyone wanted to enter. I wondered what topic to choose for a humor poem. At the 11th hour, thanks to Janna, I decided that a house gone wrong would suit perfectly.

10. bluebee - April 2, 2012

haha – so clever, Nancy – I notice “Aah, that’s better..” is absent from this one 😉 Good luck with the comp

nrhatch - April 2, 2012

Thanks, BB. Very fun competition. I love that they collect humor poems and that submission ENDS on April Fool’s Day.

What jokers!

11. cuhome - April 5, 2012

After reading this, I know I’ll move out before a remodel, and return only when it’s finished!!!

nrhatch - April 5, 2012

Bwahaha! We remodeled one home from top to bottom . . . but my husband is an excellent carpenter, so it was mostly smooth sailing . . . with just a few waves:

* When we remodeled the bath, we had to shower in a portable shower in the basement . . . that rocked if we dropped the soap and bent over to pick it up.

* When we refinished the floors, we had to walk on a 2×4 “balance beam” to get from the kitchen to the stairs.

12. Tokeloshe - April 5, 2012

Well done!

nrhatch - April 5, 2012

Thanks, Tok!

13. Team Oyeniyi - April 8, 2012

They were using left handed screwdrivers, weren’t they? 😉

nrhatch - April 8, 2012

No doubt. 😉

14. eof737 - April 22, 2012

Sadly, a common story in some parts… screwed up jobs. 😉

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